emmie

pass me a note saying, 'meet me tonight'<3

[insanityplus]

intro 𓈒 ⊹ °. ⋆｡˚

hi my name is emmie!! i like reading, music, engineering, and coding. i also enjoy (not really it’s painful) crushing on people i probably shouldn’t 🫶

my tc is Z. he’s my cs teacher. he’s 26, single, nerdy, and the absolute sweetest. he definitely likes me just not in the way i wish he did :)

[insanityplus]

forgot to ever update y’all on the beginning of school!

so far it’s super chillll i’m slaying the class. but i think i’m over him!!! like for real!!! it hit me like a week in. i don’t get that giddy crush feeling around him anymore. i don’t overthink my every word and action around him. i don’t fantasize about him. i have fun being around him and talking to him, but in a way i feel around my friends, not a crush.

the biggest piece of evidence is yesterday he told the class he has a girlfriend and i didn’t care!!! well i did but because i was happy for him!! not at all jealous.

i have been “over” him before and ended up falling just as hard as the beginning, so i am definitely expecting that. but for now, he’s just a great friend! and that’s amazing.

[insanityplus]

ONE WEEK YALL

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it’s so funny to me that he’s not really my type at all. like why is this my first time ever having a crush on a blond blue eyed dude

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preemptively getting anxiety about taking his class this year like what if it's too hard and i embarrass myself. like i'm seriously thinking about dropping but if i do then there's 0 girls in the class and Z would kill me idk what to doooo

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1 MONTH TIL I SEE MY MAN AGAIN 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

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YES HE’S A NERDY LITTLE LOSER!!!!

but he’s MY nerdy little loser ❤️

[hopeless-tcc]

He’s cute in a wet rat kind of way. He’s tall and gangly and he wears boxy glasses and his dress shirts are always crumpled and he walks with a slouch and ohmygod I love him

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i loveeee when someone is talking or has a question about Z so they talk to me. like yes i am actually a specialist in that subject thank you!

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the worst part of this entire thing is that he has done so much for me. he pushes me to be my best. he talks about my future in a confidently positive way. he goes out of his way to help me in anyway i need. he makes me believe in myself more than i ever have. but i still feel like something is missing because my twisted feelings aren’t reciprocated. i feel disgustingly greedy. he’s already done so much for me, more than i could possibly deserve, but i still can’t help but want something more from him.

[insanityplus]

i wonder how many times he's thought about me over break

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that one time i was wearing an entirely red and black outfit and out of nowhere he started talking about how red and black are his absolute favorite colors.......

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how much are you allowed to snoop before its stalking.... asking for a friend.......

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was my crush reignited by him recently texting me that he's proud of me???? maybe!!!!! is that such a crime?

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thinking about when he would lean over me to fix things on my computer and now i'm foaming at the mouth

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ok maybe overthinking again but maybe he actually wants me. letting me sit in his office just us two, the gifts, all the compliments, giving me his number, going out of his way to spend time w me and do things for me, the hugs????

i know those things could definitely be innocent but that is absolutely not normal at all for staff at my school because of our 12823173 scandals. also i know for sure that he hasn't done most of those things with any other student

so the fact that he's done all of that with me is kinda ???????? i truly have 0 clue about what to think at this point i'm losing it

[insanityplus]

thinking about that one time he lifted his shirt a little to clip something on his belt loop and i saw the top of his boxers and happy trail………

i felt like a victorian man seeing an ankle for the first time it’s actually so shameful