All My Thoughts

[intereupting-thoughts]

A toast to the achingly average, to those of us damned to a lifetime of living only in the fleeting memories of the ones we so adore.

[heartofmuse]

I love how where you tread flowers grow in your wake and how softly you come to sing stars into my heart.

e.v.e.

[intereupting-thoughts]

Addiction may be the one thing that does not grow easier with time. It’s been so long since ive indulged myself now. So long without even a taste of her, my love. Haven’t I earned some fucking relief… Just a drop… Just a slice.

One Year Clean and the Empty Days After

[intereupting-thoughts]

The turning over of seasons

Damp soft spring crushed by the blaze of summer

The neighbors wisteria clamoring over the back fence

A fruitless search for shade and sanctuary beneath the sparse old oak

Heavier and heavier they droop

Parched and sunburnt

These dear flowers are not meant for this season

When finally touched by a cool breath of wind

That long desired relief

The chance for consolation has ceased

Purple petals float to the ground

So beautiful even now

Who would deny it

Flittering and floating

Dancing at the gods behest

How alive she is in this moment

Yet already dead

[wordsandmorewords]

Half of the bed

Half of the bed just a surface for towels and clothes to settle upon Having to call a locksmith when keys find a hideaway Twice the sweat, no one to mow the back lawn So many rooms empty and echoing

When you’re gone.  

[intereupting-thoughts]

I want desperately to believe in something. To relinquish my trust to god or love. But I was taught to pray by bigots and taught to love by selfish men. So the question then is how do I reconcile faith in anything when even my naivety has abandoned me?

[love]

Life’s Lil Pleasures Vol. 1 & 2 by Evan Lorenzen

[intereupting-thoughts]

All I’ve ever wanted was to be adored

[inrumford]

light, in the time of dying

to move, and not be flying

a force propelled through timeless decay

to set upon where my body lay

the winds of midnight sighing.

light,

in the time of dying

[intereupting-thoughts]

Your name tastes like blood in my mouth

Metallic

Unmistakeable

A memory

[intereupting-thoughts]

Everything you thought you knew is spilled out and shattered on the floor like a thousand piece puzzle. Even the edge pieces look the same. The very basis, the outline, lost somewhere in a seemingly endless pile. Where do you start again from there? What piece do you lay as the cornerstone of your soul? What sort of damaged person can you put back together from the mess of broken pieces?

[resilientpear]

What’s worse? How many times you broke my heart or how many times I let you?

-My loud thoughts

[intereupting-thoughts]

Rocky Relationship

You placed your hand right at the base of your sternum “Right here…”. A soft exhale and a small stutter later you completed the thought, “Right at the bottom of your heart. You don’t feel it there?” There’s an openness in the question I’ve never heard from you before. There’s just a sliver of vulnerability finding its way to the surface …maybe, but I don’t have time to analyze your intentions now. Because now you’re watching me, waiting for an answer, and gauging my reaction. I have to stifle the urge to correct your anatomy. Instead of “Thats not your heart babe,” I choose my next best defense mechanism.

“No, I don’t have feelings,” I laugh, brushing the question away as quickly as it came. This time I’m lucky. You don’t seem to catch me avoiding the question.

Now should be the moment I exhale in relief. Once again I’ve managed to keep you at a safe distance. Instead though, I am overtaken by that feeling. Yes, that one right there. The one like you’ve just swallowed a mouthful of rocks. Of course I know it. In fact, I would say I’m far too familiar with that feeling, because what you recognize as an extreme emotion or heartbreak is the base state of my being. I am perpetually swallowing stones with every inhale of breath from the moment I wake until I am finally heavy enough to find sleep’s embrace. For as long as I remember there is not a minute or a memory in my life untainted by my aching.

So the honest answer? Yes my darling I feel it right there. I feel you right there.

5/25/18 to the boy I shouldn’t love

[intereupting-thoughts]

These are not love letters and they are not for you.

Head my words. Beware.

[intereupting-thoughts]

Just sweet enough to make me want to trust you.

Just mean enough to make me feel something.

Feed Me

[intereupting-thoughts]

Doing drugs in lingerie watching you pretend to love me

1/31/18 5:32AM

[intereupting-thoughts]

I can see your lips quivering from here.

There’s something you want to say.

Your eyes are pleading with me to understand.

But I cant see it, and you can’t seem to choke the words out.

8/29/17