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"Continuity is king, and, uh, symbolism is queen, and the Jack of Hearts is gettin' it all right." - Tara Long

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Pat: [texting] Did you get your free Slurpee today?

Pat: I Just had four. There are many 7-elevens near my gym.

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Brian: Y'all don't know about my KNIFE SHOES

Pat: ice skates?

Brian: Blocked.

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Tara: [texting Brian] you've been late 4 days in a row

Brian: tea

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Tara: Are you saying you want to secretly perform scientific experiments on your friends and co-workers to increase efficiency?

Jenna: Yes.

Tara: Sounds fun. Let's do it.

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Pat, holding a basketball: This one’s to end capitalism!

Pat: *shoots and misses*

Pat: ...

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Pat: So, how'd you convince the whole office to betray me? What'd you offer them?

Tara: I asked them if they wanted to embarrass you, and they instantly said yes.

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Brian: Has anyone seen my shirt? Button down, faded salmon color?

Pat: You mean your pink shirt?

Brian: ...

Brian: Faded salmon color?

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Pat: [to Charlie] You've overcome so much.

Pat: You're the most wonderful cat in the whole world and I'm so happy for you.

Pat: [sobbing]

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Jeff: [presenting a new project] I think that comic sans always screams "fun".

Tara: ..................

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Pat: Wanted to play a video game but the tv was dirty.

Pat: I couldn't find the duster so I used my cat.

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Brian: What can I get you?

Pat: Uh, eggs.

Brian: How would you like those?

Pat: Uh-- Medium rare

Pat and Brian: ...........................

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Pat: Fight me on PS4

Pat: Oh wait,

Pat: You don't have a PS4

Brian: Fight me in real life

Brian: Oh wait,

Brian: You don't have a real life

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Pat: Love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread.

Brian: Are you okay?

Pat: My cat stole my fucking garlic bread.

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Tara: [texting Pat] we're short staffed for tonight.

Pat: damn, that's crazy

Pat: good luck, tho

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Brian: If I was a fruit, what would I be?

Pat: Flamingo.

Brian: ...Isn’t that a bird?

Pat: It’s a fruit now.

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Simone: I like my boys like I like my girls.

Simone: ...

Simone: ...

Simone: That's it.

Simone: That's the joke.

Simone: I'm bisexual.

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Jeff: Hey, look at how big my new shoes are

Jenna: You know what they say about bigfoot!

Jeff: You mean big feet?

Jenna: They'll try to tell you he's not real, but I've seen him-