II

Feel free to talk to me about anything.

[insane0illusions]

Finally time to paint

[whatareyoureallyafraidof]

[queergeologist]

I still haven’t gotten my birth control, I’m getting closr to running out

[parlezvousladybug]

I’m already hearing stories from the purists who have beef with the Biden/Harris ticket and I AM BEYOND OVER IT. you have learned NOTHING from 2016.

I did not vote for Biden in the primary, but I am damn well voting for him and I am voting down ticket as well. Voting third party is the same as voting for Trump and everyone who does it this election Is an asshole.

[insane0illusions]

hmmmm

So I was talking with a friend about how I didn’t remember writing a lot of the things on here and he told me that 3 of these poems together read like one long poem and I think he’s right. My brain had me posting in broken bits.  Your eyes are like honey

Sweet and tempting

and insanely bad

for my diabetic blood 

(but god I love candy)

Long after you were gone

I bathed in the pain that was losing you

I locked myself in a cage with ache and regret

I laid with delusion and psychosis

I clung to the idea of you

like a child clings to a blanket

like an addict with a needle

I had no idea there was such safety in sorrow

Now I've cried an ocean

And put it between us

Goodbye lost love,

it's time for something new

I remember the exact moment

I picked up the matches

I quickly pressed one against the striker

I gave it a swift pull and watched it light

With a flick of my wrist I tossed it towards the wreckage

And thought to myself

"Fuck it then, just let it burn."

[craigslits]

[insane0illusions]

I haven't been here in years. And to be honest I was so in the depths of my mental illness (that was changed to type 1 bipolar) that I don't remember writing a lot of the poetry that I wrote here. When I read it I remember the feelings and I know the relationships I was referencing but I can't believe I hardly remember actually doing it. Mental illness is a hell of a thing.

[insane0illusions]

It takes so much energy to sit here. So much effort to blink. My body is using all of it resources to keep me from bursting into a million pieces and it can’t even comprehend why.

[insane0illusions]

Brain: I'm anxious Me: about what?? Brain: I don't know but I'm anxious Me: Well if you don't know why are you so anxious Brain: I'm sure I'll find something .....

[insane0illusions]

Hi, I was wondering if you would be interested in checking out my website for BPII? I don't usually try to solicite people directly, but I really believe in building a strong network for individuals with BPII and our friends and family. If its cool with you, please let me know and I'll give you the link. Thank you in advance ^_^

Sure it's always helpful to know you're not alone

[insane0illusions]

In fact, it is not necessarily true that everything can be conquered with will power. There are forces of nature and circumstance that are beyond our control, let alone our understanding, and to insist on victory in the face of this, to accept nothing less, is just asking for a soul-pummeling. The simple truth is, not every fight can be won.

The Center Cannot Hold Elyn Saks

[insane0illusions]

Hello sweet hypo mania. Purrrrr....

[insane0illusions]

The best love is when you are torn between the desire to cuddle the other person or rip their clothes off.

3 -C

[insane0illusions]

It makes me sad that the medication that makes me stable steals my motivation. My creativity is still there I can feel it. Sometimes it reaches up and smacks me in the face and I have to stop whatever it is I'm doing and give it proper attention. But for the most part it's buried deep, and I find myself without a shovel to dig it up.

<3- C

[insane0illusions]

Being a neurotic hopeless romantic is so hard. When you finally find someone that is exactly what you're looking for, they are just perfect for you and you're having such a good time, all you can worry about is how you'll lose them. How long till you fuck it up?

<3 -C

[insane0illusions]

The way you look at me makes me feel like anything is possible and my fate is sealed at the same time. 

<3

[insane0illusions]

I spend all my time alternating between wishing I could feel something and wishing I could stop feeling so much. 

[insane0illusions]

What's the right way to move on when someone can't even comprehend what they've done to you. They stand tall and proclaim innocence when the truth is that they cut you open and tore you apart bit by bit. You stand their holding your insides in your hands with blood dripping from your finger tips. But, it's not their fault they cut you. It's your fault for being so damn cut-able.

-C

[insane0illusions]

How is it that you're trying to tell me that not only is it my fault that you made me feel bad, but it's also my fault that you feel bad as well? I don't believe you. And every second you're out of my life, I feel just a little bit better.

-C