Warning: Angst Ahead.

22 - He/They - Beware adult content may lie inside. Background by @Dimonds456-art

[incorrigible-bastard]

Meet the writer!

Hi hi! I'm Artimus_Pax!

I'm a writer who loves Gravity Falls and all things angst! Please feel free to check out my AO3 and look out for my updates, scribbles and short prompts here :)

If you really like my work (or you are an interested millionaire) consider checking out my Kofi :)) I may even offer commissions in the future 👀

Art made by the amazing @maridrawss inspired by this picrew

Writing and art list below!

AO3:

Hospital angst - AO3

April Showers (slow updates) - AO3

Pallas Cat Stan - AO3

Ghost pet adventures - AO3

Dumb ways to (almost) die - AO3

Found and Lost - AO3

Sea Grunks angst - AO3

Tumblr:

Cursed shenanigans - Hocus Pocus, Stoatley, L&F curse, Tattoo au, A better Cat au

AroAce's aus - Raven Stan, Hunger Games au, Stan enchanted

Blanky's prompts - Tourettes, Lapdog, Caretaker

Jerk Ford - Hate club/Spa

Inspired by art - Nightmares, Hypothermia

Sea Grunkles - Stan is smart, Seizures,

Found and lost au - Main Tag, Crossover, Ashford, Teen Dad au, Fluff, Squared

Shorts - Darkest thought, MND all parts, Shanklin, Murphy's Law, Superhero au

Art:

Art

[incorrigible-bastard]

Behold a two part PowerPoint Presentation I made for This is a gift, it comes with a price from the amazing @coniferouspines au! (Why won't Tumblr let me add 12 photos)

(Also a deeper look into how I thought the souls would behave :D)

A huge thank you to Ilentari and @nonplatonicguy for letting me bounce crazy ideas off of them and slowly go insane over a 2am Idea that quickly spiralled :DD

[incorrigible-bastard]

Part two

[incorrigible-bastard]

Behold a two part PowerPoint Presentation I made for This is a gift, it comes with a price from the amazing @coniferouspines au! (Why won't Tumblr let me add 12 photos)

(Also a deeper look into how I thought the souls would behave :D)

A huge thank you to Ilentari and @nonplatonicguy for letting me bounce crazy ideas off of them and slowly go insane over a 2am Idea that quickly spiralled :DD

[incorrigible-bastard]

Art I drew for my little one shot :D

Spoilers for the fic, but just be warned it has heavy implications- check the tags before you read/ look

[incorrigible-bastard]

I have a new fic posted~ (I'm so sorry my pile of WIPs is always growing :'))

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[incorrigible-bastard]

Behold! ART!

This totally didn't take me years to do.

[incorrigible-bastard]

Here’s a cute little thing for early Father’s Day (also I can’t believe I missed Stan and Ford’s birthday!!! My time blindness is on another level XD)

It really wasn’t Stan’s fault. He had to make that clear. Honestly between Ford’s messy ex? Demon? Supervillain situation, the whole country hunting him on all sides and his own big identity reveal, it was no wonder something like this would slip his mind. After all, he hadn’t been safe nor stable enough to bring it up before and he’d had to face all of Ford’s wrath/coddling once everything came to light.

Unpacking all that, healing up from a near 60ft drop which he luckily cushioned in the Knick of time thanks to… (he couldn’t even say excogitate’s real name without laughing I mean Fiddles-Ford, C’mon that just writes itself).

So just remember, he’d had a LOT on his plate at the time and juggling all of that had taken some real mental effort on his part. It probably didn’t help that he was also trying to be a single father on top of it all, or that he’d been storing his baby in his glove box to keep him safe from Bill. But! He had his reason’s… really good reasons, that he couldn’t seem to remember as he stared down the metaphorical barrel of the gun.

Ford’s gun to be exact.

Metaphorically.

It had all started on a random Tuesday, having spent his time like every morning he’d done since he began living it up in Ford’s research centre-turned-hostel. Slipping into his glove box (very gracefully for a guy with a broken arm mind you) and grabbing everything he’d need for Ashford’s morning routine.

Nappies? Check

Wipes? Check

Change of clothes? Check

Formula? Check

Ashford asleep in his portable bassinet, wearing the cutest little ducky onesie? Check

Stanford staring at him from the doorway? Check

Stanford. In the door way. Double Check?

Stan met his eyes, the little tune he’d been whistling dying in his throat as he froze in the face of this startling discovery.

He’d completely forgot to tell Ford about his nephew, hadn’t he?

Maybe if he didn’t move Ford would think he was dreaming.

Oooh this is a dream~ you’re sleeping~

Ok maybe that was some wishful thinking but Stan was panicking now!

Why wasn’t Ford saying anything?

…

…

Stan swore he could see the vein under Stanford’s eye twitch once. Twice.

Stay very still. He’s got to be following T-Rex rules right?

The silent standoff came to an end with one shrill shriek, Ashford’s tiny mouth let out a sound Stan swore he’d heard one of the henchmaniacs make, reaching towards Stan. The tiny little menace didn’t even know he’d set off a catastrophic chain reaction until Ford couldn’t suppress his reaction any longer.

“YOU! BABY! YOU HAVE A BABY!?!??!”

“AHHHHHHH!!!!!”

“AHHHHHHH!!!!!”

“WAHHHH!”

Stan quickly scooped Ashford into his arms as fat tears began to run down his chubby cheeks, startled by the sudden noise. Shushing and rocking Ashford whilst Ford screamed himself hoarse from the doorway.

Fiddleford soon joined him as he took in the chaotic sight that was unfolding. Honestly, if something had been set on fire it would have been calmer than the situation he’s stumbled upon at not even 8am.

“Jesus Ford! Stop screamin’!” Fidd’s said, clipping the back of his friend’s head to silence him as the baby’s wail carried down the hall. Wincing at the poor interns housed only a few doors down.

“He has. A. Baby!”

“And ya’ll being one, now quiet down before ya wake up the whole building with ya caterwauling.”

“Yeah, Ford! Can’t you see you’re upsetting Ashford.” Stan couldn’t help but chime in, struggling to soothe the writhing toddler in his arms. The start of a headache already pounding against his brow.

“I- His name?! You- Lee! What the hell did you do?” Ford sputtered, the pink already spreading up to his ears as he failed to contain his shock. Feet planting themselves beside the bed before he even felt himself move.

“Nope, Nuh-uh. I’ll deal with you in a minute, just let me settle him first, alright?”

Fiddleford descended on Ford in second, with all the practiced ease of a man who’d faced his wife’s fury, dragging him from the room before he could stir up his new nephew any further, leading the catatonic man to take a seat in the communal space as he blubbered uncontrollably. To himself, to Fiddleford, whoever was listening in, it didn’t matter.

When the distant sound of cries stopped echoing off the walls and Ford didn’t seem like he’d have an aneurysm that very moment, Fidd’s chances his luck, gently tapping Ford on the shoulder.

It only seemed to open the flood gates as the scientists shell-shocked gaze rose to meet his own.

“Fiddleford, I have a nephew.”

“Uh, apparently.” Fidd’s tried to laugh, the sound coming out hollow, even to his own ears as he winced at another, albeit weaker cry and Stan’s own gruff voice whispering a few rooms over.

“Fiddleford.”

“Yeah?” He turned to look at Ford once more, letting the silence that followed hold in the moment.

“Fiddleford. I’m going to kill him.”

“Ford?”

…

“FORD! PUT THAT GUN DOWN RIGHT THIS INSTANT!”

[incorrigible-bastard]

I just realized I’ve never actually set out what sort of powers the boys have so here’s a little info about them all (both the OG and the antihero au)

Fiddleford (aka Excogitate):

Fiddleford’s power is called configuration.

He’s essentially a walking blueprint who’s able to generate any ideas he has into functional designs without the need to calculate design features or materials as long as he understands the basic concepts behind the invention.

He also has a few physical enhancements such as increased stamina and strength, as well as the ability to project his designs directly from his mind.

(Think of his ability as something similar to a crafting menu which he can place down to combine the materials efficiently)

Ford (aka Six Shooter):

Ford has a power called excel.

He can bypass a few human limits at any given time, but the more limits he exceeds the higher the strain on his body afterwards.

He can comfortably bypass 3 limits at once with some of his favorite combinations including:

Mental acuity, resilience and strength- useful for close contact fighting where he needs to think fast on his feet and take a few hits.

Empathy, will power and charisma - perfect for gathering information and persuasion.

Aim, Focus and foresight - great for long distance fights that require his guns and the ability to plan out his attacks.

Think of his power as dumping all your points into a few stats, giving him huge boosts in those areas, he can’t do more than what a human could feasibly achieve, either through training or persistence in learning just one skill, but how he combines his powers makes him a very formidable foe, even without Fiddleford’s technological enhancements.

Bill (aka Cipher):

Bill is a special case, having started as a homunculus experiment of Bill’s to enter this dimension with a physical body already pre-installed.

He has most of Og Bill’s powers although not to the same degree, having been abandoned when Bill realized he couldn’t inhabit something that already had a soul, even if it started off as a piece of his.

As such he’s not as powerful as a god but the range of abilities he has makes him incredibly dangerous.

The henchmaniacs are imitations of the originals, created with their own personalities but unable to completely defy Bill. He can also take control of them at will and utilize their own powers.

Stan (doesn’t really have a super name because he mainly became a villain for some quick cash and didn’t put much thought into his persona outside of hiding his identity but Ford occasionally calls him nerdy nicknames like Houdini or Chekhov):

In an alternate universe, Stan has a power called glovebox.

It works on a combination of luck, situational needs and can also act as storage/a quick exit in a pinch.

The items that he doesn’t put in the glove box are almost always randomized and it can give him a lot of grief, especially as it seems to have a mind of its own, but in the end even the most absurd things it gives him often have a use (similar to a Chekhov’s gun)

The physical limits of the second uses make it so he can’t put anything bigger than the entrance into its space.(he once tried/ failed to steal a car and ended up crashing straight into what was essentially a brick wall XD)

The actual size of the entrance is roughly the same as a large window, always appearing 3ft off the ground, making it a little awkward to get into/out of without a running start.

He’s able to open up the glovebox within 3ft of himself and when inside can open it to any location hes previously, physically been to. The maximum time he’s able to stay in the glovebox is currently 6 hours, until it just spits him out where he entered and he cannot re-enter for at-least 2 hours past the maximum time spent or else he begins to experience physical symptoms of overexertion.

[incorrigible-bastard]

A little WIP of the antihero au, I still have 3 more panels to get to the main part, but I am so slow 🥲

[incorrigible-bastard]

Hey hey. How would your superhero Ford au go if Stan was like. A villain or a vigilante? Or even anti-hero type guy. Stumbled into it and mostly looks out for himself and does selfish things (like stealing money) but also occasionally saves someone because he’s a bad guy, but he’s not a Bad Guy, you know? He’s not trying to do things for the greater good, but he’s also not gonna watch a kid get hit by a car if he can stop it. Uses his abilities for selfish means, but usually avoids excessive violence if he can.

Probably still would get targeted by Bill, but imagine the eye rolls from Stan when Ford hits the scene as a superhero. Of course his brother is a hero. In Stan’s opinion he’s a good two shoes and altruistic. Whatever. This Bill guy seems like bad news and is targeting his brother, so Stan considers Bill an enemy now too if they encounter each other. And Ford is still messing with his life by making announcements about him and searching for him.

Ford is looking for Stan and hey, turns out Stan has been Up To Things in the years they’ve been apart. All this time and he’s never told Ford! And now he’s purposefully avoiding him! Ford will have a lot to say when he finally gets his hands on Stan.

Oughhhh first of all I'm so sorry, I must have completely missed this ask, secondly love the Wreck it Ralph reference XD. This ask kind of reminds me of @dark-lord-of-awesomeness 's triple reboot au (One of my fave au's) so I would highly recommend checking it out for more like this!

As for your question:

I have trouble seeing Stan as someone who would directly, negatively influence Ford or his work, especially after the science fair, just a lot of bad memories around anything like that. Having said that, with the influence of having powers/being a villain, even if he was just a low stakes one, he'd eventually have to run into Ford most likely before the Bill stuff.

In my au Ford is already establishing himself as a hero with multiple research laboratories popping up across the country (superhero bases) and the only reason Stan didn't know about it in the OG au was because he just didn't have access to a lot of communication outside of the radio. Ford was also more involved in the science then actually acting as a superhero outside of some local instances so even though he had powers, it wasn't until Bill came on the scene that he had to step out of the shadows and take up the mantle.

With the possibility of super-powered rival though? Someone who isn't known to be extremely dangerous/destructive? There's no way Ford is missing out on the chance of a low stakes rivalry to help train himself up and make a name for himself.

The real question is: Does Ford know that's his brother?

If not that makes this 1000 times funnier, especially after the Bill-reveal. I imagine, even though Ford's morals are too strict to actually let Stanley's bad-guy persona get away with crimes, he'd still subconsciously cling to anything that reminds him of Stan. After a few months of casual back-and-forth, and the increasingly toxic situation unfolding in his personal life, the very second Bill reveals his true hand and starts threatening his brother, Fords banging on whatever warehouse-turned evil lair Stan's setup to beg him to help the search.

Stan, who has been hearing for weeks about this guy and picking up on all the red flags Fords been unknowingly hinting at, is so ready to beat this guy to a pulp, but he really doesn't want to stop the only positive thing he's had with Ford in years, so he resolves himself to hiding it all whilst helping Ford out.

This would definitely culminate in the idea that Bill knew all along and was happy to watch Ford run around like a headless chicken until he got bored.

I imagine this big dramatic reveal, where Stan and Ford have been fighting Bill, and during the chaos, they get separated. You know the type of scenario, amongst the rooftops, rain pouring down where Ford just happens to catch his breath from all the henchmaniacs, when he looks up to the roof above him.

And there he sees Bill, holding a bloody and beaten Stan by the hair with this wicked grin on his face, unmasking him for all the world to see before throwing him from the roof.

Hshsvjsjvjvskgs you guys need to stop giving me such fun ideas, I'm drawing a comic page about it rn (it's going to take a while because I cannot draw fast and wanted to answer your ask, but it's in progress all because of you, I hope you're happy/J)

[incorrigible-bastard]

I can't believe I missed Miss E’s birthday!!!!!

Quickly, fic be upon you!!!!

He really should have seen this coming. With all the preparations they'd been making between the supply runs and rigging, it was inevitable that something would go wrong. Maybe his retirement had dulled his senses a little too much, or maybe he'd been writing off all the warning signs as pre-filming jitters. It didn't make it easier that his entire family had come out for this shoot, and Ford had taken that as a personal invitation to cause some chaos with the puppet.

All in all, with such a large-scale production, so many moving pieces to consider, let alone the not emotional reunion with some of the old cast, something was bound to give. He just hadn't realised the magnitude until it was too late, hadn't taken his notoriety into account.

So now, Stan was screwed.

It had all been going so well, shooting the final scenes for the movie they'd decided to make, a homage to the show's 40th anniversary with all the old and new casts coming together. If one thing could be said about it all, it was that Stan couldn't be more proud of the legacy he'd had a hand in creating; he’d even be lying if he said the little cameo they'd included with the infamous Dr Pines finally shaking his fuzzy counterpart's hand hadn't moved him to tears.

Like a chapter finally closing, giving everyone one last show before he could finally get the closure he needed to go sailing. They'd gone on a couple of short trips, even taking Mabel and Dipper around the coast to see all Ford’s newest aquatic discoveries, but this felt different. Even after his retirement, Stan couldn't shake off the desire to help the next generation with the show. This was truly his final goodbye. His love letter to the show, leaving it in the capable hands of the new producers.

Of course, that's when everything happened to fall apart, with so many people moving in and out of the studio, he hadn't even noticed when an unfamiliar face slipped into his old dressing room. Years' worth of memories covering the walls, from a showcase with some of his many iterations of Dr Pine to behind-the-scenes photos ranging from his first day on set to his retirement, a museum of all he'd helped create.

Stanley wasn't keen on the attention fame would bring, willing to let it sit in all its glory until he was ready to show the world, probably after his death, if his plans went off without a hitch. But anything that can go wrong will, as they always say, hence… The hitch.

Before he'd even had a chance to walk off set, the news had spread like wildfire, thousands of fans coming out of the woodwork to bombard the news story the journalist had released. His phone was lighting up like the 4th of July with messages swarming his character’s Twitter.

Stan hadn't even noticed until Mabel had burst into tears, pushing the phone into his hands. Dipper's face turning an impressive shade of red as he scrolled through the article.

Even Ford, whose hatred for his puppet doppelganger often overruled his rationale, couldn't stop the pale, shaking anger bubbling up in his chest as he watched everything his brother created get turned into a cheap gotcha story. Like the heart and soul Stan had poured into the show was only worth the 20 minutes of shaky video footage and blurry, far-off photos of Stan mid-shoot.

His only recompense was that the many, many fans seemed to agree, tearing into the reporter with a passion he himself couldn't muster in all his years antagonising academics and puppeteers alike, as comments flooded the post in Stan’s support.

Unlike the rest of them, however, Stanley simply stared down at his phone as producers, puppeteers and directors ran around in a frenzy, pushing security to find the culprit. He couldn’t muster a response, looking at the grainy footage with a mixture of profound disappointment and, strangely enough. Relief. No need to hide, no need to worry about hiding his appearances. The heart-wrenching anxiety he thought would overwhelm him simply settled like a drop in the ocean.

“Guess the cat’s out of the bag, huh?” He found himself muttering, straightening up with a weak smile as he typed out his response.

The faces of his closest friends and family were almost too much to bear, reading over his words, watching the number of fans pouring out their gratitude, and heartfelt apologies to 'Dr Pine' tick up, numbers that made his breath stutter, all reaching out with their messages.

Even now, it was crazy to believe he'd really affected so many people's lives and, although there were a few bad eggs mixed in with the bunch, the evidence was clear for everyone to see. Stanley Pines, the humble assistant, was simply retiring, and there was no need for such a fuss.

Happy birthday @aroace-get-out-of-my-face, sorry I was so late to the party! I hope you enjoy my little au of an au. I think, until he finally passes and the reveal is officially sent out, everyone silently agrees to treat Stanley like he was Dr Pine's secretary or something XD

He obviously gets noticed, but not in a 'You were my childhood hero' kind of way, more like 'OMG, what was it like to work for Dr Pine?'

[lexevazion]

I know Wax Stan was starting to melt in the pool episode, but do you think Mabel ever fixed him up? Do you think Ford ever stumbled upon this frighteningly accurate wax rendition of his brother in storage or something?

It'd be a little funny if he immediately jumped to the conclusion that Stan actually turned into this wax statue via curse or something and spends hours trying to find a cure until either Stanley comes back from like, a store run or the twins find Ford with Wax Stan in the middle of a cult circle.

[incorrigible-bastard]

I can see this so clearly XD

Imagine if this was after weirdmeggedon, though, with Stan and Ford comfortable enough to mess with each other after sailing for a while.

Maybe Ford said something earlier in the summer that upset Stan, like retiring the Stanlemobile, so he just lets Ford believe the lie until it gets out of hand.

He'd absolutely play it up too, bribing Soos to put a walkie-talkie behind the wax figure and speaking to Ford like he's stuck in it. Even the kids would think it's funny to begin with, until Ford starts getting increasingly desperate.

Knowing what it's like to be trapped in a statue + the overprotective role he's started to take towards Stan, I can't imagine it would end well.

The question is: would Stan own up to it, or would the kids try to find a way to make it seem like he's come back to life to "fix it", only to break the wax and have Ford really believe he failed to save Stan?

[babyblankyerror]

[babyblankyerror]

A little after I posted this, I saw this notification when I wasn't doing too hot. I just want to take the time to thank you, I wish I could convey what I feel and how greatful I am for your words but instead youre getting this word vomit I'm sorry.

Just, your words mean a lot. I usually feel like posting anywhere is throwing to the wind but hearing it from someone that idk I belong feels nice. I dont think I've belonged anywhere before tbh so it is really nice. Thank you

[babyblankyerror]

You guys... are too kind. What the actual heckaroo... what the heck.

I really appreciate all this kindness from you guys, thank you @hellsquills , @artistredfox , @dark-lord-of-awesomeness ♡ love you guys

[incorrigible-bastard]

I am coming at you with the folding chair of love, support and appreciation.

You may never know how many people your art and stories have resonated with.

You may never know how many people your work has helped.

But for as long as this weird, amazing little blog you created is around, you will find there is more people then you think!

Not everyone can shine, sure, but in the end, when we look up at our ceilings, it’s always nice to see a small glow in the dark.

Thats you! ¯\_(˶⚬ ^ ⚬˶)_/¯

[incorrigible-bastard]

Hiya, sorry I haven’t been around in a while, I’m finishing university very soon!!! Have this whilst I plot to overthrow the government and the job market🔥🔥🔥

Inspired by @dark-lord-of-awesomeness I was reading your anthropomorphic cat musings and was hit with this thought - what if Stan had always been a cat?

Ever since he’d first learnt the reasoning behind it all, Ford had been baffled by what people were willing to accept. In a world full of daemons, physical manifestations of the soul, how could anyone believe magic wasn’t possible. Maybe he was the odd one out, with his extra fingers, but was it truly such a leap to believe anything could be possible?

Then there was Stanley, he supposed like everything else about him, they’d always been a bit strange, acting more like brothers than an extension of his being. To anyone from the outside looking in, they were total opposites, where he was quiet and reserved, Stan was always the biggest voice in the room. Where he was studious, Stan was always getting into trouble. The very concept of “seen and not heard” that polite daemon etiquette tried to reinforce was an idea Ford had long given up trying to instill.

But he wouldn’t have it any other way.

The matter of their settling had come later than most, by all standards. They’d been the last to take a cohesive shape well into their teens. Between Stan’s indecision and Ford’s high hopes that they’d take something particularly mythical, it came as a complete shock when it finally happened.

Like most weekends they’d been up at the beach, splashing around in the water and trying out various forms for Stan to take.

He’d been particularly impressed with the kelpie Stan had finally managed to muster up, before a stray wave had taken them both by surprise, washing up on the shore, side-by-side and dissolving into raucous laughter.

It would have been another perfect day if Crampelter and his Boston Terrier Daemon, Amanda, hadn’t descended upon them, calling out with mocking jeers.

“If it isn’t the freak and his little shadow. Still not settled yet? Go figure, who’d want to be stuck as a unicorn.”

“Go away Crampelter, you don’t scare us, all that big talk when you got stuck with a chihuahua.” Stan replied, reveling in the growl it elicited from Amanda, summoning all the bravery Ford himself couldn’t quite muster.

“Please, you might act all big and tough but we all know you’re just a scared little kitty. Why don’t you run along now while the humans talk?” She snarled, baring her teeth at the currently raven-shaped Stan.

“Oh yeah? Well let me show you what this scaredy cat can really do.”

In a second, a blur of claws and fur rocketed forwards, sending the two stumbling back as Amanda yelped, fleeing alongside Crampelter as the memory of Stan’s teeth shuddered through the link they shared.

“Whatever, you’re both freaks. Good luck finding leprechauns, maybe they’ll give you enough gold to remove those fingers!” Crampelter snapped, running before Stan could catch his breath.

“Bunch a cowards, they’re all talk.” Stan huffed, barely catching the flicker of shame coloring their link before he was back by Ford’s side, leaping up to his shoulders and curling around him in a makeshift scarf.

“Seriously Sixer, don’t listen to those bozo’s, they’re gonna be stuck here wasting their life away whilst you go off to college. Just imagine it, rugged explorer off cataloguing whatever poor creature stumbles in your path.”

“Oh yeah? And what would that make you, my knight in furry armor?” Ford smiled, the barest laugh sparking in his chest as a purr rumbled on his shoulders.

“There he is! Yuck it up all you want Ford, I’m the best companion you could ask for. How’s about this? I’ll do a free one just for you, any creature you can think of, just say.”

Ford grinned victoriously, already thinking of a few different monsters he could persuade Stan into turning into, before a dull thud rocked through them both, as Stan gracelessly flopped on to the sand.

“Ow, seriously Stan, you could have turned into a bird or something before you launched yourself at the ground.” Ford groaned, rubbing his shoulder where it had taken the brunt of the impact.

“Uh, Ford” Stan spoke carefully, looking up at him.

“That really hurt you know.”

“Ford”

“It might even bruise”

“Sixer”

“You need to be a bit more careful, I can feel it too-”

“FORD” Stan yelled, breath stuttering in his chest as Ford’s teasing petered off, watching him with wide eyes.

“I can’t turn it off.”

“What do you mean you can’t turn it off? Just change shape.” Ford questioned, confusion eminating through the link.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Ford you are the smartest guy I know, why do you think I can’t change shape?”

“Well, I know that Kelpie took a lot out of you, do you just need to recharge, or- Oh, OH!”

…

…

“YOU SETTLED AS A CAT?!?”

[incorrigible-bastard]

@babyblankyerror

I’m terrible with birthdays, so congratulations, it’s now your birthday part 2! Happy birthhhhh

Here is a little present~

Stanley was a little hesitant to believe his luck, looking around at his family as Mabel and Dipper cut streamers and painted a big banner for their birthday.

Soos was somewhere off trying to corral the balloons Ford had filled with some sort of floating space gas as if they were scared sheep and Ford had taken to talking to his science buddy about setting up some fireworks.

All in all, it was a dream come true.

He couldn’t help the wide grin plastered on his face as he watched Mabel sprint for the glitter he sort-of remembered banning from the shack. His hands busying themselves with the bunting as he watched his little tornado throw her all into setting up ‘the best party ever’.

Memories were coming back, some faster than others with everyone’s help, like his Ma’s honey sponge cake that was currently cooling off on the old rack in the kitchen.

Still, a niggling doubt couldn’t help but creep in, when the silence got that little bit too loud. He couldn’t remember what he’d done to deserve all this. The soft looks sent his way whenever he remembered a pet name or yelled (half-heartedly) for the damn pig to get off his chair.

The blanks leaving a gap between what should have been a tense standoff between his brother and the joyful little moments he was beholden to now.

It was strange, but try as he might, he was still too much of a coward to put a voice to the fears that he knew were lingering, waiting for him to open the floodgates.

With a crackle he straightened his back as he stood from the chair, stifling a chuckle as the kids remained absorbed in their own world, covered head-to-toe in glitter that clung to his hands as he ruffled their hair in passing. Waving off their playful whines as he headed for the foyer.

It was then that he saw it, nestled in the corner of the gift shop just as he was passing, a lone vending machine that stood out amongst the bobble heads and t-shirt rack, an itch begging to be scratched.

His hands danced over the buttons with a practiced ease, like muscle memory kicked into overdrive, watching on curiously when the door swung open to reveal a dim staircase.

His destination was uncertain, but Stan couldn’t help himself as he quickly marched down the steps towards an old elevator, punching in a random level before the doors slid shut and he began his descent.

Floor 2 opened up into some weird mix of a study and a prayer room, a headache blooming as he stepped out into the space, eyeing the glass pyramids dotting the desks.

What really caught Stan’s eye, however, was the large banners strung across the walls, stopping at the largest one hanging from the ceiling, a large yellow triangle centered, staring down at all that stood before it.

The haze of static that washed over him, thoughts consumed by discordant cackles, was enough to sweep the floor beneath his feet until he’d fallen to his knees. His hands coming up to shield him from the view, only to reveal blackened limbs that glitched in a revolting technicolor, 5 then 4 then 5 again as his fingers seemed to disappear under the weight of the illusion.

Blue fire, a soft voice pulling him from his fate, a life relived. It all left as soon as it came as a hand yanked him back.

Ford.

The man stood above him, breath shuddering through him as though he’d just sprinted through the forest. Kids breaking free, running down brick lined halls.

Hushed words full of apologies and fear as Ford strung an arm over his trembling shoulders, pulling him close.

“I was waiting to tell you, I should have realized you’d find this place eventually. I’m sorry Stanley, I-I hope he didn’t- Fuck. I’m so so sorry.” His words patches over the eons sharpest parts of the dull ache, pulling a choked laugh, his own laugh, from his thundering chest.

“He was a real piece of work, huh? Glad I punched him in his equilateral face.” Stan snorted bitterly, the sound transforming as he caught sight of Ford’s stunned expression, a mix of incredulous and amazement.

“You- Moses you just punched him?”

“Yeah? He crumbled like Doritos dust, kept screaming about something” Stan trailed off as a few loose tears managed to wrestle out of ford’s eye.

A-X-O-L-O-T-L My time has come to burn

Clearing his throat roughly, Stan patted his brother’s shoulder, finally finding his strength as he squeezed intently, looking back up at the old tapestries and baubles.

“You know, I think we should make a bonfire.”

The startled laugh that broke through the tension was like a soothing balm as Stan wrestled with gravity to stand once more, dusting himself off before reaching out a hand to pull Ford up.

A different time, a different place.

The two brothers marched side by side out of the room, barely sparing it another look as they shot each other knowing smirks, calling out for the overzealous nearly-teenagers to grab the matches as they ascended from the basement stairs.

They’d get back to party planning later, now they were going to roast marshmallows over a ghost’s dumb face.

[incorrigible-bastard]

In your superhero au, what would Ford have done if he’d been the one to find Stan first? Since he didn’t seem to know if he’d hug him or get violent first. Would it be a canon type case of punching Stan in the face? I can’t imagine that going well with Stan, who was already purposefully avoiding his brother.

That's a fantastic question!

I think Ford's first instinct would be to full-body tackle Stan, especially if they were still in a dangerous situation, and then once they were back in the labs, he'd probably cover him in as many blankets as he could physically get his hands on.

Ford was also absolutely trying to do a dramatic reveal about his secret identity, only for Stan to go, "Ford, I already know you're Six Shooter. We have the same damn FACE."

Stan would be SO confused until he could figure out what Ford was blubbering about.

It would be messy to say the least. Stan's trying to defend himself, Ford's going through every emotion on the spectrum, and still manages not to communicate a single thing until Fiddleford steps in to explain everything.

They all still have to handle the Bill situation, but at least Stanley is safe now, right? (He's attempted to break out 12 times in the past hour because he hates feeling like a burden to Ford).

[incorrigible-bastard]

I just had a very very VERY angsty idea for the Cat!Found and Lost AU.

Both Stan and Ashford are turned into cats, and Ford + Fiddleford find them. However, they only have room/resources for one of them, so they're forced to give either Stan or Ashford away (in my mind it was Ashford, but tbh even they wouldn't give away a kitten so young). Stan does not like this. Ashford does not like this. But since they are cats, there is nothing they can do other than meow very loudly and mournfully.

Here's the really angsty bit: Ashford still has the lung condition, and if he's the one being given away (or they don't catch the condition fast enough)...well.

Stan gets turned back into a human, and the first thing he does is try to find his son, to see him again.

But it is too late.

I don't think Stan ever forgives the Fords in this AU.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?/lh

Oughhh the angst potential here is devastating, I’m not sure if the two could be separated in reality, I mean Stanford wouldn’t be able to bond with a cat that attacks him for all he’s worth, since they got rid of the little kitten.

I think it would be more the case that they decide to reunite the two in the hopes of getting ‘Stan’s’ cat to calm down (having found them both in the car) and Stanford being unwilling to part with the the last living connection to Stan.

By the point they get the kitten back, it’s already deteriorating condition is really bad and neither would know what to do but watch the cat curl around it’s little kitten (before something clicks and Ford starts to wonder why the kitten hasn’t aged that much in the month it’s been gone).

The whole de-cursing happens and Ford has to come to terms with the fact that not only did he give his nephew away, but now he’s dying and they have already wasted so much time.