Mad Sounds @indininajones - Tumblr Blog

thequeenbey

"You’re never too big to lose. You’re never too smart to lose. It happens, and you need to embrace those things."

fluorideuraniumcarbonpotassium

lizun

We need more women like this

vfpalestine

My reblog was pretty aggressive on this one

a conversation i had with a 96-year-old woman

96 yr old: You know how your parents probably say things like, "you were BORN with the internet, you don't know what it's like to live without!"

Me: yeah

96 yr old: Well, my parents said that to me about electricity.

destroycreateagitate

motelartbabe

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay. (Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.) Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks. Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris. Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together. Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own. (Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.) Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you. Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place. Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects. Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers. Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do. Love, Dad.

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via dorkvader)

i feel like this should be published and sold everywhere

(via the-hammer-of-fenris)

This should be printed out on flyers and rained on a parade for all to read.

(via merelei)

pleatedjeans

mothsplaining

Here are some dogs enjoying Popsicles.

alkaria

This is the kind of quality content i want on my blog

jemzzy

gifsboom

Big Fluffy Cat is Obsessed With Snow. [video]

awwww-cute

corgisandboobs

"What’s the password?" "Is it… is it ‘dog’?" *muffled meeting behind door* "You may enter."

coral

I’m not where I need to be, but thank god I’m not where I used to be.

Unknown (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)

shysmitchell

grantsattler

Had the absolute privilege of presenting a brand spanking new 3D-printed bionic Iron Man arm to Alex, the most dapper 7-year-old I’ve ever met. Special thanks to Albert Manero, OneNote, and #CollectiveProject for their work making artificial limbs like this more affordable for families with kids who want to show the playground how badass they are. Check out http://www.facebook.com/LimbitlessSolutions to learn more about this incredible project. #goodcause