It’s that time of the month and I’m writing as I feel and remember so much. These times have never helped because they make me second guess. I cannot tell anyone because I do not know what to do. Why did you react in that way if it were you who was so eager to let me go in the first place? At least that was what I felt. My life now...I’ve learnt so much. But it is so different. I can’t watch love stories anymore because it makes me realise and remember what I once had with you. There are moments I remember where I did what I have to do because your actions were...you didn’t love me, neither did you want me there anymore. I have to let go, I must. What we had was special, indeed very special... What’s meant to be will be. And I pray for you the very best in everything. (I wished I hadn’t feared to ask even when we separated. Now I am only left to wonder.. and I want to wonder no more) Coming here was a bad idea but it was also good. I needed to write all of this and I needed to let go, again. (It’s been a constant process of letting go. I have been having to say thank you when I remember, and let go...) Thank you for all you’ve given me. Thank you for all the beautiful times. Thank you for the late night calls. Thank you for every call, long and short, while either one of us was overseas... They say your first love is the hardest to let go because you gave your all. And I felt I did. But now it’s time for me to grow even more and I pray you’ll be able to make beautiful memories with whoever you’re meant to. I wish I was strong enough to see that but I still am not. You deserve the very best, you always have. I guess I was not the one for you. Neither of us fought for it. We were just kids. Kids who were ‘wise’ beyond their age, and loved selflessly.
