You come to my blog and dont kiss me? You dont cradle my face in your hands with heartbeaking tenderness and swear your love for me? Jail! Jail for tumblr user for 1000 years!!!!
okay but some hotels requiring a minimum age of 21 for booking a hotel room has me extremely in my feelings about the idea of early days hollanov starting out in hotel rooms they weren't even old enough to book for themselves
GOD. shane's wallet drops out of his bag in the locker room one day and stuff spills out, so a couple of the guys help him gather things up, and one is just?? hold up?? 🤨 hollzy, is this a fake id???
and shane is full fawn in front of headlights freeze mode, but he's still 18/19 atp so the older guys just give him some playful nudges and maybe ruffle his hair with, "mad you can't drink when we hop the border, huh?"
and shane is just Yep. This Is For Drinking In America, Something I Definitely Do Please Don't Ask Any Follow-Up Questions Thank You.
shane is lucky it was his teammates that saw his fake id and not his mother. yuna would have gone off (probably while david was in the background reminiscing on how he used to have a fake id, too). that interrogation would have led to shane coming out right then and there with how bad he is at lying to people's faces.
(the funny thing is imagining how this would change the eventual first meeting between ilya and shane's parents. the angsty thing is imagining how this might have scared shane enough to stop hooking up with ilya instead.)
you added my tags, and now i'm adding yours!!
i do love the idea of ilya finding out about this years later! of course they have to fuck about it. they're probably trying to do some sort of lowkey roleplay about their hookup years in whatever hotel ilya books, but they're completely failing at keeping the vibes the same—the love and romance just keeps leaking through because ilya is feeling so particularly sappy about it all.
oh my GOD it's years later when shane is old enough to get hotels on his own now but just still has it in his wallet because he just never thought to take it out, and i am cackling at the idea of shane in the middle of the "oh my FUCKING god" of it all just pulling a desperation play of, "i'm only seeing-well, i'm kind of-it's-it doesn't matter. i'll stop seeing him, i promise, it doesn't-"
"honey, no! i would NEVER want you to do that. that's so sad."
and shane has already very obviously been pushed to his fucking limit, so david taps in here and helps settle things down in which shane doesn't have to talk about His Special Friend (shane fully gags when yuna says this because she's over-correcting and doesn't want to assume terms until she's done a refresh on some online forums to make sure her words will be accurate) right now and can just wait until he's ready. and they love him and they'll love whoever he loves (shane is fully breaking out in hives at the L word getting tossed around like this), but they can wait until he's ready for that.
and now shane is in the position of his parents don't know WHO he's seeing, but they know he's seeing SOMEONE, and they are CHECKING IN NOW. AND THEY ARE ASKING HOW HIS PARTNER (the word they've arrived at after boyfriend, significant other, and special friend all made shane visibly nauseous) IS, AND. WELL. FUCK. HE DOESN'T WANT TO LIE TO THEM WHEN THEY'VE KIND OF MADE PROGRESS TOWARDS HIM GETTING TO LIVE HIS TRUTH.
WHICH MEANS HE CAN'T CUT THINGS OFF WITH ILYA EVEN THOUGH THAT'S HIS PANIC INSTINCT BECAUSE THEN HE'D EITHER HAVE TO LIE ABOUT IT (BAD) OR SAY HE BROKE IT OFF AND RISK GETTING ASKED FOR DETAILS (ALSO BAD).
which then offers the extremely funny possible canon divergence opportunity after the tuna melt when shane makes it to the door but then gets hit with the thought, "oh god i'm gonna have to tell mom about this." which means he's facing down either having to talk things through with ilya or talk things through with his mom, and before he's even made a conscious decision, he's already hitting a 180 because even now, ilya is the less nerve-wracking option in that equation.
In the Curse AU do you think Shane finds any solace in the fact that the curse was some evil sentient thing actively fighting him? Like, it’s so so so fucked up but at the same time it gives you something to blame, something to hate, and as painful and fucked up as it is that no one in his life could tell what was going on, it can’t all be blamed to them not caring enough? Or liking this version of him better? Like, it still hurts so much ofc but there was this thing there, this fucking thing, ACTIVELY fighting against them noticing, derailing conversations, shutting down concerns, mimicking Shane in terrifying twisted accuracy… and I’m not saying they are blameless but it’s maybe a liiittle less about them not properly looking (and I think it adds credit to curse!Ilya to finally see something is off and being concerned about Shane’s behavior even with the curse fighting it). I don’t know if it changes much of the horrors he suffers but I wonder if it’s something he might cling to for his own sanity at least.
I think the most comfort it’s going to provide Shane is about Ilya.
Again, we’re just gonna have the immediate aftermath of the curse be the literal end of the long game, just with Shane getting to scream on the inside. Shane does not get that much relief in that time because there is none in the story. The curse frankly does not have to try very hard to cover up Shane’s possession and it’s worse at covering up his possession in those weeks. One of the rules of curses in this universe is that they evolve and become more complex the longer they remain. It’s very convincing mimic of Shane’s mannerisms, but it’s less equipped to smoothly cover up Shane’s attempts to break through. When it’s first settling into Shane, Shane’s got more chances to seize a tiny bit of control back, and the curse is more limited in how it plays those moments off. It’s like an AI model that’s early in its development. It’s still learning how to be a person. It kind of comes off like Shane is glitching between unhappiness and happiness.
But it doesn’t matter. Everyone just fucking goes with it. He seems so much happier now :) He’s so much more relaxed :) They’re so happy for him :)
Shane loses a lot of hope that anyone’s going to notice after it’s not figured out in the first month or so. Because a lot of the signs of a curse that people are trained to spot involve sudden changes in personality and decision-making and values. Once this goes on for more than a month, his personality’s not all that different now, because Shane’s acting the same way he has for weeks. Like. Once people accept the curse’s act as Yep :) That’s Shane :) and thinks of the curse’s behavior as the baseline for his behavior he’s kind of fucked
But Ilya’s going to eventually confront Shane about how he thinks Shane’s been hiding depression, and the curse is going to try to deny it. That’s Not What It Is. It’s not meant to be someone’s Depressed Wife Husband. It is meant to be happy, and inconvenient, and requires no maintenance. It gives you a spouse that exists for your use. It gives you something that is always there to agree with you, to validate you, to support you, to wait on you, to always be happy to fuck you. This is not meant to be a mutual or balanced relationship. You are not meant to be worried about its wellbeing anymore than you’d be worried about the wellbeing of a fucking blender or the inflatable sex doll you packed in your fucking travel bag. It exists for its spouse’s use. If Ilya’s worried about something, then it needs to just make those worries go away.
But Ilya thinks Shane’s being cagey because he fucked up when they first got married. Like. I’m gonna give him a lot of regret over that time because I don’t know how you can’t regret being excited that your spouse is losing everything because it’s convenient for you. I hate having to paint Ilya with that brush to begin with but we are married to canon for that part. We are not shying away from how happy he was and giving him concern or worry that simply was not in the book.
Shane tried way harder to signal the possession in the first month or so. The thing is that the curse is actively covering things up but it is limited in how it does so. It can only be what it is. It is placid, happy inconvenience. If Shane manages to force out a few words about how he’s upset or unhappy, it cannot feign a conversation following up on that. It has to get Shane’s body back on track to being a smiling, inconvenient thing that you never have to worry about, and again, the curse is very new and more unskilled about how it does it in those first few months. He’s Fine :) He’s Happy :) Don’t Worry About Him :)
Shane dedicates an agonizing amount of effort to forcing out little signals of upset hoping that someone will notice the bizarrely immediate return to empty, smiling happiness. That is a classic sign of a fucking curse. His entire goddamn life is falling apart. He’s losing everything. Surely, someone, someone is going to notice how fucking weird how he’s acting about that is.
And then just. No one does. There’s no follow up questions. They’re so glad he’s learned to relax a little :) More cake? :)
Ilya’s canonical strategy of responding to Shane’s every expression of emotional upset by offering sex really works against him here. It is so easy to attribute the sudden shift in Shane’s mood to the afterglow. Of course shane’s not upset anymore—he just got a fucking blow job. Emotional upset, cured.
By the time Ilya confronts Shane about his “depression,” Shane has fully given up on anyone noticing. He has for the most part given up on landmining his loved ones with little signals that he’s cursed because fuck knows they aren’t picking up on those as it is and Ilya’s fucking him regularly enough as it is and he can’t. He can’t cause more of that. He just. He can’t. He’s frankly dedicating all of his attempts to get out of this towards trying to kill himself.
He manages to lock his ankle during a game and take himself down on the ice, but he wakes up in the med bay after to a very worried Ilya and very recoverable injuries. Ilya has to go on a roadie while Shane’s on injury leave and he spends a week unable to do nothing but perform minimal body maintenance and answer Ilya’s calls and stare at a fucking wall.
We’re also gonna go the mildly sentient arena route with this fic because I like the aesthetic and also it fits what I imagine for the Stanley Cup Wish/magic in general. Magic has a certain level of intelligence, as seen by the curse. And the Stanley Cup gets its power from the preceding years of hockey. Each game played, each cheer of the crowd, each win, each loss, it all churns and churns and churns like water on a prayer wheel. The power is collected in the Cup and that’s what makes it holy.
The power flows towards the Stanley Cup but the arenas gather the runoff over the years. The arenas remember. And sometimes they will sing to you the echoes of games past and, on the rare occasions that they actually notice you and like you, they will occasionally ensure your path through its halls runs smoothly. They never help their players during a game, that’s not what they are, but a door may literally open for you if you play a particularly good match. It’s considered a huge recognition from the arena to have so much as a light flicker on for you when you enter a room.
All the doors open for Shane Hollander in Bell Centre. All the lights turn on when he walks through its rooms. He hasn’t touched a switch or a handle in years. Because the Bell Centre loves Shane Hollander. Shane loves it back.
It always sang to him, always, and it rustled the banners in its rafters when he skated beneath them like it was trying to wave to him. He’d hear the echo of his own games in its song, his own laughter, louder than the rest, as if it was trying to tell him that he was its favorite. Metros fans sang to him when it was 19, and the Bell Centre collected the sound into its rafters and crooned it back to Shane whenever he stepped onto its ice, as if to echo him I love you I love you I love you
Shane never talked much about his relationship with the Bell Centre. It was unusual. Arenas were old and big and slow, and their awareness was limited. Whales did not fall in love with the algae floating beneath them. Arenas did not fall in love with individual players. If he tried to explain that the Bell Centre had developed a relationship beyond passing recognition with him personally, he’d sound crazy.
He tried to explain it to Ilya a few times, but it was after they started fighting all the time, and Ilya just made fun of him for being in love with a building, and Shane never made it more than a few sentences into trying to explain before he gave up. He didn’t really talk about it.
Shane plays two games in Montreal after the curse takes him. He spends both of them begging the building to kill him.
He begs the rink to swallow him. He begs the rafters to drop one of its bars on his head. Save him eat him free him. He wants to go home he wants to go home he wants to go home—
The Bell Centre refuses the first game. It tries to jam its doors so he can’t leave. It flashes the lights in the visiting locker room with anger and violence. That night, there is an earthquake in Montreal, and witches confirm it was magical in origin. Something has angered the Centre Bell enough to make its very foundation tremble. Many people attribute it to the betrayal of its longtime captain, Shane Hollander, who returned after he threw a playoffs match for a team he then joined—
Ilya’s pissed. They are all such fucking assholes. As if Shane’s to blame for the fucking earth shaking.
It’s the biggest relief Shane’s had in months. Something missed him. Something wants to save him.
The second time he returns to Montreal, he begs it again. Sometimes you can only come home in a coffin. Sometimes the only way to save someone is to free them in the most permanent sense. Swallow him, swallow him, swallow him.
The rink splits at the end of the third period. Ilya barely manages to drag Shane off the ice before it caves in under him. The game has to be canceled. Shane is regretfully informed that he cannot ever return to Bell Centre. He’ll have to sit future games out. The building is obviously too angry at him to allow him back inside.
That’s Okay :) It’s Probably For The Best :) Easier To Close The Book On That Chapter Of His Life Now, You Know? :)
By the time Ilya confronts him about his “depression,” Shane’s pretty much given up hope of rescue and thinks the only thing that’s ever loved him is a fucking building that he’s not allowed to go back to. Like he is not doing well.
Ilya’s nervous. And embarrassed. He’s got notes written out on paper. He’s worried Shane is dangerously depressed and has completely shut him out because he spent the start of their marriage talking about how happy he was that Shane’s life fell apart and cracking jokes about it.
And the curse keeps trying to assure him that Ilya Doesn’t Need To Worry About Him. He’s Happy. Ilya Makes Him So Happy.
And Ilya’s like, Shane, no, no he can tell something’s wrong, he doesn’t seem interested in anything unless Ilya suggests it first, and he doesn’t drink his ginger ale anymore, and the bookmark in his book never fucking moves—
That’s Ridiculous. Ilya Sees Him Drink Ginger Ale and Read And—
Yeah, when Ilya’s around. But the only ginger ale that leaves the fridge are the cans Ilya hands him at dinner and the only time that Shane’s bookmark moves is when they’re relaxing together.
He knows how depression can make you lose interest in everything. Shane tried to reach out to him for help when this started and he shut him out and he’s so, so sorry. Shane’s just seemed so empty for months and Ilya should have never let it get this far. Please let Ilya get him help.
And the curse is like. Glitching. It’s not sure how to handle this. It is not meant to be something that its spouse takes care of. It is convenience. You don’t help it. You use it.
It’s like. Okay, Sue Him. He’s Been Watching More TV And Drinking Less Ginger Ale. Stop Worrying About Him, Because He’s Fine. He’s Never Been Better :)
Ilya is. Despairing. He knows the instinct to hide depression because he tried to hide his depression from Shane. But Shane didn’t hide the fact that he was struggling at first, he tried to reach out to Ilya for support, and Ilya always just gave him a blow job about it. He feels terrible. But he can’t give up. He’s just going to have to prove to Shane that he can lean on him and then Shane will actually do it.
Shane feels better than he has in months. Fuck, Ilya noticed he was gone. He missed him.
The curse starts emptying a can of ginger ale into the sink whenever Ilya leaves. It starts moving the bookmark in Shane’s book forward. Ilya likes Shane better this way, and it’s here to make sure Shane’s exactly how he likes him :)
But Ilya still keeps after Shane and it gives Shane more hope that he’s had since the curse started. The curse’s attempts to seem less “depressed” are failing because it’s limited by what it is. It can mimic Shane’s behavior, but it can’t really make him into anything more than a sex doll that sometimes plays hockey. Ilya’s never going to be able to come home and find out about a new hobby Shane picked up because the curse just can’t. It can feign interest in Shane’s old hobbies because it can mimic Shane’s behavior, and it can feign interest in any of Ilya’s new hobbies because it’s Anything Ilya Wants It To Be :) but it cannot come up with anything new on its own. That’s just not what it is. Its caricature of humanity will always, always, always be imperfect.
And it can’t truly disagree with Ilya. It can chirp him, because Ilya Likes Their Banter :). It can try to assure Ilya that it’s fine when Ilya is worried about Shane, because it’s something that’s Always Fine, Never Happier Actually. But it can’t do basic shit like tell Ilya that he thinks that the new couch he picked out is fucking ugly, actually, and they are absolutely not getting that one. That’s just not what it is. Whatever You Pick Is Fine, Dear :) You Always Know What’s Best :)
And that’s simply not Shane Hollander. Ilya is getting increasingly worried that losing Montreal and his friends and his reputation and also Ilya laughing at him for it just completely broke Shane. He’s so… passive and empty now. Where is his stubborn bitch (extreme affection)
Shane doesn’t have a lot of solace about the fact that so many people fell for the curse initially because 1) they had some very good chances to clock the curse because he gave them good chances to clock the curse and just. Talked about how much they liked him better now and 2) it cannot mimic him in certain ways that really matter. The curse is passive and accommodating and above all convenient. He won’t be upset of course he doesn’t mind and can he suck your dick while he’s at it? :) Shane hasn’t expressed his own opinion or an inconvenient emotion or thought in months. Like. He really feels like everyone likes him better as a fuck doll with slightly better conversational skills because that’s all he really can be like this. He cannot be a real person because he can only exist for other people’s use.
But he ends up finding the only solace he really has in just how much the curse starts to struggle to cover up its own existence with Ilya. It cannot be what Ilya wants it to be because Ilya wants the real Shane. He just misdiagnoses the problem. “Shane had his entire life blow up on him and absolutely no one supported him when it happened including me his literal fucking husband” is an unfortunately good explanation as to what may be making Shane act so fucking weird. He’s struggling to cope with losing everything and he no longer trusts Ilya to help him. It doesn’t help that this specific curse is believed to be basically extinct and Shane should be protected by a top of the line ward. When he finally cottons on to something being wrong, he repeatedly attributes the curse’s behavior to a mental health crisis. And Shane hangs pretty much all of his hopes of getting out of this on that fact. Eventually, Ilya’s going to realize that this isn’t depression or disassociation or marital issues or a mental health issue. He’ll figure it out, he’ll figure it out, he’ll figure it out. And the more the curse struggles, the more hope he gets.
The curse is really glitching out over Ilya’s concern because Ilya’s concern is against its nature. By the end of it, the closest it can get to what Ilya wants is to suggest that maybe he hasn’t been himself lately and he wants to lean on Ilya as much as Ilya will let him. Like. It’s trying to treat Ilya’s attempts to help him like a fucking caretaking kink. Its nature demands that it make Shane into Ilya’s perfect doll and sometimes people want a doll they can pretend to take care of. It’s like how toy companies sell babies that will fake crying so you can pretend to soothe it. Ilya’s Right, Of Course He’s Right. It Has Been Hard Lately. But Ilya Makes Him Feel Better. Please Hold Him.
But the curse can’t mimic Shane’s interiority. That’s just not what it is. It can only make shallow stabs at what Ilya thinks Shane must be upset about and try to mime at that same upset. It has to dodge most of Ilya’s concern by saying it’s hard for him to talk about and he needs more time to put it into words. But He’s So Grateful He Has Ilya Here For Him. He Always Takes Care Of Him. :)
And Ilya’s like, of course, moya lubimiyy. He knows Shane needs time to open up to him again. He’s here for whatever Shane’s willing to give him. And it’s going to get better, okay? He’s going to fix this, he swears. Shane’s made him so, so happy by telling him this. They’re finally going to get him some help. Of course, he’ll hold Shane. Anything he needs.
And the curse is like. Yay :) It Made Ilya Happy Again :) Ilya Wants A Shane That Asks Him To Hold Him When He’s Sad :) If He Pretends To Be Sometimes Sad So Ilya Can Make Him All Better Again Then He Will Be The Kind Of Doll Ilya Wants :)
But Ilya doesn’t want a doll. He wants Shane. And that’s something the curse can’t actually be. It’s causing this existential dissonance where the curse just can’t fucking do what it’s designed for.
Like. It’s been glitching out over ilya’s attempts to get it into therapy because it’s nature demands that it try and prevent itself from being discovered and broken and it cannot hold up under therapy, it’s got the inner depth of a fucking puddle and that’s going to become clear if it has to pretend to be Shane talking about himself for any extended period of time, but its nature also demands it be whatever Ilya wants him to be. Ilya wants Shane to go to therapy and get better. He wants to make Shane happy again. He doesn’t want Shane to spend the rest of his life as this empty, passionless shell. He blames himself and all Shane went through with the trip for it getting this bad to begin with. Shane must have felt so alone.
And all of is attempts to express that give Shane so much hope. He finally feels like he may get out of this one day. Surely, surely Ilya will figure out that this is more than depression if he keeps after the curse.
I think it gives Shane a lot of mixed emotions. Shane carries so much pain over how those first few months go under the curse. It’s such a destructive experience for him. He has a period where he thinks Ilya genuinely doesn’t love him as anything other than a hole because that’s all he really is and Ilya seems fine with it.
Ilya revealing that he’s noticed something’s wrong and really starting to chase it gives him a lot of complicated feelings. Ilya does miss him. He did notice Shane was gone. He’s still the guy who went out of his way to stock his fridge with ginger ale and buy the yogurt with the right texture for Shane’s visits even though it came from a different store than the one he usually shopped at. He wants Shane as a person, not as a convenient doll.
But, at the same time, he’s got so much fucking pain from this experience that he doesn’t even know how to begin how to unravel. Like. He doesn’t know the way back from this. It just hurts all the goddamn time.
I think towards the end Ilya’s really, really trying to reassure Shane that he knows how bad the last year has been for him but he’s going to spend the rest of their lives doing whatever it takes to make Shane happy again and Shane feels very lost and angry over it. Not at Ilya but at whoever cursed him. Their relationship had issues but they really could have made it. He wants so badly to go back to who they were when Ilya first came to his cottage and they were filled with so much reckless love and hope.
He feels like his marriage got stolen from him. Even if they find a way back to each other after this it will always change how they treat each other. Like, he’s never going to get a giggly excited honeymoon phase first year of marriage where they can’t keep their hands off of each other and are sickeningly obsessed with each other and just want to be sneaking off to spend time together. The curse fucking got that. But like. One of the ugliest parts of the violence of this premise is the fact that Shane’s been repeatedly raped by someone he loves who thought he was an enthusiastic participant the whole time. That sex was not consensual for either of them. Shane physically could not consent and Ilya could not provide knowing consent because he never in a million years would have touched Shane if he knew that Shane wasn’t consenting to him. They can’t get back to their previous carefree sexual dynamic because they’ve got this fucking mountain of trauma around their sex life now. Even if they find a way towards something new, it’s going to be different, and it would take an enormous amount of work to get there.
There’s just so many complicated and messy emotions around this one. This is just such an ugly and violent thing to do to someone. Shane’s going to get some solace around his relationship with Ilya but he just doesn’t know how to conflate that with how hurt he is. He wants a way back and he doesn’t know if there is one.
everyone post your biggest hear me outs my friend just showed me two conventionally attractive white men in a row i need to teach him what a real hear me out is
yeah if you utter the phrase "conventionally attractive piece of machinery" you have lost perspective. this is a pyramid head situation. tumblr is not the website to have these debates.
“Where are the trans men in history?” See. When you're born a gender that was forcefully married off, who had to live most of their life indoors, when you had to raise children, and had a lobotomy if your family thought you were a tad too odd, it's kinda hard to come out as a trans man now ain't it.
hi sorry to just randomly burst in here but i have just gotten sucked into all your shallergies posting and it delights me so. and i had a thought that maybe someone else has had but i wanted to share it anyway: a scenario where ilya learns that shane really likes mangos BEFORE he learns shane is ALLERGIC to mangos. and like. this is hookup era maybe so hes not really in a POSITION to gift shane things without pretense but if he IS ever he gets him mangoes, or mango-flavored (healthy!) drinks or something. and shane is DELIGHTED, shane keeps ilya in the dark on PURPOSE bc he never gets to have this, he feels like hes sneaking candy like a little kid, this is HIS cigarettes and getting drunk before a game. and its, like, maybe during tuna melt mangos are involved, and during that stretch of time post-tampa but pre-cottage (and pre-concussion.....) when shane comes over to ilya's, there are mangos, and its NICE its PERFECT its EVERYTHING HES EVER WANTED..... untiiiiiil his poor perfect mango world comes crashing down.
a few ways this could happen, but chiefly of which i imagined: injury scenario, quite possibly the concussion from cliff. shane drugged up and loopy when ilya visits him in the hospital waxing poetic abt how ilya is so nice and shane loves how he always has mangos for him because no one ELSE lets him have mangos (big pouty shane face here). and ilya is like. why does no one let you have mangos shane. and loopy filterless shane is just like oh yeah because im allergic! not BAD allergic but my mouth gets tingly and kind of burny for a while and sometimes i get hives. but its worth itttttt. and ilya TRAUMATIZED is like no it is NOT WORTH IT. i have been poisoning you??? for Months????? he is SO betrayed. this could also happen later, not during the concussion, but during some other injury incident during the post-cottage pre-tlg gap, where ilya is caring for a loopy shane for whatever reason and the secret gets out-- which draws out the length of time ilya has been spoiling shane with mangoes AND thus increases the level of betrayal/guilt on ilya's part.
option three is that it comes out during Dinner With Mama And Papa Hollander during their time at the cottage... not that first meal maybe but the dinner the next day. like, as a fun anecdote yuna and david bring up shane's allergy to mangos and how it was DETRIMENTAL as a kid because he loved them so much it took them so long to realize he was allergic, and even after he'd always find ways to run off to get his mango fix, haha ... wait ilya whats wrong why arent you laughing. meanwhile shane (whose attempts to shut his parents up with increasingly wide eyed Looks all failed) is thousand-yard-staring like a dog who got into the pantry and ilya is just LOOKING AT HIM. like. shane. shane is there something you would like to tell me. were you ever GOING to tell me. or were you just going to let me KEEP POISONING YOU for the REST OF OUR LIVES . look at me shane LOOK INTO MY EYES. and he's just having a whole crisis realizing he was made an unwilling agent in shane's mango-eating agenda... (though there is A bonus point in the form of: ilya's EXTREME distress over accidentally poisoning his situationship-boyfriend-soulmate endear him very much to yuna and david. shane's going "its a really mild allergy ilya its fine!" and ilya, going through the five stages of grief preemptively, is half-yelling back at him "WELL IT MAY NOT STAY MILD IF YOU KEEP FUCKING EATING THEM. YOU KNOW HOW ALLERGIES WORK SHANE YOU HAVE MANY OTHERS WHY DO YOU DO THIS" and yuna and david are like oh .... he Loves Him... our baby's in good hands ❤️)
anyways i hope u enjoy this humble contribution to the shallergies posting 🙇
oh my GOD
it's an attempted playful callback to the vodka being his reward in vegas, and shane is a little more honest by this point and is just *makes a face before he can stop it* make it something i actually want.
and ilya still trying to be playful is just "oh? and what do you want, hollander?" and HE'S kind of playing at going for a round 2, but shane is blissed out and is honest anyway so just *wistful sigh*
"mango"
and ilya obviously is fucking delighted because this is so Classic Hollander. he's going for sex and hollander?? is thinking of mangoes?? okay, you bizarre person. ilya must have you carnally once more.
and the next time they meet up, ilya has remembered this and is being playful when he offers up a mango (100% just playing it like a bit), but shane is genuinely visibly delighted before he can stop himself. he doesn't buy them for himself because obvi he knows they're bad for him
...but...if he didn't buy it...it would be rude...to NOT eat it... :) oh no :) guess he has to eat this mango :)
BUT it continues being a joke that shane only gets his mango after sex, WHICH MEANS! ILYA HAS NEVER BEEN AROUND FOR THE AFTER OF SHANE EXPERIENCING A REACTION TO THIS GAME. HE DOESN'T KNOW.
and shane like. logically knows he should probably say something, but atp it would feel awkward being like, "soooo by the way, i'm allergic to this so you should probably like. stop." and he also doesn't want to risk being rude/making ilya stop wanting to be playful with him or seeing him because he made it weird. and he's SO disciplined all the time. ALL THE TIME. he is SO disciplined.
buuuuut if he's already indulging in this with rozanov...really...what's being a little itchy for a day or so with a rare mango treat. it's not like they meet up THAT often. and this is for SURE the last time so it doesn't matter. it's for SURE the last time. NO more. for SURE no more. last fuck last mango.
...for SURE.
.........after the NEXT one-
and by the time they get to the cottage, like. shane knows he's going to have to tell him. but there's priorities above and beyond The Sex Mangoes between them, and ilya had to cross an international border so it's not like he brought any with him, and shane obviously doesn't have any in the cottage. so like. that can be a Later conversation.
...except for the fact where they're talking to yuna and david about them as a couple and ilya says something offhand to a question about their relationship to the effect of, "just mango by mango" meaning it to be like. playful and sweet and nudge nudge at them having a cutesy couple thing.
but shane who can FEEL both of his parents look to him sharply is just
because the mango is a source of pleasure, but it's complicated by the impact it has on shane afterwards, but this isn't an impact that ilya sees or shane shares (something that goes both ways for them tbh) (god forbid they talk about their feelings). and shane tells himself over and over that he should stop. and he will stop. but he can do it just one more time because what's one more.
and maybe it turns out that shane can eat it if it's peeled and rinsed or if it's cooked, but this isn't something they discover until they've actually talked to each other, and ilya decides to make it a mission to find a way for shane to enjoy something he loves so much. because all it took was them going, "maybe it doesn't have to be the way it has been." shane's self-denial was based on the wholesale judgement of "this thing is bad for me" without any real examination of the issue beyond that.
and it turns out that shane didn't have to settle for something enjoyable that hurts him after. he can have what he likes gently, too.
It is so funny, actually, that the Doctor is constantly bemoaning humanity for believing in curses, ghosts, prophecies, superstitions, and all manner of supernatural nonsense, because my sibling in Rassilon, you come from the Superstition Planet. You have spent your entire life surrounded by sentient omens, haunted houses that are actually haunted, cursed objects that are genuinely cursed, prophecies with an alarmingly high success rate, gods that are real, and devils that are usually aliens but occasionally are just the Devil. Humans are over here going, "Maybe this old castle is haunted," while the Doctor is rolling their eyes despite coming from the civilization where the correct response is statistically much more likely to be, "Yes, and the haunting has probably developed temporal sentience." If anything, humans are remarkably restrained given the evidence available to the Doctor.
On the other hand, i think this might be because the Doctor came from superstition planet. He comes to Earth and finds people going "look this house, it's haunted" and knows that's not how real ghosts work, that's a man in a sheet.
I read your fic of Tuna Meltdown being averted because Shane didn't want to tell his mom he broke things off with his "partner" and. That is the FUNNIEST possible opening for the most chaotic Fake Dating AU of all time. Please please PLEASE be my fake boyfriend so I don't have to tell my parents their son is having meaningless sex. Nothing has to change, I swear, we'll just pretend to be chaste and polite and affectionate when my parents are around and have debauched and meaningless sex when they aren't. This will be so fine and normal and is totally a thing we can do.
GOD
yuna and david were supposed to go to this game but thought they would have to cancel because they'd already agreed to going out to dinner with some friends who canceled last minute and then david had to work late, so yuna decided to drive up to montreal after all, and SHANE! WHO THOUGHT THIS PLAN WAS ALREADY CANCELED! THUS DIDN'T CHECK HIS PHONE WHEN HE AGREED TO LET ROZANOV COME OVER THE DAY BEFORE THE GAME, WHICH THEY DON'T ALWAYS DO.
which means yuna lets herself into shane's apartment (because why wouldn't she? shane's not texting back, which is strange, but maybe he's sick? it is flu season. and she has his key anyway.) ONLY TO FIND! SHANE AND ILYA ROZANOV SHIRTLESS ON SHANE'S COUCH AND ALMOST GIVING EACH OTHER BLACK EYES WITH THE SPEED WITH WHICH THEY SCRAMBLE OFF OF EACH OTHER.
and like??? really only ONE FUCKING THING they could have been doing!! very obvious what she just interrupted!!!
and oh...OH. all of this talk about how it's complicated and how shane can't openly be with his partner and yeah. yeah she gets it now. (yuna, oh my god). it ALL makes sense now. (yuna, please.) and yeah, kind of a mindfuck that her son's partner is the man?? who is supposed to be his greatest rival?? but she's already had a year of knowing shane was seeing SOMEONE. sooooo uh. hello, i'm yuna, we've met before but not under these circumstances, it's so nice to meet you finally for real, and-
and meanwhile ilya?? no fucking idea what's going on. kind of having a heart attack because jesus FUCK does he have a lot to lose if this gets out, but also?? she's shane's mom?? so she can't out him without outing shane and he's pretty sure she's not going to do that-
and then he registers that shane is Fully Freaking The Fuck Out. like straight up looks like he's about to pass out. and he doesn't know what's going on, but he knows shane looks like there is nothing happening in his head but aol dial-up noises and car wreck noises. and like. listen. ilya is also thrown for a loop, but he's not actually an asshole. he can tell shane is fucking TERRIFIED, so he's going to try and do what he can.
and what's the easiest answer to give when he doesn't know what's happening? agreeing with everything yuna is telling him.
yep. he is indeed shane's partner. he doesn't FULLY know that he understands exactly what that is, but he can figure that out when hollander doesn't actively look like he's going to pass tf out on him.
it's also at this point that yuna clocks back in enough (listen, sue her, okay, she has been DYING to know for a year now, so yeah she got excited and single mind tracked for a bit) to realize that her son and her son's partner are both still shirtless and she CLEARLY just interrupted Adult Alone Time, so she 180s and is like, "i'm going to go get some coffee, honey, you two can...*vague handwave* and oh! actually! your dad might miss the game, but he can still drive up tonight and we can have dinner here and-" and she is full Yuna Hollander Full Steam Ahead.
and then yuna is gone and it's shane and ilya.
and shane just. slooooowly curls up on his knees on the floor because What The Fucking Fuck Just Fucking Happened.
and ilya is also still a little ???? but puts a pin in that to talk hollander down from the ledge because man looks Bad.
and now they've got like. MAYBE 30 minutes to try and come up with a fake ass story for this dinner they're apparently going to have.
AND THEY STILL HAVE TO PLAY A FUCKING GAME BEFORE THEN.
and shane is just, "i know this is so weird. i am so sorry. trust me, i would willingly walk into traffic if i thought that would fix this. please just go along with it and i will explain whatever i can explain later-"
so they end up having dinner and managing to pull this act out of their ASSES. and they nearly fumble when shane starts to call him rozanov, but he can't do that with his partner, can he? that feels weird. so he calls him ilya, and ilya feels a little !!! zip inside him because oh!! that's!! new!! and oddly nice!! so calls him shane back.
so now they've broken the seal on first names. apparently. some fucking how.
and because yuna is yuna and DID HER FUCKING WAITING, she is inviting ilya to come to ottawa for the easter long weekend since they'll have time and it's not a couple's holiday anyway and he won't be going back to russia with such a short turnaround time-
and. listen. does shane feel great about this? no.
but it still feels better than having to look his mother in the face and say his partner is actually just a guy he fucks sometimes with no strings attached (jesus christ, shane.)
and ilya...is kind of just. going along. this is weird and also potentially complicated, but now gets to put his arm around shane? and call him shane? and he gets to pretend to play boyfriends because they have the understanding that This Is Fake? tbh? kind of ideal. the fun of playing boyfriend without having to admit ANYTHING to himself.
and the easter weekend ends up being the first time they share a bed because!! they get to ottawa!! and of course yuna assumes they'd be sharing!!! oh my god!! there was only one bed because his mom just assumed they wouldn't need another!!!!
laughing about them both simultaneously thinking they're running a con and getting away with something because they're both SO dedicated to playing boyfriends (for SURE not real boyfriends!! just pretend!!! ilya is doing shane a favor and shane just REALLY wants his parents to buy it!! it's ALL fake, though, guys, don't even WORRY ABOUT IT).
like shane isn't actually bold enough to really initiate anything, but ilya (at least from what he would say) has no horse in this race and tbh? kind of fun to play boyfriend. it's SO OBVIOUSLY FAKE OF COURSE, but like. sitting next to shane. and holding his hand. and kissing his cheek. and even putting his arm around him. and doing things like grabbing him a ginger ale if he's already up. it's all of the stupid daydream things he's *thought* about. and now. he gets to do them.
BUT IT'S ALL FAKE. IT'S JUST FOR THE SAKE OF LYING TO YUNA AND DAVID. THAT'S ALL.
and meanwhile shane?? is getting cuddles?? and gets to offer affection in return?? and ilya is attentive and responsive and even texts him often now?? because they need to have their story straight with each other and what's going on?? so they talk pretty often now?? and they've even cooked together a few times because shane panicked a little when trying to come up with Shit Couples Do when talking to his parents about what he and ilya do and just threw out "COOKING" because his parents cook together (meaning yuna gets to watch like it's her personal food network show and play taste tester), and then yuna and david who both know that shane has allergies and is a little particular about things with texture, etc. are just ?? ilya knows how to cook in a way you like??? and shane is just. Yes That Is Absolutely A True Fact About My Relationship With My Very Real Partner Ilya Rozanov.
and i'm laughing about these two IDIOTS both feeling like they're getting away with something and both enjoying it and feeling guilty about it AT THE EXACT SAME FUCKING TIME.
GOD i'm actually extremely emotional thinking about how kind this is from shane's pov. (and it is kind! ilya is doing him a big favor here! he's just also getting something out of this that shane doesn't know he wants and is enjoying). like. he obviously trusts rozanov in bed at this point. that's never been a factor, but any attempts at connection have been dismissed to the point that he doesn't really try anymore.
and yet back to a wall, no way out? rozanov had his back.
and still has his back.
and GOD the guilt of feeling like he's tricking rozanov when roz is already being so kind and doing this INSANE thing with him just so he won't have to admit something to his parents that he doesn't want to. rozanov is over here being the ultimate bro, and shane is the horrible person catching feelings and enjoying lightly snuggling with rozanov on the couch even though it's all a performance and means nothing.
and meanwhile ilya is getting to play happy family and kiss shane affectionately instead of just passionately and get things he wanted but always told himself no to before.
and he just thinks shane is putting up wtih all of this because he's just so golden boy that he doesn't want to admit that he's just fucking ilya casually. like yeah it's a little crazy to be doing this whole pretend boyfriends thing just so his parents won't know he hooks up sometimes, but like. it's shane. this tracks.
which means that ilya is the horrible person taking advantage of this agreement of theirs and playing boyfriend because it feels good and it's fun to be accepted into a family and yuna and david are so welcoming to him. like he is getting this taste of something he wants SO BAD.
and yet it's not his. not really.
and he has to wonder who's eventually going to come along and take this spot from him.
GOD the first night at shane's parents' house sharing a room and a bed and it's a little bit awkward because how could it NOT be, and it's kind of ridiculous to feel so exposed in pajamas around someone they've been naked with so many times, but there's that kind of weird shuffle of "this is what i look like relaxed and about to sleep, and you've never seen that before, and i've never seen YOU like that before"
and there is a moment after they first climb in bed where they're just laying on their backs looking at the ceiling and they both think about the first time they hooked up and glance at each other and just KNOW the other person is thinking the same thing and can't help but laugh. and then that makes it all feel more comfortable because like. they've been a little awkward with each other before. they'll survive. and after that, it gets easier. like turning on their sides and talking until shane (who is usually RELIGIOUS about his sensible bedtime) is yawning more and more until he finally drifts off.
and ilya knows he shouldn't. this isn't what they are.
but he can't help edging close enough to put an arm over him and enjoy the solid warmth of him held close. and he plans to let him go! he does! one little snuggle just to find out what it feels like and then he'll be done!
...but he falls asleep instead.
so shane wakes up snuggled up all cozy and is just MORTIFIED. oh god. he got clingy in his sleep. he knows from when he was a kid that his parents used to tease him about being a barnacle and now he's done it AGAIN oh FUCK this is going to be so awkward now.
and they don't mention it. either of them.
but when they go to share the bed the next night, they fall into it a little easier.
OH GOD THEY GET ASKED ABOUT WHEN THEY STARTED DATING AND GIVE TWO DIFFERENT DATES
internally they both panicked and just went "okay first time i felt attracted to you-" JUST ASSUMING. PROBABLY THE SAME FOR THE OTHER PERSON.
so ilya gives the date they met in that parking lot, when this beautiful freckled talented player came up and SO obviously flirted with him. ilya was interested immediately because of course he was. (but in a CASUAL way. SO fucking casual guys. SO casual.)
but shane goes with their first time in his apartment. two years of leading up to it. so much anticipation. and the interest was always there because of course it was, but that night he felt WANTED. and safe. and like something clicked into place for him for the first time. and it's SO CASUAL OBVIOUSLY, but he felt SO connected and comfortable and at one with ilya that night that if he had to say when they started, he would pick then.
but now they're just staring at each other like "what do you mean" "what do YOU mean" because APPARENTLY this is something they should have fucking REHEARSED.
and then that night OF COURSE IT COMES UP. how could it NOT. and they're more comfortable sharing a bed now so that part isn't so strange, but they're about to sprain something tapdancing around actually answering while still DESPERATELY wanting to know why the other person picked the date they did.
ok @carnovsky here's my #vision for a shane in montreal story
it's 2019, the end of ilya's first season with ottawa. montreal has won its third cup in six years and the city is delirious, it is loud and blazing, and it is in love with shane hollander, his playmaking and his footwork and his gorgeous, gorgeous hands.
the foundation is launching next month, step two in the plan that spans the rest of their lives, and shane thinks he hasn't been this happy since the first time he stepped onto the ice.
two weeks at the cottage. long lazy days of ilya complaining about the team not gelling together, the way the suburbs still rub him wrong, city-born, city-raised. "it's boring," ilya says, theatrical and drawn out, "nothing to do," and shane kisses him and kisses him and says, "i'm boring," lets ilya press him down onto the bed.
dev camp is over. montreal's not getting the top draft picks but there are always trades, guys eager to break out of the ahl. three guys retired after the cup. when the roster gets whittled down to 23, there's one vet who used to play for colorado and two new rookies calling shane captain.
it feels like the rookies get younger every year. ilya's good with rooks, bullies them out to loud team parties and drives them drunk back home again, damn near tucks them into bed. shane's not like that, and every time the rookies look at him with something like awe he wants to look away, wants to say, it's not about me, it's the team, it's yours just as much as mine. he doesn't. he's not a people person. he shows them how he uses his edges. he shows them how he flips forehand, backhand, the trick of the wrist. always, eventually, the rookies stop thinking of him as a god and start thinking of him as a person.
not yet. not yet. ilya laughs at him. "that one, he is always at your elbow, like a duckling. he is in love with you, yes? i should be getting jealous."
"don't be ridiculous," shane says, "he's just a kid. anyway, you have rookies, too."
kid gets better. he stops dropping his stick when shane's looking at him. he's got good instincts on the ice, an eye for the open lane. first game in the mlh; first assist, first goal. it's the best feeling in the world, playing hockey. shane remembers that.
asg weekend, shane and ilya back on the same line. the goals are easy. ilya pounds him on the back when they score, hugs him with both arms, his whole weight. a room full of journalists put to press that they're friends, that they respect each other, on the ice and off. a narrative is stories other people tell about you.
"you could skip this, you know. go to mexico. lie on a beach."
"shane, i would never miss a chance to play hockey with you."
montreal is so close to clinching a playoff spot. they're in calgary. shane's about to go to bed when someone knocks on his door. rookie comes in, clenched fists, shoulders up by the ears. "i'm going tell you something," he says, can't look shane in the eyes. "it's bad. i'm sorry."
"there are photos," he says. "it's me. me and-- a guy." his teeth are clicking together, hard, wet. "i think. i think they're gonna leak."
"shit," shane says. "who else knows?" kid is already shaking his head. "your parents? your agent?" kid flinches like shane checked him. yuna hollander has a contingency plan for three different scenarios, but shane doesn't know how to deal with this. "who can you talk to? why are you telling me?"
kid looks up. eyes shiny. throat working. "you're my captain," he says. "i need help."
meeting with the coach. meeting with the gm. kid needs a lawyer, maybe. shane puts the kid in his own bed and holes up in a conference room, door locked, headphones in. calls ilya. ilya's three hours ahead but he answers, second ring. "what's wrong," he says, and shane presses his teeth to his knuckles and thinks, kid's barely old enough to drink. it's too young to have your life fucking ruined.
"fuck," ilya says, when shane tells him, and then, quieter, urgent, "does he know about you?"
"no," shane says, "i don't think so. i think he just thought i might be-- safe." because he tells guys to cut it out when they're starting to get shitty about scott hunter. because he's never called a guy cocksucker on the ice. because he keeps his head down, and doesn't talk much, and all he's ever wanted to do is play hockey.
"fuck," ilya says again. "what are you going to do?"
shane's not a good captain. not like ilya, whose team loves him because he's loud and joyous and open, invites you in, makes you believe you can reach out and grab for it, the thing that makes you sick with wanting: the win, the cup, a whole damn life. shane can't do that. shane doesn't know how to expose a part of himself without flinching, waiting for the hurt. he's already braced for it.
you're my captain, the kid said. he is. the c's on his chest.
"help him, i think," shane says. "i don't know. fuck."
it's march. no one has time for this, but here's shane marching into coach's office anyway. kid doesn't have a lawyer, so he has shane's. "okay," coach says, "i see," presses his fingertips into the sockets of his eyes, and then he says, at the kid with his teeth nearly through his lip, "is this going to affect your play?"
what do you mean by that, shane thinks. "what do you mean by that?" says the lawyer. what the fuck do you mean by that.
"if this is going to affect your play," coach says, "we need to know now, so we can adjust the lines."
"if you bench a player for being gay," says the lawyer, "that is a textbook case of discrimination."
"if there are fucking pictures, that is not about being gay, that is about a fucking media circus. the playoffs are starting in two fucking weeks!"
"no," kid says. "i can-- i can play."
"because i need to fucking know, if you're not committed to the team, if you can't keep this shit off the ice--"
coach is going to bench the kid, shane thinks. first playoffs, and the kid is going to miss it, waiting for the pictures to drop, no one to fucking talk to, and he's never going to get this back.
"he's committed to the team," shane says. "look at his points. you were thinking of trying him on second line!"
"the team dynamics are going to change, if this comes out, jesus, hollander, i have to think of the team, we could be winning another cup this year, and a distraction is something we can't afford--"
sent back down, because rookies don't have no movement clauses, and that's it, the dream, the mlh had you and then spat you back out, because you couldn't help yourself, should've stopped wanting, should've tried harder--
"you had me," shane says. "it wasn't a distraction."
"what?" says coach.
his coach doesn't know. his lawyer doesn't know. this isn't any of the options. there was a plan.
the kid doesn't know, and he looks like his heart is breaking, maybe, looks like he's dying. at twenty shane would have been. at twenty-nine he still is. a lot of kids are going to be looking up to you. shane never asked for that. all you do is love hockey. all you ever want to do is play.
"i was gay," shane says, "in 2015," the first cup, when shane thought he knew what it was like to be happy, "and you played me 1c."
For all the great content around how Boston shaped young Ilya i feel like we asa fandom arent considering Shane Hollander spent the majority of his formative years in 'Turning right on a red light is a privilege not a right and you have lost that privilege Montreal.'
In terms of how this ties into the rest of Shane's character i think 90% of the time he is a polite, cautious and safe driver. he bought a jeep because it has a good safety rating in the snow!
However I do think that back in Montreal, in another city where everyone drives like a maniac, or if simply sufficiently pissed off his road rage activates in him like a canadian sleeper agent
I'm just picturing the first time Ilya, who has made fun of his boring car and safe just at the speed limit driving like a chorus to his favourite song, experiences this as a passenger, clutching the granny handle and wondering what the fuck possessed his husband who is currently jumping a curb to avoid traffic from a traffic jam and cursing people out in French
Crack canon divergent AU where the Montreal Metros become super queer friendly sometime around 2015. I'm picturing one of the players having a brother who gets engaged to a man and only finding out about his sexuality then. When he asks his brother about it, the brother tells him he wasn't sure he'd take it well what with being a hockey player and using slurs and all.
This unnamed player - let's call him Fred, just because - is devastated. He used to be so close to his brother when they were young and now he's finding out this is what's been driving a wedge between them for all these years and he can't even be angry about it because his brother was right to be careful.
Fred brings this up to the other Metros and most of them give a halfhearted "that sucks dude" but he digs his heels in and says no, this needs to change, some of you probably also have gay relatives or friends who do not trust you. "In fact," Fred says, "I looked it up and something like 1 in 10 people are gay so there's probably a gay guy or two on this team and he or they don't feel safe to come out!"
And the others immediately protest, like gay guys don't play hockey don't be stupid!! And if they did, what the fuck, why wouldn't he tell us, he's probably watching us in the showers!! And Fred goes this is why he wouldn't tell us.
(Shane's listening to all of this quietly disassociating, wishing he were anywhere else.)
Anyway there's a lot of arguing and stupid comments, but eventually most of them concede that yeah if there's a gay guy on the team, he's got good reasons not to come out and maybe we should make this a more comfortable space because that kind of stress can't be good for our hypothetically gay teammate's playing.
(Shane's playing is fine, thank you very fucking much.)
It takes a few weeks but with Fred pushing and a few more open-minded and well meaning Metros joining in, the team culture starts to slowly change. One of them tells his majoring-in-gender-studies girlfriend about the effort and she super excitedly puts together a beginner friendly power point presentation to introduce them to some queer history and lingo.
Then someone has the bright idea to do "gay activities" once a month together, like watching Brokeback Mountain and going to drag brunch and of course, eventually, inevitably, a gay bar.
Shane gets himself out of every single event because sitting around with his straight teammates doing gay shit sounds like a fucking nightmare like he just wants to play hockey and suck cock, not have to learn about whatever the hell tucking is.
His teammates notice Shane's reluctance to join and it comes to a head while they're in Boston and want to hit a gay bar after a game for their monthly mandatory gay outing because of fucking course they do. Shane refuses to join and one of the Metros goes "Well maybe our gay teammate hasn't come out yet because he knows his Captain won't support him??" So now Shane has to go or he is officially labeled a homophobe.
He lets Ilya know he can't come over to fuck because he has to go to a gay bar with his team. And Ilya, who has heard about the Metros' gay initiative and thinks it's hilarious how annoyed Shane is with the whole thing, suggests to the Raiders that they join the Metros to show that they're gay friendly too and his teammates are a little weirded out but ultimately surprisingly cool with it.
Of course Shane is pissed once Ilya shows up with his buddies looking so self-satisfied and smug and gorgeous, and this is Shane's one chance to get fucked for the next two months and instead he has to spend the evening watching Drapeau and Olsson do unicorn shots??
He gets up to leave and his teammates start protesting like "come on man, you promised you'd be cool" and "wow you're actually a homophobe, aren't you? smh we thought you were better". And Ilya and the other Raiders are watching the whole thing go down and Shane fucking snaps.
"You all talk a big game but would you actually be okay with a gay guy in the locker room?"
And his teammates are outraged like yes obviously!!
"A guy who gets fucked other guys? Could you look at him and know he's sucked cock and still respect him the same as your straight teammates?"
And maybe this question would have made the Metros uncomfortable earlier in the year but they are enlightened now and offended that Shane would even ask! Honestly, you're looking more and more homophobic dude (Hayden is on the verge of tears).
"Okay, what if he was hooking up with a player on another team? 'Cause that would never be an issue with a straight player."
And the Metros would have to take a moment to think because yeah, that's a possibility they hadn't considered. But! one of them points out, guys play against their brothers and friends all the time, and no one has an issue with that. If a gay player had to play against his lover (Shane's eye twitches dangerously), he wouldn't let that affect his game any more than straight players do playing against their loved ones.
In fact, there's something kinda romantic about it now that they think about it. Like Romeo and Juliet with hockey!
Now Shane glances at Ilya, who no longer looks amused.
"So you guys really are fine with all of that?"
The Metros agree enthusiastically, fired up and proud at what good allies they're being.
"Okay. Well. I'm gay, and I've been hooking up with a player on another team since rookie year."
The group falls silent. Shane stares them down, silently freaking out, because did he just annoyed into coming out??
"Who?" one of the Metros finally asks. Another elbows him.
"Dude, you can't ask that."
"But you don't like any gay stuff!" another Metro protests.
"I like sucking cock," Shane deadpans. "Is that gay enough for you?"
And fair enough, the Metros have to admit, that is pretty gay.
No one stops Shane when he tries to leave this time, though Hayden does chase him outside to tell him how proud he is of him, and Shane just gives a flat okay and jumps into the nearest taxi.
(And if none of the Metros or Raiders notice Ilya disappear pretty quickly after that, well, they're not the smartest.)
I do really think that Ilya kind of has no idea how famous Shane is in Montreal until they’re outed. Like, they go to visit the Pikes and decide to play tourist, so Shane kind of gives him the tour. He has a favourite bakery and a favourite cafe and he knows Ilya is gonna fucking love the orange julep.
And like, Ilya expected them to get stopped a little. He got recognized and stopped in Boston. But he wasn’t expecting to be recorded pretty much all day. Photos, video, the second anyone recognizes them - and everyone recognizes them - phones are out. Shane is repeatedly apologized to and told not to pay for a single thing all day. He leaves like a 300% tip on each of their purchases, but still. No one will let him pay for anything.
And everyone wants a picture. People are not shy about coming to him and asking for a picture or an autograph and Shane just - gives them whatever they want. Grown adults, teenagers, parents with small children… Shane and Ilya take a photo with each of the business owners to hang on their wall. The owner of the cafe almost cries when she sees him and gives him a big hug. She doesn’t need to ask for his order; she remembers it and she gives him a special energy breakfast ball thing she’s been perfecting with him in mind.
The bakery made his favourite cookie in the approximate shape and size of a puck because they heard he was in town and hoped he’d swing by.
“Hollander, you own a bar here?”
“Uh, nope, they just… changed it after I left. Used to be called Chez Serge. Hayden told me there’s a winebar called 2481 in the village now. Or maybe Saint Henri? I can’t remember.”
It’s fucking insane. And Ilya knew it was insane, but this… this is actually fucking crazy.
The only place that isn’t quite so bad is Schwartz’s. And after Ilya gets over the fact that Shane used to come here alone late sometimes (smoked meat sandwiches are NOT team dietician approved), he boggles over Shane having a casual chat with the guy making their sandwiches. It’s 11:30 at night. There’s a photo of Shane and this guy on the wall, and Shane’s grinning widely with two thumbs up because he is a dork. “Hey Ilya, c’mere I want you to meet someone.”
They get bagels after. They just - drive to the bagel place that is open 24h, get a dozen, take yet another photo, and pick at them on the way back to Pike’s. They’re so fresh they’re still steaming.
Ilya looks at Shane from across the console. He’s been doing this the whole time? Even with the added pressure of their whole thing before it was a thing? Christ. “It was always like this?”
Shane shrugs. “I mean, not always. This was pretty bad, but it was like this every year we made the playoffs. It was similar on years we didn’t do as well, just a little less, you know? I could at least go places without being stopped all the time. I’d still be filmed, but I think people were less proud to be seen with me? So less pictures with fans. But during the playoffs? Yeah, always like this. Why? It had to be similar for you in Boston.”
“Ah, no, Hollander. This is fucking crazy.”
“Yeah,” Shane shrugs. “Metros fans are passionate. The worst were the game day look paps. I always failed miserably at those.”
I have a disease called if the author tells me this world is good and then doesn’t examine the power structures involved I start looking for the Omelas hole
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