Never thought that this would happen . . .
My best friend just had a baby and it’s got me having all the feels (in the best of ways)
A little bit of backstory first. My best friend has been my silver lining in this whole journey. She has been my (in)fertility sister who has had her own struggles, and I am convinced that it was the Universe showing me some mercy. Who else gets to have another female next to you that gets what you’re going through because she’s there too? One that you’ve known since you were six.
So when she finally got her miracle I was nervous. I loved her and didn’t want to have the same deep down ugly feelings I had in the past about others.
But again, the Universe showed me mercy. For once I was genuinely happy about a pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been happy for my other friends too. But that happiness had always been diluted by so many other, stronger emotions.
These last few weeks, with her due date drawing nearer, I’ve been anxious. What was my first feeling going to be when I saw her new baby. I so wanted it to be joy, but what if it wasn’t?
Now I take little to no credit in my positivity. Throughout her pregnancy she has been so careful about how she communicates, moving at a pace even I didn’t know I needed.
I am so happy to report that she sent a picture of herself and her baby this morning (only after asking if I wanted one). And there it was, plain as day . . . JOY. No sadness, no jealousy, just happiness with a sprinkle of cute.
And for once in three years I feel like a person again. I feel like maybe I won’t carry these scars with me forever. I feel like maybe I can experience happiness, just happiness not diluted by all those other stronger negative feelings.
And I show my husband. And we have a nice chat about how he feels the same way, and it’s the first time as a couple we feel like part of the outside world in a very long time.
. . . And then my phone pings. And it’s our extended friend group chat. I’m assuming it’s my bestie sending out the photo of her new daughter. Nope - pregnancy announcement. I shit you not.
And again I am angry at the Universe because she couldn’t just give me five minutes of peace.














