The Other Side of Me

This is pretty self explanatory.

[insidemirrors]

There’s not a doubt in my mind that I’m gonna marry you one day.

[insidemirrors]

One day, you’ll met a boy, and you’ll love him more than you love mummy and daddy.

Mum

[insidemirrors]

It’s been five years since I said that I didn’t know if I would find love. Since then I have been proven so, so wrong. But with the deepest love comes the most painful hurt.

[insidemirrors]

[insidemirrors]

Me and You Where would you like to go next?

[insidemirrors]

I just keep holding onto the idea that even though I am nearing 20 and I am yet to experience being in love, that maybe my first love is going to be so great and so worth it I’ll wonder why I thought waiting was hard. It’ll be the kind of love that people will see and they’ll know we were meant to meet, we belong. This is what I hope. I don’t want to waste my time on any other kind of love, which is why I have never had a boyfriend. I’ve simply never met anyone that I’ve felt that with that has liked me back. Sure, human affection is nice, but nothing beats that pure emotional connection.

One where you don’t have to think, you just know. It’s like the connection between friends. Who knows why you are friends, it just works. This gives me hope. It’s the only thing giving me hope. Or maybe I’m expecting too much?

[insidemirrors]

It’s funny reading this considering what I posted last night.  Younger me was quite insightful.

[insidemirrors]

You were worth the wait. Growing up I never allowed myself to believe someone could think this way about me, that I would feel they meant it, because after all I was "weird". I avoided anything that could be misconstrued as flirting, and then when I was brave enough to try again, you were there in the background supporting me. I felt heartbroken when it didn't work out when I tried, when a guy refused to admit the truth and didn't even think I was worthy of being friends with. Again, I saw myself as unworthy. You quickly shushed and picked me up out of that, with your cheeky humour, your ongoing care for me. "It can't be as bad as what's already happened," I thought, "why don't I have some fun with this". I knew that you cared about me from the start. Your heart is so big, so open and so generous to the ones you love. I didn't see myself falling this hard, this fast and seeing such a clear future with you. Every person in your life adores you beyond belief. Each day I am reminded of the amazing person you are, and how damn lucky I am to have you. You are more than worth the wait. You're worth my future.

[insidemirrors]

Him: I love you so much you have no idea

Me: I think I have some idea

Him: No you really don't

[insidemirrors]

Me: I feel silly for missing you this much, but I can't help it. I love you.

Him: Time with you is pretty perfect.

Him: You have no idea how much I love you.

[insidemirrors]

Me: You only remember my birthday because it's when your sisters wedding is

Him: No, I remember my sister's wedding because it's on your birthday

[bbethanyishere]

A few times in a lifetime you’ll meet people where it’s just so easy to develop and grow with them.

It’ll feel like time flies with each moment becoming an hour, a day, a weekend, a month in reality.

You’ll be surprised at how intense your feelings become but in awe of how they shape you.

But this is what love should be. So easy to fall into, and so hard to get away from.

[insidemirrors]

of course, now I would say falling in love is worth it

unknown

[insidemirrors]

Me: The stars are so stunning

Him: I like looking at the almost cloudy clusters of stars and imagine that it's because there's so many stars their lights outshine each other

Me: That's what I've always thought

Him: One of my favorite things in the world to look at

*hugs me and kisses me on forehead*

This is another one.

[wordsnquotes]

Even before you touched me, I belonged to you; all you had to do was look at me.

Louise Glück, “The Burning Heart” (via wordsnquotes)

[insidemirrors]

It’s always him

I don’t know how to say that I’ve never loved or respected a human so much. I don’t want to tell him that I can’t imagine a life without me. Which frightens me, because one day I may have to. 

I have the thought that I only think this way because of my upbringing. People know they’re the one for each other after a year. I know he’s definitely my first love and I his. It’s a beautiful connection that we won’t have with anyone else. 

I worry because I am in the guilt cycle of it won’t be like this forever because we are not Christians which is bullshit and just shows the amount of manipulation my mother had on me. 

I didn’t want a relationship when I met him, nor did I expect one. But somehow it became too easy to include him. To make him such a big part of my life. I am so fortunate in that everyone tells me he’s one of the rare ones. That he truly loves me. I hope it stays, because my god it feels amazing and although it’s not fiery and passionate - everyone says it doesn’t seem at all forced, that we are more at ease when we’re with each other, that it seems like it was a meant to be.  Of course I met him online. Of course he was the guy that I didn’t care what he thought about me. It’s kind of amazing, because that’s how we fell in love. I never thought I would use that to describe myself. I fell in love with someone who cares so much about me I want to take care of myself for him.  I fell in love with someone who has a generous heart, a love for life, and a thirst for new experiences.  I fell in love with someone who doesn’t judge my relationship with my mother, who is beginning to understand that although I dearly love my family, the best option was to move away.

I fell in love with someone who doesn’t try to understand me, but instead attempts to learn about me. I fell in love with someone who has brought me into his loving, amazing family. His mother understands me, as her mother is similar to mine.

I never thought it would be so easy to fall in love and to feel like my world is with him now. Sure there have been awkward times, but we have never been mad at each other. We have never ever been vicious. I can’t believe it and that’s why I’m so scared of losing it. 

It’s why I was so afraid of falling in love with someone. But it has been life changing. I’m experiencing a side of myself that I love. A side that has to adjust, but is in tune with loving him. I know now that a part of me, if not all will always love him. That’s not a bad thing.

[insidemirrors]

Simply in love.

I'm his and he's mine. We're each other's but together. We are each other's first true loves. The way we are similar and the way we are not. Falling in love took me by complete surprise. But it's magical, changing and beautiful all at once. I see how I've changed and how he's changed. We've changed together. I can spend hours with him with no plans set. We don't need anything to do, as just being with each other is enough. I never though I'd be able to spend hours in his arm and not care how quickly time is passing by. It flies, he makes me feel treasured. I enjoy this feeling. I'm excited for our future together because I know it's limitless. As he said to me in the early days, we have all the time in the world. Now, I want to spend the time with him. It's true, simply. I love him.

[insidemirrors]

Then again. I can't believe I found someone who tells me exactly what I need to be thinking, and how it will help. It's so odd. It's like he knew I was stressed and hadn't thought about it. He brings out something in me I didn't know was there - a belief in myself.