Incorrectly Quoted and Terribly Silly

Please ignore the ominously blurry shrugging folks, I have yet to fix the header's quality. Welcome to a gathering of dialogue snippets, either originally whipped up or quoted from books, television, movies, or other such things! I've been following so many other incorrect quote blogs, for, like, what, a good several thousand years now, give or take? So I figured I'd best make one of my own, dedicated to providing quotes I haven't seen used anywhere else yet! Go ahead and do WHATEVER you want with these. Use 'em for your blog, share them with your friends, use 'em for original characters, or partake in a bit of fandom memery and assign them to WHATEVER character. (Check the tags for any outside sources! Original ones will also be tagged. Heck, everything will be tagged, no matter WHERE it came from.) I hope you get a laugh or two out of all of this. Stay safe n' curious out there!

[threedollarsdotcom]

theyre taking me out back behind the shed presumably to give me a medal for my valor and heroism

[afieldinengland]

vincent price calling christopher lee a bitch asmr

[afieldinengland]

great work everybody

[seven-oh-four]

cars are the sun's mighty warriors sent to destroy me. get the fuck out of my eyes

[seven-oh-four]

diagram

[aeruh-deactivated20250615]

Rosemary? You mean spicy pine needles?

[malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20]

Are you insinuating that regular pine needles aren't spicy???

[aeruh-deactivated20250615]

Regular pine needles are regular

[malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20]

Not by rosemary standards

[aeruh-deactivated20250615]

...Have you eaten pine needles?

[malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20]

We've been friends for like four years, do you seriously have to ask if I've eaten pine needles or not

[aeruh-deactivated20250615]

I mean I’m pretty sure you have but I don’t want to assume

[malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20]

Of course I've eaten pine needles. Various kinds. Singleleaf pinyon is weirdly the best

[aeruh-deactivated20250615]

Are they...

spicy?

[malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20]

You know, I'd love to tell you but I'm pretty unclear about what marks the difference between "spice" and "strong-tasting plant that isn't considered a spice"

[aeruh-deactivated20250615]

I’ll have to eat some pine needles myself then to find out

[malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20]

Ok but it only counts if they're PINE needles and not just any old needle-like leaf off a tree

[aeruh-deactivated20250615]

I’m going to eat every needle-like leaf I see

[malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20]

Please Don't Do That

[aeruh-deactivated20250615]

Needle-Like Leaf Roulette

[malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20]

...I'll accept this plan as long as you promise not to eat any yew leaves.

[aeruh-deactivated20250615]

I can try very hard not to

[malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20]

Pine needles are distinguished by the presence of a sheath-like structure at the base of the leaf, almost always holding bundles of two or more leaves. Yews don't have the sheath thing

[aeruh-deactivated20250615]

It’s time for me to go out into the woods and stare at needle leaves

[malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20]

Finally you can gain real insight into my average daily life

[silverjirachi]

this conversation reads like two shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief and then are never heard from again

[incorrectly-terribly-silly]

Character A: I want to write about what happened, and the other night was so chaotic, so I need to actually interview you.

Character B: [Stage whispering.] NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

Character B: That would ruin me!

Character A: Why?

Character B: [All in one breath.] Because that'll ruin me, you can't interview me, if you try I'll ruin you!

[incorrectly-terribly-silly]

Character A: I mean, it's my first day on the job, and day one is the foundation of everything.

Character A: I'm like, BUZZING right now.

Character B: -Wait. Let me feel. [Carefully puts hands on their shoulders.]

Character B: [Squinting.] Oh, you're right.

Character B: It's like bees in there.

[incorrectly-terribly-silly]

Character A: Stop putting raw chicken on the counter! That's really, really unsanitary!

Character B: We cleaned it first, and we'll clean it after, don't worry.

Character A: No, no, no. [Picks up the raw chicken, throws it on a plate.] Now there's live germs ALL over the place. [Gestures at counter, frowning.]

Character B: ...

Character B: [Carefully slaps countertop.]

Character B: There, it's dead. Give that back.

[incorrectly-terribly-silly]

Character A: [Looks up from their book. Inhales.] The following is intended only for mature audiences. Viewer discretion advised.

Character B: ...

Character B: Aren't you looking at sheet music?

[incorrectly-terribly-silly]

Character A: If I don't tell my houseplants the dangers yet arguably more substantial benefits of making friends with the spiders that show up on the ceiling when you're least expecting them, then who WILL?

[incorrectly-terribly-silly]

Character A: Listen, <Character B.>

Character A: [Walks into room, eating some sort of vegetable with a container of unidentifiable dip. Potentially pudding.]

Character A: When you're young, you take risks! And do crazy crap.

Character A: [Pauses. Raises brows.]

Character A: [Gestures with vegetable.] Once, on a dare, I kissed a dead dog on the road.

Character A: Look at me now!

[incorrectly-terribly-silly]

Character A: [Adamantly.] Magic is real, you fools. It happens when you make your friends smile.

[incorrectly-terribly-silly]

[Frantic beeping from the kitchen. Smoke wafting out of the doorway.]

Character A: [Turns to the kitchen.] Grub's on!

Character B: Oh, jeez. [Follows.]

Character C: [SPRINTS FOR THE TOASTER OVEN.]

Character C: What?! [Carefully taking horrendously burnt dishes out.]

Character C: Did you put the boxes in at 500 degrees!?

Character B: [couGHING]

Character D: [DYING NOISES, WAVING THINGS IN THE AIR FRANTICALLY TO DISPERSE SMOKE]

Character A: [Sudden hearty giggling. Fanning away smoke.] I am NOT a chef! [Continued giggling. Shakes head.]

[incorrectly-terribly-silly]

Character A: [calmly.] There's no excuse for this kind of outburst... for the kind that <Character B> perpetrated upon our safe, nurturing workplace, okay? From now, on-

Character A: [SLAMS HAND ON TABLE.]

Character A: -NO MORE DRAMATIC EXITS!

Character A: [GLARES AROUND THE ROOM.]

Character A: [Whips around towards the door.]

Character A: [Flips over the nearest chair as they walk past it.]

[incorrectly-terribly-silly]

LET THE SILLINESS TAKE FLIGHT.