kyoto

not a pretty crier but at least a passionate writer

[hubiifillah]

forever a hopeless romantic.

[hubiifillah]

peaceful days.

[inkyoto]

affluent

I’ve got no money and no hint of dignity, but at least the sky’s still pretty. Taxis have been driving by and days spent by the bar feel like dying in the most beautiful of places - I miss mother, but she’s kind of dead now and my father doesn’t acknowledge anyone, but himself.

I’ve got no money and no aim to the continuation of a story, but the wind’s a little warmer today and my mind might change. I’ve been walking the streets of Kyoto, living through the happiest of people vicariously; dreaming through Tokyo skies has only brought me so far and my memories of all those, who’ve wronged me, are my predators at sunrise.

I’ve got no money except for a Euro. A payphone appears conveniently, so I dial my mother’s number but the silence encountering me, gives me the closure that was needed. Everyone around me is urging me to move on, but I don’t really understand Japanese so I’ll enjoy the autumn breeze a little longer.

I’ve got no money, but a few hours left and father called to let me know that he’s on this self-improvement journey; he said part of it was to apologize, but he’s not ready, so he offers me a place to sleep at instead. I know this is his typical shape of saying sorry and I don’t forgive him, but I take the offer anyway.

I’ve got no money and my legs are hurting - the future is catching up to me and I might just stumble over my nostalgia. Aging is a tiring process, that is permanently holding up a “Fuck You” sign for me to see at all times, and I might consider stopping myself from getting chased by it.

I’ve got no money and I feel free, but that only lasts until I start questioning this liberty. I come to a halt and notice how I was lying this entire time - I’ve got all the money in the world, but it doesn’t matter because I’m dead.

written by me, 10:57pm, 18th February 23.

[inkyoto]

i am a temporary placeholder, a listener to unnoticed strangers who have things to say, a friend to those who consider me as anyone. I am here now, known as the person who’s weirdly enough always around. i have a tendency to see the best in those who’ve hurt me, because they too have been in pain and i know i’m in no position of viewing myself as their hero, there knight in shining armour, their hand to hold onto, but saving others has been the only thing that distracted me from helping the one who needs saviour the most, because it is only I whom I will never be capable of helping.

[inkyoto]

Very cute posts, posted this year!! So cute

thank you!! that’s awfully sweet of you to say. <33

[sll26-deactivated20220619]

Stop normalizing haram things just because a lot of people are doing it.

[coldcoffee18]

No matter how much I sleep I’m always tired

[inkyoto]

oh mother i’m so depressed and you’re not listening and honestly this hard floor i’m sleeping on feels much softer than the way he held me

[moonstoast]

i blog for the girls who don’t recognise the person they see in the mirror

[aguidetolivingwell]

[virginiewoolf]

Cynthia Cruz, from “Fragment: Verwüstung,” Hotel Oblivion.

[michaelbogild-deactivated202503]

“Moon-angels, I see you not. Beautiful things, have you fled?”

— (via michaelbogild)

[respingosdoluar]

the feminine urge to run away dissappear and cut all ties and contact with everyone and everything

[inkyoto]

they keep saying i’m your loss, but as things seem right now, you don’t look like you care - meanwhile i’ve made it my habit to complain to the sea about your absence, i’ve gotten closer to god because he’s the only one who wouldn’t tell me that i’m better off without you; my mom asks me about you still and i don’t know how to explain to her that you’re just a part of my history.

[inkyoto]

my friends are getting tired of hearing me speak of you - you’re a nostalgic melody caught in my mind and i can’t seem to make out the lines. you’re a honey sweet lie through and through and i’m a dedicated believer, head over heels in love with you and i am so aware of the hardship that this brings but for you i’d risk anything; for you i’d hide in the darkest forests for a lifetime if my absence granted me your satisfaction. just stay with me and i’ll take care of everything else.

[inkyoto]

to be a young little girl once again; to tend to my father’s embrace when i’m feeling unwell and wearing red dresses and having my hair done by my mother as i impatiently sit in her lap - getting a feel of how things used to be -and being constantly reminded that i’m still my father’s favourite girl and my mother’s greatest blessing. it all goes back to first days at school and drawing away my solitude. i recall memories of celebrating birthdays with my family and dancing until my feet are hurting. the cold winter nights of me falling asleep in the back of the car and my father calling for me to wake up - just for him to eventually carry me inside. the days where my biggest burden was not being allowed to go outside. i miss being young and free; i can’t recall the day i gave up on being happy. (24th jan 9:55pm)

[inkyoto]

i spoke to god about you; he was very well aware of my admiration for his creation - i’d stay up until it’s too late to sleep, talking to him about you and me. no one knew how much i loved you but him - no one knew how many tears i’ve wasted over you but him. you’ve become the center of my attention; the bane of my wisdom. i had turned you into my sun; no one was as beautiful as you; no one as blinding as you. despite my growing resentment for the circumstances that you left me in, i don’t regret that it had to end. i was desperately trying to rebuild a connection with someone who refused to treat me with the slightest bit of consideration and i’ve come to notice that running after you is like chasing the clouds for it is a never-ending torture. but isn’t this pain the core of love? to be so passionate, it devours you from within? your only comfort being the one who is capable of both adding onto your agony, as well as liberating you from it? 10:07pm 24th january