Incorrect Criminal Minds Quotes

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[incorrectcriminalminds]

Prentiss: Sergio is the only valid member of my family. The roomba is valid too, I guess, but it’s on thin fucking ice.

JJ: What did the roomba do?

Prentiss: Tried to eat my fucking sock.

[incorrectcriminalminds]

Reid: I am the smartest, most skilled agent in the BAU.

Morgan: ... is your hand stuck in that candy machine?

Reid: I paid for my Rolos. I'm getting my Rolos.

[incorrectcriminalminds]

“My dad taught me to throw knives to make me less gay. Now I know how to suck dick & throw knives.”

-Alvez

[incorrectcriminalminds]

Reid: Do you like Morgan too?

Garcia: Of course I do. He’s Derek Morgan.

Prentiss: I don’t.

Garcia: You don’t count.

Prentiss: That’s discrimination.

[incorrectcriminalminds]

Reid: I’m kinda cold.

Morgan: Here, take my jacket.

JJ: I’m cold too.

Prentiss: Well damn JJ, I can’t control the weather!

[incorrectcriminalminds]

Reid: Would you guys shoot your best friend in the leg for 10 million dollars?

Morgan: Garcia, shoot me. Then when my leg heals we can buy a huge-ass house and sweet cars.

Garcia: Hey, you can shoot me too, and then we’ll have 20 million dollars.

Prentiss: Good thinking. Fuck the system.

[incorrectcriminalminds]

Hotch: We need to break up, but here's a puppy!

Beth: Aww! Wait, what?

Hotch: He's a puppy, it's over between us, and he's cute!

Beth: Do you think I don't hear the bad parts of these sentences?

Hotch: His name is Martin, I need my keys back, and he's a puppy!

[incorrectcriminalminds]

Prentiss, about the rest of the team: You don’t have all the facts.

Barnes: Which are?

Prentiss: I love them.

[incorrectcriminalminds]

JJ: Will you guys stop fighting?

Alvez: We are not fighting. We are having a creative discussion.

Garcia: We are too fighting.

Alvez: Creative discussion!

Garcia: Fight!

Alvez: Discussion!

JJ: I can’t believe you guys are fighting about if you’re having a fight!

[incorrectcriminalminds]

Garcia: Wait a minute! You don’t go TOWARDS the weird, scary sound!

Morgan: Yeah, we do. We always do.

Garcia: Right. I hate that about us.

[incorrectcriminalminds]

Prentiss: My reasons for doing things: 1) spite. 2) the aesthetic. That's it.

Prentiss: ...okay, I lied. 3) attention.

[incorrectcriminalminds]

“It’s my god-given bisexual right to be dramatic.”

-Garcia

[incorrectcriminalminds]

“I think I’m just gonna find the nearest bar, have one or eight drinks, and hit the hay.”

-Rossi

[incorrectcriminalminds]

Hotch: I already have a tattoo.

Garcia: What? Where? Why? How? When?

Hotch: I will never talk about it again.

[incorrectcriminalminds]

“I spend a lot of time with the real me, and believe me, nobody's gonna love that guy. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go take a shower so I can't tell if I'm crying or not.”

-Reid

[incorrectcriminalminds]

Lewis: Are you a big spoon or a little spoon?

Prentiss: I’m a knife.

JJ: She’s the little spoon.

[incorrectcriminalminds]

Prentiss, looking at a woman: Wow, she’s so pretty.

Reid: Don’t feel like that, Emily. You’re pretty too.

Prentiss: I’m not jealous, Spencer. I’m gay.