I already posted once tonight but I had this idea after I posted the last one so here it is.
CW- Panic attack, mention of abuse
“You are my sunshine. My only sunshine.” Sirius’s soft voice drifted throughout the nursery as he rocked his crying daughter.
“You make me happy.” Her crying began to die down. “When skies are grey.”
“You’ll never know dear,” He smiled at her as her eyes began to slip closed. “How much I love you.”
“Please don’t take my sunshine away.” He finished the song as she finally drifted off to sleep after hours of tears.
“How’d you know that would get her to sleep?” Remus whispered as Sirius set her down in her crib.
“I just remembered how one of my nannies used to sing it to me and Reg when we were little. She was the only one who truly cared about us.” He told him as he soothed his daughter’s hair, not taking her eyes off of her for one second.
“What happened to her?” Remus asked. Sirius had told him a lot about his awful, horrible childhood but he hadn’t heard anything about her.
“They fired her. Said she was making us too childish.” He snorted humorlessly. “Still not sure if she was the one making us childish or if it was the fact that I was barely 6 and Reg wasn’t even 1 yet.”
“Well, I’m glad you at least had her.” Remus kissed the side of his head.
“I had forgotten all about her until we had Felicity. I think she was the only thing that was able to convince me to actually become a dad.” He turned into his husbands’ arms.
Remus just hummed, remembering the countless nights he stayed up with him as he panicked about his ability to be a father. Sirius had told himself over and over again that he would somehow become his parents if he had a child of his own.
He still panicked about it now. One time he had shouted to stop her from putting a piece of plastic in her mouth and had made her cry. Remus was stuck between a screaming and crying 8-month-old and a panicking husband.
He ended up having to call Dumo over to try and calm Sirius while he got Fizzy calmed down.
Sirius was scared to be alone with his daughter for weeks.
“I’m glad you had her.” Remus kissed the top of his head.
That fic was utter perfection!! I would love to see a sequel maybe set later that night after the game and the adrenaline has worn away where Sirius has more of a serious talk with Remus about the events of the day and there are some cuddles (and probably tears). But of course no pressure what we have already is spectacular. I know it will be a fic I re-read again and again!
Thank you! Some hurt/ comfort for the soul tonight as a followup to this fic <3 SW credit goes to @lumosinlove
TW for mentions of past parental abuse
“Remus?”
Sirius’ voice was sleep-rough and his accent was thick; Remus loved how his name sounded like that, like ree-moose and then ray-moose and eventually just moose, when Sirius was on the very edge of sleep. They were at the second stage, so it was still dark out. He blindly reached over to rub a hand over Sirius’ shoulder and hummed in acknowledgement, keeping his eyes shut to preserve his sleepiness.
“Are you angry with me?”
Remus shook his head. “No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Hundred percent.” He blinked, letting his eyes adjust to the semi-darkness. The clock on Sirius’ nightstand showed it wasn’t yet midnight, and he ran his hand over that warm shoulder once more. “Why would I be angry with you?”
Sirius sighed heavily through his nose. “I don’t know.”
“Mmm, then you can rest assured—”
“I wasn’t nice to you today.” Quiet fell again, though it wasn’t uncomfortable. Remus shifted closer as Sirius stared at the ceiling. “I was—I shut you out this morning, after it came out. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not.”
Remus kissed the side of his arm. “It is. You’re allowed to be upset and not want to talk to me sometimes, baby.”
Sirius’ face was troubled, but some of the tension in his body released. “You were angry at the rink.”
“Yeah.” There was no point in denying it. He had been angry since the video was first released, and even more so when two of the people he hated most in the world decided to waltz in and try to ruin Sirius’ life. Again. “Not at you, though.”
“You were angry before the rink—”
“I was angry because I don’t like hearing people shit talk you,” Remus interrupted gently. His fingertips fit just right in the ladder of Sirius’ ribs. “Especially not those people. I’m sorry if I made you feel like it was your fault.”
The furrow of Sirius’ brows deepened. “No, you didn’t do anything, it’s just my brain being…”
“Anxious?” Remus supplied after a heartbeat of pause.
“Stupid.”
“Sirius—”
“I know, I know, it’s not stupid to be anxious when I have an actual clinical anxiety disorder.” Sirius’ nose twitched; he glanced over for a brief second. “I just don’t like it.”
Remus pressed his face against Sirius’ bicep, then held the sheets up in invitation. “Would a cuddle help?”
In lieu of an answer, Sirius shuffled over until his back settled snug to Remus’ chest with his shoulders in a prime position for kisses. Remus held him close—his pulse was steady, but more rapid than usual for that time of night. “I was happy about this. Earlier, I mean.”
“You were.”
“I’m really upset, Remus.”
Remus closed his eyes and placed a kiss on one clump of dark freckles just above the ridge of his spine. “Do you want to talk?”
“I don’t know.” His voice was thick again, but not from sleep. “I’m bad at talking.”
“You’re not,” Remus whispered into his skin.
“I couldn’t tell you I loved you until I almost lost you.”
“That was different—”
“The media hates me.”
“Oh, fuck the—”
“I never learned how to talk about my feelings and I’m going to spend the rest of my life feeling sick when someone asks how I’m doing.”
He shuddered in Remus’ arms, curling his knees up tighter. Remus let out a slow breath and moved one hand to brush his dark hair off his forehead. “Sirius, what’s going on?”
A sniffle answered him. “Do I sound like my mother?”
“God, no,” Remus breathed as his heart cracked in half. Walburga’s vicious stare rose unbidden to his memory. “Oh, baby, not even a little. You would never say that kind of thing just to hurt someone—”
“I chirp people all the time—”
“That’s different.” Sirius’ chest hitched under his palm. “Chirping someone is different than what she does. You would never go for someone’s personal pain like that just to get a leg up.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I know you.” Remus flattened his hand over the heart beneath, moving his thumb in a soothing pattern. “Chirping is part of hockey. Verbal abuse is not. You don’t tear people down or make them feel like they don’t deserve good things, and you never have as long as I’ve known you.”
Sirius pressed his cheek against the dip of Remus’ shoulder and held it there, eyes closed even as the corners of his mouth tightened. Unshed tears clumped his dark lashes. “I have spent so much time trying to undo all the ways they fucked me up,” he murmured. In the fresh light, Remus could see the shadows smudged beneath his eyes from a lack of sleep. “And no matter how much therapy I go to, I still don’t understand how they could look at a child and want to hurt it.”
Remus sighed into the top of his head and placed a kiss in its wake. “Because they’re bad parents and you are a really good person.”
“Their parents did the same thing to them.”
“That’s not an excuse to do it to you.” He tucked his face into the soft dip of Sirius’ neck and breathed in the smell of his soap. “I am grateful for you every single day, and I hate that you had to listen to them tear you down for such a long time.”
Sirius sniffed again and a shiver ran through him as he held Remus’ wrist. “I stopped the hit.”
“You did.”
“I’ve never stopped him before. I never even tried.” A wet laugh slipped out. “I told my mother to shut the fuck up. Merde, that was stupid.”
“At the risk of sounding vengeful,” Remus said, holding his mouth against his favorite freckle constellation. “They deserved a lot worse than what you gave them.”
“I know.”
He listened to their tandem breaths as the clock struck midnight; Sirius let his head weigh heavy on the pillow again. “Will you be okay? People are going to ask questions.”
“People have been asking questions for a long time, mon loup.”
“You know what I mean.” He rubbed his hand in a wide oval over Sirius’ torso and felt him relax, though a tear glimmered as it dripped off his cheekbone. Remus nuzzled the back of his bare shoulder and kept his voice barely above a whisper. “I am so proud of you.”
Sirius’ abdomen jerked around a sob. “I couldn’t let them take him away again.”
“Baby—”
“I’m tired of being hurt by them when they’re not even here, Remus.” He rolled onto his back, scrubbing both hands down his face. “It felt so good and now I feel like—fuck, what’s the soup fork?”
“Spoon?”
“I feel like someone took my stomach out with a spoon.” A humorless laugh was muffled by Sirius’ palms before he reached out to trail his finger down the side of Remus’ face. “You’re too handsome to be that sad.”
Remus leaned into the touch with half a smile; the ache in his heart had branched out through his lungs, tugging and twisting as it went. “It will never make sense to me how such awful people had such an incredible kid. Two of them. They should be embarrassed to call themselves parents, and yet you turned out one of the best, kindest, and most loving people I have ever met.”
Sirius’ gaze unfocused for a moment before he blinked and looked between them, where their hands almost touched. “Nothing in that video was news to me. Mon regret has been around for almost ten years.”
“She never called Reg names. She used to talk us both in circles, though. We could never win a conversation with her.” He traced the line of Remus’ nose, pausing at the dip of his upper lip. “It took me over a year to get used to talking to people without them having an interior motive.”
“Ulterior.”
“Same thing.” Remus really couldn’t deny that, especially as Sirius’ fingertips went coast to coast on his mouth and ran under his lower lip. Pooling tears made his eyes shine. “I never thought I would get her to listen to me while she was still alive. I…I don’t know what to do with that. It doesn’t feel like a victory.”
Remus kissed the inside of his palm as Sirius’ thumb rested on his cheek. “You cut the ties, you get to decide how to label it. But I think this, right here, is a victory. You should be proud of yourself. Today took a lot more courage than anyone on the team can even dream of, Sirius.”
A few tears finally spilled over and Remus bundled him up in his arms once more, letting Sirius hide his face in the well-loved t-shirt while he made quiet noises of comfort and rubbed his back. No small amount of vindication still lingered when he thought of the utter shock on Walburga and Orion’s faces, but alongside it sat overwhelming joy that Sirius put an unquestionable end to their power over him. There was pain, too, at the reminder that so much hurt happened behind the scenes before Remus was even in the picture; so much hurt he couldn’t have stopped and would never know about.
Overshadowing all of it was pride. It remained even as Sirius’ tears soaked into his shirt and he shook through the shredded remnants of the hope his parents still cared for him. If all it took to show Sirius he was appreciated and supported and so deeply loved was a night of holding him and letting the words come when he was ready, then Remus would do it for forever and a day. Whatever it took, he would do it.
"I'm not going to hurt you. Listen to me. You’re safe and they aren’t going to hurt you again. I’m here now. Trust me, I’m not going to let anybody hurt you. It’s okay. I’m here."
Props to @lumosinlove for her wonderful characters
TW: Nightmares, anxiety, accidental injury, blood
After living together for about four months Remus and Sirius had grown used to all the little habits and things they did.
Sirius learned that Remus often fell asleep early, twelve being rare and extremely late for Remus. He learned that Remus likes his coffee black which had surprised him seeing as he had such a sweet tooth. He learned that occasionally, especially around the time of his Greyback accident, Remus had self-worth issues and would pull away from Remus. Sirius learned to give him his space and let him sleep on the couch but remind Remus constantly how much he loved him.
Remus had learned that Sirius stayed up far too late and woke up at twelve when he didn’t have anything to do that day. He learned that Sirius didn’t like coffee and only got it if other people did. Remus learned that Sirius had nightmares relatively often and shut him out after bad ones. He learned that Sirius was short with him when he was upset.
So when Remus woke up to Sirius thrashing and pleading with an invisible force he knew it was another bad night. He was always wary to wake him up because he wasn’t all there when Remus woke him up from nightmares.
Cautiously, Remus reached over and shook Sirius’s shoulder gently, a frown plastered on his face. He hated seeing Sirius like this, vulnerable and scared, it always shook him to his core.
“Stop! Get off of me! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Sirius shouted, flailing desperately. Remus gripped his shoulders tightly and straddled him. He felt bad pinning him down but he was going to hurt himself if he kept flailing like that.
“Baby, wake up. You have to wake up, Sirius it’s just a dream.” He shook his shoulders again and Sirius jerked awake, gasping for air. He pushed Remus roughly away from him and Remus slid off the bed, his temple hitting the edge of the nightstand. Pain blossomed in his head and he whimpered, his hand coming up to feel his head. His fingers came away bloody and Remus cursed knowing he would have to calm Sirius down from his nightmare and now from pushing him off the bed.
Remus crawled carefully back on the bed, sitting in front of Sirius, far enough away to not crowd him and cause more panic. “Baby, are you okay?” He asked quietly, his hand landing in the middle of them in case Sirius needed the touch.
Sirius let out a scared sound and backed away from Remus, cowering away in fear. Remus retracted his hand, frowning as he wished there was something he could do to help him when he got like this. He wished Sirius didn’t have to go through this. He didn’t deserve his family, he was too good for them anyway. It wasn’t fair that he had to live in that environment for so long, the abuse from his parents stayed with him and Remus desperately wished he could fix it.
Sirius let out a shuddering breath and Remus looked at his boyfriend sadly. “Baby, It’s me. I’m not going to hurt you. Listen to me. You’re safe and they aren’t going to hurt you again. I’m here now. Trust me, I’m not going to let anybody hurt you. It’s okay. I’m here.” Remus said quietly, hoping Sirius wasn’t too far to realize it was just Remus.
Sirius let out a gasping breathe and flung himself into Remus’s arms, his body shaking as sobs escaped his mouth. Remus wrapped his arms tightly around him, one hand going to his back and the other to hold Sirius’s head against his chest.
Remus shifted them so Sirius was in his lap, his legs wrapped around Remus’s lap as Remus moved so he could lean back on the headboard. Sirius gripped Remus tightly as if he would disappear if he let go. Remus let his hand comb through Sirius’s head tenderly.
Remus kept murmuring comforting words in Sirius’s ear as he gradually calmed down. Sirius deflated against him before backing away from him and resting their foreheads together. “Mon Dieu, I love you.” Sirius said quietly, his hands coming up to cup Remus’s face.
His fingers brushed Remus’s temple and he gasped involuntarily. Sirius retracted his hands with a worried look and looked down at his hands for several seconds before hurriedly turning on the lamp next to the bed.
Sirius’s eyes widened marginally and he quickly looked back to Remus. “Is that blood? Qu'est-il arrivé?” Sirius turned Remus’s face frantically and gasped loudly when his eyes fell on the blood covering Remus’s temple. “Remus,” Sirius said breathlessly pulling his shirt sleeve down over his hand and dabbing lightly at the blood.
Remus shook his head and gently pulled Sirius’s hand away. “You’ll ruin your shirt.” Sirius paid him no mind, his hand returning to the blood. “You’re bleeding, mon loup. What happened?” He asked, his eyes boring into Remus’s.
Looking down, Remus shook his head again. “Re, please. What happened? That looks recent I-” He cut himself off with a gasp and Remus knew he just put it together. “Oh god.” He said quietly before backing away quickly. “Oh god, oh god, oh god. I did that. What did I do.” Remus shook his head but it just made the pounding worse.
“Baby, I’m okay.” Remus said just as quietly, Sirius just shook his head. “You’re not. I did that. Re, you’re bleeding and it’s my fault.” Remus frowned and reached a hand out but Sirius moved it away. “I fell off the bed. Baby, please, it wasn’t your fault.” Sirius narrowed his eyes.
“Did I push you?” Remus looked down with a frown, knowing Sirius would blame himself for this even though it was an accident. Sirius let out a desperate sound and Remus looked up to find his eyes shut.
Remus moved closer to Sirius and took Sirius’s face in his hands, Sirius flinched slightly but didn’t pull away so Remus let his forehead fall on Sirius’s. “I know you’re mad at yourself right now, which you shouldn’t be it was an accident, but I need you and I’m pretty sure you need me right now too.”
Sirius whimpered slightly and brought his arms around Remus, his head falling to Remus’s shoulder. Remus let out a sigh of relief and dropped his chin to Sirius’s black curls.
They stayed like that for a minute before Sirius pulled away and climbed off the bed, his hands held out for Remus to take. Remus took them and raised a questioning eyebrow. “Where are we going? It’s three in the morning.” Sirius laughed quietly, though there was still pain laced in his expression. “I’m going to fix you up. Je suis désolé mon amour.”
Sirius kissed his forehead before pulling Remus up with him. “It’s okay Sirius, you were asleep it wasn’t even conscious.” Sirius turned to him with wide, sad eyes. “I would never consciously hurt you, I don’t even want to unconsciously hurt you.” Remus shook his head and kissed Sirius lightly. “I know that, baby.”
Sirius just nodded and pulled Remus into the bathroom. “I’m still sorry.”
“I can’t take it anymore.” Sirius sobbed as he pulled at his hair and rocked back and forth.
Remus was trying to calm him down but he couldn’t hear him.
He wanted to rip off his skin. He wanted to run away. He wanted to sleep.
He wanted it to stop.
But it wasn’t stopping.
“I know, love. I know. Everything is good to be okay. Just hold on for me. Just hold on a little longer, baby.” Remus tried to hide the sound of crying in his voice. “Dumo’s on his way over. It’s going to be okay.”
Sirius choked on a sob, spiraling him impossibly farther down in his mind.
“Shh, baby. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Sirius. Try to breathe. I know it’s hard but just keep trying.” He tucked a piece of hair behind his ear. “Try and breathe for me.”
“Hey,” the door opened and someone walked in, kneeling down in front of him. “Hey, kiddo.”
“Dumo,” he whimpered desperately. “Dumo,”
“I’m here. I’m right here Sirius.”
“Ça fait mal.”
“I know. But it’ll be over soon.”
Sirius shook his head and sobbed.
His entire body shook as the awful attack grabbed ahold.
It reached inside him. Wrapping around his mind, spreading to his veins, mixing with his blood, filling his heart.
Taking control of his body like a virus.
He was tired of fighting it off.
He was so fucking tired.
He didn’t want to fight anymore.
He wanted to let it replace his blood, fill his heart completely, fill his lungs and drown his brain.
He wanted it to win.
He wanted to let it win.
But Remus was ever so gently removing his hair from the hold of his hands.
Remus was pressing his lips to his temple while whispering how much he loves him, how strong he is, how he needs him to fight it, that he needs him.
And Dumo was rubbing a hand up and down his back, moving his hand in hypnotizing circles. Humming a song he sung to Katie when she couldn’t fall asleep.
He couldn’t leave them.
He was tired of fighting but he couldn’t leave them.
He wanted to but he just couldn’t.
So he focused on the hand on his back and the words tickling his ear and breathed.
The virus raced to his lungs to stop him but the words grew louder and the hand held a steadier rhythm and he gasped in as much air as he could to stop it from filling his lungs.
It was a slow, agonizing process of trying to fight it off but he finally started to gain the upper hand.
He collapsed into Remus, too exhausted to keep himself upright.
“God, baby. I’m so proud of you. I love you. I’ve got you.” Remus held him.
“I’m sorry” Sirius croaked out.
“Don’t apologize. Never apologize.” Dumo told him. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
Sirius nodded and let out a shaky breath.
“Tired, sweetheart?” Remus asked him.
Sirius nodded and sagged further into his chest.
“Here” Dumo held a cup and two pills in front of him. “Take them and then you can sleep, okay?”
Sirius nodded and reached for them with shaking hands.
“Je t'aime” Dumo kissed his forehead when he swallowed the pills.
“Je t'aime“ Sirius whispered back and let his eyes fall shut.
Leave prompts
Kinda embarrassed of this but I haven’t put anything out in forever
Also despite what it seems like through my fics I’m actually doing pretty decent with my mental health
I just read all of your fics and they are so so good! Can you write something with 41 and 45 for coops?
Thank you so much!! <33
“Do you want to talk about it or be distracted from it?” + “It’s bad again. It’s really, really bad again."
All credit goes to @lumosinlove bless that beautiful brain of hers
TW: depression/mentions of past abuse
Remus could always tell when Sirius was trapped in his head. Sirius would get reclusive and silent, he would go from being clingy to touch averse and it broke Remus’s heart without fail every single time.
Sirius would often get that way around the anniversary of leaving and a certain time in November, which was what was happening now. It was November 19th and Sirius had been in the process of shutting down for two days but today was the worst of it.
Remus had gone to bed at two in the morning, not being able to stay up any longer. Sirius had promised to come to bed soon but when Remus woke up the next morning the sheets on his bed were still made.
Making his way downstairs, he found Sirius sitting on the couch staring blankly at the wall, purple bags under his eyes that confirmed Remus’s suspicions that he hadn’t slept at all. Remus had made his way loudly over to the couch in hopes of not startling Sirius.
It hadn’t helped and as soon as Remus sat down Sirius’s head snapped to him, his eyes wide and panicked. Remus knew better than to touch him when he got like this so he sat farther away and talked to him in a calming voice.
“Baby, it’s just me. You weren’t there when I woke up, did you sleep in here?” He asked gently, relieved that Sirius had calmed down when he realized it was Remus instead of freaking out further. Sirius just shook his head, not vocalizing which Remus had expected.
Remus just nodded and snuggled into the couch, offering a silent strength for Sirius if he needed it. They sat like that for about an hour before the tension finally left Sirius and he actually laid his head down in Remus’s lap.
Sirius let out a quiet sigh when Remus’s hand found his hair. “You okay, love?” He asked quietly. Sirius shuddered at the name and shook his head slowly. “It’s bad again. It’s really, really bad again.” He said quietly, a slight waver in his voice. Remus dropped his head so he could kiss Sirius’s forehead.
“I’ve got you, baby. Do you want to talk about it or be distracted from it?” Sirius laid quietly for a second, his hand finding Remus’s free one and playing with his fingers. “Can I talk about it?” Remus was almost shocked into silence. Sirius seldom talked about things from his past, not more than two sentences and never into details but Remus would be damned if he didn’t listen when Sirius finally did.
Remus just nodded, his arm tightening around Sirius’s waist so he could pull him to where he was more laying on him than sitting his head in Remus’s lap. Sirius snuggled into the embrace, his forehead pressed into Remus’s neck.
“When I was growing up there were only two people in my family who didn’t hate me. Two people besides my brother who never laid a hand on me.” Remus clenched his jaw, fighting the anger that washed over him every time Sirius mentions or subtly mentions the abuse he suffered as a child.
“My Great Uncle Alfred and my cousin Andromeda. My Great Uncle Alfred was cast out when I was about six years old, he’d send me secret cards when he could and would tell me to keep my head up. He’d been gay and when my family learned his secret they’d kicked him out. They burned him off the stupid family tree.” Remus buried his nose into Sirius’s curls when Sirius took a break to get his voice back under control. Sirius leaned his head back into the touch.
“He was great and I loved him but Andromeda was always there for me. She’d show up randomly as if she could just tell when things were getting worse and she’d take me away for a weekend or something.” Sirius had a faint smile on his face, it was bittersweet and Remus was almost afraid to hear the rest of the story. “Eight years ago today she came and told everyone she was moving away with her boyfriend who was half Swedish.”
Sirius scoffed and Remus felt his heart sink when he saw the tears in his eyes. “My family, of course, lost their minds because he wasn’t French and she was kicked out of the family, her picture burned off the family tree just like that.” Sirius cleared his throat and pushed harder against Remus’s neck as if he needed the reminder that Remus was there.
Remus held his head close and dropped kisses to his dark locks. “I was so mad at her for leaving me, I was just so angry but my family kept talking about her. They kept calling her a blood traitor and a whole bunch of other names I didn’t understand then. I went off, told them that if anything she was doing the right thing, she deserved to get away she was too good for us all anyway.” Sirius let out a weak laugh and shook his head.
“I told my mother that they shouldn’t talk about her like that because at least she wasn’t still in the loop of inbreds.” His voice dropped off and when he started talking again it was much darker. “My mother hadn’t found that amusing. She had slapped me across the face before it even left my mouth. She had been too angry to properly punish me so she left it to my father.” Sirius started trembling and Remus tightened his hold around him protectively.
“I’ve got you. You’re okay.” Remus whispered as he pressed a kiss to Sirius’s temple. Sirius just huddled closer and fell silent for a minute. “He beat me so bad I nearly died. I broke three ribs and my wrist but they wouldn’t let me go to the doctor. My mother locked me in the cellar and left me there for a week. Regulus had to come and sneak me food because neither of my parents thought about the fact that I was going to starve.” Sirius let out a bitter laugh. “Or maybe they did, maybe that was the point.”
Remus bit his lip hard as his vision swarmed with tears. How could someone so precious and so amazing be treated like that? It was times like these that Remus remembered how strong Sirius was, if it had been anyone else Remus knew for a fact they would have been broken by now.
“I was so mad at Andromeda for such a long time. I never returned any of her letters but she never stopped sending them.” Sirius sniffled and closed his eyes tightly. “Until she did. I thought she had finally taken the hint, it had made me much sadder than I thought it would have since I was the one ignoring her anyway. Turns out she had a daughter and had died during childbirth. Regulus had to tell me since no one else ever spoke of her.”
Sirius shifted so he could press his forehead against Remus’s seeking more comfort than Remus knew how to give. Remus tightened his grip and pulled Sirius closer until he was straddling Remus, chests flush together but in a way that was more intimate than any of their other ‘intimate’ moments.
Sirius made a broken sound and Remus felt tears fall from his own eyes as he watched Sirius’s expression change into a deeply tortured expression. “It was my own fault for never reaching out to her. I- I should have answered.” Sirius let out a sob and buried his face in Remus’s chest. “If I had just returned her letters instead of being stupid and petty I would have gotten to see how she was, I would have gotten to knew her daughter. Re, I could’ve been an Uncle to her but I was so angry about being alone that I ignored all of it. She probably hates me.”
Sirius made an utterly broken sound and Remus held him as tightly as he could, trying to keep his own cries silent.
“Baby, I’m so sorry.” He said quietly, wishing at that moment harder than he ever had that he could have known Sirius growing up, that he could have helped him through all the stuff he went through. He never should have had to go through that, much less as a child. Nothing in Sirius’s life was fair and all Remus wanted was to fix it.
“You’re so strong, kind, and good Sirius. She couldn’t hate you, it sounded like she loved you a lot. You never should have gone through any of that and I’m so sorry you had to go through it alone, just know you don’t have to anymore. You’ve got me, or James, or Dumo. You have the whole team, you’re not alone anymore.”
Remus dropped sloppy kisses all over Sirius’s shoulder. “Thank you for telling me, I know that’s hard.” Sirius let out shuddering breaths and pulled back to look at Remus. A slightly hysterical laugh rose from his throat and he rested his forehead back on Remus’s.
“You’re not supposed to be crying mon loup, that wasn’t my intention.” Remus shook his head quickly. “I know I’m sorry but just- none of that was fair. You shouldn’t have had to go through any of that.” Sirius laughed softly and kissed Remus gently.
“I love you.” Sirius whispered, his eyes fluttering closed again. Remus basked in the warm feeling of being so close to Sirius. “Je t'aime aussi.” Sirius opened his eyes and shook his head, a fond smile on his face as Remus wiped the tears on his cheeks away with the pad of his thumbs.
“We should go to bed, I know you didn’t sleep last night.” Remus said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to Sirius’s nose. Sirius just buried his face in Remus’s neck. “You know me too well, mon loup.” Remus laughed quietly.
Sirius pulled his face away with a tired smile. “Carry me?” Remus laughed as he gripped Sirius’s thighs and shifted to the edge of the couch. Sirius let out a contented sigh and wrapped his arms around Remus’s neck.
Remus picked him up with minimal problems and carried him to the bed where he dumped him precariously on the bed making Sirius laugh. Remus smiled at the sound, it was something that he hadn’t heard in days and he had missed it more than he cared to admit.
Remus climbed in next to him and put his arm out so Sirius could tuck himself into his side. When Sirius was in the need of comfort he would tuck himself into a ball and rest his knees on Remus’s stomach.
Normally, Remus would push them off but Sirius was already drifting and Remus didn’t think he could move him even if he wanted to. So he ignored the ache it caused and turned his nose into Sirius’s hair seeking out the comforting smell he hadn’t gotten in a few days.
Remus kissed Sirius’s forehead and sighed. “I hope you’re happy now. I hope you know you have a family and we are here no matter what. We love you no matter what.” It fell on deaf ears as Sirius had already fallen asleep, Remus drifted soon after.
This was supposed to be funny, but some how we got into Sirius parent trauma....
so yeah,
content warning for implied past parental abuse.
Character credit goes to @lumosinlove
Rating: G
"Leo! Pass it to me!" Harry called, banging his stick eagerly against the ice. Leo obliged, earning a toothless grin as Harry collected the puck.
With a slight wobble - he was still getting used to his recent growth spurt - Harry turned to make his way up to the other end of the ice. The turning issue aside, Sirius noticed he moved much more steadily than he did even six months ago.
Still, Pascal stole the puck from Harry with ease. "Got you," Pascal said. Small lines creased the skin around his eyes and mouth as laughter bubbled on his lips.
"Dumo," he spat. "Dumo. More like Dumbo."
"Harry James Potter!"
Sirius jerked his head upright. He'd almost forgotten James there; a mess of hair and hazel coloured eyes just visible over the wall which surrounded the rink. He must be kneeling now, but the last Sirius had seen he'd been sat colouring pictures with the youngest Weasley. He held his breath for a second, releasing it in a slow controlled manner just as his therapist had taught him. And another. This was James.
He let his eyes land on Harry again. His Godson was looking up at Pascal petulently, his small fist in a tight grip around his stick.
"Harry," James said again. "Come here please."
For a second, it seemed Harry was going to disobey his father. Then his shoulders dropped, he tore his gaze away from Pascal's gently raised eyebrow and started a slow skate over to James. Sirius felt his own muscles relax.
He leaned forward, resting his chin on the palm on his hand, hoping he appeared nochalent whilst he strained his ears. He was sure he could hear everything but James.
"And this is why not having children is good thing," Logan laughed. "They say terrible two's but it should be more like terrible tens."
"He's eight," Leo snorted.
"It keeps you on your toes. Keeps you young," Pascal said.
"Alright, old man." Logan shook his head fondly, taking the puck off the end of Pascal's stick. "Who's got who now?"
"Leo, how fond of this one are you?"
"Can't lie, I quite like him," Leo laughed.
Pascal grunted. "Shame."
Sirius made his lips curl up into the smile he knew would be expected, glancing over at James and Harry with every third breath. His mouth was dry and he needed water, but he wasn't sure if he stood his legs would bear his weight. And Remus had gone to get drinks. It'd be weird if he followed. Or would it? Yeah, Remus would know. Maybe he wanted him to know?
Just as he thought his the pulsing behind his eyes was going to get too much and his head would actually explode, James smiled. He reached out and ruffled Harry's hair, his lips forming familar words. "Love you kiddo."
As Harry skated back out onto the ice, Sirius took another breath. This time his body knew what to do with it. James met his eyes now, rolling his eyes in Harry's direction. The smile Sirius returned was more genuine.
"My dad says I have to apologise to you," Sirius heard Harry mutter some what in Pascal's direction.
"Okay," Pascal nodded.
"I'm sorry," Harry said. "I shouldn't have called you Dumbo. It was rude.
Pascal nodded again and Harry straightened up a little. "Apology accepted. Thank you."
"Can we play again now? But can you let me keep the puck at least sometimes. It's not fun otherwise."
Sirius frowned, guilt replacing the fear that had just been. James was a good dad. James was not either one of his parents. He rubbed his hand over his face, trying to scrub away the guilty feeling.
"Hey love," Remus sat down, handing Sirius a drink. Remus' weight against his side was familiar and warm, comforting in a way nothing else was.
"I'm fine," Sirius said.
"I didn't say you weren't," Remus said, fixing his eyes on Sirius. He stared and Sirius knew he was assessing the situation. They'd done this enough times. "Do you want to talk about it or leave it for Thursday?"
Thursday. Therapy day. God, he was going to have so much to talk about this week.
"Thursday," Sirius replied. "I just...I forgot who I was with for a bit. I'll tell you about it later."
Remus didn't reply, instead pressing his lips to Sirius' jaw and curling their fingers together. Sirius leaned into him, letting himself relax back into watch his friends. His good friends, who were good parents.
A/N: Mega thanks to @xxx-cat-xxx and @sallyidss or beta reading and ideas <3
(This story is set about a year and a half after the snap’s reversal. Peter is 18 and in college and Morgan is 6)
Link to read on Ao3
The trouble with saving the world from the largest global disaster to date, Tony finds, is that no one ever shuts up about it.
“Okay, not to sound like an ass or anything…” Tony begins, already eliciting an eye-roll from his wife, “but I’ve already been given a Nobel Peace Prize, the Congressional Medal of Honor, three Victoria Crosses—British, Australian, and Canadian—a Russian Gold Star, a Chinese Hero’s Medal, the Gold Cross of Zimbabwe, and about twelve other various countries’ awards. Why do I need to go to Morocco of all places now?”
“Because they built you a monument, Tony,” Pepper explains for the third time, her tone a bit exasperated. “There’s a two-hundred foot tall statue of you in their capital city, waiting to be ceremoniously revealed.”
Raising his hands to chest height, Tony wiggles his fingers—both the flesh and prosthetic ones—in a jazz hand gesture. “Oooh…a statue,” he mocks. “I’m titillated.”
Pepper snorts. “You’d better have mustered up some titillation by the time you shake hands with the Moroccan Prime Minister this weekend.”
“This weekend?” Tony balks. “We can’t go this weekend. Morgan’s got her… uh…”—he flaps his hand, trying to recall just what tedious elementary school obligation the first-grader has coming up next—“her snowman… ball… thingy.”
Pepper raises an eyebrow in amusement. “You mean the ‘Seasonal Snowflake Sing-along’?”
His face lights up and he snaps his fingers in recognition. “That’s the one!”
“Well, you’re in luck,” she laughs sardonically. “Earlier today, Morgan’s teacher called to let me know that our daughter has flat-out refused to participate this year. Something about itchy costumes, boring songs, and ‘child talent exploitation’—did you teach her that term by the way? Because I certainly didn’t and Ms. Sanchez was pretty ruffled about it.”
Tony has to bite the inside of his mouth to keep the grin from spreading across his lips. He shrugs innocently. “You know, it’s important to start building a child’s vocabulary as early as possible. All the experts agree.”
I’m hearing from android users that they can’t access the rec list page on my blog due to technical glitches in the app, so I’ve made a post with links to all the fic rec lists I’ve compiled. I’ll try to keep it updated below the cut:
Y’all have been asking and finally… It’s here! I have compiled all I could find, pretty much all SW related but I have got some other Wolfstar in the works! ;)
Nightmares Mini Series Masterlist Post
Dream Vacation - SW Coops Smut
HE MOVED IN - SW Coops fluff
Why Loup - SW Coops
Apple Picking - SW Coops Fluff
Trick or Treating with the Little Brothers - SW Coops Fall Fluff and Stuff
Apple Pie Baking and… a Proposal? - SW Coops FLUFF
100 Followers?! (O’knutzy)
Hockey Isn’t Everything Pt.1
Hockey Isn’t Everything Pt. 2
Hockey Isn’t Everything Pt. 3
Hockey Isn’t everything Pt. 4 Admissions Essay
Unofficial HIE blurb - Reg and Finals Stress
MORE Unofficial HIE - Post Finals Reg gets Cuddles (aka Black Brother Cuddles )
RS Candy Hearts Fest Playlist/Fic list
Asks:
Loops borrows some PJs from Cap
Re gets Sick
Dumo + Sirius
Sirius gets benched
Overworked Sirius
#HotGuyOnTheBench (jealous Cap)
Coops on Vacation
Dumo helping with a nightmare 1
Dumo helping with a nightmare 2
James has a panic attack
Sick Remus (the lost ask)
First Snow of the Season
THAT Night pt. 1
THAT Night pt. 2
Jegulus during the first war
BAMF Reg w/ GOOD Friends
SW Ace! Reg
One of Leo’s Bad Days (Mopey Lo)
O’knutzy Picnic
O’knutzy Adoption
Meeting Arabella
Arabella no one asked for (first night)
Sirius walks in with Hickies
Leo and Arabella Baking
Leo reading the team Fanfic (descriptions)
In the Bedroom (follow-up to Leo reading Fanfic)
Sirius coming to practice with hickies
Leo hides being sick
Bad Habits Die Hard
Talker and Loop Friendship <3
Disability Pride Month ask Feat. O'knutzy
Disability Pride Month ask continuation
Sirius Drinking to Cope Pre-Coops
Coops Mental Health - Sirius has an anxiety episode
Chapter 12 of the illustrious fic Solntse has an utterly adorable line in it, and I thought it would be cute for Coops to say it in their own way, so...free will! Silly little scene rewrite for the hockey boys in yet another world where they fall in love. Credit for both Solntse and Sweater Weather belongs to @lumosinlove!
TW for implied smut (past) (but like less than five minutes past)
“Evil to me.” Sirius’ sigh gusts across Remus’ collarbone, warming his skin even as the sweat cools. He huffs, groans, and buries his face deeper into the bend of Remus’ neck. “Always. Malveillant. Esprit de tourment.”
Remus snorts. “Aren’t you poetic?”
“Hmm,” is his only answer. But it comes with a smile pressed to his jaw, so he supposes it’s alright.
Sirius is heavy against him—deliciously so, from the long weight of his arm across Remus’ bare chest to the leg pinning his whole left side from the hip down. Remus flexes his hand; he’s still a little tired from holding that thing up and out of the way. Sirius had hardly rolled over as much as he had rolled onto Remus, heart still racing from post-coital bliss. And, Remus muses, using the last trickling bits of his consciousness to make up poetry about the utter torment Remus apparently wrought on his poor frail self.
He gives Sirius another five-count before raising his head an inch off the pillow to peek down at him. “Still suffering?”
“Mm.”
Remus smiles, though Sirius has yet to open his eyes. “Still French?”
“Ouais.”
“You’re so cute like this.”
“How?” The ‘h’ is softer than usual, almost invisible as it shivers across the span of Remus’ throat.
“Post-fuck.”
“Loup.”
Remus hums, gathering him a little closer with a gentle squeeze. His arm, too, is trapped beneath the heft of Sirius’ body. “I dunno, you’re all…cuddly, and toasty, and I can really feel how strong you are when you lay on me like this.”
“Smush?”
“No,” he laughs, kissing Sirius’ forehead for good measure. He’s exhausted—clearly, they both are—but he also kinda wants to lick the salt off every inch of Sirius. “Well, yeah, but I like it. You’re more clingy. It makes me feel good, ‘cause it means you feel good, and you’re always an octopus and that’s always great but it’s even better when I know I did that for you.”
A beat of silence falls.
Remus feels his face warm all over again and drags his free hand across his eyes. Maybe he was more tired than he thought. “So. That was a lot of words to say that I just…love you a lot. All the time.”
“Called me something.”
Remus frowns. “Huh?”
“You called me something.” There’s a crease in Sirius’ brow, though his eyes are still closed. “I’m forgetting.”
“Uh…clingy?”
“Non. Ott…opta…”
Remus wracks his memory. “Octopus?”
A sudden, sharp snap makes him jump. “C’est ça.”
“For real?”
“Swear to god,” Sirius snorts, shaking his head as much as Remus’ shoulder will allow. “I have no idea.”
“I call you that all the time,” Remus laughs as he teases his fingers over Sirius’ bare ribs to make him squirm. His protests are mostly muffled (and mostly French), but he doesn’t roll away. Remus lowers his head to the round of his shoulder, brought high for now to hide Sirius’ pink cheeks. “You wrap yourself around me like one. With the arms and everything.”
Sirius’ confusion is clear even with his eyes closed.
“You know, like…” Remus presses one fingertip to the valley of his spine with a soft pop noise. Sirius cracks an eye open at last, so he crooks a second to join it, walking them up to his nape with more sucker-sounds that make Sirius grin. Remus feels him shiver when he presses a smile to the curve of his bicep before opening his mouth for an open-mouthed kiss to the skin—and another, slightly to the left, and another, and another, picking up the pace while he draws Sirius close with both arms. Tiny red-purple marks adorn the site of each kiss; they’ll fade fast, but Sirius’ growing laughter won’t.
Sirius hoots when Remus sinks his teeth in a little harder, breathless and smiling up at him for the second time that evening as amusement wracks him. “D’accord, un poulpe, I got it, I got it.”
“Pulp.”
“Poulpe.”
“Pool?”
“Pool-puh.” Sirius pops the second syllable at him from where he’s spread so prettily on their pillows. A kiss follows hot on its heels. “Octopus,” Sirius mumbles into his mouth, licking forward like he can take the word back for himself. “Taking advantage of me.”
Remus lets himself indulge for a few more seconds before answering. “I was answering your question.”
“Fucked out. Don’t know English.” Sirius’ teeth flash over his lower lip. “Talking fast.”
Being wrapped in his arms, trapped in them, is everything Remus could ask for with a thousand words. He’s happy it takes none at all.
Katniss: Haymitch would be pissed off at me for taking a 12 year old as an ally
Meanwhile Haymitch in his own games: *has honor issues with bunnies because he considers them allies and they're the same colour as his girlfriend's name*
my fav thing about sunrise on the reaping was when haymitch was like yeah caeser i'm a lone wolf 😏 i'm with the newcomers but i'm not WITH the newcomers, yknow? they call me a rascal. a rebel against the gamemasters. I scored a ONE and that is a THREAT. you do not want to mess with me 🙅
cut to him with like 20 kids following him around like ducklings, him hiding in his t-shirt, him letting a bunny guide him to safety because it reminded him of his girlfriend, and him making nightlights out of potatoes.
how do y’all think haymitch felt when katniss came back to him all “i want wiress, beetee, and mags as allies” in catching fire? hand-picking his two and a half men(tors)!!
“of course you do” as his response now means so much more bc he’s not just exasperated he’s like “you really are me with a braid”
the way haymitch must have seen it as all his ghosts coming back to haunt him at once when katniss walked onto the train with the face of burdock and asterid, the pin of maysilee, the voice of lenore dove, and a background so devastatingly similar to his own. of course sweetheart slipped out. and of course he did everything he could to keep her alive
hannah :) @inanothermansjeans - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
