Let's Grow Together

[amourpropr-deactivated20201022]

Good Habits to Enforce in Yourself

I had a post like this on my old profile before it got deleted, so I’m kind of improving it and lengthening it for a repost. These are good ways to take care of yourself as best as you can, things that over time will help you develop more of a love and care for yourself.  By putting in extra effort to take care of your body you will subconsciously grow to love yourself a little more. Through this nurture, blooms love and care. 

Skin:

1) Do some research to find out your skin type. Once you figure that out, research some tips to work with it. I have dry skin, so my routine involves a lot of moisture and brightening products, and I had to stop using products with acne medications because they dry the hell out of my skin. 

If you have oily skin, you’ll want to use your acne product and then add moisture, because if you don’t your skin will begin to dry and will try to overcompensate by creating too much oil. Be careful with the products you use as well, make sure you use products that are made with good ingredients. You don’t want to try a new product all over your face and have one of the ingredients cause a horrible flare up. This takes time, but once you figure out what products and routine works for you, it will really change how you feel about your complexion.

2) Invest in one of those big brushes and use it to gently brush your skin. This will help your blood circulation, and will not only brighten your skin, but it will also relax you.

3) Use SPF 30 or higher. You don’t need anything higher than SPF 50 because studies have shown that it really doesn’t do much for you after that, but do use sunscreen to protect from the harmful rays not just outside, but inside as well if you’re exposed to the rays. Sun damage not only causes melanoma, but also will accelerate your aging process, cause wrinkles, make your skin texture leathery, and all other kinds of issues. There’s sunscreen lotions for full body with coconut oil in it that don’t have that awful pool smell as well, and I’ve found it to be a pleasure to use. 

4) Drink good fluids. I’m sure all of you drink enough water to drown a fish, but don’t just drink water. Adding lemon will give it a nice taste, help you feel more satisfied, and the citrus is very good for your complexion. Drinking a cup of water when you wake up is a good way to flush out the gastric fluid buildup in your system, and will also help wake you up. Avoid drinks with lots of processed sugars like juice and soda. Calories in drinks are often overlooked, and are a huge part of gaining large amounts of weight.

5) Try to be asleep between 11 pm and 4 am. The cell turnover rate is highest during this time, so try to be asleep so your skin can renew itself properly.

6) Take collagen supplements and get plenty of Vitamin C. These are super nutrients for a glowing complexion. 

7) Never go to bed without removing makeup or taking a cloth with some micellar water and wiping your face. There is so much gunk that gets into your skin by not doing this it’s disgusting. Do your skin a favor and take the extra few to wash this stuff off. 

8) Eat more fatty foods like fish, nuts, and avocados. Lots of people don’t like fish, so taking fish oil tablets is perfectly fine as well. A half an avocado or a handful of almonds makes a great snack that will nourish your skin. These being high in fats, however, are also high in calories. Don’t gorge yourself or you’ll see some chub developing on you, despite how healthy it is. 

9) Work up a sweat. Sweating gets rid of toxins from your body and exercise is just healthy in general. Make sure you immediately remove the clothes you wore though or it’ll trap in the sweat and cause a rash or breakout. 

Hair:

1) Refrain from using shampoo more than a few times a week, as this dries your scalp and can cause flaking and itchiness.

2) Use a hair mask weekly. Use one that is suited for your hair’s needs. Personally, I use hair masks with avocado or coconut because they bring in a lot of moisture which wavy hair requires. If you have a dandruff problem, use a mask with tea tree or eucalyptus, something that will clarify. Just experiment and find what works.

3) Braid your hair before sleeping or wear a cap. Cotton sheets not only absorb and suck out moisture in your skin and hair, but it also causes needless breakage and frizziness. 

4) Use a wet brush or wide toothed comb when your hair is wet. Your hair is very elastic and weak when wet, and these items bend better around knots and are more gentle than a regular brush.

5) Let conditioner sit for a few minutes before washing. 

6) Just as you would with your skin, research your hair and how to properly take care of it. Someone with very fine hair would never employ the same technique as someone with very tightly coiled hair. 

7) Use a leave in conditioner. A hair oil or cream to let sit after styling or while drying will leave your hair looking shiny and soft.

8) As with skin, fatty foods are incredibly beneficial for hair. Also eat plenty of dark leafy greens. 

9) If you use heat on your hair, make sure you use a heat protectant. This is very important for preventing spit ends and breakage. 

10) Use a scrunchie to tie your hair. Don’t use hair ties with those metal attachments and by God if you use a straight rubber band (not those tiny ones meant for your hair but I mean the office supply shit) I will smack you.

Teeth:

1) Make flossing and mouthwash your new best friends. Use a mouthwash that has no alcohol after a good floss. Protect those pearly whites.

2) Refrain from processed sugars and sodas. 

3) Don’t brush your teeth within an hour of eating. This rubs off your enamel.

4) Take calcium supplements if you don’t get much from your diet. Calcium is pretty important for building bones and teeth, helping your immunity, and binding different molecules in your body. Don’t skimp out on it. 

Nails:

1) File once a week. This will keep them looking neat and you can shape them however you please.

2) Use vitamin E oil. Vitamin E oil is great for hangnails, and will give your nails a stronger, healthier appearance. Massaging it into your nails every night will make them look well kept and perfectly prepped for polish.

3) Wear gloves when cleaning. Household cleaners will eat away and weaken your nails.

4) Don’t bite them.

5) After removing nail polish, allow your nails a few days to recuperate without any polish. This will keep them from getting brittle and possibly breaking. 

General:

1) Keep your body moving. You don’t have to exercise an hour a day to keep fit. By keeping your legs moving occasionally and going on walks outside every day, you can lower your stress and it’s low impact if you have health issues or have been restricting and insist on getting some kind of exercise.

2) Practice good posture. Practice walking with something on your head if you’d like. Sitting and standing with good posture will tighten your core, improve your focus, improve your spine health, and even burns more calories. You’ll appear more confident and feel more confident. 

3) Pay attention to your diet and what goes into your body. You don’t have to go vegetarian or vegan to eat clean. Just focus on putting nutritious food into your body and avoid greasy, processed junk. Proper nutrition is pretty important, and no matter how much you work out you can’t avoid the damage being done by eating junk all the time. 

4) Do stretches in the morning when you wake up. Loosen up your body and improve your flexibility while your at it. Just a few stretches, a couple minutes, very easy.

5) Make your bed when you wake up. A great way to start your day off right and just makes your room appear neater.

6) Reserve about a half hour to an hour before your planned bed time to destress. Stretch yourself, put on some music, dim the lights, etc. Get yourself in the mindset to sleep. Improve your quality of sleep to improve your overall health.

[catchymemes]

[prof-grace-aspen]

This is the best description I’ve heard for this method, I always thought it was bullshit because I never heard a description that actually explained how to do this other than “tap your head 20 times”.

I have anxiety-induced hissing, which sounds/feels different from sound-induced tinnitus (which I have also experience). Sound-based tinnitus actually sounds like you’re “hearing” something in your ears, whilst the hissing I have feels like it’s “inside my head”, if that makes sense. But this technique still helps!!

[mieaouy]

Here’s a visual I found because I couldn’t understand the instructions well

[sushinfood]

My ringing just went away for the first time in years. What is this blissful quiet.

[dbtskills]

Self-Soothe | Distress Tolerance

So you’re in distress. You’re feeling the fire build and those urges are rising and you know there’s an explosion on the horizon. What if instead of doing something that hurts, you did something that felt good, that was kind to yourself? This is where self-soothe comes in as a distress tolerance option.

<I’ve combined self-soothe here with treat yo self (of course from that infamous Parks and Rec episode) bc fuck the rules. I think it’s similar to self-soothe and should be used both as distress tolerance AND as a preventative, self-compassionate tool.>  

Self-soothe is all about the senses, so there are 5 parts (sight, smell, touch, taste, hearing). The idea is to treat your body to the opposite of what you actually want to do to it. So instead of self-harming, you caress, you coddle, you embrace, you swaddle yourself in soft love. Now, you may be thinking ‘what the fuck???’ but just like every DBT skill, you don’t have to really buy into it 100% to get started. You can think it’s a load of crap, you just have to do it anyway. When you see it working, then you can believe it. 

What’s important about self-soothe is that you throw your entire self into it. Focus your whole mind on each sensation. In essence, participate in self-soothing mindfully. 

Here are some activities for each of the senses you can do to self-soothe:

Sight: Go for a walk and look up into the trees. Look at some rad art. Get yourself some flowers and put them by your bedside or where you eat or somewhere you can see them easily. Watch a video or a movie that you really like, that’s pleasing to look at. Put your eyes out there in nature. Decorate your room with things that make you happy. 

Smell: Get yourself some scented candles and burn those m*therf*ckers. Burn some incense. Get some potpourri. Make some tea and whiff that. Bury your nose in those flowers that you bought yourself or found on your walk. Make your favorite food and savor the smell of it. Put your face in your laundry. Do the do with essential oils if that’s your jam. Just smell whatever smells good and bask in it. 

Hearing: Play your favorite music. Listen to rain sounds or birds chirping or whatever feels good to your ears. Drum on something and listen to that. Listen to whatever you can hear and linger on each sound. 

Taste: Make or get yourself your favorite food or a special treat. Savor it, every part of the process. Chew gum. Nibble on some candy. Sip that tea you made. (For those of you that struggle with disordered eating, be cautious of this skill. Know yourself and your limits. Perhaps do the other senses instead.)

Touch: Wrap yourself in a soft, fuzzy blanket. Squeeze your favorite stuffed animal. Pet your dog, cat, lizard, bird, whatever. Brush your hair. Paint your nails. Take a bath with some bubbles or a snazzy bath bomb. Use a face mask. Put make up on. Wear fleece pajamas. Stick your toes in a river or some kind of water.  

This may sound all ~soft pale glitter girly~ to some of you. You may be thinking ‘I’m too punk rock for this’ (I joke but that was literally me). First of all, fuck gender norms and the gender binary. Self-care isn’t gendered. Second, treating yourself with care can really make a difference. Your mind responds to how you treat your body. It can change your mood and it can definitely help you survive destructive urges. What’s important is that you try these, do each mindfully, focusing wholly on the sensation, and then notice what works so you can do them again next time. 

Now, on the topic of treat yo self:

Treat Yo Self is, of course, from the show Parks and Recreation (highly recommend). Donna and Tom have one day a year that they dedicate to treating themselves. They buy themselves things, go to the spa, have a nice meal. It’s all about making one random day special, making it about YOU. It doesn’t always have to be expensive or extravagant, either. 

I’d like to propose an adapted version of treat yo self, one which uses the concept of #mood to turn average moments into something special. (This sounds like an academic paper on millennial speak doesn’t it lol). Calling something a mood can do a lot of things. It can normalize something stigmatized (see: mental illness). It can also romanticize something unromantic. Let me explain. 

I believe a key to happiness is turning ordinary moments into something special. Say for instance if I am staying in the for the night and have no plans. I could get a little down about feeling lonely or enter a spiral of sadness, or I could turn my night in into an event. If I wanted to watch a movie that night, instead of simply plopping on the couch and turning on the tv, I’d pop popcorn, put it in a special bowl, get my softest blanket, dim the lights, and make an evening of it. If I wanted to do some reading, I’d make a cup of tea, light a candle, put on some soft music. I’m making something totally generic romantic in a way. I’m turning an everyday activity into a #mood. Of course you can do these things without calling anything a mood (I know I’m a bit behind on my generation’s slang) but I find that it can help eliminate any shame I have surrounding doing things alone or differently than others. If you’re into social media you can snap the experience. Sharing also helps eliminate shame but be cautious of validation-seeking behaviors. We have the power to validate ourselves!!!!! 

Treat yo self can be used as a preventative tool or an in-the-moment distress tolerance skills. Treating yourself from time to time, either in the traditional sense or my adaptation, can bolster your mood and decrease the frequency and power of your episodes of distress. When you’re already in distress, it can help distract your brain and cultivate contentment to aid in your urge-surfing. And it just gives you something to do instead of destroying yourself.

You might be thinking, ‘I don’t deserve this kindness bc I am The Worst.’ Your pain is valid. That’s a thought I have a lot. But tell that brain to shut the fuck up and just do it anyway. This is an opposite action opportunity. You may hate yourself, but if you want that horrible, horrible feeling to change, you have to try everything you can. So try this. Soothe those senses. Treat yo self. It just might help. 

[textsfromtheborderline]

[discreet45]

[fiztheancient]

i cant believe there are people who still havent seen this video

[jerkstorecalling]

I could probably recite this entire video, word-for-word, on demand.

[toolusingmammalgirl]

Goddamn, this is nearly thirty years old and it fits like a glove into contemporary shitpost cadence and aesthetics, this is High Art

[lazyyogi]

Fear of being wounded again is itself a wound.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

How to Overcome Emotional Numbness

Emotional numbness is where we experience mild to severe feelings of detachment – so it’s hard for us to access normal feelings any more. This includes both negative and positive emotions as you can’t decide to shut just one feeling off. Common causes of emotional numbness include different stresses or traumas … from receiving bad news … to being in an accident … to recovering from the death of someone close … to a relationship breakup … to feeling deeply humiliated or ashamed. So how do you overcome emotional numbness and live with emotional integrity again?

1. The first thing to do is to choose to respect and allow all emotions – no matter what they are. Also, try and grasp the fact that suppressing your emotions will likely lead to heartache and problems later on (as they’ll possibly resurface at inappropriate times.)

2. Try and understand that feelings and actions are two very different, and unrelated, things.  That is, you can still feel angry without becoming violent – so don’t assume your feelings will affect your actions, too.

3. Try to figure out the message behind intense emotions. Are you angry because you’ve been hurt, used or abused? Are you sad because deep down you feel that you’ll never find true love - as you can’t believe that anyone will love you for yourself?

4. Take that risk – and find the courage to ask someone for help. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know that there are those who genuinely love you like – like a true and caring friend. The important thing is not to try and isolate yourself, and to make the extra effort to prioritise self-care. You need other people to help you work through this.

5. Seek professional help if the symptoms persist. There are excellent counsellors and therapists out there who have the training and skills to help you to get free – so you can live a more fulfilling and normal, healthy life.

6. Be patient within yourself. It’s likely to take time – as you will need to learn to trust, and take some barriers down, so you can be yourself again (and that is often hard to do when you’ve experience hurt and pain).  

[mentallyillangel-deactivated201]

If you have BPD

I’m here to tell you that you are NOT a bad person. You are not some monster that the stigma has you made out to be. You are a human being who was put here on this earth to do great things. You deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else does. Your worth is so infinite that a number cannot measure it. Your mistakes are not a death sentence. Your heart is just as big as anyone else’s who doesn’t have BPD. You are just as much of a good person. Remember that. Beating yourself up isn’t going to make it go away. The only way out of the eternal hell hole us borderlines are put in is up. The only way out is up.

[textsfromtheborderline]

[theinfiniteofthought]

tips for people in relationships with Borderlines

and people who are very close to Borderlines, regardless of whether it’s romantic or not! I have BPD and wanted to list some things that my partner does that really help me and our relationship, in case they can help anyone else <3

communicate!! with!! your!! partner!! 

ask them what things upset them

ask them what things you can do to ease their brain

tell them what things they do which upset you

tell them when you need space and time alone

tell them when you know you’ll be away

check in that the relationship is okay and both of you have your needs fulfilled

etc.

set boundaries for the person initially, and explain to them why these things are important to you. we’re not good at recognising other’s boundaries or understanding them innately. you can always change your boundaries, but let them know when you do

when you get frustrated and angry with them - which happens in all relationships between people, regardless of how healthy - have something you’ve agreed to say to them so they know you aren’t trying to hurt them or leave them, you just need to calm down.

try not to leave things angry or bad when you go away - try not to make the last thing you say at night sound snappy, etc. being away from our partners is always going to be tricky for us, and if you’ve left with something reassuring, it’s more likely that we’ll cope and you’ll get your sleep/rest/work/class/appointment/etc uninterrupted by us

expect us to need reassurances from you, and to need them a lot. understand that this really has nothing to do with you - whether you’re distant or not, things are good or not, etc, our disorder will always try to say things aren’t good. don’t be offended when we ask for reassurance, and if it’s tiring for you, come up with a specific set phrase or code with your partner to reassure them when they need it.

it’s likely that your partner will split on you at some point, and if you recognise that they have done and remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible, it’s likely that they’ll be able to calm down and split back soon. check in with them every couple of hours to remind them you care.

to the best of your ability - unforeseen circumstances omitting of course - don’t make promises you aren’t certain you can keep, and don’t say you’ll do something you don’t know you will be able to. saying that you’ll do something for/with us and then cancelling for something that could’ve been foreseen will make us panic.

try to watch out for the minutiae of how you interact with us. did you put a full stop on that text? did you say something which sounded unenthusiastic or uncaring when you didnt mean to sound like that? do you seem angry when you’re not? borderlines almost always recognise the emotions of others before people without BPD do, especially anger. if you can tell you sound frustrated, we definitely can. it might help to ask us if there are any habits you have which can trigger these kinds of thoughts

make sure they know how much you care about them, because they’ll constantly worry that you’ve stopped. tell them you love them, tell them you hope they drive safe, tell them you’re there for them. even though they know.

remember that a relationship isn’t a one way street. your borderline partner has a responsibility to work on their behaviour and not hurt you, or upset you, or negatively impact things. they will mess up sometimes, they will sometimes snap when splitting, or say something manipulative, or hound you for attention. and you’ll mess up sometimes as well. talk about what went wrong, what’s hurting who, and how you’re gonna work around it.

be honest. be completely honest. if it’s not working, tell them. if it’s going well, tell them. if something is hurting you, tell them. if you’re worried something is hurting them, tell them.

that’s all i can think of for now but feel free to add more

[sunflorally]

forgiveness is vital for healthy relationships and for a healthy heart, but you don’t have to forget in order to move past something. it can serve as a lesson and a reminder, but try not to let it serve as a constant that prevents you from taking opportunities (love, careers, travel, etc.) in the future.

[buzzfeedtasty]

[youthetrevival]

How you make a 30 second masterpiece about grilled cheese.

[7thblacksheep-deactivated201907]

Bitch I’m wet

[ryandevon]

Why is this cinematically better than like actual movies?

Or am I just fat?

(The new working title of my memoirs)

[thresholdofzero-deactivated2018]

Why steal porn when you can just watch this?

[allcutified]

180312 // Mental hygiene. Here are some tips to keep your mind cleand and positive that helped me a lot.

[aspiritualwarrior]

“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.”

~ David Foster Wallace

International Helplines is a list of helplines for countries around the world. Please, if you are struggling, pick up the phone and call one of these numbers, or reach out to a family member or friend, or even send me a message. You are not alone. 

“ You are not accidental. The world needs you. Without you, something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it. “  ~  Osho

[une--belle--fille]

🌸The 30 Pretty Girl Rules🌸

Always set a calorie limit (I like to stay below 1000, anywhere from 400-800)

Brush your teeth twice a day and always carry sugar free mints for after u eat

Get some succulents (and learn how to properly care for them)

Buy some fairy lights and a good speaker

Exercise for at least an hour or more (find a workout that you like, have both cardio and reps)

Wash your face every morning and night and exfoliate on Sundays and Wednesdays

Embrace the stars, learn about astrology, get some healing crystals

Get an oil diffuser and use lavender, orange blossom, rose, and peppermint

Study for an hour everyday, more is encouraged, and teach yourself things you don’t understand in school

Asleep by 10:00 and up by 5:30 on schooldays

Listen to artists like the 1975, Tyler The Creator, and Daniel Caesar

CLEAN DIET! This means no junk food and very little amounts of sugar (obviously natural sugars like those found in fruits don’t count)

Write in a journal or self care book every day

Listen to Lana Dël Rey, slowly drink a glass of ice water, and cry your eyes out when you’re sad (“3 sleeps can fix almost anything” -Drake)

Actually work hard for school, keep a planner, have notebooks with paper and a pencil case, do not procrastinate, strive for nothing less than an A (you can do it if you really try)

Never show up late

Keep ur room clean and in order

Wear perfume, a scented lotion, and hair mist

Don’t spend all day on your phone, read a book

Take up a new hobby to exercise ur mind

Shower every single day, shave and exfoliate, find a good smelling body wash

Keep you nails in order by using cuticle oil and a clear nail polish

Be a heartbreaker, not a broken heart

Be nice, send out good vibes, don’t put other girls down

Lie in the sun (with sunscreen bc we want to get sun kissed, not burned)

Do yoga and stretch

Drink enough water to keep ur pee clear

Glowy makeup look, that means skin moisturized to the gods with a skin oil and natural, model-esque makeup with no harsh eyeshadow, eyebrows, contoured/overhighlighted skin, or bright lips

Wash your hair 1-2 times a week (and deep condition) and do a hair mask with coconut oil 1-3 times a month

Practice mindfulness and meditation

[furiousgoldfish]

Even if they say “they didn’t mean it”, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they say “they don’t remember it”, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they say “you’re delusional, I would never do that, you made it up”, they’re still responsible for what they did, and for trying to gaslight and invalidate your memories.

Even if they say “I didn’t do it, and even if I did, I would be right to do it”, they’re still guilty for what they did.

Even if they have excuses, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they act like it would have been crazy to expect from them to act any different way, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if they come at you with an entire agenda of how you should perceive what they did so it actually “benefits you”, even if they insist they did it for your own good, they’re still responsible for what they did to you, and for lying about it.

Even if they cry about how much it pains them to be accused of hurting you, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if they cry about how much they love you and how they did it all out of love and never meant to hurt you, it’s still their responsibility for what they did to you.

Even if they act like what they did shouldn’t have hurt you and you’re the one responsible for taking damage, for being sensitive to being abused, it’s still their responsibility for what they did to you.

Even if they blame you for what they did to you, they’re still responsible for what they did.

Even if they insist someone else did it to them too, even if they insist they had it worse than you, even if they say it’s a cultural thing, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.

Even if it was long ago, and they act like you’re wrong for remembering such old wrong doing, it’s still something they did, and they’re still responsible for doing it.

They can lie and deny and accuse and blame and invalidate and gaslight. It doesn’t absolve them of responsibility for what they did. It doesn’t absolve them from guilt.

Nothing can absolve abusers from responsibility for their own actions. Nothing.

[naturaekos]

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”

— Dalai Lama (via goodreadss)