Incorrect Bartimaeus Sequence Quotes

Things that were absolutely, definitely said by the characters in the Bartimaeus Sequence. Probably. Now updates weekly- Mods wanted!

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Bartimaeus: You're stuck in the mind of an insane catatonic magician! Faquarl: What's so bad about that? Bartimaeus: Everything! Everything I just said in that sentence is- is ridiculous!

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Nathaniel: Remember? I courted you... you said I made you feel sad... not with anything I did! Just... from how I was.

Jane Farrar: Oooohh...

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With respect, I think the real issue here is-- is-- Ah... Oh... Hang on, I'm not on Newsnight, now am I? Yeaaaaah, it's blackmail.

Nathaniel, probably

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Asmira: Some people have actually called me the world's greatest assassin. Bartimaeus: Are you one of those people? Asmira: Well, one of them is, yes.

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Bartimaeus: Look at you! You've put on some muscle! Nathaniel: [baffled] I did? Bartimaeus: No.

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Kitty: Mandrake, just stop! Stop trying to be...whatever this is! Nathaniel: I don't know what to be. Tell me what to be! Kitty: I don't know, just don't be a dick! Nathaniel: It's too late. Look at me. I'm such a dick! Kitty: It's never too late to stop being a dick.

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Mr Pennyfeather: *shows Kitty his stash of stolen magic* Kitty:Right under our noses the whole time. Stupid. Mr Pennyfeather:Smart. It was the last place anyone would think to look. Kitty: But if they do look, they'd find them. Mr Pennyfeather:Did you find them? Kitty: No, because I wasn't looking!

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I don't have any weapons on me. Okay, I take that back. I have no weapons currently in my hands. Okay, that was also a lie.

Asmira, probably

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whoah, what?? You’re back?

this blog wakes from the dead when i do

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Bartimaeus: And I can be so- Kitty: Gross? Bartimaeus: Well- Kitty: Creepy? Bartimaeus: What? Kitty: Ugly? Bartimaeus: Hey! Kitty: Disgusting? Bartimaeus: Well, sure, but more importantly- The point is I can help!

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Nathaniel: I love your relentless optimism. Kitty: Yeah, I am a glass-half-full kinda gal. Nathaniel: I really like how you're a people person. Kitty: I love people! I love them so much!

[tarragonthedragon]

hi guys! it’s us at the bartimaeus discord server with another prompt week for another year. fanworks of all kinds are welcome, but the event is usually pretty art focused.

we’ll be running from monday the first to sunday the seventh of april, and this year, we're doing something a little different. all of our prompts will be tarot themed! those of you not familiar with tarot, we've included a couple of suggested interpretations, but if you do want to look up more meaning, they can all be found here.

prompts are:

Monday 1: the fool innocence, new beginnings, free spirit which scene is funniest to you?

Tuesday 2: the star reversed faithlessness, discouragement, insecurity is there a twist that stung your heart?

Wednesday 3: the hanged man sacrifice, release, martyrdom which story has your favourite last moment?

Thursday 4: the tower sudden upheaval, broken pride, disaster can you imagine a bad ending for us?

Friday 5: the magician reversed trickery, illusions, out of touch which spirit's form which captured your imagination?

Saturday 6: the lovers partnerships, duality, union show us your favourite relationship?

Sunday 7: the devil addiction, materialism, playfulness which villain caught your interest?

please tag all your contributions with #bartprompts24, and have fun!!!

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Asmira: Go, I'll hold them off. Solomon: You sure you don't need any help? Asmita: Certain. Solomon: [hurt] Don't need to be that certain.

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Bartimaeus: I never told her to go home! She was all 'I'm going home! Stupid!' Nathaniel: That imitation was pathetic. Bartimaeus: I'm a demon, not a comedian!

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Gladys: If you kill him, what does that make you? Kitty: The intolerant left.

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Bartimaeus: Faquarl? What are you doing here? Faquarl: I'm as ignorant as you. For once.

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Nathaniel: I've really taken an interest in you. We both need to be broad-minded in order to survive. You're the same type as me. Jane Farrar: That doesn't make me happy.