What Do You Mean These Didn’t Happen

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Harrow: *accidentally brushes Gideon’s hand with her own*

Gideon: *aggressively holds Harrow’s hand*

Gideon: Fucking commit to it.

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Just finished the first book and am healing my soul reading these before I start the next. Thank you for these 😂

Welcome! I’ll have to try to be make active on this account lol

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Augustine: Hey do you have any shaving cream?

God: No I don't like how it taste.

Augustine: You eat shaving cream?

God: No why would I eat it if I don't like the taste?

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Camila: Code names for us to use on the comms during the mission: Coronabeth, you’re “Gold.”

Corona: Oh!

Camila: Ianthe, you’re “Silver,” Harrow, “Mercury,” and Gideon, “Mr. Punchy.”

Gideon: You kidding me with that one?

Gideon: All right, that’s pretty good.

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Gideon: Are you seeing anyone?

Harrow: Like a hallucination, a therapist, or a girl?

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Reblogging from myself because it’s more relevant than ever.

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Gideon: My head hurts

Harrow: Thats your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity

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Camille: You know Harrow, you may not realize it but you can be extremely abrasive

Harrow: Oh no, I'm well aware of that

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Coronabeth: This is our cavalier Naberius, he's descended from three separate Third bloodlines and we can trace his pedigree back fifteen generations

Harrow: This is Gideon. She's orange.

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Harrow: So. Who broke it? I’m not mad. I just want to know.

Magnus: I did. I broke it…

Harrow: No. No, you didn’t. Griddle?

Gideon: Don’t look at me. Look at Palamedes.

Palamedes: What?! I didn’t break it.

Gideon: Huh. That’s weird. How did you even know it was broken?

Palamedes: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken!

Gideon: Suspicious.

Palamedes: No, it’s not!

Ianthe: If it matters, probably not… Babs was the last one to use it.

Naberius: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!

Ianthe: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Naberius: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Ianthe!

Magnus: Alright let’s not fight. I broke it, let me pay for it, Nonagesimus.

Harrow: No. Who broke it?

Palamedes: [whispering] Nonagesimus, Dulcinea’s been awfully quiet…

Dulcinea: Really?!

Palamedes: Yes, really!

…

Harrow: I broke it. It burned my hand so I smashed it. I predict ten minutes from now, they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

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Gideon: I blame myself.

Harrow: I blame you too.

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Gideon: I thought you were still mad at me.

Harrow: I decided to be mad at myself for a while. Try something new, y’know?

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Harrow and Gideon ship name? Pretty sure the last line of the book said it's Harrowhark the First. 🤣💀😿

“This year I lost my beloved cavalier, Gideon.”

“Stop telling people I’m dead.”

“Sometimes I can still hear her voice.”

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Gideon: Camilla, I screwed up. Big time.

Camilla: Gideon, given your daily life experiences, you’re going to have to be more specific.

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Harrow: *screeches like a pterodactyl*

Jeannemary, alarmed: Is she okay? What the fuck?

Gideon: She’s fine. That’s just how she deals with frustration.

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Gideon: You promise you didn’t get me bees again?

Harrow, from a distance: Just open it!

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Palamedes: Anybody but me would punch you right in the head.

Gideon: Which is why you’re my best friend!

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Gideon: Have I ever told you how much I love you and would do absolutely anything for you because you deserve the world?

Harrow:

Gideon:

Harrow: I’m not giving you any of my food.

Gideon: PLEASE.