Mermaid

An embodied spirit in the realm of the relative.

[conflictingheart]

Almost. It’s a big word for me. I feel it everywhere. Almost home. Almost happy. Almost changed. Almost, but not quite. Not yet. Soon, maybe.

~ Joan Bauer  (via conflictingheart)

[fotogrimsi-deactivated20180915]

[incynefin]

Daily reflections #4

How can I possibly explain all this longing I feel. At this age, at just 25, I feel like i’m in the depths of my womanhood. More than ever I feel like my skin, my nails, my hair, my body everything is saying one word - woman. I feel connected to my desire, to my yearning for meaningful connection and to the moon and stars above me. I have so much I want to give, but to the right person and I feel i’m ready. I almost feel like sometimes i’m ready to have a baby, like i’m ready to have the realest deepest connection that any woman can ever have. I sometimes feel like I have the whole universe inside me. I feel like my body is edging in this sacred feminine dance. The full moon is in a few days and i’m on my period too, so maybe all these hormones are making me have all the feels or maybe i’m just really ready to experience an awakening of some sort. 

[theconsciousmuslim]

If we come to sleep We are His drowsy ones. And if we come to wake We are in His hands. If we come to weeping, We are His cloud full of raindrops. And if we come to laughing, We are His lightning in that moment. If we come to anger and battle, It is the reflection of His wrath. And if we come to peace and pardon, It is the reflection of His love. Who are we in this complicated world?

Mawlānā Jalāl ad-Dīn Rūmī  (via theconsciousmuslim)

[incynefin]

Daily Reflections #3

I have a day off today. I’m beginning to really like having Thursday off, it gives me so much time to do things that I otherwise can’t during the weekend. There’s something about the weekend that make you feel like you have the fear of missing out when you're indoors. But when it’s a weekday I gladly relish home cooked meals and chilling in comfortable jeans, walking in the sunshine for a bit to get coffee then come back, listen to some new music. I love days like that. I’m behind with work related matters so music isn’t tasting as sweet cause I’ve got things I need to do, but still. 

I love being able to have time where I do not partake in society and “work” and I don’t feel like i’m a part of the rat race. I’m looking forward to stargazing tonight, I feel like staring at space and pondering my existence in the universe is just what I need. I find I need regular doses of nature, not just through sight but through heart and mind, time to explore my relationship with the space around me and to really absorb the green grass and blue skies. It truly connects me to myself, and I never realized how much until I was cut off from it then reconnected to it.  

[incynefin]

Daily Reflections #2

I woke up in the middle of the night today, my brain was alert. I think I had too much coffee and chai earlier that’s why. It gives me interrupted sleep when I overdo it. 

Had to get up for work to teach the 8 am circuit class. I’m feeling good today, and excited. I feel like something exciting is going to happen tonight and i’m priming myself for it. I’m glad I was vulnerable with my friend yesterday when we had dinner together and also with this guy I like today when I was being candid about how content I am with where I am in my life at the moment. A few years ago sharing my joy would have scared me, as though as soon as it’s said it’s gone. But now I have a different mindset, and I think it’s years of growing up and being told about “El Hasad” (the evil eye) and to always keep your happiness or accomplishments super low key that has made me scared to say i’m happy for fear of being disappointed when the happiness fades away again. I was living in cycles of highs and lows.

It’s good to not boast, but it’s also good when you’re having intimate conversations with friends or family to share the good as much as we share the bad. It’s uplifting to tell someone you can see good things are happening and even better things ahead. We don't seem to have many of those conversations, it’s usually small “chin up” pep talks perhaps, but not sharing the actual uplifting joy of being alive and free. I could see in my friend’s eyes - they lit up. We both shed a tear and hugged, cause we remembered that’s why we’re friends. Our paths crossed for a reason.

Today I’m content to have mother who cares about me, a sister whose passionate about her future, a friend whose by my side, a career that helps others improve their trust in their own body and it’s dynamic capabilities. I have a roof over my head, and clothes and food. 

I’m content that i’m an adult now. It’s a strange realization that has been brewing over the last few days. I’m no longer angry at all the things I have to do like cook dinner and prep lunch for work, take the garbage out, clean the house, buy groceries, do paperwork when I apply for jobs. All these things used to give me agony the past two and a half years i’ve been living here. I used to internally resist it all and want a vacation or to crawl into a cave and never come out. I used to write about dreaming I lived in a far away cabin with just tea and books, but I don’t know what exactly has happened over the last few weeks i’ve started to take responsibility over my life. I started to cook and clean without whinging. I now enjoy buying groceries and thinking of new recipes. I will gladly take the garbage out if it means a clean house. I just feel like now I want to live a good life where the simple pleasures like cooking dinner is not taken for granted or considered a burden. It’s a beautiful thing to make something for yourself rather than get chips on your way back and binge watch tv shows. There will be days for that, but providing for myself has just never tasted this sweet. 

I think i’m really growing up now. It’s a weird sweet little surprise. I’ve also realized how fucked up the system is - has freed me, after it has made me drown for so long in pain. I can now see things for what they are, and how this whole life is a life that should be lived without attachment to outcome. Suffering can be good and healthy, and I welcome it with open arms when it knocks on my door again. I’m embracing the good and bad and everything in between. I will let life pass through me and hope to be wise and present enough to be receptive, and brave enough to be move forward when I need to. 

[incynefin]

Daily Reflection #1

Today is one of those days where the weather is strangely reminiscent of seasons in passing. It’s winter but it feels like I came across an autumn or a spring day I once experienced a few years ago. There’s warmness to the breeze and peace in the faint haze of the clouds - diluting the sun’s sharpness and saying it’s okay to not be this hard and strong all the time. It’s okay to not be the giver of warmth to all. It’s okay to take a step back allow for a shift to happen, and in doing so you give us space to recreate and reset dear sun. Even in your diluted presence you manage to give so much back. How can I ever repay nature for such abundance. All around me. Passing through me. Evolving in me. 

I’m so grateful - limping with my sprained ankle, my million to do lists, the paperwork deadlines, the bills I have to pay, the shortage of finances, the lack of career security, I am still so grateful I get to open my door and walk and look up at sky and see a sun that is always my friend. I am me today. I’m not attached to any outcome. If all we can do is our best, the best is enough. Sometimes even, doing less than your best is still enough. Remember that.

[incynefin]

Life is hard and sharp and it hurts, but there are some who wear it lightly, and mindfully, and with class, and are frank yet wise yet light, and if our recipe is right our household shall be one of the hardy and cheerful ones. Life is often lonely and sad and unfair, but if we are lucky we shall work hard and earn our luck, and when we are hit broadside we shall return fire as we sail away with the wind at our backs, and trouble shall find it is bored with us. Life is long and lineage is longer, and life is short but tradition is weighty but fragile, and we shall care for the things that deserve our care. The look in your eyes when I kiss you on our bed— calm, open—it is a look I shall guard and cultivate, for if I lose it we are lost. Our sex is not an act—it is a passion that needs itching, and if I lose that itch, I know I had better take better care of our hearth and mantle. Life will get busy but I am strong—I will be rich and generous and active but quiet sometimes, too. I shall balance making speeches with reading books and drinking coffee with drinking tea and I will play with our children hour after hour and day after day and week after week, they shall distract me from our greatness but I will serve anyway, working in my attic castle with the foldout ladder that drops out of the ceiling

Waylon Lewis

[seedeeply]

We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.

Anais Nin (via seedeeply)

[seedeeply]

The way to God is but one step, the step out of yourself.

Abu Said (via seedeeply)

[seedeeply]

As my body was healing, I suddenly realized that the unexpected brush with mortality seem to have placed an existential notepad in my hand, and demanded that I account for my life - for who I am, what I stand for, what I’ve done for the world and how I wish to be remembered. I found myself reflecting upon the most basic question of existence…what makes a life worth living?

(via seedeeply)

[seedeeply]

[thepowerwithin]

This Morning is Beautiful

This morning is a morning to be beautiful, just like any other. 

It does not need to be a specific day of the week, occasion, or holiday in order to make this so. Every morning, regardless of when it may be, is a magnificent fresh start to the journey of our lives. It is when we are each given another chance to head out into the world and make our own wonderful impact. 

There is no specific date, season, or event that will change this. Every morning; including today, tomorrow, and every one to follow, is going to be the most magnificent morning. 

So as you hop out of bed and place those two feet onto the floor, remember that this too is an absolutely beautiful morning. 

| Nicole Addison | Instagram | Facebook |

[hplyrikz]

“Someday you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing…”

∆Elizabeth Gilbert (via hplyrikz)

[incynefin]

When I'm by myself and it’s daytime cuz down-under Or wherever it is I live when it's evening You know I speed-read the morning news and come up with my own little song also ...too 

[incynefin]

I dream of being a writer and I also dream of being a researcher. I dream of finding a love that envelops and makes me forget the world completely. I dream of a space I can call my own and aromas and teas that will match how I feel. I dream of freedom to walk into the bush and hike and swim and come back to the comfort of my corner of the world where things are okay. I dream of one day saying everything I have to say and finally finding peace in a full stop. I dream.

[incynefin]

Sometimes I wish I could just live in a cold climate isolated cabin with nothing but books and tea and whole foods. I dream of being away from people and from technology and from expectations and responsibilities. I dream of moments of peace untainted by society and culture and tradition. I dream of an essence of purity and creation that restores my mind’s eye as I’ve come to see it before. I dream of a slow life enriched by creation, dialogue, centeredness, purpose and health. I dream of things and I feel like they are miles away. I try to add bits of it in my life but I fail to be enthusiastic about doing things halfway and not all the way. I wish someone could just hand me the keys to the door where things can be easy just for a little while.