Incorrect Diary of a Wimpy Kid

This is a BLOG, not a diary! Submissions are welcome.

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

People trip me out when they say shit like, “Oh I miss being 12 years old and not having problems.” Like what the fuck do you mean you didn’t have problems?

Greg

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

Greg: Why am I suffering? Greg: I have so many correct opinions and takes.

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

The truth is, I have no idea what’s going on with my life, I’m just in charge of the wardrobe and soundtrack.

Greg

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

I hope it's not too cold on Halloween. I'd hate to have the hose freeze just before the trick or treaters show up.

Frank

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

Susan: *throwing the curtains open* The sun is out! Greg: *squinting in pain* Hey, remember when I had corneas?

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

Rowley: *putting on sunglasses* Friendly boy swag.

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

I never camp out overnight. I figure snakes don't sleep in my room, I won't sleep in theirs.

Greg

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

Greg: Mom, can I have a piece of that cake you made? Susan: Sure. Greg: ... Greg: ... Greg: ... Greg: You mean I have to get it MYSELF?

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

Idgaf if my parents are disappointed in me, I'm not impressed by them either.

Greg

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

Do you have a quote from Rowley?

Go through my "rowley jefferson" tag. There's a lot.

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend's jokes right now. Be patient, my queen, a true clown is on his way.

Greg

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

Greg: *at 4 AM* I should get some water. Greg: I can't because the muddy hand will be at the fridge.

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

The only video game tip one truly needs is "save your game immediately after doing anything that took effort or you will suffer."

Greg

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

Greg: So did anyone else go through a phase as a kid were you were genuinely concerned about the Bermuda triangle?? Greg: 6 year old me was like bro??? Why are we not solving this PROBLEM????

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

I'd make a resolution if I wasn't already so damn perfect.

Greg

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

Don't interrupt me while I'm in the middle of nothing!

Rodrick

[incorrectwimpykidquotes]

The world needs people like me to tell everyone what's wrong with them!

Greg