incorrectthebeatles

[incorrectthebeatles]

[john lying in a hospital bed] brian, entering the room: knock, knock!

john: is that you, death?

brian: it’s brian!

john, disappointed: oh.

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paul: not everyone wants to be a little mouse like you.

ringo: i don’t want to be a little mouse, i just want to live under the stairs

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john: i did meet some of the most insufferable people. but, they also met me.

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john: you like me? you like my personality?

paul: i was surprised, too.

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john: all rich people are murderers.

brian: that’s rich coming from you, in your black silk turtleneck.

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brian: you treat an outside wound by rubbing alcohol.

john: and you treat an inside wound by drinking alcohol. science.

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john, after the whole “the beatles are bigger than jesus” craze: do i regret it? yes. would i do it again? probably.

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paul: if i went missing for a week, would you be worried? 

john: i think so.

paul: that’s nice. i didn’t think you’d be worried.

john, too loudly: you’re my friend!

paul: ...

paul: i don’t like how you said that.

john, shouting: you’re my friend!!

paul: why are you yelling that at me!?

john: YOU’RE MY FRIEND!!!

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john: why do you not believe that ghosts are real?

paul: um, never seen one.

john: okay. i mean, there’s a lot of things you can’t see that are real.

paul: what can’t i see?

john: you can’t see gravity. that’s real.

paul: yeah, i can drop an apple.

john: fuck.

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george martin: you’d make a good model. you’re very beautiful.

brian: well, bless your heart. thank you so much for saying that.

george martin: you’re welcome. so, is that enough small talk to make you comfortable?

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paul: were you an asshole?

john: no, i was actually trying to not be an asshole.

paul: but you failed?

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paul: don’t be shy to tell me it’s a great song. to be honest, i love compliments.

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john: name one time i haven’t acted professionally.

brian: you’re holding a juice box. 

john: it stops me from spilling my juice!

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john, walking into the room: hello, brian.

brian: john! i wondered why all the birds had suddenly stopped singing.

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john: where are we going today?

paul: you tell me, you’re driving!

john: i don’t even know where we are.

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john: right, i’m not going to beat around the bush. i’m just gonna… get straight to the point. no faffing around, because that’s just annoying, and definitely no procrastinating. procrast... procrast... that’s a good word, isn’t it? procrastinating. pro... procrastinating. i wonder what the etymology of that word is. obviously, ‘pro,’ very good, but ‘crast?’ crast... i have no idea. hey! why don’t we look it up?

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brian: do you think john heard me?

george: i do.

brian: do you think he’s going to listen to me?

george: i do not.