Incorrect Dream Daddy Quotes

These dads probably said these things at some point. Probably.

[incorrectddaddsquotes]

Mary: You stupid twink!

Joseph: I'm a bear! I'm a bear!

Mary: You WISH you were a bear!

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Dad: Friend, I don't know what say.

Joseph: Try starting with your resignation.

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Joseph: I don't want to kill you.

Joseph: Because the first time I saw you, I knew that I loved you.

Joseph: You make me so horny.

Joseph: And you remind me of my mom.

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Brian: If we went to a Halloween party dressed as batman and Robin, I'd go as Robin. That's how much you mean to me.

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Christian: Where do babies come from?

Mary: You all come from my vagina.

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Robert: I want to set you up with my daughter.

Joseph: Oh, I'm married to mary.

Robert: I thought you were gay.

Joseph: Then, why would you want to set me up with your daughter?

[incorrectddaddsquotes]

Joseph: If the Homo Sapiens were in fact "Homo" Sapiens, okay? Is that why they're extinct?

Mat: Joseph, Homo Sapiens are people.

Joseph: Hey, I'm not judging!

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Damien: A stripper at a bachelor party, that is so cliche.

Damien: Why don't you guys get a magician?

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Amanda: Dad, was he really the one?

Dad: The what?

Amanda: I mean, did you really see a future with this guy?

Dad: Like, with jetpacks?

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Amanda: Dad, I don't think we should cook the candy bars.

Dad: Back off. I know what I'm doing.

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Robert: You're bossy.

Robert: And short.

Mary: Are you drunk?

Robert: Yeah. So?

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Craig: I'm going crazy over here, man.

Craig: The only worthwhile thing I've done today was take a Buzzfeed quiz about what kind of onion I am.

[flashback to earlier that day]

Craig: Mm. Vidalia.

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Joseph: I don't drink hot liquids of any kind.

Joseph: That's the devil's temperature.

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Dad: You overrated little twink!

Mat: I am a twunk! Okay? That's combination twink and hunk!

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Dad: Mat, what are you doing?

Mat: I'm eating because I'm very uncomfortable.

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Craig: Last time I talked to you, you told me you didn't give a fuck about her.

Joseph: No. I told you I fucked up her birthday.

Craig: that's kind of the same thing, though.

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Robert: What are you doing?

Dad: I'm trying to give you a big old hug.

Robert: I thought you were attacking me.