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@incorrectreddiee
made sum harry styles lockscreens
eddie: rich, are you okay?
richie, face flat on the floor: i’m having some me time.
richie: ah yes, baguettes, the snakes of bread. we'll take two of your freshest yeasty eels, good sir
baker: ... what?
eddie: just ignore him
eddie: when I was small-
richie: *laughs*
eddie: what?
richie: “was.”
[losers playing uno]
richie: *picks up a card*
ben: what does it say?
richie: tell eddie you don’t like him or draw 25
eddie: rich, it’s okay it’s just a game you do-
richie: *already aggressively picking up cards*
bev: how was the honeymoon?
eddie: richie got drunk and ripped up our marriage certificate, saying “good luck trying to return me without the receipt”
eddie: i love him
richie: any doctor here please help!
doctor: what's going on
richie: he’s having an asthma attack!
doctor: well, i'm a doctor in philosophy
richie: please he's going to die
doctor: but did he ever truly live
eddie: and what do we say when life disappoints us?
richie: called it.
eddie: richie no-
stan: you need a job
richie: i have a job
stan: calling eddie cute every five seconds is not a job, richie
richie: you’re right
richie: it’s a profession and i excel at it
richie: *nudging eddie awake at 4am* do you like me? be honest
eddie: i married you, of course i like you
richie: but did you marry me as a friend, or like, a husband? it’s not very clear
bill: why is richie carrying a plant with him everywhere he goes?
eddie: he asked a stupid question and stan made him carry a plant around for the oxygen he wasted
[losers groupchat]
eddie: s[he] be[lie]ve[d] 😔
richie: sbeve 😔
richie: *walking out* i’m leaving, see you later dipshit!
eddie: bye richie
richie: *stops walking* wait what? you’re not gonna insult me back?
richie: are you mad at me? 🥺
eddie: richie texted me ‘your adorable’ so i texted him back and said ‘no, YOU’RE adorable’
stan: and?
eddie: now we’re dating
eddie: we’ve been on six dates... all i did was point out a typo, but i like him so i’m not gonna say anything
eddie: could you not stand so close? you’re making me claustrophobic
richie: what does claustrophobic mean?
bev: it means he’s afraid of santa claus
eddie: no it doesn’t.
richie: HO HO HO
bev: STOP IT RICHIE YOU’RE SCARING HIM
receptionist: the doctor will see you now
richie: *putting on a camouflage jacket* i very much doubt that