Instant Dreams

Quick and dirty posts that don't fit on Twitter, Blogger or Facebook. So, basically, all of 'em then.

[instant-dreams]

I met my wife in 2017. She's awesome. I couldn't have asked for a better partner.

We had planned our wedding for September 2020 in Jasper, at a Parks Canada location outside in the mountains. The pandemic or a stop to that, and we had tentatively rescheduled it for a year after.

When we found out about my cancer, I asked her if she still wanted to marry me. She said "Of course, don't be silly". After we learned what the treatment would involve we decided to have a small wedding at her grandparents acerage in October 2020, before I had to shave off my beard for the radiation treatment. Her family were witnesses and our best friends were our best people, and my best's husband was our officiant. It was the best thing we could have done in the time and situation.

My radiation treatment involved me receiving 70 Sieverts over 35 fractions. I was bolted to a table as a linear accelerator revolved around me and zapped my tumour-containing lymph nodes. During these sessions I'd remember standing at the archway my wife's grandfather built and turning to see her walk up the aisle as the autumn leaves fell gently past us.

That was my happy place. It still is.

[instant-dreams]

In August 2020 I found a lump on the right side of my neck. I had it checked out and it was a cancerous tumor. Because it was season 1 of the lockdown I had to wait until January 2021 for treatment.

I had six months of radiation and immunotherapy as part of a clinical trial. Recovery was rough and I lost 50 kilos. That gave me body dysmorphia and disconnected me from myself.

In October 2021 a PET scan and follow up CT scans confirmed that one lymph node was still active. A full resection of the lymph nodes on the right side of my neck was confirmed as the best course of action. Just before the consultation for this, I got a message from my dad that my mum had passed away.

I discussed options with my family and they agreed that my mum would have wanted me to stay in Canada to have the operation rather than return to England.

At the end of February 2021 I had a 6 hour surgery. The next day I woke at 6 AM to view the memorial service for my mum, where a video I had previously recorded was played. I sat in my bed and wept for myself and my mum.

[instant-dreams]

Is it time to yell into the void?

I think perhaps it is.

[instant-dreams]

It's my 13 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Who knew this hellsite had such longevity

[armengoldira]

[apologiesnope]

I'm dying.

[jbirdoftheriverlands-deactivate]

before it gets bad I'm just gonna tell y'all certain rich people have literally only recently noticed Open Source software availability compromises the bottom line of their proprietary investments so if you see little chickadees on this website talking about the dangers of Open Source software all of a sudden it's cuz they accidentally sipped some koolaid mixed up by the far right yacht people to fuck with peoples software sovereignty and right to repair, modify, and redistribute robust codebases that become a problem when 30% of your portfolio is in, oh, say, adobe or openai.

This is your unfriendly neighborhood computer fucker telling you not to fall for it and to demand your right to digital sovereignty rather than trusting companies to make correct choices about what to do with the parts of your life they would very much like to have in the cloud to continue improving their products.

[instant-dreams]

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

[instant-dreams]

[instant-dreams]

Macchiato knows exactly how cold it is out there. Stay warm, #yeg (at Bellevue) https://www.instagram.com/p/CmaAAIDvaws/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[instant-dreams]

Renya has Big Goblin Energy (at Bellevue) https://www.instagram.com/p/CmZhTHpvPuf/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[instant-dreams]

Renya (at Bellevue) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ckd07H1L1sw/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[mr-squiggley-poufs]

Ok so I've found a way to describe what Neurodivergent Can't Do Task Mode™ feels like to neurotypicals

So you know how you can't make yourself put your hand down on a hot stovetop? There's a part of your brain that stops you from doing that? That's what Neurodivergent Can't Do Task Mode™ feels like

Even if we want to do it, there's a barrier stopping us from doing it, and it's really hard to override

And why does our brain see the task as a hot stovetop? Because when neurotypicals finish a task, they get serotonin, but we don't get that satisfaction after completing a task. A neurotypical wouldn't get serotonin from putting their hand on a hot stovetop, it would just hurt. When we can't do a task, it's because our brain knows that the task will hurt (metaphorically) and wants to avoid that.

It's not that we're choosing not to do the task, it's that our brain is physically preventing us from doing it.

Neurotypicals can and should reblog but please don't add anything

(Sorry/not sorry about the random bolding, it makes it easier for us to read)

[dovewithscales]

Oh that’s a great example. It’s not even really a metaphor in some cases. Because this is exactly what some of our brains are doing. For one reason or another the brain thinks that the task in question is dangerous or harmful and the mechanism keeping us from doing it is a survival mechanism.

[ms-demeanor]

I am but a horse rearing away from a suspicious paper bag while neurotypicals laugh at me for reacting sensibly to environmental threats.

[jinxpologist]

opened an epub of “unmasking autism: discovering the new faces of neurodiversity” by devon price and got punched in the face by the first paragraph. off to a great start

[jinxpologist]

“Parents or grandparents who themselves have Autism spectrum traits dismiss the child’s complaints, claiming that everybody suffers from the social stress, sensory sensitivities, stomach issues, or cognitive fuzziness they themselves experience.“

this is hysterical to me because i read out a list of autism traits to my mother while fighting to get assessed and she said “well if that’s autism then i’m autistic too” with a straight fucking face

[palominocorn]

My mother: (constantly feels alienated from people, does not understand basic social conventions, gets really into certain hobbies and topics, struggles to maintain relationships, eats a grand total of six foods)

My mother: (married to a dude who spends 18 hours a day staring at code, REALLY can’t socialize and doesn’t particularly want to, melts down if things aren’t Perfectly Ordered and Efficient, and insists that conversations go a certain way each time)

My mother: (raised my two older siblings who have NO SOCIAL SKILLS WHAT-SO-FUCKING-EVER, freak out if things Change Without Permission, and have bizarre issues with sensory stuff)

My mother: (completely straight faced) No Mino, there’s no history of autism in our family. We were all normal until you decided to become mentally ill.

Me: (looks into the camera like I’m on The Office)

[instant-dreams]

I’m wearing a shirt I got in 1993. All my original run comics of The Sandman are in my parents attic in England My home network is called The Dreaming. To say that I’ve been waiting for the Netflix adaptation is an understatement.

I watched the show with my wife, who knows I love this comic and indulged me with my frothing about various characters over the years.

The show was special. Very much an adaptation from page to screen, but also from the time it was published to the time it was adapted.

I loved the bits that were identical to the comics - I’d pause and show my wife the panels, we’d watch again and I’d be giddy at how thematically accurate they were - especially when Fiddlers Green became once more, great work by Stephen Fry. But that wasn’t the best part.

I didn’t expect to be as surprised as I was. The plot went in different ways than I expected, in delightful ways that made sense, in perplexing ways that made me think “Ohh, how are they going to weave this into that other plot thread?”.

The visuals, the casting, all the performances - nailed it. I could not be happier with the world that Neil Gaiman and the entire cast, crew, & team have created.

Plus, I’ve been saving episode 11 for later today, as a little treat. Can’t wait to visit Dream Country.

[instant-dreams]

Well this isn’t going to end well for humanity

[instant-dreams]

I'm wearing a shirt I got in 1993. All my original run comics of The Sandman are in my parents attic in England My home network is called The Dreaming. To say that I've been waiting for the Netflix adaptation is an understatement.

I watched the show with my wife, who knows I love this comic and indulged me with my frothing about various characters over the years.

The show was special. Very much an adaptation from page to screen, but also from the time it was published to the time it was adapted.

I loved the bits that were identical to the comics - I'd pause and show my wife the panels, we'd watch again and I'd be giddy at how thematically accurate they were - especially when Fiddlers Green became once more, great work by Stephen Fry. But that wasn't the best part.

I didn't expect to be as surprised as I was. The plot went in different ways than I expected, in delightful ways that made sense, in perplexing ways that made me think "Ohh, how are they going to weave this into that other plot thread?".

The visuals, the casting, all the performances - nailed it. I could not be happier with the world that Neil Gaiman and the entire cast, crew, & team have created.

Plus, I've been saving episode 11 for later today, as a little treat. Can't wait to visit Dream Country.

[neil-gaiman]

Hey, Neil! On the off-chance of you answering asks before September, I am getting married and wanted to use "Everything I have to tell you about love" as a ceremony reading. Is this okay? Also, I can't see it published anywhere, so would it be okay to translate it into Slovak so my half of the family understands as well? :) Thanks a lot!

Hope life is treating you well, say hi to Terry when you next talk to him, since we all know you have powers and I miss his words.

Of course!

[neil-gaiman]

For the curious, you can read it at

Wedding thoughts: All I know about love

My friends Sxip Shirey and Coco Karol were married yesterday.  I wrote and read something for them at the wedding party. Afterwards a

[instant-dreams]

I had my grandfather in law read it at my wedding and it was perfect.

[jumpingjacktrash]

if something confirms your biases, that's when you REALLY NEED to fact check it!

if it scratches an angry little itch, fact check it!

if it gives you petty satisfaction, fact check it!

if it feels like revenge, fact check it!

ESPECIALLY if it's about a group or demographic rather than named individuals, FACT. CHECK. IT.