Incorrect Habs Quotes

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Shea Weber: The Montreal Canadiens select Cole Caufield.

Brendan Gallagher: MY SON!

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Jonathan Drouin: So I told him to take his apologies and shove them right up his a--

Shea Weber: ALRIGHT STOP

[Covering KK's ears]

Shea Weber: Okay, Jo, you can continue.

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Carey Price: So how was everyone's trade deadline day?

Max Domi: Gally got super drunk and tried setting his contract on fire.

Max Domi: He said "Good luck trading me without a receipt!"

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Claude Julien, talking about the Bruins first goal: And where were you?

David Schlemko: I was over on the bench.

Claude Julien: And what did you do?

David Schlemko: Nothing. I was over on the bench.

Claude Julien: But you saw what happened?

David Schlemko: Yeah. Cause I was over on the bench.

Claude Julien: So you saw what happened and you did nothing?

David Schlemko: Cause I was over on the bench.

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Carey Price: I can't take this anymore, somebody take me out.

Shea Weber: In the date kind of way or like an assassination?

Carey Price: I don't care, surprise me.

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Jesperi Kotkaniemi: Webs, I hope to be half the man you are someday.

Shea Weber: You're gonna have to up your protein intake quite a bit, maybe start doing some squats-oh, you meant that metaphorically.

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Brendan Gallagher: *gazing out a window.*

Max Domi: Do you think he's depressed?

Jonathan Drouin: He might just be thinking about life.

Max Domi: What if he's sad?

Jonathan Drouin: Maybe he's planning what to do tomorrow.

Brendan Gallagher: *humming Wii music*

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I believe in hate at first sight.

Brendan Gallagher, upon meeting any new member of the Bruins.

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MY SON HAS HIS FIRST GOAL

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[Police siren wailing in the distance].

Jesperi Kotkaniemi, who has never done anything wrong in his life: Oh no, they found me.

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We started chanting, McDonald's! McDonald's! McDonald's! And Webs pulled into the drive thru, and we started cheering, and then he ordered one black coffee for himself and kept driving.

Kotkaniemi discussing the time the kids on the team carpooled in to practice with their dad.

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Ahhhh!!!! Thank you so much to every single person who follows me. I can't believe I hit 1000!!!

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Jesperi Kotkaniemi: *Putting a lightsaber, a princess crown, and goldfish crackers in his hockey bag*

Jonathan Drouin: Where are you going?

Jesperi Kotkaniemi: To war.

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Victor Mete [texting]: You don't have to sign your name on texts.

Shea Weber [texting]: Dear Victor, suggestion noted. Sincerely, Shea Weber.

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Brendan Gallagher: So, how'd you convince all of them to betray me? What'd you offer them?

Carey Price: I ask them if they wanted to embarrass you and they instantly said yes.

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Me watching Kotkaniemi play:

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Brendan Gallagher: Momma didn't raise a quitter, but she DID raise a fool, and it turns out those two things are a terrible combination.