Incorrect Literary Quotes

"You're gonna need a bigger boat." -Captain Ahab Okay, so maybe these guys didn't actually say these things. Maybe. But do you really want to live in a world in which we don't imagine that they did? Basically, this is what happens when you mix working on a PhD in English with copious amounts of caffeine, too little sleep, and Netflix bingeing. I'm not sorry. Yet.

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Oxford Dean: Well, you made a lot of people around this school very nervous.

Percy Shelley: Yeah? That's because they're a bunch of bitch ass white boys.

Oxford Dean: I hate to break this to you, but you're also a bitch ass white boy.

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I know when I'm being lied to, Rosencrantz. It's like when I look at myself in the mirror and say, 'It’s going to be okay.'

Hamlet

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Therapist: And what do you say when a man tells you he loves you?

Beatrice: I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow.

Therapist: ... Fair enough.

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Therapist: And what do we do when we feel like this?

Hamlet: Be cruel only to be kind.

Therapist: No.

[ladyydisdain]

Shakespeare Plays as Brooklyn Nine-Nine Gifs

Hamlet:

Romeo and Juliet:

A Midsummer Night’s Dream:

Macbeth:

Much Ado About Nothing:

Julius Caesar:

Richard III:

Twelfth Night:

The Tempest:

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Lord Byron: You said if you were ever going to do same-sex experimentation, it was going to be with me!

Percy Shelley: I have never said that to you.

Lord Byron: It has been implied.

Percy Shelley: By you.

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People say it like it's a bad thing, you know, running away from your problems. But if your problems never catch up with you, what's the hitch?

Henry David Thoreau in a cabin in the woods

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Harriet, you beautiful spinster, I will find you love.

Emma Woodhouse

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Why do bad things always happen to mediocre people who are lying about their identities?

Algernon Moncrieff

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Frodo: I can't believe Gollum betrayed us again. Why is it always the ones you most expect?

Samwise: ಠ_ಠ

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Victor Frankenstein when the Monster wakes up:

The Monster:

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The Great Gatsby - Chapter 9

Nick Carraway: Alright, let’s tell each other a secret about ourselves. I’m gonna go first. [To Tom Buchanan]: I hate you.

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Don’t be so hard on yourself, Carey. You lost the woman of your dreams, but you still have Athelny. YOU ALL STILL HAVE ATHELNY!

Athelny

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Hermia: I could strangle you

Helena: You aren't tall enough

Hermia: You've sunk low enough for me to reach

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I don't want to tempt fate, but I think everything is going to be totally great forever.

Romeo to Juliet

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I'll have you know that I stubbed my toe last week while watering my spice garden and only cried for 20 minutes.

John Keats

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Elizabeth Bennet: You know, you could do with loosening up a bit.

Mr. Darcy: I don't do loose. I prefer tightly wound. Not shapeless with extra room for surprises.