4n4 recovery

side blog (interact from @/selectivechaos)

[anniespositivity]

How crazy is it that when it's warm outside, a lot of us feel uncomfortable showing our bodies? We hide certain parts of ourselves and overheat instead of wearing short, breezy clothes simply because we're worried about how we look. It makes me so sad that we care so much about what other people might think of us. So this summer, I hope you feel a little more at home in your body. I hope you find the courage to dress the way you want to. I hope you find peace in knowing that other people's opinions really don't matter. No matter what anyone says, your body deserves to feel the sun on its skin.

[ingestiblechaos]

sometimes the ED thought wont sound like a disordered thought. it’ll convince you that it’s common sense. “eat a little less today”, “skip that”, “you dont want your body to look—”

but it’s still harmful. it’s not common sense. you deserve to eat.

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

You have so much more purpose in life than trying endlessly to offer the world a thin body.

[ingestiblechaos]

maybe my friends dont hate me. maybe i don’t need to change my body to be loveable.

maybe my brain is just telling me that. and i really need to just sit with the feeling, distract myself with my favourite show, draw something, and tell myself that maybe if i just keep going then the feeling might go away tomorrow.

[ingestiblechaos]

[ID: A poem entitled ‘I do not order two raw sugars in my americano’ in all capital letters. The poem is in a book titled ‘The size of your joy’. Line breaks are marked by a forward slash. Text reads: But the barista at my local spot doesn't / know that. Or she doesn't care. / I've tried to tell her, / but she sees my face and laces my cup / like a grandmother / who won't take no for an answer. / Despite myself, I soften into this small insistence. / Did you know a black coffee / has just two calories? / Add cream and it swells to forty-two. / Sugar, and it surges another hundred. / This information matters only when / the size of your body is more important / than the size of your joy. / Yet, even when we don't ask for it, / even when we insist against it, / joy always finds us again. / One day soon it will sweeten your coffee, / or curl into the crook of your elbow, / or nest in your magnolia, and you'll say, [italics] Yes, yes, I remember. /End ID]

here’s a poem i found by Elise Powers (@/elisepowerspoet on insta). i think it’s pretty important to look at ed recovery as a way of gaining joy back into ur life

[ingestiblechaos]

i have so much hatred for the people that made me believe that i was worth more when i was starving and trying to shrink myself into a size that they found appealing.

i don’t exist for you. i exist for me.

[ingestiblechaos]

hey so im glad that you take care of your body even when your brain tells you not to <3

[ingestiblechaos]

mentally ill person: you know what, i’ve decided that being mentally ill is silly and im not gonna do that anymore. wait

[ingestiblechaos]

“No one is going to starve me or tell me what I can and and can’t eat” - Alysa Liu

i can’t stop thinking about this quote as someone in ed recovery

[thoughtcascades]

healing feels suspicious, like someone moved the landmines but won't say where

[ingestiblechaos]

you’ve got to fight to live the life you survived for

[insaneinpink]

Yea, I know I should talk about it in therapy…

but tumblr needs to hear about it first.

[ingestiblechaos]

14 year old me choosing recovery for the first time: “if a tree falls in a forest and no-one can hear it happen, does it really matter? if i have all of these urges to relapse but i don’t act on them, were the thoughts ever really there? did it matter that i stayed clean? did it matter that i chose recovery if there’s no-one there to say “well done”. if there’s no-one to validate that i struggled, was i really sick?”

20 year old me: “yes it matters. im not there but i KNOW what you went through. i know it was hard. i know what it took for you to survive. you don’t need scars, you don’t need blood tests, you don’t need to be malnourished, anemic, diagnosed. you don’t need to prove anything to anyone. what you went through was real and i remember every single time you chose not to relapse as well as every time that you relapsed. all of it mattered.

[ingestiblechaos]

eating 3 meals a day no matter what my brain says:

i really struggle with cooking bc Depression. but i still need to eat so tonight we have porridge!!

[ingestiblechaos]

because recovery isnt linear, and ive relapsed a lot, i’ve never just had one reason to recover.

most of the time, i dont know what i deserve. so recovery doesnt come from some inner sense of self-worth.

sometimes, i recover because of

the quiet feeling of wanting to be warm again,

wanting not to have to google my symptoms 24/7.

wanting to have energy for the next day.

wanting to try a flavour of something.

and i know it isn’t full recovery. i know im not all-in. and i still relapse, and im still scared of what my brain might do next. but these quiet reasons to recover are what keep me safe.

[ingestiblechaos]

making mac and cheese :)))

[satanfemme]

you've gotta be kind to yourself no matter what

[satanfemme]

this is twice as true in the winter