In Suspense And Incomplete

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It’s a funny thing about happiness. You can strive and strive and strive to be happy, but happiness will sneak up on you in the most peculiar ways. I feel happy suddenly. I don’t know why. Some days, the way the light strikes things. Or for some beautifully immature reason like finding myself running to the kitchen to make myself some toast. Happiness comes to me even on a bad day. In very, very strange ways.

Joni Mitchell (via wordsthat-speak)

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I am ...

Too sad to laugh

Too proud to cry

Too social to retreat

Too shy to advance

Too intelligent to believe

What the voices say.

But too weak to stop

Them from saying it.

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Drop, drop—in our sleep, upon the heart sorrow falls, memory’s pain, and to us, though against our very will, even in our own despite, comes wisdom by the awful grace of God.

Aeschylus, Agamemnon

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Ola Gjeilo, “Contrition”

Domine, exaudi orationem meam, et clamor meus ad te perveniat, ne avertas faciem tuam a me

(O Lord, hear my prayer, and let my cry come to thee; turn not away thy face from me)

_____________

Thou art my rock, thou art my rest.

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For those who see this and are of the praying persuasion, I dearly and humbly ask for prayers for my family as one of us faces a major surgery.

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“Vidi aquam” - Gregorian Chant for the Sprinkling Rite of Easter Sunday

"I saw water flowing from the right side of the temple, alleluia; and all they to whom that water came were saved, and they shall say, alleluia, alleluia."

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Calvin Hampton, “A Repeating Alleluia”

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Old Roman Chant - “Terra tremuit” “Terra tremuit et quievit dum resurgeret in judicio Deus, Alleluia.”

“The earth trembled and stood still when God arose in judgment, Alleluia." 

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“For God So Loved the World” - Lanny Wolfe; performed by Vanessa Bell Armstrong

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Lament of the Mother of God - sir John Tavener 

The choir of Winchester Cathedral Director - David Hill Soloist -  Solveig Kringelborn

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Woe is me, my Child! I see Thee, dearest and beloved Child, hanging upon the cross, and my heart is bitterly wounded. But in Thy love, speak some word to Thy handmaiden. Woe is me, my Child! I wish to take my son down from the wood and to hold Him in my arms as once I held Him when He was a little child; But alas, there is no-one to give Him to me. Woe is me, my Child! I see Thee bruised and wounded, without glory, stripped upon the cross. O my Child, and my heart burns. Woe is me, my Child! In my arms, I hold Thee as a corpse, O loving Lord, who has brought the dead back to life; Grievously is my heart wounded, and I long to die with Thee, for I cannot bear to look upon Thee lifeless and without breath. Woe is me, my Child! I reflect, O Master: how never again shall I hear Thy voice. Never again shall Thy handmaiden see the beauty of Thy face as in the past, for Thou, my Son, hast sunk down before mine eyes. Woe is me, my child! Where dost thou go, my Child? Why dost thou run so swiftly? Is there another wedding in Cana, and are thou hastening there to turn the water into wine? Shall I go with thee, my child, or shall I wait for thee? Speak some word to me, O Word; Do not pass me by in silence. Thou hast preserved my virginity, and thou art my Son and God. Woe is me, my child! Release me from agony and take me with Thee, O my Son and God. Let me also descend with Thee, O Master, into Hell. Leave me not to live alone, for I cannot bear to look upon Thee, my sweet Light. Woe is me, my child! Dost thou change my grief to gladness by Thy Resurrection? Rise, O God, and judge the Earth! Rise, O God, and judge the Earth! Woe is me, my Child.

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Franz Liszt: “Totentanz” (”Dance of Death” - A Paraphrase on “Dies Irae” for piano and orchestra)

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“Stay With Me” - Taize

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Anton Bruckner, “Pange Lingua”

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“Ubi Caritas” - Ola Gjeilo - performed by the Central Washington University Chamber Choir, directed by Gary Weidenaar, featuring piano improvisation by the composer himself, the splendidly talented @ola-gjeilo

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From the Gospel for Wednesday of Holy Week 

“... while they were eating, he said, “Amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” Deeply distressed at this, they began to say to him one after another, “Surely it is not I, Lord?” He said in reply, “He who has dipped his hand into the dish with me is the one who will betray me. ...” Then Judas, his betrayer, said in reply, “Surely it is not I, Rabbi?” He answered, “You have said so.”” (Matthew 26:21-23, 25)

Jesus says to Judas, “You have said so.”  This reply places the ball squarely in Judas’s court.  It is, as it were, up to Judas himself whether or not he will be the one to betray Jesus.  It is up to him to make it true that “surely” it is not he.  The responsibility is, ultimately, Judas’s.

Similarly, when it comes to doing the right thing or doing the wrong thing, we can either listen to the voice of conscience that comes from God, or ignore it.  It’s on us.  If there’s anyone who will be responsible for our genuine wrong-doing it will be us.  Let us pray for the wisdom and the strength to do what is right ... lest, in response to our question, “I am innocent, right?” Jesus himself would answer us, as he answered Judas, “You have said so.”

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From the Gospel for Today: 

“Reclining at table with his disciples, Jesus was deeply troubled and testified, “Amen, amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” The disciples looked at one another, at a loss as to whom he meant. One of his disciples, the one whom Jesus loved, was reclining at Jesus’ side. So Simon Peter nodded to him to find out whom he meant. He leaned back against Jesus’ chest and said to him, “Master, who is it?” Jesus answered, “It is the one to whom I hand the morsel after I have dipped it.” So he dipped the morsel and took it and handed it to Judas, son of Simon the Iscariot.” (John 13:21-26)

It seems that, in this account, Peter had to know Judas would betray Jesus.  Taking this at its word, Peter flatly asked Jesus to identify his betrayer; and Jesus gave him a fairly straight answer.  Peter then probably saw what happened - when Jesus dipped the morsel and gave it to Judas.  

How much more obvious could the answer have been?

And yet, Peter did nothing.  He didn’t try to stop Judas.  He didn’t yell out at him.  Imagine Peter here - staring in bewilderment as Judas takes the morsel and eats it.  

How often do we realize that we have been like Peter?  How often do we realize that something is so obvious - obviously wrong - in front of our eyes, and yet we have done nothing about it?   Sometimes this “patience” is prudent.  But sometimes it’s cowardly.  Sometimes we take action for the wrong cause.  But sometimes the wrong is failing to take action at all.

Maybe it speaks to Peter’s character - after all, later in the Gospel passage for today (not copied above), Jesus predicts Peter’s denials.  Peter’s also the one who started to sink when he lost his nerve while walking on water.  Perhaps Peter’s hesitancy to act is a cross for him to bear - maybe it is a cross for some of us to bear as well.  I am one of them.

We all can do better, with the help of a relationship with God, on account of which we see with God’s eyes, feel with God’s heart, and are spurred to act by God’s instigation.  

So let’s return to that relationship, talk with God and strive for God’s vision to see what is right and wrong - and, importantly, the courage from God Himself to get over ourselves and to stand up for the right and against the wrong.

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In many cases there is an urgent need to revamp economic and social structures. But one must guard against proposals of technical solutions that are untimely. This is particularly true of those solutions providing man with material conveniences, but nevertheless contrary to man's spiritual nature and advancement.

Gaudium et Spes (Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World), §86