To the man who killed my mother...
No, it is not you raising the scythe, but you’ve given her the death sentence. How have you done this, oh innocent bystander? Human Papillomavirus.
HPV can be sexually transmitted and is a predicting factor for cervical cancer. For many women, HPV is what caused them to develop cancer. For some women, this type of cancer means a hysterectomy, some recovery, and many years of a happy, cancer free life, plus getting to call themselves “Survivors.”
For my mother, cancer seals her fate. But you didn’t know that. When you waltzed into our lives six years ago, you had no idea that I would be graduating college, getting married, and moving out of the state all in the same year. You didn’t know that my mother and I would have to miss out on dress shopping, sending out invitations, fighting over centerpieces, or any of the normal mother-daughter wedding things. You didn’t know that even if my mom can make it to my wedding halfway across the country, that it won’t be the tall, strong, loud, beautiful red-head that I envisioned in that perfect black dress. This woman that birthed me will be frail, thin, tired, nauseous, and wearing a wig or a scarf to protect her pale scalp. You didn’t know that she would be leaving her two daughters, 9 and 21, with no parents. You didn’t know that her own mother died of cancer when she was my age, and that many of our other family members have suffered the same fate, so her chances are not good. You didn’t know that she already had an autoimmune disorder that leaves her more vulnerable to these sorts of things. You didn’t know that three years prior, my mother was near death while pregnant with my little sister due to this disease. You didn’t know how hard it was to take care of her and to fear losing my mother at 13 years of age. You didn’t know how hard it would be to do it again at 21.
What you did know is that you are a carrier for HPV, and that having unprotected sex with my mother would likely transmit the infection to her. You did know that condoms were an option, but that you find them to be less “enjoyable”.
I just have one question, man who aspired to one day be my father, was that 20 minutes of enjoyment worth her life? Was it worth me missing out on having my mom around while I plan my future? Was it worth my baby sister growing up without parents? Was it worth the radiation, the surgeries, the vomiting, the weight loss, the doctors appointments, the thousands of dollars?
I like to believe that if my mother knew what she was really consenting to, she would never have been with you, never have married you, because she loves us. But I’ll never know. I’ll also never know what it is to give my mother grandchildren. My sister will never know how proud our mother is of her. And my mother will never know her full potential.
So thank you, for selfishly choosing not to inform my mother that you carried her death sentence, and thank you for granting yourself 20 minutes of unprotected enjoyment. Thank you for taking my mother’s life, and for tarnishing what is meant to be some of the best parts of ours.
