don't let archie see this

things that were totally said by the regnant knights and the harbingers and maybe some side characters too mobile links

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[Everyone in the car]

Medea, breaking the silence: Did you know that, even with seatbelts, people die all the time in car crashes? I thought that was interesting.

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Dorothy: I will now attempt to saw this person in half.

Dante: Neat.

Hrodulf: Dorothy, you've done this trick before, right?

Dorothy: There's a trick?

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Alto: ...Klaus, I'm afraid you've gone mad with power.

Klaus: Of course I have! Have you tried going mad without power? It's boring, nobody listens to you.

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Medea: Are you a masochist or a sadist?

Alto: I’m a Taurus.

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Sakuya: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for metaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!

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Mordimort, brushing her teeth: Good morning.

Lisette: When did you get here?

Mordimort: I spent the night.

Lisette: But I remember you leaving before I went to bed. You said, “good night, I'm going home” and then you left.

Mordimort: Yeah, but then, on my way out, I tripped and fell down the stairs.

Lisette: Oh my god, were you hurt?

Mordimort: Nah, I just didn't feel like getting up, so I slept on the floor.

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Sakuya: If you could shapeshift don’t even deny that you would shapeshift into a hotter version of yourself over time.

Keith: What if I'm already the hottest version of myself?

Popo: If I could shapeshift I'd be a dragon.

Hilda: If you really think about it, shapeshifting would be super useful. You could give yourself an extra arm, but only when you needed it, or eyes in the back of your head-

Nonoka: I'd be a dragon too.

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Dorothy: So say I killed somebody.

Alto: Where’s the body.

Dorothy: This is hypothetical!

Alto: And I’m not an idiot. Where’s the body.

Dorothy:

Dorothy: The freezer, but-

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Veronica: When I was your age we didn’t even had cellphones.

Ewan: Yeah, but you had stuff we don’t have.

Popo: Like dinosaurs and Moses.

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Hilda: Tell Alto to ask Dante out.

Dorothy: No! Alto never did anything bad to me.

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Popo: Money can’t buy happiness.

Ewan: Sure it can. That’s just a lie we tell poor people to keep them from rioting.

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Lisette: I wonder who invented the meatball.

Dante: What do you mean “invented”?

Lisette: Well, some dude back in the fifteenth century must have said, “yes, meat is good, but it would be even better in ball form”.

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Klaus: How would you kids like to do something for money?

Everyone:

Alto: Can we have some details first?

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Xeno: What if these talents are a gift? Like, what if God has a higher purpose for me?

Millicent: I don’t think anything good could come from you believing that you are a gift from God.

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Dorothy: Does it hurt?

Dante: No.

Dorothy: [disappointed] Aw…

Dante:

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Lisette: How are you gonna carve a gigantic pumpkin?

Dorothy: The same way I make onion rings.

Dorothy: [grabs a chainsaw]

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Keith: You look mentally ill.

Mordimort: I am. Let's go.