INFP Relationship Troubleshooting Guide (Guest Post)
Being in a relationship with an INFP is probably going to be one of the most rewarding things you have ever done in your life, so, congratulations! They are quirky, romantic, shy, bubbly little introverts who have a capacity for love that is so large, it could very easily be considered a fault. However, although being in a relationship with an INFP will certainly reap many benefits (you’re about to get a book of poetry dedicated to you, songs written about you, little gifts, “I love you” texts…), keep in mind that INFPs are drained very easily. They exert so much effort into loving their significant other, that when they suspect the same amount of effort isn’t being reciprocated, an INFP can easily begin to doubt whether or not there are still mutual feelings. Luckily for you, as one with many INFP friends, I am going to tell you how to better understand, appreciate, and love the INFP in your life.
1. They love space, but you’re the exception.
It’s true, INFPs are still introverts, despite coming across as extroverts. Normally, on any given day, most INFPs aren’t stimulated (at least, not as much as their sensor-counterparts, ISFPs) by physical touch. Lord knows they would die before they initiated it. However, just because they don’t initiate or respond to a brush against the arm or back, a kiss on the cheek, or a hug in a romantic, swept-off-their-feet sort of way, doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy it. On the contrary, INFPs are passionately affectionate creatures. Unfortunately, they are still also shy. They are constantly worried about their efforts going exactly the way they didn’t plan, so when it comes to romance, it can be safer for them to keep their hands to themselves. Go the extra mile. Put your arm around them. Hold their hand. Brush the hair out of their face. If you’re feeling extra romantic, kiss them. Once you break the initiation barrier, it will be worth it.
2. “Do you really mean it?”
A question that doesn’t escape an INFP’s lips often enough, yet is always in the back of their mind. Due to their dominant introverted feeling, remaining true to their character and their values is non-negotiable. However, it also makes them apt to know that not everyone is as honest as they are. INFPs might question, doubt, or even accuse your intentions of being false, or ill-placed. Be patient with your INFP, and remind them often that you do mean well. Words are special, yes, but they won’t believe unless you prove it with your actions. Thankfully, it really doesn’t take much. Even asking them how they’re feeling, or bringing up a story that they shared long ago to remind them that you care, and that you are attentive to their needs and stories. You may notice that they ask often how your day was. That is because they genuinely care for your deepest feelings. They would hold your heart in the palms of their hands and guard it through flood and fire. They have seen the darkness in the world, and have probably succumbed to it at some point in their life. Keeping up with them and making sure that they’re taking care of themselves is one way you can show them that you really do appreciate and love them.
3. Their spontaneous, impulsive nature is the only predictable thing about them.
Don’t allow your INFP to be apologetic for the quirky things about them. Their auxiliary function, extroverted intuition, is constantly spouting strange ideas, notions, and stories that all somehow connect with what is on their heart (Fi). If one moment, you two are discussing politics and philosophy, and the next minute your INFP expresses a sudden interest in entering a Christmas light competition, don’t take it personally. They most likely weren’t bored of the topic at hand. They don’t merely have one train of thought, they have twenty-seven, and it’s up to you to keep them grounded without judging them. Let them be random. Let them be spontaneous. Let them go on tangents and rabbit trail onto something totally unrelated. If they allow that side of themselves to open up around you (because, believe it or not, most INFPs I’ve met are actually pretty insecure about their childlike spirits), you’re very special to them. Don’t take that for granted or brush it off like they’ll do that for anyone.
4. Flirting is fun, yes, but INFPs need and crave so much more.
Don’t get me wrong, an INFP who willingly flirts is the world’s most secret, guarded treasure. However, it gets old. It’s tiring. INFPs want more out of a relationship than the physical. They crave connection and genuineness. Ask about their poetry, or music, or whatever hobby it is that they enjoy. Ask about their feelings. Talk about the universe, talk about where you see yourself in ten years, twenty years, sixty years. Throw something flirty in there every now and then, but show your INFP that you love their soul. You won’t regret it. I promise.
There you go! Four essential tips for keeping your relationship with an INFP healthy. Have fun, be genuine, and remember that nobody is perfect. This isn’t exclusive to INFPs. You can apply those tips to any relationship with any type, but according to my INFP friends, these four are the most important and heartwarming.
