Re-Establishing The System

[versalitas]

“One day I will forgive you; until then there are scabs everywhere that you have touched me.”

— Salvador Plascencia (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[patchedsystem-deactivated202111]

“you can’t just dissociate through all of your problems”  actually, I can and that’s the problem 

[the-nordic-system]

Every System is Different

Some will have 5 alters

Some will have 100 or more

Some can directly communicate with their alters

Some can’t communicate with each other at all

Some will have fictives

Some will have factives

Every system is different

You’re not faking it

[livinadidlife]

When shit’s going down in the headspace and you don’t want to get involved.

[lesbianshepard]

in theory its super bad when straight dudes go “hey ur a lesbian? we both like girls we’re the same!” but in reality this has happened twice and most recently was today when a guy i was training in the frame shop went “oh you’re gay?” “yea” “that’s cool. it’s cool that you told me. we both like girls and star wars so it’s nice that we have a shift together :)” like god damn it brett you’re so respectful and thoughtful with your goddamned words

[lesbianshepard]

the posts that are like “straight men can never love a woman like a lesbian” are cool jokes and stuff but u gotta really appreciate dudes who have no idea what its like to be gay but try their best to try and relate. “we both like hot ladies” you know what, ryan? that’s close enough. i appreciate that.

[enigma-boi]

[headspaceconversations]

system ask memes by yours truly!

🖍: how many littles are there? 💋: are any of your headmates dating? 🍎: what are y'alls favorite foods? 👹: how many non-human members are there? 👠: how difficult is it for y'all to agree on one cohesive outfit? 💥: how much in-system fighting is there? ✴️: how many fictives do you have? 🎃: are there any headmates that could be considered scary? (demons/ghosts/vampires/etc.) 🌆: what does your headspace look like? 👂: what kind of music do y'all like? 🤝: are you out as a system to anyone? 😶: any headmates that rarely front? 😱: do your headmates have any phobias? 🗣: who is the main fronter? 🔢: how many headmates are there? 🆕: who’s the newest member? 🛌: which headmates are the caretakers? 🌪: which headmates are the protectors? 🌫: how often do y'all dissociate, if at all? 🕸: what’s your oldest memory of being a system? 💬: free space! tell one cool fact about your system

[integration-failures-blog]

Back Story

When we were 17, our host was forced through integration by her step-mother, and her therapist, who was a friend of her step-mother, and therefore did not care about patient confidentiality. Instead of actually integrating (which isn’t a thing, really), the host shut most of us away in a closet. The only ones still out were me (Sylvia) and Magpie (also goes by Nix). Magpie and me both fronted, but the host was so much in denial that she just thought she was losing huge amounts of time, until she eventually got lost. I became the new host, but we went by Nix and Magpie a lot, because we were also in denial and didn’t realize we were fragments of a system.

A few months ago we saw the host’s father, and memories started flooding back, and “voices” that we didn’t know where they came from. We started talking to our therapist about this, and she sent us to a DID specialist, but we didn’t really get anywhere because we couldn’t remember anything.

Then we saw a post on a friend’s facebook timeline about integration, and memories started coming back. That friend and her friend who has DID got on the phone with us, and we finally realized what was going on. A few hours later our “door” that had us all hidden behind it opened, and everyone came out.

Since then, we’ve been trying to get a cohesive, functioning system together. Learning about each other, and about ourselves. And it’s been hard, but luckily we have a great outside support system too, made up of the two lovely friends from earlier in this story, our girlfriend (mine and magpie’s technically), and the host’s cousin. :)

[dis-c0nnect-ed]

If you’re crying bc of the crushing weight of the reality that time is passing and the suffocating pressure that everything you’re doing is Not Enough™ and you know it clap your hands

[livinadidlife]

[integration-failures-blog]

Intro Post

This is a place for each part of our system to journal or reblog posts they like. We are going to do an intro for each of us at some point, but it’ll take some time. We are still very switchy and trying to re-establish our system again, after a failed integration attempt/years-long denial. Bear with us in this time, and we will greatly appreciate it.

[naaaaaaaaaah-deactivated2020112]

What doesnt kill you makes you dissociate so hard you become a different person