You come to my blog and dont kiss me? You dont cradle my face in your hands with heartbeaking tenderness and swear your love for me? Jail! Jail for tumblr user for 1000 years!!!!
I'm proud of how this part turned out, even though I didn't double-check Zooble's details that were shown in the trailer - because obviously, they had something different instead of what I came up with here. But I hope nobody minds, because I think those details look cute.
I can't promise when the next part will be out, because I still have a ton of ideas I want to make and about the same amount that I need to make or finish. Plus, I need to dive into animation since I'm planning to add an animated sequence for the next part (and my skills in that area are nonexistent lol).
okay but some hotels requiring a minimum age of 21 for booking a hotel room has me extremely in my feelings about the idea of early days hollanov starting out in hotel rooms they weren't even old enough to book for themselves
GOD. shane's wallet drops out of his bag in the locker room one day and stuff spills out, so a couple of the guys help him gather things up, and one is just?? hold up?? 🤨 hollzy, is this a fake id???
and shane is full fawn in front of headlights freeze mode, but he's still 18/19 atp so the older guys just give him some playful nudges and maybe ruffle his hair with, "mad you can't drink when we hop the border, huh?"
and shane is just Yep. This Is For Drinking In America, Something I Definitely Do Please Don't Ask Any Follow-Up Questions Thank You.
shane is lucky it was his teammates that saw his fake id and not his mother. yuna would have gone off (probably while david was in the background reminiscing on how he used to have a fake id, too). that interrogation would have led to shane coming out right then and there with how bad he is at lying to people's faces.
(the funny thing is imagining how this would change the eventual first meeting between ilya and shane's parents. the angsty thing is imagining how this might have scared shane enough to stop hooking up with ilya instead.)
you added my tags, and now i'm adding yours!!
i do love the idea of ilya finding out about this years later! of course they have to fuck about it. they're probably trying to do some sort of lowkey roleplay about their hookup years in whatever hotel ilya books, but they're completely failing at keeping the vibes the same—the love and romance just keeps leaking through because ilya is feeling so particularly sappy about it all.
oh my GOD it's years later when shane is old enough to get hotels on his own now but just still has it in his wallet because he just never thought to take it out, and i am cackling at the idea of shane in the middle of the "oh my FUCKING god" of it all just pulling a desperation play of, "i'm only seeing-well, i'm kind of-it's-it doesn't matter. i'll stop seeing him, i promise, it doesn't-"
"honey, no! i would NEVER want you to do that. that's so sad."
and shane has already very obviously been pushed to his fucking limit, so david taps in here and helps settle things down in which shane doesn't have to talk about His Special Friend (shane fully gags when yuna says this because she's over-correcting and doesn't want to assume terms until she's done a refresh on some online forums to make sure her words will be accurate) right now and can just wait until he's ready. and they love him and they'll love whoever he loves (shane is fully breaking out in hives at the L word getting tossed around like this), but they can wait until he's ready for that.
and now shane is in the position of his parents don't know WHO he's seeing, but they know he's seeing SOMEONE, and they are CHECKING IN NOW. AND THEY ARE ASKING HOW HIS PARTNER (the word they've arrived at after boyfriend, significant other, and special friend all made shane visibly nauseous) IS, AND. WELL. FUCK. HE DOESN'T WANT TO LIE TO THEM WHEN THEY'VE KIND OF MADE PROGRESS TOWARDS HIM GETTING TO LIVE HIS TRUTH.
WHICH MEANS HE CAN'T CUT THINGS OFF WITH ILYA EVEN THOUGH THAT'S HIS PANIC INSTINCT BECAUSE THEN HE'D EITHER HAVE TO LIE ABOUT IT (BAD) OR SAY HE BROKE IT OFF AND RISK GETTING ASKED FOR DETAILS (ALSO BAD).
which then offers the extremely funny possible canon divergence opportunity after the tuna melt when shane makes it to the door but then gets hit with the thought, "oh god i'm gonna have to tell mom about this." which means he's facing down either having to talk things through with ilya or talk things through with his mom, and before he's even made a conscious decision, he's already hitting a 180 because even now, ilya is the less nerve-wracking option in that equation.
In the Curse AU do you think Shane finds any solace in the fact that the curse was some evil sentient thing actively fighting him? Like, it’s so so so fucked up but at the same time it gives you something to blame, something to hate, and as painful and fucked up as it is that no one in his life could tell what was going on, it can’t all be blamed to them not caring enough? Or liking this version of him better? Like, it still hurts so much ofc but there was this thing there, this fucking thing, ACTIVELY fighting against them noticing, derailing conversations, shutting down concerns, mimicking Shane in terrifying twisted accuracy… and I’m not saying they are blameless but it’s maybe a liiittle less about them not properly looking (and I think it adds credit to curse!Ilya to finally see something is off and being concerned about Shane’s behavior even with the curse fighting it). I don’t know if it changes much of the horrors he suffers but I wonder if it’s something he might cling to for his own sanity at least.
I think the most comfort it’s going to provide Shane is about Ilya.
Again, we’re just gonna have the immediate aftermath of the curse be the literal end of the long game, just with Shane getting to scream on the inside. Shane does not get that much relief in that time because there is none in the story. The curse frankly does not have to try very hard to cover up Shane’s possession and it’s worse at covering up his possession in those weeks. One of the rules of curses in this universe is that they evolve and become more complex the longer they remain. It’s very convincing mimic of Shane’s mannerisms, but it’s less equipped to smoothly cover up Shane’s attempts to break through. When it’s first settling into Shane, Shane’s got more chances to seize a tiny bit of control back, and the curse is more limited in how it plays those moments off. It’s like an AI model that’s early in its development. It’s still learning how to be a person. It kind of comes off like Shane is glitching between unhappiness and happiness.
But it doesn’t matter. Everyone just fucking goes with it. He seems so much happier now :) He’s so much more relaxed :) They’re so happy for him :)
Shane loses a lot of hope that anyone’s going to notice after it’s not figured out in the first month or so. Because a lot of the signs of a curse that people are trained to spot involve sudden changes in personality and decision-making and values. Once this goes on for more than a month, his personality’s not all that different now, because Shane’s acting the same way he has for weeks. Like. Once people accept the curse’s act as Yep :) That’s Shane :) and thinks of the curse’s behavior as the baseline for his behavior he’s kind of fucked
But Ilya’s going to eventually confront Shane about how he thinks Shane’s been hiding depression, and the curse is going to try to deny it. That’s Not What It Is. It’s not meant to be someone’s Depressed Wife Husband. It is meant to be happy, and inconvenient, and requires no maintenance. It gives you a spouse that exists for your use. It gives you something that is always there to agree with you, to validate you, to support you, to wait on you, to always be happy to fuck you. This is not meant to be a mutual or balanced relationship. You are not meant to be worried about its wellbeing anymore than you’d be worried about the wellbeing of a fucking blender or the inflatable sex doll you packed in your fucking travel bag. It exists for its spouse’s use. If Ilya’s worried about something, then it needs to just make those worries go away.
But Ilya thinks Shane’s being cagey because he fucked up when they first got married. Like. I’m gonna give him a lot of regret over that time because I don’t know how you can’t regret being excited that your spouse is losing everything because it’s convenient for you. I hate having to paint Ilya with that brush to begin with but we are married to canon for that part. We are not shying away from how happy he was and giving him concern or worry that simply was not in the book.
Shane tried way harder to signal the possession in the first month or so. The thing is that the curse is actively covering things up but it is limited in how it does so. It can only be what it is. It is placid, happy inconvenience. If Shane manages to force out a few words about how he’s upset or unhappy, it cannot feign a conversation following up on that. It has to get Shane’s body back on track to being a smiling, inconvenient thing that you never have to worry about, and again, the curse is very new and more unskilled about how it does it in those first few months. He’s Fine :) He’s Happy :) Don’t Worry About Him :)
Shane dedicates an agonizing amount of effort to forcing out little signals of upset hoping that someone will notice the bizarrely immediate return to empty, smiling happiness. That is a classic sign of a fucking curse. His entire goddamn life is falling apart. He’s losing everything. Surely, someone, someone is going to notice how fucking weird how he’s acting about that is.
And then just. No one does. There’s no follow up questions. They’re so glad he’s learned to relax a little :) More cake? :)
Ilya’s canonical strategy of responding to Shane’s every expression of emotional upset by offering sex really works against him here. It is so easy to attribute the sudden shift in Shane’s mood to the afterglow. Of course shane’s not upset anymore—he just got a fucking blow job. Emotional upset, cured.
By the time Ilya confronts Shane about his “depression,” Shane has fully given up on anyone noticing. He has for the most part given up on landmining his loved ones with little signals that he’s cursed because fuck knows they aren’t picking up on those as it is and Ilya’s fucking him regularly enough as it is and he can’t. He can’t cause more of that. He just. He can’t. He’s frankly dedicating all of his attempts to get out of this towards trying to kill himself.
He manages to lock his ankle during a game and take himself down on the ice, but he wakes up in the med bay after to a very worried Ilya and very recoverable injuries. Ilya has to go on a roadie while Shane’s on injury leave and he spends a week unable to do nothing but perform minimal body maintenance and answer Ilya’s calls and stare at a fucking wall.
We’re also gonna go the mildly sentient arena route with this fic because I like the aesthetic and also it fits what I imagine for the Stanley Cup Wish/magic in general. Magic has a certain level of intelligence, as seen by the curse. And the Stanley Cup gets its power from the preceding years of hockey. Each game played, each cheer of the crowd, each win, each loss, it all churns and churns and churns like water on a prayer wheel. The power is collected in the Cup and that’s what makes it holy.
The power flows towards the Stanley Cup but the arenas gather the runoff over the years. The arenas remember. And sometimes they will sing to you the echoes of games past and, on the rare occasions that they actually notice you and like you, they will occasionally ensure your path through its halls runs smoothly. They never help their players during a game, that’s not what they are, but a door may literally open for you if you play a particularly good match. It’s considered a huge recognition from the arena to have so much as a light flicker on for you when you enter a room.
All the doors open for Shane Hollander in Bell Centre. All the lights turn on when he walks through its rooms. He hasn’t touched a switch or a handle in years. Because the Bell Centre loves Shane Hollander. Shane loves it back.
It always sang to him, always, and it rustled the banners in its rafters when he skated beneath them like it was trying to wave to him. He’d hear the echo of his own games in its song, his own laughter, louder than the rest, as if it was trying to tell him that he was its favorite. Metros fans sang to him when it was 19, and the Bell Centre collected the sound into its rafters and crooned it back to Shane whenever he stepped onto its ice, as if to echo him I love you I love you I love you
Shane never talked much about his relationship with the Bell Centre. It was unusual. Arenas were old and big and slow, and their awareness was limited. Whales did not fall in love with the algae floating beneath them. Arenas did not fall in love with individual players. If he tried to explain that the Bell Centre had developed a relationship beyond passing recognition with him personally, he’d sound crazy.
He tried to explain it to Ilya a few times, but it was after they started fighting all the time, and Ilya just made fun of him for being in love with a building, and Shane never made it more than a few sentences into trying to explain before he gave up. He didn’t really talk about it.
Shane plays two games in Montreal after the curse takes him. He spends both of them begging the building to kill him.
He begs the rink to swallow him. He begs the rafters to drop one of its bars on his head. Save him eat him free him. He wants to go home he wants to go home he wants to go home—
The Bell Centre refuses the first game. It tries to jam its doors so he can’t leave. It flashes the lights in the visiting locker room with anger and violence. That night, there is an earthquake in Montreal, and witches confirm it was magical in origin. Something has angered the Centre Bell enough to make its very foundation tremble. Many people attribute it to the betrayal of its longtime captain, Shane Hollander, who returned after he threw a playoffs match for a team he then joined—
Ilya’s pissed. They are all such fucking assholes. As if Shane’s to blame for the fucking earth shaking.
It’s the biggest relief Shane’s had in months. Something missed him. Something wants to save him.
The second time he returns to Montreal, he begs it again. Sometimes you can only come home in a coffin. Sometimes the only way to save someone is to free them in the most permanent sense. Swallow him, swallow him, swallow him.
The rink splits at the end of the third period. Ilya barely manages to drag Shane off the ice before it caves in under him. The game has to be canceled. Shane is regretfully informed that he cannot ever return to Bell Centre. He’ll have to sit future games out. The building is obviously too angry at him to allow him back inside.
That’s Okay :) It’s Probably For The Best :) Easier To Close The Book On That Chapter Of His Life Now, You Know? :)
By the time Ilya confronts him about his “depression,” Shane’s pretty much given up hope of rescue and thinks the only thing that’s ever loved him is a fucking building that he’s not allowed to go back to. Like he is not doing well.
Ilya’s nervous. And embarrassed. He’s got notes written out on paper. He’s worried Shane is dangerously depressed and has completely shut him out because he spent the start of their marriage talking about how happy he was that Shane’s life fell apart and cracking jokes about it.
And the curse keeps trying to assure him that Ilya Doesn’t Need To Worry About Him. He’s Happy. Ilya Makes Him So Happy.
And Ilya’s like, Shane, no, no he can tell something’s wrong, he doesn’t seem interested in anything unless Ilya suggests it first, and he doesn’t drink his ginger ale anymore, and the bookmark in his book never fucking moves—
That’s Ridiculous. Ilya Sees Him Drink Ginger Ale and Read And—
Yeah, when Ilya’s around. But the only ginger ale that leaves the fridge are the cans Ilya hands him at dinner and the only time that Shane’s bookmark moves is when they’re relaxing together.
He knows how depression can make you lose interest in everything. Shane tried to reach out to him for help when this started and he shut him out and he’s so, so sorry. Shane’s just seemed so empty for months and Ilya should have never let it get this far. Please let Ilya get him help.
And the curse is like. Glitching. It’s not sure how to handle this. It is not meant to be something that its spouse takes care of. It is convenience. You don’t help it. You use it.
It’s like. Okay, Sue Him. He’s Been Watching More TV And Drinking Less Ginger Ale. Stop Worrying About Him, Because He’s Fine. He’s Never Been Better :)
Ilya is. Despairing. He knows the instinct to hide depression because he tried to hide his depression from Shane. But Shane didn’t hide the fact that he was struggling at first, he tried to reach out to Ilya for support, and Ilya always just gave him a blow job about it. He feels terrible. But he can’t give up. He’s just going to have to prove to Shane that he can lean on him and then Shane will actually do it.
Shane feels better than he has in months. Fuck, Ilya noticed he was gone. He missed him.
The curse starts emptying a can of ginger ale into the sink whenever Ilya leaves. It starts moving the bookmark in Shane’s book forward. Ilya likes Shane better this way, and it’s here to make sure Shane’s exactly how he likes him :)
But Ilya still keeps after Shane and it gives Shane more hope that he’s had since the curse started. The curse’s attempts to seem less “depressed” are failing because it’s limited by what it is. It can mimic Shane’s behavior, but it can’t really make him into anything more than a sex doll that sometimes plays hockey. Ilya’s never going to be able to come home and find out about a new hobby Shane picked up because the curse just can’t. It can feign interest in Shane’s old hobbies because it can mimic Shane’s behavior, and it can feign interest in any of Ilya’s new hobbies because it’s Anything Ilya Wants It To Be :) but it cannot come up with anything new on its own. That’s just not what it is. Its caricature of humanity will always, always, always be imperfect.
And it can’t truly disagree with Ilya. It can chirp him, because Ilya Likes Their Banter :). It can try to assure Ilya that it’s fine when Ilya is worried about Shane, because it’s something that’s Always Fine, Never Happier Actually. But it can’t do basic shit like tell Ilya that he thinks that the new couch he picked out is fucking ugly, actually, and they are absolutely not getting that one. That’s just not what it is. Whatever You Pick Is Fine, Dear :) You Always Know What’s Best :)
And that’s simply not Shane Hollander. Ilya is getting increasingly worried that losing Montreal and his friends and his reputation and also Ilya laughing at him for it just completely broke Shane. He’s so… passive and empty now. Where is his stubborn bitch (extreme affection)
Shane doesn’t have a lot of solace about the fact that so many people fell for the curse initially because 1) they had some very good chances to clock the curse because he gave them good chances to clock the curse and just. Talked about how much they liked him better now and 2) it cannot mimic him in certain ways that really matter. The curse is passive and accommodating and above all convenient. He won’t be upset of course he doesn’t mind and can he suck your dick while he’s at it? :) Shane hasn’t expressed his own opinion or an inconvenient emotion or thought in months. Like. He really feels like everyone likes him better as a fuck doll with slightly better conversational skills because that’s all he really can be like this. He cannot be a real person because he can only exist for other people’s use.
But he ends up finding the only solace he really has in just how much the curse starts to struggle to cover up its own existence with Ilya. It cannot be what Ilya wants it to be because Ilya wants the real Shane. He just misdiagnoses the problem. “Shane had his entire life blow up on him and absolutely no one supported him when it happened including me his literal fucking husband” is an unfortunately good explanation as to what may be making Shane act so fucking weird. He’s struggling to cope with losing everything and he no longer trusts Ilya to help him. It doesn’t help that this specific curse is believed to be basically extinct and Shane should be protected by a top of the line ward. When he finally cottons on to something being wrong, he repeatedly attributes the curse’s behavior to a mental health crisis. And Shane hangs pretty much all of his hopes of getting out of this on that fact. Eventually, Ilya’s going to realize that this isn’t depression or disassociation or marital issues or a mental health issue. He’ll figure it out, he’ll figure it out, he’ll figure it out. And the more the curse struggles, the more hope he gets.
The curse is really glitching out over Ilya’s concern because Ilya’s concern is against its nature. By the end of it, the closest it can get to what Ilya wants is to suggest that maybe he hasn’t been himself lately and he wants to lean on Ilya as much as Ilya will let him. Like. It’s trying to treat Ilya’s attempts to help him like a fucking caretaking kink. Its nature demands that it make Shane into Ilya’s perfect doll and sometimes people want a doll they can pretend to take care of. It’s like how toy companies sell babies that will fake crying so you can pretend to soothe it. Ilya’s Right, Of Course He’s Right. It Has Been Hard Lately. But Ilya Makes Him Feel Better. Please Hold Him.
But the curse can’t mimic Shane’s interiority. That’s just not what it is. It can only make shallow stabs at what Ilya thinks Shane must be upset about and try to mime at that same upset. It has to dodge most of Ilya’s concern by saying it’s hard for him to talk about and he needs more time to put it into words. But He’s So Grateful He Has Ilya Here For Him. He Always Takes Care Of Him. :)
And Ilya’s like, of course, moya lubimiyy. He knows Shane needs time to open up to him again. He’s here for whatever Shane’s willing to give him. And it’s going to get better, okay? He’s going to fix this, he swears. Shane’s made him so, so happy by telling him this. They’re finally going to get him some help. Of course, he’ll hold Shane. Anything he needs.
And the curse is like. Yay :) It Made Ilya Happy Again :) Ilya Wants A Shane That Asks Him To Hold Him When He’s Sad :) If He Pretends To Be Sometimes Sad So Ilya Can Make Him All Better Again Then He Will Be The Kind Of Doll Ilya Wants :)
But Ilya doesn’t want a doll. He wants Shane. And that’s something the curse can’t actually be. It’s causing this existential dissonance where the curse just can’t fucking do what it’s designed for.
Like. It’s been glitching out over ilya’s attempts to get it into therapy because it’s nature demands that it try and prevent itself from being discovered and broken and it cannot hold up under therapy, it’s got the inner depth of a fucking puddle and that’s going to become clear if it has to pretend to be Shane talking about himself for any extended period of time, but its nature also demands it be whatever Ilya wants him to be. Ilya wants Shane to go to therapy and get better. He wants to make Shane happy again. He doesn’t want Shane to spend the rest of his life as this empty, passionless shell. He blames himself and all Shane went through with the trip for it getting this bad to begin with. Shane must have felt so alone.
And all of is attempts to express that give Shane so much hope. He finally feels like he may get out of this one day. Surely, surely Ilya will figure out that this is more than depression if he keeps after the curse.
I think it gives Shane a lot of mixed emotions. Shane carries so much pain over how those first few months go under the curse. It’s such a destructive experience for him. He has a period where he thinks Ilya genuinely doesn’t love him as anything other than a hole because that’s all he really is and Ilya seems fine with it.
Ilya revealing that he’s noticed something’s wrong and really starting to chase it gives him a lot of complicated feelings. Ilya does miss him. He did notice Shane was gone. He’s still the guy who went out of his way to stock his fridge with ginger ale and buy the yogurt with the right texture for Shane’s visits even though it came from a different store than the one he usually shopped at. He wants Shane as a person, not as a convenient doll.
But, at the same time, he’s got so much fucking pain from this experience that he doesn’t even know how to begin how to unravel. Like. He doesn’t know the way back from this. It just hurts all the goddamn time.
I think towards the end Ilya’s really, really trying to reassure Shane that he knows how bad the last year has been for him but he’s going to spend the rest of their lives doing whatever it takes to make Shane happy again and Shane feels very lost and angry over it. Not at Ilya but at whoever cursed him. Their relationship had issues but they really could have made it. He wants so badly to go back to who they were when Ilya first came to his cottage and they were filled with so much reckless love and hope.
He feels like his marriage got stolen from him. Even if they find a way back to each other after this it will always change how they treat each other. Like, he’s never going to get a giggly excited honeymoon phase first year of marriage where they can’t keep their hands off of each other and are sickeningly obsessed with each other and just want to be sneaking off to spend time together. The curse fucking got that. But like. One of the ugliest parts of the violence of this premise is the fact that Shane’s been repeatedly raped by someone he loves who thought he was an enthusiastic participant the whole time. That sex was not consensual for either of them. Shane physically could not consent and Ilya could not provide knowing consent because he never in a million years would have touched Shane if he knew that Shane wasn’t consenting to him. They can’t get back to their previous carefree sexual dynamic because they’ve got this fucking mountain of trauma around their sex life now. Even if they find a way towards something new, it’s going to be different, and it would take an enormous amount of work to get there.
There’s just so many complicated and messy emotions around this one. This is just such an ugly and violent thing to do to someone. Shane’s going to get some solace around his relationship with Ilya but he just doesn’t know how to conflate that with how hurt he is. He wants a way back and he doesn’t know if there is one.
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