incorrect quotes

Things my ocs and their friends probably said

[incorrectmax]

Website: enter your password

Cassian: *types ‘Cain’*

Website: password too weak

Cassian: *punches monitor* say that again motherfucker

[incorrectleo]

atlas, after the car is parked: did we forget something?

mason, already pulling out a joint: idk did we

nathan, lost in walmart: i hate this fucking family

[incorrectkat]

Nathan, opening a Capri Sun: I guess I’ll drink my sorrows away!

[incorrectval]

Cain: see? unisex.

Cassian: maybe YOU need sex. i just had it a few days ago.

Cain: no, cass. unisex! U-N-I-sex!

Cassian, already taking his clothes off: well i wouldn’t say no to that.

[incorrectval]

Eikko: —and now for a Gay Update with cassian fiammetta.

Cassian: getting gayer.

Eikko: thank you cassian.

[incorrectval]

Kaiden: so what is it like dating cassian?

Cain: he once asked me for a glass of water when i was mad at him and told him to wait.

Kaiden: and?

Cain: he sat there and waited.

[incorrectval]

Cassian, after being shot for the 27th time: hit or miss… i guess they never miss, huh?

Kaiden, from the distance: shoot him again!

[incorrectval]

Eikko: anybody else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins?

Cain: can’t relate.

Cassian: why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?

[incorrectkaye]

cassian: makin’ my way downtown.

cassian: walkin’ fast.

cassian:

cassian: walkin’ a little bit slower so my steps match with ronnie’s because she’s fucking short

[incorrectkaye]

cassian: about a week ago, cain and i kissed.

eikko: and?

cassian: i thought you’d be more surprised.

eikko: oh sorry.

eikko: *in a shocked voice* and?

[incorrectkaye]

it’s so exhausting, waiting for death.

cassian fiammetta, unfortunately

[incorrectkaye]

*playing mafia*

eikko: mafia, who do you want to kill?

cassian: *points to himself*

eikko:

eikko: no, mafia, you can’t do that.

[incorrectkaye]

flashback to district two

cassian: okay, are you ready for training?

kora: uh-huh!

cassian: now let’s do a pop quiz real quick - are you ready? what’s the maximum effective range for the blaster that we keep at the house for a point target?

kora: 500 meters!

cassian: area target?

kora: 600 meters!

cassian: good!

kora: now give me a hard one.

cassian: okay, now what do you do when there’s a threat approaching?

kora: stab him!

cassian: where?

kora: in the jugular!

cassian: why?

kora: because district two, that’s why!

cassian: good! speed round, are you ready? now what do you do if someone tries to kidnap you?

kora: cut ‘em!

cassian: and if a boy calls you names?

kora: kick him in the balls.

cassian: what if a boy tries to kiss you?

kora: put him in a chokehold!

cassian: now what if a boy tries to put his hands on you? what do you do?

kora: apply the arm bar.

cassian: then what?

kora: call cassian.

cassian: and why’s that?

kora: to get rid of the body.

cassian: that’s right! good job. now let’s go.

…

*years later*

eikko: hi, i’m eikko!

kora:

cassian, from the distance: remember your training.

[incorrectval]

Cassian’s first hour of watching baking shows: these people are so talented, how do they pick a winner?

Cassian’s 23d hour: i don’t care how good her fondant work is, if karen doesn’t add more buttercream to that mixture her consistency is going to be off and her cake pops will be shit

[incorrectval]

Cain: *coming through the front door*

Cassian, wearing a bathrobe: i’ve been expecting you.

Cain: what are you wearing?

Cassian, seductively: oh this? i just wanted to slip into something a little more —

Cassian: *rips of robe to reveal two layers of “kiss the cook” shirts*

Cassian: — ridiculous.

Cain: cass.

[incorrectval]

Vik: you look exhausted. Cain keeping you up late huh? ;)

Cassian: h a,, yeah

- at 3am -

Cain: what if I can scientifically prove that water is not wet.

Cassian: i’m gonna give you one more chance to shut the fuck up.

[incorrectkat]

cassian: ronnie, what is for dinner tonight?

ronnie: tonight I’m serving LOOKS.

cassian: [slams fist on the table] WE HAVEN’T EATEN IN 3 DAYS!