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Writing tip

M-most people don’t t-talk like th-this when they st-stutter from n-nerves.

It’s more…it’s more like going back and…and starting over. Maybe repeating some, some words.

Bonus tip: this is ESPECIALLY true in thoughts. Thoughts are a lot more fluid than speech because there’s no physical barrier to get past when they form into words.

tormentist-deactivated20180217

I’ve never realized how true this is. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

revanchistsuperstar

This is something I do and it’s nice to have it validated, because sometimes I feel like I overuse it. The way I write is through imagining an almost cinematic scene and just copying down the dialogue I hear as it goes by in my brain. And as someone with a slight stammer, it’s very easy for me to default to someone repeating a word or part of a word trying to fight through to finish a sentence.

sacrificethemtothesquid

#writing ref #and if they do its not like 1 catch #its not th-thank you#at least in my experience#as someone who stutters and has encountered a lot of people that do its like#the word is stuck and ends im up like th-th-th-th-thank you#or stutter stutter stutter long pause to compose and then word

tags by @onceuponaprime

^^^^ THIS.

theworldswecantsee

I get pumped when my ships kiss in a fanfic BUT IF ONE OF THEM SAYS “FUCK IT” BEFORE JUST GOING FOR IT IM PROBABLY SCREAMING AND CRYING BLESSING THE AUTHOR

monfufu

hi im bitter about people not commenting on fics. im sad seeing all these authors get so discouraged because no one comments. it takes like 5 seconds! just do it!! dont know what to type? me neither! heres some handy pre-written comments for you! “I dont know what to comment! That was great! thank you for your hard work!” “That was lovely! I really enjoyed this chapter/fic.” “How dare you?” “AAAAAAAAAAAAA” “Extra kudos because one is not enough!” if you read a fic and dont know what to say, leave the tab open, come back later! see if theres a line you really liked! tell them if it reminded you of something dumb! tell them if your roommate saw you crying while reading it and now your roommate is reading it!!! SHARE WHATEVER. BE INCLUSIVE! everyone wants to hear SOMETHING. silence kills passion. show authors you care! show artists you care!!!!

Like this

THIS!

This is more true than you know, okay. Seeing no comment, no reblog and just a few likes, if at all, on a story you poured your heart into is crushing beyond your belief. If you don’t write you might not think it’s a bad thing, but it is. Writers are excited like little kids on Christmas about a comment that just says “I really loved this, good job!”, okay. It doesn’t have to be an essay or an analysis, but please show your appreciation and don’t just leave.

pieceofshir-deactivated20201112

All of the things ^^^

quoth-the-sparrow

Please to all of these; all your comments and re-blogs is what fuels me to write more!!!!

wandering-scarecrow

I feel this! I have like… 2 regular rebloggers/commenters, and thats what I live for

thevictoryfire88

Oh really? Ok!

kinkyoverwatch

Even when I take forever to update, oops. ;)

On a mission

OKAY! So I work at a tax office and it's tax season blah blah blah work is gross. Anyways, tax season is over on April 15th, so my hours cut down from 9 hours a day to 6 hours a day; which is epic(except the pay decrease) I plan on starting back to my writing on the 16th because that's my day off ^~^ I have several Raphael one-shots in the editing room, along with a few Leonardo and Mikey ones. I am also considering some "Flashback" one-shots. I recently got Amazon Instant Video and I've been watching all my favorite old cartoons and TV shows. Like any typical fangirl, while watching a show I scour the Internet for fanfictions! And some of my favorites are seriously lacking literature. I'm not sure if anybody would bother to read them, but that's not stopping me from writing them! So to sum all this up, I'll be back to writing on April 16th and I hope you guys are ready to read, because I have a lot of new ideas!

#update #fanfic #turtle fanfiction #old school cartoons #rocket power #chalk zone #static shock #tmnt 2003 #hey arnold #pokemon #danny phantom #old school is my favorite

In LOVE with this blog tbh

Oh wow!!! Thank you so so so so so much! I'll be posting more soon!!

WE ALSO HAVE A FF ACCOUNT!

If you would prefer to read our stories elsewhere, you can find them on my personal Fanfiction.net account.

https://www.fanfiction.net/~thetornpage

Almost all of the fanfictions I post on this blog can also be found there ^~^

Happy reading, and thank you for following or liking our stories!!

#link #fanfiction

Raphael x OC

This story can also be read on my Fanfiction.net account https://www.fanfiction.net/~thetornpage

Take me away

Raphael x OC (Amber)

2K12 Universe

-Honestly I’m horrible at picking OC names, which is why the names for the 2K14 and 2K12 are the same, I apologize-

Title: Take Me Away

Pairing: Raphael and Amber

Rating: M for swearing and serious situations

WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND attempted SUISIDE. Mentions of eating disorders as well. TRIGGER WARNING. I’m usually not very big on this topic and tend to avoid it, but I like this story idea so please bear with me; and note my warning. I promise there isn’t anything graphic.

Summary: Amber(OC) has been pushed past her limits just one too many times. She can’t take it anymore. She’s lost her fight to live, buried in worry, surrounded by pain and twisted by stress. When Raphael can’t get her to answer her phone, he prays he can make it to her house in time.

Take Me Away

The day started out normally. The sun rose over the bustling city, she woke up and got ready for her day.

She shrugs off her bathrobe and steps onto the scale; 89.9.

She’s bloated from the pizza Mikey nearly forced down her throat last night, can still feel the cheese sticking to her throat as she swallowed. The only ‘good’ thing that came from eating was seeing the smile on Raphael’s face.

She needed to be good for him. Good enough wasn’t enough. She needed to be perfect.

Now; standing bare as the day she was born, feet on the cold metal of the scale. The only thing she can muster is a few tears.

Shivering from the cold, she wraps herself back in her robe and rushes to her bedroom to get dressed for school.

~*~*~

His mornings were always easy. He wasn’t an early riser like Leo, but he did pride himself on waking up before Mikey.

He stands up from his bed and stretches back, hearing a satisfying crack from his joints. Fastening his padding into place and tying his mask, he leaves his room.

No one is in the kitchen yet, he travels past the living room and into the dojo. His older brother in sitting cross legged on the floor, meditating.

He flops down on the floor and lays back on his shell, perfectly content to lie here and wait for his brothers to start the day.

~*~*~

It’s not that everyone is mean to her, most people are actually kind. When she parks her car in front of the school, sucks in a deep breath and grabs her backpack, she ventures into a world she despises.

While climbing the main stairs, a balled up piece of paper is tossed in her direction and hits her in the back of the head. She knows not to look back, to just keep walking and ignore them.

But their laughter follows her.

Her locker is right next to her friend April’s. April has been the only constant in her life, meeting in kindergarten; just months before her parents died in a car accident. She spins the dial on the lock and pulls the door open.

Slipping her Biology book into her bag, she ducks her head down and makes her way to homeroom.

~*~*~

After breakfast Splinter has them line up for sparring. As usual, he is paired up with his older brother.

When it comes to fighting with Leo, he prefers to avoid using weapons; it’s more challenging that way. Having to dodge Leo’s kicks and jabs instead, of the swipe of his blades.

He leans to the left to regain his balance, just missing Leo’s left hook; only for Leo to take his feet out from under him with a kick to the back of his knee.

Landing hard on his shell he lets out an oof. Before he can get to his feet, Leo reaches a hand out to him. Raph takes it with a grin, ready for round two.

~*~*~

The first attack of the day is second period. Amber is minding her own business, nose stuck in a book. Not really reading; hiding from the judgmental glances her peers send her.

A boy at the desk behind her stretches a leg out from his desk to hook an ankle around the leg of Amber’s chair. With a hard yank, the chair is pulled out from under her. The surprise of the attack gives her no time to react; her forehead slams against the edge of the desk before her butt makes rough contact with the tile floor.

Everyone in the room laughs. The teacher in the room heaves a sigh and tells her to go to the nurse’s office. She gathers her things and hides her tears behind her eyes until she’s safely in the hallway.

The nurse is more concerned with the bullying rather than the large lump on her hairline. Amber brushes it off as an accident; the nurse argues that this is the fourth accident in a month.

When the nurse rests a caring hand on her forearm she recoils and asks if she can return to class.

~*~*~

The brothers are lounging in the living room, relaxing easily after a hard day of practice and training. Raph is nursing a bottle of water while Leo is curled up in front of the TV watching Space Heroes.

The lair is pleasantly peaceful. The buzz of the TV, sounds of a drill coming from the garage, and the pinging noise of the pinball machine.

Raph is thankful to have a day where they could all just kick back and relax.

“Raphael!”

His eyes snap open at the sound of April’s voice echoing through the subway tunnel. He sits upright as April is pushing past the turn styles. “What’s wrong?” He asks the Panting redhead.

April hunches over and lets out a few harsh breaths. “Amber- huff- left school –huff- without telling anyone –huff-.” April rises back to full height, seeming to have caught her breath. “When she didn’t answer my calls I assumed she’d come here.” She glances around the room, the once relaxed turtles staring curiously at her. “She is here, isn’t she?”

Raphael shakes his head slowly, still trying to process all that April has said. Was his girlfriend missing? “No, she isn’t. Why would she be here? What happened?”

“I don’t know!” She whines dejectedly. “I went to meet up with her at lunch, but her car was gone. I called her a dozen times and got no answer.” April sighs and looks to Raph with concern. “I really hoped she came here.”

~*~*~

Putting the car in park, she removed her hand from the gear shift and rests her bruised head against the steering wheel.

What was she doing? She needs to be at school. She needs to twist the keys in the ignition and drive back to campus. But she doesn’t.

Amber opens her car door and steps out into the brisk air, autumn is fading into winter. The once vibrant colored fallen leaves now brown and crumpled along the edges of the sidewalks.

Once back in the safety of her apartment she checks her brother’s room to make sure she’s alone. Finding his bed empty and bathroom door open, she deems the space safe. Amber sets her backpack down on the edge of her bed. She grabs a spiral off the desk and jots down a note.

Life is precious, something not to be wasted. I feel nothing short of regret knowing I have done just that. I can’t keep this face anymore, forced smiles and long sleeve sweaters when it’s warm out. If I could make it easier, change the way it all played out – I honestly wouldn’t change much. I love my family dearly. April, you’ve been my friend since I was five. You’ve been with me through thick and thin; I’m setting you free today. The brothers. When I first met you, all I could think about was how different we all were. Now that I look back, I see how much we had in common. We both have to hide, we have secrets we dare not share. My own secret is my demise. The hatred that burns within me, a hatred directed at myself. This body that holds me like a cage, my head trapped in a prison of humiliation and distaste. I love you all and I wish we could have spent more time together. I’m sorry Raphael.

Goodbye my friends.

She tears the page along the perforation lines oh so gently, as to not tear her final message. Folding it neatly in half she lays it on her pillow. Hopefully her brother will return and check for her in here before he goes to the bathroom.

~*~*~

“So you’re saying you haven’t seen her at all?” Leonardo questions April again.

The redhead nods. “I’m sure. I can sense her, but it’s faint. Like she’s loosing connection ..with..her body-“ April sucks in a gasp, panic filling her eyes. “She’s trying to kill herself.” She screeches. “Donnie do something, she’s gonna kill herself” Tears quickly flow down her cheeks as she looks to her terrapin companions.

Donatello pulls April to his chest, embracing her tightly. “Leo, you and Mikey go topside and check for any signs of her car. April and I will go out on the shell raiser and check the school again.” The purple masked ninja looks to his elder brother. “Raph, you go check her apartment.” The words reverberate in Raphael’s mind. “If anyone finds her, shoot out a mass text. I’ll call Casey and have him on the hunt too. Let’s move.”

His brother’s take off on their own assignments. It takes Raphael a few seconds to sort out his thoughts. But the moment the fog has cleared, he’s running at full speed to the surface.

Once above ground, he ascends the first fire escape he sees and bounds building to building, the harsh wind whipping against his face as he makes a mad dash to Amber’s apartment. When he reaches the building to the left of hers, he takes the leap and fumbles slightly. Tripping over his own feet and falling face first into the sandpapery surface of the rooftop.

~*~*~

The bathtub is almost full, she’s added her favorite lilac oils and the scent fills her with a dangerous calm. She reaches blindly for the orange prescription bottle, knowing exactly where it’s been hidden for months now.

Four of the white tablets should be enough; she’s not looking for an overdose; just a faster way to fall asleep. Trazadone had been prescribed to her after the last attempt on her life.

Standing naked before her full length mirror for the second time today she releases a long sigh. This is it. She allows herself a moment to look herself over, taking in all her imperfections, the little flaws that nag her restlessly. She could stop, settle into the water comfortably and not take the pills. Allow herself to relax and think.

She’s tired of thinking. It’s over now. Done.

Twisting the cap she dumps a few pills into her hand and tosses them back into her mouth. They travel down into her system with a swig of water; she shakes out her limbs as the bitter taste rises on her tongue. She easily slips into the bath and closes her eyes.

Peace.

No.

That’s someone in the living room.

Calling her name.

“Amber! Fucking- Amber answer me! Where are you?”

Is that Raphael, no, It couldn’t be. She keeps her eyes closed, drowsiness already soothing her wild mind. Just a few more minutes.

There’s banging on the door, she knows. But it’s faint, like a dull thumping that can easily be ignored. The water is so warm, comforting and accepting, the gentle movement coaxing her to drift away. Muscles gone slack, no feeling in her appendages, nothing. Just the warmth of the water and her finally quiet mind. What a way to slip away…

~*~*~

When he finds the bathroom door locked it registers in his mind that she must be inside. At first all he does is knock, light raps against the wood, a warning as not to startle her. When there is no response he knocks a bit harder, calls her name. Still only silence. He beats his fists against the door; she can’t do this to him. She can’t do this to herself.

Taking a few steps back he lunges forward and kicks a leg up, breaking the hinges and causing the door to fracture. He pushes past it and enters the bathroom. The bottle on the counter is open and next to it is an empty glass, his eyes shift franticly to the tub. The tap is still on, water over flowing out onto the floor.

He rushes forward, her body is submerged. Under the water she looks even more broken, distorted. With both hands he hauls her out of the water and into his lap.

“Come on Amber, you aren’t dying today.” Raphael tilts her body forwards and starts to harshly pat the center of her back, trying to force the water up out of her lungs. Picking through his frazzled brain he tries to focus on saving her. Not the way she looks so tragic in his arms. So small, smaller than he’s ever seen her. Without her sweaters to hide behind he can see it all. The bones daring to break through her skin, red puffy lines up and down her sides; the perfect hiding spot. “You won’t die today.” He remembers the basics of CPR, laying her flat on her back he places a fist on her sternum and a flat hand on top. He applies pressure, 1-2-3, pinching her nose with his fingers he puts his mouth over hers and breathes into her. Chest compressions 1-2-3, breathing, 1-2-3, breathe, 1-2-3, breath, 1-2-3, breathe-

Water sputters against his lips, the body below him coughs, water spilling from her mouth. He pulls her up and leans her forwards, she vomits. It’s mostly water and a sickly mixture of a white substance and bile. Her fingers grip his biceps as she dry heaves and continues to drain her lungs of water.

“Raphael?” Amber rasps. “Raphael?”

His arms incase her in embrace and she clings tightly to his warmth. “Amber.” He whispers softly. He can feel her shivering against him, her lips are sticky with whatever came from her lungs and stomach; can feel them against his shoulder. “Damnit you scared the shit outta me.” He’s so afraid she’ll break. She looks so fragile and frail, but he can’t help himself when he holds her tighter.

She nods against his shoulder. “I scarred me too.” Moving her hands from his biceps, she wraps her arms around his neck and pushes herself closer, she’s so cold and he’s so warm. “I thought I really did it. I thought I was gone.” Raphael feels her shift and climb into his lap, curling against him. She’s crying, loud sobs that shake her shoulders. It’s only then does her realize his eyes are burning with tears as well.

Raphael’s body shudders and is hit head on with emotion, his eyes overflow and tears race down his cheeks. “Don’t ever do that again.” He nuzzles his face into her hair, it’s disgusting, his nose is clogged with snot but he needs to be closer to her. Feel all of her; know she’s here; alive in his arms. “Don’t ever scare me like this again!” He cries out loudly, smothering her so close to his chest it must be painful.

His body feels like jello and he quakes with fear. How did this happen, how could he not have noticed? Was he blind to her problems or was she just that good at hiding them? One of his hands leaves her waist and threads through the wet strands of her hair. He pulls her face away from his neck and up to his own, dropping his lips down on hers in a desperate kiss.

He devours her lips with his own, pushing past the sour taste, he doesn’t care. She’s alive, and he’s so damn thankful that he got here in time. One of her hands cups his face as the other tightens around his neck so she can pull his face closer. Her lungs haven’t fully recovered and the lack of air intake causes her to cough violently and a watery blood mixture splatters across Raphael’s plastron.

Raphael wastes no time grabbing his T-Phone and calling Leo. When his older brother answers Raphael remembers he’s still crying like a babe and there is a lump in his throat the size of a baseball. “At her apartment.” He forces the words out. “We’re at her apartment.”

“On my way. I’ll bring Donnie too.” Leo is brief and in control. Raphael trusts his brother with his life, and that’s enough for him.

He manages to stand up, easily lifting Amber’s featherweight form with him. He swiftly carries her into her bedroom, pulls back the covers and lays her inside. She’s soaking wet and the water on her skin has cooled, she’s chilled to the bone. He catches a glimpse of a long sleeve shirt on the floor and snatches it up; working it onto Amber’s body.

Once he has her tucked in up to her chin he places a soft yet searing kiss on her blue lips, think fingers holding her face tenderly. “You have to promise me that you’ll never do this again.” He says when they part. He knows it’s a lot to ask. He’s not even sure of the whole situation. Her depression is a revelation to him; she always seemed so happy, so carefree. Raph can see now that it’s all just a face she’s been hiding behind. “I know I don’t understand,” He closes his eyes and presses his forehead to hers. “But I can’t lose you. I might not understand this problem, or know how to fix it. But I know you. And this, this isn’t you.” Raphael nuzzles against her nose. “Promise me.”

“I promise.” Her voice is but a wisp of air, eyes glazed over and lips still blue. “I’m so sorry.”

Leonardo, April, Donatello and Mikey rush into the bedroom. Donnie makes a beeline for the bed and grabs her hand out from under the blankets. His fingers grip her wrist. “Her pulse is weak. We should get her back to the lair, I can help her there.”

April pushes her way through the turtles to grasp her friends’ hand. “Shouldn’t we just take her to a hospital?”

Raphael moves his caress to the back of Amber’s head, cradling her. “Donnie, can you really help her?” He doesn’t look away from her when he asks.

“Positive. 100 percent Raph, I can pump her stomach and clear her lungs.” The honorary doctor of the family assures him, strength in his voice.

Raphael nods. “No hospitals, she can’t afford it. We’ll take her to the lair and Donnie can take care of her.”

~*~*~

They had to drug her to pump her stomach, Donnie had her hooked up to three different IV’s and was constantly monitoring her. The purple branded turtle hardly left the makeshift hospital they’d set up in the corner of his lab. He’d managed to rig a heart monitor and an EKG but he was still not a state of the art hospital. He lacked major equipment and most of his test had to be done by himself and his trusty microscope, but he promised his brother he could save her.

Leo spent most of his time Patrolling the sewers near their home, never venturing to the surface but ensuring his families protection. The best place for him to be was here, beside his brother who he ached for and his friend who was lying unconscious, hooked to several machines.

Mikey did his best to lighten the tense mood, he tried cooking for everyone, offering up movies to watch, games to play, anything to take their minds off the obvious. Even sensei was off, instead of meditating as he usually did, he would sit in the lab with Donatello, Raph and April. April never left Donnie’s side, doting over him as he was so focused on Amber he forgot about himself.

Raphael, filled with guilt and remorse, and so much anger. He was so furious with himself, how could he not have seen this coming. She hardly ate when she came to see them. April had told them time and time again that she used to be outgoing but was now an introvert who wasn’t good at conveying her emotions. He, the one who always bottled things up until he burst in a fiery rage; hadn’t noticed she’d been doing the exact same. Only opposite. He took out his anger on others; she directed her flames on herself, too gentle to aim the gun at anyone else. He should have known. He should have done something, anything. He should have been there for her. But he wasn’t, and now she won’t wake up.

~*~*~

It’s been five days since the accident; Amber has yet to awake and has showed little response. Donatello is losing faith quickly, trying everything he can think of to help wake her up. He makes an educated guess that she might be under oxygenated, and still have poor circulation; it would certainly cause her body to slip into a ‘hibernation’ like state. He has Leonardo break into a hospital and steal a few oxygen tanks and tubing.

She wakes the next day, midafternoon. Her fingers start to twitch, then her toes, Donnie is almost hyperventilating with abundant joy. It worked! Raphael has a tight grip on her hand as he watches her slowly come into consciousness. Her eyes flicker open, blinking a few times, then she smiles.

“I’m really glad I didn’t die.”

~Was that ending horrible? I thought it was horrible…… yeah.

#fanfiction #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt 2k12 #tmnt fandom #raphael fanfiction