Incorrect Fantastic Beasts

Things you totally wish the Fantastic Beasts Characters would say. She/her. Submissions eagerly accepted!

[incorrectbeastsquotes]

Newt: Name a way to be nice to others.

Yusuf: Don’t kill them.

Newt: ...

Newt: Setting the bar a little low, but I’ll allow it.

[incorrectbeastsquotes]

Jacob: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?

Theseus: Maybe a bit tipsy?

Tina: Drunk.

Yusuf: Wasted.

Newt: Dead.

[incorrectbeastsquotes]

Crimes of Grindelwald: A Summary

Tina Goldstein: That’s ridiculous! Newt Scamander doesn’t have a crush on me!

Yusuf Kama: Yes, he does.

Jacob Kowalski: Yes, he does.

Newt Scamander: Yes, I do.

[speakbeastypodcast]

😂

[dumbledore-and-grindelwald]

Dumbledore: *sees Snape’s patronus*

Dumbledore: *surprised and moved* After all this time?

Me: Ok Clarice.You became celibate after a traumatic relationship that lasted less than 2 months and you’re still not completely over the guy after 98 years. Don’t be so shocked.

[speakbeastypodcast]

Join the SpeakBeasty family! We’re looking for 2-3 social media interns to help us spread the joy of “Fantastic Beasts” memes. Position closes one week today. See below for more details!

https://www.mugglenet.com/site/volunteer/?fbclid=IwAR2AtiYvUGZ3DXI34Dgr_xnpQCWN07g5atBhss3x_rDcPSuQFUkRMtOtbVc

[speakbeastypodcast]

We’re looking for a fantastic community manager, and we know where to find them!

-Responsibilities include:

•Acting as a liaison between SpeakBeasty and other podcasts. You’ll be responsible for finding podcasts/individuals for the show to collaborate with.

•Researching Potter-type influencers for the social team to collaborate with or who might share our content. (Think like, blogs and reviewers to get them to listen to/review our show. That kind of thing.)

•Researching potential Cons/events that the show would benefit from attending as a panel or via press pass for coverage.

-Requirements:

•An understanding that this is a VOLUNTEER position

•At least 2-3 hours per week

•Strong communication skills

•Social media experience

•Ability to think outside the box when it comes to potential collaborations.

•Familiarity with SpeakBeasty and Fantastic Beasts

If interested in applying, please email us at: [email protected] with:

-Your name

-Time Zone

-Availability

-Why you think you’d make a good Community Manager/why you want to join the team-2-3 examples of podcasts or individuals you think we should collaborate with and why.

[incorrectbeastsquotes]

Yusuf: You’ve been avoiding me, Miss Goldstein.

Tina: How did you know it was me without turning around?

Yusuf: To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you, but... here we are.

[incorrectbeastsquotes]

Newt: I have good news and bad news, which do you want to hear first?

Tina: ...good?

Newt: It is very unlikely that I will ever, EVER do it again.

[incorrectbeastsquotes]

I guess most of you have had a look on Twitter by the time you read this. I’m feeling utterly devastated and heartbroken, and can’t imagine what any trans person who grew up loving Harry Potter must be feeling. All I have to say is that I’m really, really sorry.

(And that I’m probably taking a break from social media for a while. Because I cannot endorse anyone who defends those who claim that trans women aren’t real women or any of that kind of bullshit, and I don’t know what that means in terms of my relationship with the stories and characters that have been a refuge from real life for so long now.)

I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.

[incorrectbeastsquotes]

Percival Graves: The odds of that happening coincinidentally are vanishingly small.

Seraphina Picquery: I would say infinitesimally.

Tina Goldstein: Yes, and I would say teenily-weenily.

Graves:

Picquery:

Tina: We all know words.

[incorrectbeastsquotes]

Tina: You remind me of the ocean.

Yusuf: Because I’m deep and mysterious?

Tina: No, because you’re full of salt and you scare people.

[incorrectbeastsquotes]

Ok so every time I try to create a new post now it keeps coming up in this (classic blog post) format. No idea how to make quotes and chat posts now. Anyone know wtf is going on?

[incorrectbeastsquotes]

Yusuf: So, how’d it go staying with Newt’s family?

Leta: It was great. I mean, they’re just such a nice- I don’t want to use the word “family” because they all like each other- but they’re just such a nice group of people.

[incorrectbeastsquotes]

Hey guys

I’m so so sorry I haven’t posted anything in, like, MONTHS. It was for a number of reasons, the main ones being that a) I was just kind of running out of quotes/ couldn’t find any new ones online, and b) I was going through a really stressful time because, if I’m remembering the timings right, I had exams; my anxiety went through the roof and my mental health took a fucking nosedive. I’ve been scrolling through all the notes that piled up while I’ve been away, and it’s been lovely seeing so many likes and reblogs. You guys are awesome 💖

I’m going to try and post at least once a week from now on, maybe more frequently once we start getting FB3 content aka more material. I can’t promise real life won’t get in the way again, but anything I can do to make you guys laugh, brighten your days and give this fandom a boost will be worth it for me.

So... yeah, look out for more posts soon 😘

[30-minute-memes]

Need to be mindful for our feathered friends!

[incorrectbeastsquotes]

Nagini: (to Tina) Look, we’ve done nine rounds of this, and you haven’t drunk once. Maybe we should play something else that actually gets me drunk. I love you, dude, but you haven’t had the craziest life.

Tina: That’s not true! I’ve done stuff. Just say ones that are a little less wild.

Queenie: Um, never have I ever made a turn without signalling.

(Everyone drinks except Tina)

Tina: Ok, a turn is a big deal. It’s not like you said “never have I ever changed lanes without signalling”.

Leta: Never have I ever changed lanes without signalling.

(Everyone drinks except Tina)

Tina: You guys are insane!

Nagini: Never have I ever accepted the terms and conditions without reading them.

(See above)

Tina: It’s too risky.

Bunty: Left a movie without watching the credits.

Tina: Those people worked hard!

Leta: Used more than the recommended amount of conditioner.

(3 guesses)

Tina: They make the conditioner! They know what they’re doing!

[incorrectbeastsquotes]

“Thug life? More like hug life. Come here.”

Theseus, to Newt

[speakbeastypodcast]

We ❤️ the scamander brothers!