I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Sade Olutola
Show & Tell
Mike Driver
AnasAbdin
will byers stan first human second
Keni
NASA
wallacepolsom
Kiana Khansmith
Monterey Bay Aquarium
noise dept.
if i look back, i am lost
Origami Around
trying on a metaphor
JVL
almost home
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
izzy's playlists!
seen from Pakistan
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from France
seen from Malaysia
seen from France
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Kuwait
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
@incorrect-townofsalem-quotes
Godfather: Alright, tell me everything I missed.
Consigliere: Won’t take long. Only three things happened. Ambusher chipped their tooth and had a lisp for a week. Consort and Disguiser wore the same outfit one day. And I banned headphones from the kitchen after the Framer Incident.
Haha, look at all these people who didn’t come to me in time.
Doctor, at a graveyard
Submitted by @sealed-valkyria
Survivor: And now, here's Witch with the cute ending.
Coven Leader, covered in blood and holding a knife: I thought you said cult ending.
Ambusher, stepping into a trap:Â Who thought it was even remotely okay to put this here?
Trapper: The point of it is that it’s a trap. It’s to prevent you from just going into the house.
Ambusher: Me standing outside your house with a bat is also a trap, it’s to prevent you from just walking forward
Sheriff: YOU’VE YEE-D YOUR LAST HAW
Jailor: HOW DARE YEE SAY SUCH A THING
Spy: I'm moving out.
Veteran: I am your new science teacher, Bill Nein
Lookout: Can I go to the bathroom?
Veteran: NEIN
Survivor: Plaguebearer, there’s a monster under my bed
Plaguebearer: That’s silly, there’s no such thing as mo- OH, IT’S TEARING MY ARM! Just kidding, he only eats survivors, goodnight!
Serial Killer: I’ve drank 3 quarters of a Starbucks double shot in 10 minutes i feel ALIVE!!
Serial Killer: I’m gonna go murder a man.
Spy: Disguiser, I know you snuck out last night.
Disguiser, internally: Play dumb.
Disguiser: Who’s Disguiser?
Disguiser, internally: Not that dumb!
Bodyguard: I know 200 ways to kill a man.Â
Serial Killer: You could glue an open jar of rats to his face then blowtorch the other side of the jar so the rats have to eat their way out through his face.Â
Bodyguard: …201.
Ambusher, watching TV: Man; do they realise how many times they could’ve gotten off that island if it weren’t for that guy? Why don’t they just kill him?
Mafioso: Just because a person is a useless pest doesn’t mean they deserve to die.
Framer: Hello, hello!
Mafioso: Of course, that’s not written in stone…
Consort: Can you help me pick out my costume for the Halloween party?
Disguiser:Â Depends. Can I automatically rule out any costume that begins with slutty?
Consort: …Is sexy fine?
Doctor: Did you know that when you break a bone it typically will heal back stronger than before?
Juggernaut,  already holding a hammer: So, what you’re saying is I should break every bone in my body until I become invincible?
Doctor: ...
Doctor: Please, don’t.
Serial Killer: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Doctor: Please never take up my profession.
Medium, venting at night to the dead: Why don't murderers just hide bodies in cemeteries?
Serial Killer: Oh, thanks for the suggestion. I'll add it to my to-do list.
Sheriff: Wait, no-
Ambusher: Dude I got you a friendship bracelet
Mafioso: Nice! Put it on me
Ambusher proceeds to put 1 pair of handcuffs on both of their wrists
Pirate: Guess what I stole!
Escort: My heart.
Pirate: Actually, I stole this– What are you talking about?