incorrect community quotes

posting new quotes daily. submissions are open!

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Jeff: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.

Britta: I'm guessing they're all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should have taken away?

Jeff: Death isn't real, and I'm basically god!

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Jeff: So, according to Greendale protocol, it is, quote, "my responsibility if there is an internet outage to contact the faculty and the department."

Jeff: Now, if you're a critical thinker like me, you might be wondering one thing.

Jeff: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO EMAIL THE DEPARTMENT?!?!?!

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the fact that i can hear all of these posts is really telling about how accurate they are

I’m glad you find them accurate! I like to choose the quotes that best fit the characters’ voices so it’s good to see I must be succeeding a little bit!

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Shirley: A girl doesn’t dye her hair that color unless she has psychological problems!

Britta: [offended] My hair color has nothing to do with my psychological problems!

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Britta: Thanks to Duolingo, I can ask people if they are a horse but can't tell people what my name is in French.

Jeff: Ask me if I'm a horse. I dare you.

Britta: Tu es un cheval?

Jeff: Nay.

Britta: Oh you MOTHERFUCKER—

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Jeff, defending Britta in court: Your honor my client would like to plead … oopsie daisies.

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Britta: What's going on in that brain of yours?

Jeff: You don't wanna know.

Britta: Oh, yeah. I can see it working. Gears turning.

Britta: Oh, they're malfunctioning. They're on fire!

Jeff: God, I hate you.

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Dean: What does the "Arab" in your profile mean? Is it like AMAB or AFAB?

Abed:

Abed: I'm Palestinian...

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Annie: You’re jealous.

Jeff: Jealous?

Annie: That’s why you were being so negative about this.

Jeff: That’s absurd. I’m always negative.

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Jeff: Normally, if given a choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if I help someone else do nothing. I’d work all night if it meant nothing got done.

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Troy: [reading a recipe] Beat three eggs.

Troy: 

Troy: At what?

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Dean Pelton: You saved me, Jeffery. I owe you my life.

Jeff: No thanks. I've seen it and I'm not impressed.

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Troy: Going to Plan B?

Abed: Technically this would be Plan G.

Britta: How many plans do we have? Is there, like, a Plan M?

Abed: Yeah, but Pierce dies in Plan M.

Shirley: I like Plan M.

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Annie: I can’t believe you live nearby and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

Jeff: You people already know too much about me.

Annie: I know exactly three facts about you and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

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Abed, raising voice slightly so he can be heard on the other end of the aisle: Do you want any chips?

Troy, at full volume: I’M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR DORITOS!

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Troy: I hate when Britta says, “Are you even listening to me?” It’s such a random way to start a conversation…

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Jeff: If being sexy was a crime, I'd be serving a life sentence.

Britta: A life sentence? For a crime you didn't commit?