Gun Shot

[infectiousbehavior]

Long afloat on shipless oceans I did all my best to smile 'Til your singing eyes and fingers Drew me loving to your isle And you sang Sail to me Sail to me Let me enfold you Here I am Here I am Waiting to hold you Did I dream you dreamed about me? Were you here when I was flotsom? Now my foolish boat is leaning Broken lovelorn on your rocks, For you sing, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow: O my heart, O my heart shies from the sorrow" I am puzzled as the newborn child I am riddled as the tide. Should I stand amid the breakers? Or should I lie with Death my bride? Hear me sing, "Swim to me, Swim to me, Let me enfold you: Here I am, Here I am, Waiting to hold you”

[infectiousbehavior]

Nonviolent Communication

Assumptions

Two NVC trainers characterize the assumptions underlying NVC as follows:[4]

All human beings share the same needs

Our world offers sufficient resources for meeting everyone's basic needs

All actions are attempts to meet needs

Feelings point to needs being met or unmet

All human beings have the capacity for compassion

Human beings enjoy giving

Human beings meet needs through interdependent relationships

Human beings change

Choice is internal

The most direct path to peace is through self-connection

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication

[infectiousbehavior]

juice + sex toys = my life 

[infectiousbehavior]

sweet spring is your time is my time is our time for springtime is lovetime and viva sweet love (all the merry little birds are flying in the floating in the very spirits singing in are winging in the blossoming) lovers go and lovers come awandering awondering but any two are perfectly alone there’s nobody else alive (such a sky and such a sun i never knew and neither did you and everybody never breathed quite so many kinds of yes) not a tree can count his leaves each herself by opening but shining who by thousands mean only one amazing thing (secretly adoring shyly tiny winging darting floating merry in the blossoming always joyful selves are singing) sweet spring is your time is my time is our time for springtime is lovetime and viva sweet love ee cummings

[infectiousbehavior]

Dream Child Of Desire

I love to see you in the low light, love And touch your secret weakness with my fire Let's burn together all through the night I'm just a dream child of desire Yeah, I'm just a dream child of desire There's a wildfire through the country Oh, oh, my land is all on fire You've got me burning with the sweet love heat I'm just a dream child of desire Yeah, I'm just a dream child of desire And when you call my name, oh, the flames rise higher and higher And I am not the same, Oh, the bird is rising out of the fire Deep in that fire I heard love call, And I shall not deny her Come on, sweet fire, and lick me clean I'm just a dream child of desire, Yeah, I'm just a dream child of desire And when you call my name, oh, the flames rise higher and higher And I am not the same, Oh, the bird is rising out of the fire I'm just a dream child of desire. Deep in that fire I heard love call, And I shall not deny her Come on, sweet fire, and lick me clean I'm just a dream child of desire, Yeah, I'm just a dream child of desire And when you call my name, oh, the flames rise higher and higher And I am not the same, Oh, the bird is rising out of the fire I'm just a dream child of desire. Yeah, I'm just a dream child of desire, oh, oh, yeah, I'm just a dream child of desire, Yeah, I'm just a dream child of desire Yeah, I'm just a dream child of desire.

- Cris Williamson, Dream Child 1975

[infectiousbehavior]

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” 

- Albert Camus

[infectiousbehavior]

Interviewer: You once said that sex is the highest form of spirituality on Earth.

Prince: yes.

Interviewer: Can you elaborate on that?

Prince: I can.

Interviewer: Will you?

Prince: No.

[infectiousbehavior]

Paranoiac Critical Method

“spontaneous method of irrational knowledge based on the critical and systematic objectivity of the associations and interpretations of delirious phenomena.” - Salvador Dali 

[infectiousbehavior]

I see at intervals the glance of a curious sort of bird through the close-set bars of a cage: a vivid, restless, resolute captive is there; were it but free, it would soar cloud-high.

Charlotte Bronte 

[infectiousbehavior]

G.L.E.E.

Find your G.L.E.E. Set Goals and achieve them quickly. Crush Limiting beliefs that block you from happiness & success. Be in control of your Emotions, which are the driving force behind your life. Eliminate bad habits by understanding your subconscious motives.

[infectiousbehavior]

music transcends human suffering 

[infectiousbehavior]

that's me!

-63 Square Sun - Pluto You may be prone to inner tension and negative, self-destructive behavior. When things are going well, you suffer from fears that something will come along to change that. Constantly worrying that the rug will be pulled from under your feet can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You possess tremendous power and strength--when you learn to accept and use that strength, instead of fear it, you can be one of the most effective, insightful, helpful, and healing person around! At times, you can be intensely dissatisfied with your personal accomplishments and expressions of self. You put a lot of pressure on yourself regarding your own endeavors. You can be quite dissatisfied with your creative self-expressions, and want to hide your expressions from others until you feel the output is "right". This is largely due to a perceived inability to express or reveal your true personality to others. You struggle with a deep need to control yourself and life itself. You are especially sensitive to criticism, and feel the need to "redo" yourself often. There is a marked fear of losing control, and this might stem from some traumatic event in childhood, or the childhood might have been crisis-ridden or emotionally-charged in general. As such, you can be intensely fearful of, or threatened by, change. This can express itself through attempts to control your life in such a way that you can manage your fears of being taken off guard. Of course, this generally backfires! You have an intense need for privacy at times.

[thegoldendomeschool-deactivated]

Alice Coltrane, the Goddess

"Remember, these are magical times! Resolve to take your place among those that are earnestly and courageously working to ease the stress that, by necessity, accompanies a major shift in the polarities of a planet’s vibratory hum."

- Songs of the Arcturians, Patricia Pereira

[infectiousbehavior]

there is dance

there is life

there is death. 

[infectiousbehavior]

journal entry may 16th, 2011

Been feeling--too familiar--trapped. Impending doom on one hand; restless idealism on the other. HST. As much as I'm motivated to act, dance, produce, find, seek, achieve-- I can't help but see my old ways of living, hiding underneath myself because of my sensitive nature. It's always pleasure and it's always pain. For I fall in love too quickly, too quickly, that I cant break myself from its hardened honey. This weekend, this grand graduation weekend, I took Trops with Ratko and danced through Stephens, saw Bridesmaids with Anjolie and had a lovely night with a future--or perhaps--present forbidden love, attracted by his genuine smile, dazzling blue eyes and humbleness. He's an outsider like me. And I think he battles with his living self as much as I do such as right now. I'm very nauseous and emotional TODAY. Almost lost with words and myself. I have so much to research and study on my own. People--my friends-- are so amazing, so inspiring-- The love, infectiousness, so bloody rapturous--that it murders me from time to time. Such good people that I could settle, I could nest and read for days, months, and maybe years. It's romantic to feel such strong inclinations to a place that fed you so much in just one year. Life is absolutely these increments of passed time, of youth and maturity. I have so much love to give but they give me so much love to begin with. I have changed. 

[infectiousbehavior]

vipassana meditation application

My significant or "worse" case of depression was my second year of college in spring-winter 2009. I was unhappy about my education and life and I had just learned my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was shortly thereafter incarcerated. I handled it very much alone and internally as I have dealt with emotional repression being a major contribution to my mental health. I experienced depression through sadness, anxiousness, grief, and lethargy during that year. I would eat alone at my college canteen many days, I would not speak to others very often, my outgoing personality was suppressed and I found myself having difficulties getting out of bed, dressing well, being happy. I found stability in reading recommended self-help books, seeking therapy at my university and taking myself out of the country to study in Singapore alone and reflectively (this was my first experience traveling alone-- including the Philippines, Cambodia, Malaysia, Vietnam--at age 19). I was prescribed an anti-anxiety medication by a university nurse but I never took it, deciding to see a psychologist non-affiliated with the university who helped me understand my self-hate, emotional repression, understandings of my various habitual perceptions that where disabling me from loving myself and others, the broken child within. Here I began to learn and accept all of my current environments, history and future. I also had a breakthrough with my then unhealthy relationship with my ego. It was during this time of depression, when my father was ill and in prison, that I began a relationship with my father for the first time through letters, talking about mental health (both mine and his!), my concerns, and my life that I was never so candid and honest with him before. Also during this time I learned about mindfulness behavioral therapy and meditation, and I flooded myself with books and eastern wisdom along with yoga and openness with talking about mental health with my family and friends for the first time. It was the first time that I realized where my depression started (age 12 when my grandparents passed), how it manifested (voices of "you are not good enough" from childhood to college), and what I was going to do to begin healing. I also started writing, and I also started a conscious relationship with my breath and body.

Since the depression was acknowledged during University, I have completely and graciously changed as a human. I have loving, amazing, open friendships with friends and family; I successfully graduated University in three years at age 20 in 2011; I have studied modern and improvisational dance, iyengar & vinyasa yoga, transcendental meditation, and have embraced an avid research of spirituality, buddhism, and orthodox christianity; I became a manager at a bakery in Missouri for years 2012-2013 where I developed friendships of support from my small community in Columbia, MO; I have seen the miracle of my father recover from cancer and being released from prison in May 2013. I have become disciplined of my mind.

Recently, I have moved to Los Angeles (October 2013) to gain more iyengar and modern/ballet dance training, in addition to other interests in bodywork and healing. I have a part time job as a barista, support from loved ones here and afar, and a great understanding of empathy that I did not have before.

My situation today when I see old habits of depression come through (I vaguely mentioned "dips/swings of two weeks" and I apologize for misleading and not explaining as I do understand that can be interpreted as a mood disorder) I am immediately conscious of it.... why I am not eating mindfully, exercising, not being present with others, feeling insecurities and worry. I am also self-aware that I am a young person and that it takes time to develop consistent, positive behaviour and acceptance with any and all circumstances in life (for example, my boss took most my shifts away for 2 weeks and I was left without a schedule, felt lost with time, and began experiencing signs of depression... trouble getting out of bed, unhealthy diet, frustration with life pursuits, disappointment with goals). My depression is completely manageable now and what I have found to be the most helpful above all that I have listed and expressed is meditation. I desire to practice daily as I am completely amazed and gracious how it has changed my life. I am calm, I am relaxed, I am kind, I am present more than I am not. I am constantly aware of my emotions. Also, I want to make clear that my desire for applying to the California Vipassana Center, it is so I can learn the technique and its discipline. Thank you!!

[infectiousbehavior]

EMPATHY

Nature Writing from Inside America’s prisons. Inmates unlearn the language of excuses and relearn a sense of self and awareness of the natural world.