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YOU ARE THE REASON
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Game Changer & Make Some Noise
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occasionally subtle
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d e v o n
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@inah-marasigan
What advice would you give to someone who rarely reads but wants to fall in love with reading?
I often struggle to finish a book because my mind tends to drift somewhere else. Any tips for staying focused and making reading a habit?
some hyper famous artists like Van Gogh transcend overratedness and become underrated because they're so normalized. Like I'll look at a van Gogh and I'm like wait this really is amazing you guys don't get it
Shakespeare is like this
Every time I see a Van Gogh that’s not one of his better known pieces it absolutely blows me away
Have you seen this shit my liege? smh unreal
The Powerpuff Girls S01E09
The Right Decision
Hey there, I hope you’re doing great.
Actually, I remember just how "great" you were doing when you left me—
Broken. Shattered into pieces.
You told me to find somebody else.
You said you didn’t deserve my love, and that I didn’t deserve you.
Turns out, you were right.
You were so clearly right.
I don’t deserve the way you treated me,
And clearly, you don't deserve a heart like mine.
Do you remember shouting at me in the grocery store?
Do you remember how easy it was for you to get mad?
How easy it was to manipulate me?
It’s amazing not to experience that anymore.
What amazes me more is that I get to be myself without the constant fear—
Without overthinking if he’ll get angry.
Because he is in his right mind. (Note that, Ex.)
I gave you my time, my effort, and my love.
I chose you every single day, but it was all wasted because you "got drained."
I was clueless. You just left me, telling me you "wanted to rest."
But after two weeks of being broken up, you finally said you were in love with her.
It was clearly so easy for you.
I am so glad your stupid-ass brain decided to let me go.
I thank the Universe every day that it happened,
Because it led me to him—
And he is so much greater than you could ever be.
I know you chose the person you wanted.
The one who was once my friend.
I know you’re both doing well, and I don’t doubt it for a second.
It just sucked because you both had to hurt me to the bone to get there.
But I was saved because one person chose me.
Me, and only me.
Despite all my flaws, he knows me—truly knows me.
Because he chose to know me. He chose to love.
He loves me all over, every day. He prays for me.
But you? I never once heard you pray for me.
I never felt like you actually wanted to be with me, or even date me.
You want to know why?
Because you’re broke. You’re too scared to take a risk.
You call yourself "dumb," but the truth is, you just won’t help yourself.
You’re lacking.
I am so glad I didn't end up with you.
I still thank you for what you did, because I realized everything:
I don’t need you. I don’t need a boy.
I need a man—a man with the balls to stand up.
I learned that your pride is what’s killing you inside.
You’re scared of everything, but I hope you’re not like that anymore—
Especially now that you’re with someone who makes you happy,
And you have a son to raise.
Even if we could go back, I would still choose to be broken if it meant getting here.
I don’t ever want to go back.
Your height, your face, your heart—it’s not what I’m looking for anymore.
What would I do if I saw you?
I don’t know. Maybe smile?
I’m not sure.
All I want is for you to see me successful and great,
Standing with the person I really love.
I want you to realize that your decision was the right thing for what happened.
So, pat yourself on the back for that.
Because of you, I realized what I want.
I realized what I am worth.
I am worthy of love.
To be loved unconditionally.
So Hey Ex! I’m happy.
I just wanted to let you know.
He is so gentle with me.
He is supportive, and he is handsome.
And Hey Ex! Regards to your wife, who was once my friend.
Thank you for hurting me.
SOUL RAIN
October 12th, and it is raining. The feeling of wanting to just sit at the window and watch every drop, watch the mist cover the landscape. It is like conquering my soul, filling all the empty spaces and leaving a remembrance that I am alive.
Some say they feel irritable when it rains, others say they feel sad, or that it feels like a horror movie. But not for me. I feel love, I feel comfort, I feel accompanied—the feeling I want to write about every time it rains.
Some say I am quiet and that I should be more talkative, that it would bring me to a new world of confidence and make it easier to communicate.
But I prefer to be quiet, and live in peace. Far from the chaos, far from the people full of expectations for me. I prefer to be alone and seek comfort and company in this rain, as it understands what I feel; it cries for me. Its spirit talks to me, to my heart and eyes. It talks to me and calms my inner war, giving me words to describe the pain, giving me time to swallow and understand the feeling. It creates a song of pages that I can look up every time I desire to go back. And now, I wish to share that comfort with you.
Just like the rain, I want to be your comfort. I’ll cry for you, or maybe I can bring you into my world. Let’s walk down the path with trees. If you can't cry about your chaos, I’ll ask the rain to come down; and we’ll cry with you until the sun is up and bright and clears the way; until the mist evaporates, and we’ll know that this heavy pain of yours evaporates too.
And if I die, always remember I’m with the clouds. If you ask me to cry with you, I’ll let them fall, and know that they are my tears. The breeze you feel is my soft embrace reaching out to you. The mist you see is my soul taking away your wounds, pain, and silence at night until it evaporates into thin air. When it rains, always know that it is me, reminding you I am here. Just like the rain was for me.
IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE, IN ANOTHER WORLD
If there is another me in another universe. I hope you are genuinely happy. And I hope you are okay. I hope you do not struggle. I hope you cry for joy. Not for hurting, not for the pain that continuously digging. I hope you can sleep without nightmares, hoping you're able to rest. Not worrying your health nor your chaos. To my another me in another universe. I only pray that you are safe and I hope you have peace. I pray for your happiness. I wanted to be you. I want everything that you have. I want to live like you. But I know, I know there is no easy way to be you. I have no way to reach out to you but to write you a letter. In another universe, I hope you are with a man that cares you so much. No judgement at all but to love you only and love you endlessly, because I have one now. And I hope you got him too. In another universe, in another world, I hope you are smart. Smarter than me. I hope you are energetic and healthy. You express your passion, you show them all how great you are, how excellent and smart you are. In another universe, in another world, I hope your chaos has ended. Like I wish my chaos will end. I hope you have a lot of hopes and trust. I pray you are stronger than me. I pray you are more than me, grater than me. A full of positivity. I hope your stars are shining. I hope you are the opposite of my pain. And I hope I am not lying to myself. I just want to live like I deserve it. But I am tired. I am tired of conquering my pain. I am already bruised. And I hope, in every universe, in every world, in every life, anyone, whoever, I hope you are living the life you deserve. And I hope your war is over.
HE TAKES CARE OF ME
He takes care of me
He never left when we argue
He try to understand
He cares everything I say
He takes care of me
He listen
He speak his mind
He looks at me
He takes care of me
He'll say that I'm beautiful
He appreciate the things I've done
He's happy being with me
He takes care of me
He cook for me
He feed me
He prepare food when I'm around
He takes care of me
He picks me up
He invites me for a date
He takes me back home
He takes care of me
He misses me
He always love me
He always say it
He takes care of everything
Now, I wanna take care of him
Love him like he deserved to be loved
Lastly, to be his safe home
PIECES OF MEMORIES
Lying in my bed, being at peace and quiet, listening to my Lo-fi playlist. It catches my core memory, it travels me back when I was younger. It helps me refresh the memories that I can still remember. The events of memories that stays with me. It reminded me of what I've been through. The happiness and tears I collected, the feelings that turns into memories, the love I treasured turns into memories, the pain I went through turns into memories, the memories with love ones.
The time passes, the feelings just went through us but it doesn't mean it is vanished. They just turned into memories, it just stay there at the corner of your brain; waiting to be selected and to be remembered.
Take care of the memories you collected, cherish them all. One day, you will be old. You will be looking at the clear sky and you will never know, your mind is traveling back to your past; going back to the times you treasured the most, the cherished ones. You will be looking into your deep core, not knowing you are smiling again. Keep them all and I guarantee you, you will never regret.
It's a journey of your life, collect them and bring them to heaven. This is gonna be your pieces of memories.
IN THIS CROWD
In this crowd
I hear your voice around
I cannot forget the sound
In this crowd
I see the glimpse of your lips
I need to follow you around
I cannot see you
I lost you in the crowd
But I still feel you
In this crowd
I'm starting to hear you again
I have to find you
Before the stars starts to grow faint
I am so near
You are just right there
And you kissed her
I think I should go
In this crowd
It starts to suffocate me
I wish I didn't wish
In this crowd
I want to forget the sound
And in this crowd
I will give my best
To not follow you around
And you will be forgotten
like a broken crown
LONG ROAD
Walking to this road alone, thinking will I be able to make it for another day, losing my grip to this rope that I've been holding on for so long. As I looked away, I heard a rushing water into the woods. I followed the sound, it's peaceful and quiet.
As I pass through to this woods at darknight with my only flashlight, I witnessed what I've been looking for. I found a gentle rushing river, I looked up to the dark sky and the natural satellite hit its gentle light to the water.
It's sparkling, beautiful, and stunning to look at. I sat down and watched the river flows quietly, it gives me space and time, allowing me to breathe deeply. I see fireflies glows up and touched my fingers and flew away. I looked up again, and see this clouds are on their way to cover the natural satellite, giving me a dim light.
How I wish to stay longer, but I have to move on, I have to go back to the road and keep walking. I have to keep walking despite with this ugly road. I have to walk, so I can witness this beautiful night again and be able to reach my destination.
THE ONE I TREASURE
I took a lot of pictures of you
The ones you're unaware of
The photos I treasure
I photograph you in my memory
I capture the little details of you
I try my best to remember them
I record your voice in my memory
So I could play it over and over
In my head
I try my best to remember them
The gestures you make
I try to remember them
The way you talk
I try to remember them
I always see the things you do
I treasure everything you do
The habits you do
I remember them all
The flaws you showed me
I love them
The imperfections you showed,
To me you are perfect
Your imperfections makes you perfect.
It took me a lot of time
To write this
But it is a worth writing
Because it's you
I will keep you,
I will treasure you
Like a gift that heaven sent
I'll keep you in my memory
And I'll keep you forever
In my heart
If I lost this precious memories
of you
I trust my heart
To remember you
My heart always
remembers you
I WANT TO GO
I am here again, I'm still alive when I wanted to die. There are a lot of things I really want to end it. But there are a lot of things too that are making me stop to do this. The thoughts of leaving my parents crying, my brothers and sisters, and my dogs. But I really want to go, I don't even know what place I am exactly. I don't recognize my life anymore. I cannot live myself anymore. Where am I? I cannot see a path, everything is deep. It's too deep for me.
I actually don't know what to do. Should I just stay put, should I move?
I cannot decide either. A lot of words floating in my head, like in a clouds where I cannot reach and arrange them to construct a simple sentence, I'm like playing a word scrumble in my head when I cannot identify the words I'm trying to express. But I know how to say, "I want to go" and "I don't wanna wake up" But still something is stopping me from it.
I always say "I really want to go, so I could restart again" but... There's always a "but". If I restart again, would my life be easier? Will I be okay? Will I be taking a path where my dreams are? Am I gonna have peace the way I wanted to be? Is there any changes? Or am I gonna be still a depressed person? I don't know...
"why am I still here?", "am I doing any progress?", "for today, is my life gonna be easy", "Life, please go easy on me.. I'm too tired to move" the ones I say for every sunrise I witness. "why live, when I don't understand anything" am I still gonna wake up after this? And still wonder the same thoughts.
I don't know how to end this either, maybe there is a change if I just leave it at ease. Am I too scared of consequences? Maybe a yes, a no? I don't know. What am I so afraid of? Letting go? Should I let go? I don't know...
COME HOME
Couldn't believe right here, right now, I am thinking about you. Right here in my room waiting for you. Waiting for you to come home. I'm missing your warmth, our little talks, the food you're making for me, I'm just missing it all.
How many days should I wait? How long should I wait? I'm craving for your presence and yet I can't do anything. So I'll just wait for you to come home and kill time with my embroidery arts.
Wishing you're here with me.
It is so hard to endure this feeling, I'm missing your beautiful hands, I'm miss giving it a kiss whenever I like to. I'm missing your raspberry smell hair. I miss leaning on your chest whenever I want to. And you're not with me.
I'll be right here, waiting for you. I will wait for you to come home. Right here in our room with full of yellow shades, the one that you like because you said it helps you to calm down.
I'm using your sweater right now, and your smell still stays to this fabric. Its just making me feel you're just right here with me. It gives me comfort everytime I use it, it's like you're cuddling me every minute. And at the same time, it makes me missing you more.
I pray when I wake up, you're already here and as soon as I wake up you will ask me if I want to have a coffee with you. And I wish you are here with me.
Just come home, I miss you so much.
I woke up with the noise of the birds realising it's morning. Thinking I'll just have coffee and nothing else for breakfast. As I thought of how peaceful my morning was, this yellow sunrise, birds tweeting at the edge of my roof, and the warm temper sun rays on my face makes me into thinking on how I cannot live in a busy world. Where you wake up to a lot of noise in your surroundings, a lot of people around you, where people chasing their time to get where they need to be. This kind of world is where I'm struggling to be fit in. It is really different and difficult for a person who is living in an introverted world.
Having this thought as an introverted person, makes me think more on how I want to live my life. I hate a lot of people, I hate people keeps on asking me something, I hate loud noises, I hate people invading my personal space, and I hate multitasking. I like to do stuff one at a time, I lost energy if I talk too much, and I hate to think living in a city.
I don't like people forcing me to do something that I don't wanna do it. I ask help if I need to. I ask questions if I need to, but that doesn't mean people should get in my way. My personality, it could be similar to others and it could be absolute different for others.
This is the morning that had me realize, that I rather wake up next to my cat, wake up to a birds' noise, and see plants when I take morning coffee. I rather choose this morning feelings and make me feel safe before I start something than feeling pressured in everything and chase the time.
I am the time and I want it to be mine. The morning feeling that I don't wanna miss as an Introvert living in my own world. I like it this way, it's quiet and calm. Just coffee and the plants. Just my cat and thoughts.
‘I dream. Sometimes I think that’s the only right thing to do.’
Quotes: Maggie Stiefvater, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Haruki Murakami, V.E. Schwab, Fernando Pessoa, Clarice Lispector, N.M. Sanchez | Artwork by Holly Warburton
I am the daydreamer.
UNDER THE SHOOTING STARS
Now that you are here, I think it's time to hear the words from my heart. The universe is giving me time to be with you, the stars are giving me numerous little lights. And that gives me the moment to appreciate your beauty in front of me. Those little sparkling reflection from your eyes are telling me to just look at you until morning. The beauty in your eyes are too deep and I have a lot of questions. Looking at you like this is like looking at the sky with full of stars, that makes me wanna stay like this; just looking at them sparkling, shining, just looking at you and seeing you smiling. Do I still need to make a wish when you're already here? Do I still need to ask the universe to extend my time just to be with you? Though I really wish to be with you everyday, anywhere, until we grow old. Do you have any wish? Do you wish to make me stay? I will stay even you don't ask the stars, I will still choose to stay for you. I will be there even you don't see me anywhere just like these stars, I'll be there, loving you... Start looking at me and I'll make sure you're safe and sound. Hold my hand, lock your fingers with mine, I'll make you feel home. Just sit beside me and lie down on my lap, and I'll put my hands in your chest so you can feel my warmth. Let's promise to find each other wherever we are, let's pull each other until we are together again, let's promise this love will find each other. Let's remember our each kisses we made under the shooting stars. Just believe we'll be together again and witness the night sky once more. and I will be here...
IF I DIE, IT'S OKAY
If I die, it's okay If I die tomorrow, it's okay If I die today, it's okay If I die later, it's okay If I die now, it's okay I am okay if you saw me crying I am okay if you saw me suffer I am okay if you saw me looking pale If I die, I am okay My clouds are dark, and it's okay My sky is grey, and it's okay My eyes are blur, and it's okay Everything is dark, and it's okay If you wonder if I am okay, I am okay If you see me smiling, I am okay If you heard me screaming, I am okay This pain hurts me but I am okay I have already accepted the fact I have already walking to this path I have already a lot of thoughts and I have already a lot of words... If I die, I will be okay If I die, I will stop crying If I die, everything will end If I left please know I fought If I left please know I was happy If I left please know I love classic movies If I die, it's okay I am happy If I die, it's okay I'll see you on the other side If I die, it's okay I have my words written down If I die, it's okay Be happy If I die, it's okay Choose to be happy If I die, it's okay No one cares and it's okay If I die, it's okay My pain will end If I die, It's okay my soul will be set free
