determind to find the light in all this darkness

ash - on a journey to self discovery

[inchingacrossthegreatdivide]

Just Like A Goldfish

Stuck swimming the same old circles in the same old bowl

Slowly being poisoned by my own waste, my own brain

Longing for more

Trying to leap out

But what if that’s the wrong way out

Just a suicide leap, but it feels so much better than captivity

Just let me free

In a lake or pond

And watch me grow and strengthen

Watch me take control and live a life you'd never expect of me

For I am made for more than this, that I know

I just can’t seem to make it there

[inchingacrossthegreatdivide]

Gratitudes July 12th, 2026:

yoga and meditation

church

writing

music

talking to Tony (best friend)

fresh air

beautiful sunrise

[inchingacrossthegreatdivide]

[inchingacrossthegreatdivide]

"Come to me, all you that are weary and carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

-Matthew 11: 28-30❤︎

[inchingacrossthegreatdivide]

Recovery...

Recovery is a silent battle. It's a constant battle. it's saying yes to the right things and saying no a lot.

Recovery is a choice. It's a choice you don't always know why you are choosing. It's a choice you make for the hope of it all, with no promises.

Recovery is a mountain. You know you are getting closer to something better with each step, but it's hard to see and easy to doubt. You just have to keep hiking because it's better than the rubble you left behind, even when it doesn't always feel like it.

Recovery is hard and messy and imperfect and beautiful.

I recover for the beautiful AND the hard and messy and imperfect.

I am choosing recovery today and I hope you do to, because ask yourself, what's the alternitive?

[inchingacrossthegreatdivide]

Diving Board 

I spent my childhood on a bouncing diving board

I can’t tell you exactly when I jumped

But I can tell you when I broke the surface of the water

And when I cracked open my head on the bottom of the pool

I just looked up and watched the water mix with my blood

The lifeguards tried to save me from drowning

But I fought back and my lungs filled with water

I don’t think you can resuscitate me now

Even if you wanted to

Even if I wanted to

Do I want to?

Do I finally want to be?

I will learn to want to be.

[inchingacrossthegreatdivide]

Pause. Breath. Scream fuck if you need to. Keep going.

Nothing is linear and healing fucking hurts sometimes.

Pause. Breath. Cry it out. Keep gping.

[inchingacrossthegreatdivide]

Intro with the most positive poem I've written...

Truth Spoken

The truth has been spoken

I’m not who I want to be

The air has been cleared now

Without all the smoke I can finally see

The road ahead is the way out

It may be a long haul, but I will walk it without a doubt

I will leave footprints of ash

Of the horrors of my past

Every match I struck

To set myself on fire

Every fire that burned me

When all my pain needed was so dire

I stand here in a pile of coal and dust

From the fire that burned

My skin charred

And scared

From lessons unlearned

I wanted them to see my hurt, to wear it on my sleeve

And I liked the burning pain instead of my own pain

But I must walk forwards now

It’s okay if I have to slow down

But I must stomp out every spark

And never look back at the fire burning through the darkest of the dark.