dyke safer sex 101: fluid bonding and universal precautions
the post that was promised 🙌🏼
ok, so most folks are familiar with the idea of barriers to prevent STIs, like condoms and dental dams and gloves, but do you know why they work?
although disease-causing organisms can infect people through different pathways, most sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are passed along via fluid contact. blood, semen or prostate fluids, and vaginal/genital secretions are the main fluids of concern, although spit can carry a lot of germs generally. DON'T KISS ANYONE WITH A FEVER OR A COLD SORE, PLEASE. besides STIs, you also want to avoid getting things like mononucleosis.
so, if we prevent the exchange of fluids, we most likely prevent the exchange of infectious material, too.
i was having a hard time finding information on barrier methods for transfems with penises who no longer get erections. condoms generally rely on some amount of stretch or tension to stay on which is difficult to maintain on a soft penis even if you get smaller condoms. i don't have practical experience here, but given the physical changes that come with the influence of estrogen i would be more inclined to use lube+dental dams when performing oral and gloves for manual stimulation. if a transfem partner with a soft penis wants to top, it'd probably be safer to use a strap with a condom. TME people, please be mindful about creating pressure on your partner to penetrate you, in general and particularly considering the challenges toward practicing safer sex. any transfem folks who feel like sharing your experiences with your safer sex practices or further resources, please let me know and i will update this portion of the post!
"fluid bonding" refers to sharing fluids without the use of barrier methods with at least one play partner you trust and share health status information with, and committing to using barrier methods and/or new toys with anyone outside the fluid bond.
obviously, this can be entirely independent of romantic or monogamous involvement! however, it does require a degree of exclusivity:
"Scarleteen’s recommendation for going without barriers is:
1. Both partners getting full STI panels
2. Using barriers consistently for the next six months
3. Both partners getting another set of full (negative) STI panels before abandoning barriers."
this is to 1.) establish a baseline of health information and catch any infections before sexual contact occurs, 2.) continue protections while latent infections could still show up or other partners are in the mix, and 3.) to confirm that your barrier methods are working and no new infections have been acquired in the last six months.
there is a bit of stigma within polyamorous circles about the use of fluid bonding to indicate deeper connection and intimacy, but i think that's at least a little disingenuous because it is a deep and intimate thing to involve yourself in someone's health. i wouldn't share a bank account with everyone i've ever been sexually involved with either. why is my health status seen as a "lesser" intimacy? the conversation seems to me to be more about power dynamics and hierarchy than disease prevention. the more people you are fluid bonded with, the less that's actually an effective method of infection control.
maintaining safer sex practices is especially important if you participate in any activities that involve breaking the skin (whether scratching, biting, or with an implement) or contact with blood.
this is where universal precautions come in.
universal precautions are a set of infection control standards introduced in healthcare in 1985 in response to the HIV/AIDS crisis. the idea is that you universally treat all bodily fluids and waste materials as if they are infectious because you can't be certain that they are NOT infectious. originally, universal precautions were only applied to blood and certain body fluids, but they have been updated over the years to be more broad as we identified different pathways of infection.
this is a really important principle to understand when it comes to practicing safer sex, especially if you involve forms of edgeplay.
tests can have false negatives. doctors don't always run the full panel of tests when you ask for STI screening, sometimes they will just order panels for the STIs that are most common or concerning and you have to push them to order everything. you can't always rely on partners to know or disclose all the information that would be important to your health.
safer sex requires the awareness of disease and infection potential, which a lot of people would prefer to shove to the back of their minds, especially when getting sexy. but care is sexy! longevity is sexy! inclusion and accessibility is sexy!
when you understand the factors at play in safer sex and disease prevention, you are less prone to panic when faced with an unfamiliar situation and you can better improvise without abandoning your precautions entirely.
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