I haven’t posted on here in a while
But. I met my adopted sister whom of which I haven’t seen for 14 years. We’re so alike and it’s weird but she means a lot to me, but not only does she mean a lot to me but so do her sister and brother as well as her extended family. I came and stayed at her grandmothers place for four or five weeks now. Sometimes I feel so welcomed and sometimes I don’t feel welcomed at all. I fit in so well but only because I force myself to fit in and all I am is sad. I feel hypocritical because I’ve been telling my sister that to be able to care for others you have to care for yourself and I haven’t been doing a good job. Now yesterday we all talked about our situations and our feelings as family and it was eye opening for me (and surprising that I was allowed to sit in on it) and when I was asked to speak all I could was shake as I cried about how I was kicked out five months ago. Let me tell you that shit hurted. In all seriousness my mom kicked me out because of her own stuff she never took care of, and because of recent deaths (not so recent now?) in our communities she took her stress out on me and kicked me out for no reason. I don’t blame her but I know it’s not fair, so don’t trip up on that and tell me how I should feel about it. I know what she did was wrong and how she treated me was wrong. It makes me feel shameful and dirty everytime I tell someone I was kicked out because they give me this look of “what did you do” and that hurts. It feels like they’re taking their side without listening to me. I’m planning on getting a therapist so I can have someone to talk to properly about my problems and issues without feeling guilty about putting my stuff on other people. Anyways. That’s all I guess. An update of me as I’ve been away from tumblr.
