ｂ୨ৎ

☉ pisces ☾ taurus ↑ aries digital diary

[girltalk]

Inner peace ˚ . ✧ I will stop worrying about everything, about things I have no control over. I will forgive myself and stop thinking about past events. I am becoming more at-ease with myself because I deserve it, I deserve peace.

[ineedsumluv444]

thinking deeply about killing my old self and erase my past

[ineedsumluv444]

i got here through tiktok recommendations and i found it extremely overrated.

starting from the fact that i was told it was a gut-wrenching book, and that if i was in a bad place at the moment i shouldn’t read it, i was actually looking for a book like that, spoiler: it wasn’t

i feel bad (just a little) for the main character. at first i found him relatable, but as the story goes on, i feel like his actions don’t make sense with what he says about his fears and disturbances.

i understand it’s kind of biographical, so it’s about personal emotions and experiences that i can’t truly question. though, i feel like he adopted this identity of being afraid of society since he was a child and never let go of the idea, even though in his youth and adulthood he never really acted based on that. i mean, if you want to blend in and feel like you belong, you don’t become a drug addict and alcoholic knowing it’s something frowned upon by society.

if throughout the whole book i hadn’t read that yozo is a boy who feels ashamed of himself and wants to fit in, and instead had only read about a young man who had bad experiences that led him to live that way, maybe i could empathize a little more, because then it would feel coherent. in this case, i only see victimization: he blames society or looks for justifications for his own bad decisions.

for example, i understand (even if i’m not okay with it) the reasons behind his misogyny.

maybe my opinions make me seem like someone not so empathetic, and maybe that’s true — i can’t fully understand people who are so self-destructive. i really related to yozo and how he shows up to the world at first, but then his way of dealing with it just threw me off.

after all, i’m not sure if my reading was affected by the fact that i read it in spanish, where the book is even shorter than the english version.

[celestialhypomaniac]

[sleepypenguiin]

[pilatesprincessreloaded]

the right man will expand your social circles. the wrong man will become your social circle.

-Hypergamylations 10:6

[ineedsumluv444]

so, today i broke up w him. he is completely devastated, we talked about maybe finding each other again some time in the future. but rn it’s official :/

[ineedsumluv444]

today i went to therapy and i talked about him and how bad he makes me feel (not on purpose)

she indirectly told me that’s better for me to leave him, and ik it’s true, she literally said: “yk what it’s best to you, you just don’t have the guts to do it”. this relationship it’s draining both of us, but i love him so fucking much and i know he does too, this has to be some karmic shit. i would like some advice

recap: we are now on a break for a month, today we didn’t talk, but we talk from time to time

[ineedsumluv444]

tired of waking up early, can’t wait for winter vacation

[hadagirlsite]

[ineedsumluv444]

me when dylan minnette or braeden lemaster or julian alvarez or ross lynch or or or or

[roseforviolet]

[ineedsumluv444]

caught between being mad at people for treating me bad and gaslighting myself that is all in my head

[ineedsumluv444]

the only thing that calmed my anxiety when in social situations, its not caring about how im being perceived.

like, that quote that says life shouldnt be a performance, yep that helped me. doing life for me and only me.

[princesssascha]

[ineedsumluv444]

help a girl out and give me recs of yt girls with a movie like friend group

[ineedsumluv444]

"lets work it out on the remix"

NO!

[ineedsumluv444]

i love you ITS RUINING MY LIFE!!!!