-the signs as Tyler Joseph’s tweets-
Aries: Dear future dime-piece wife, I’m really going to need you to help me eat healthier. I cooked a McDouble over a bonfire once.
Taurus: Got too nervous to say hey to a random kid I saw wearing my band’s shirt today. Hashtag.hey
Gemini: Had to do a presentation in elementary school about my ethnicity and heritage. I told my whole class I was part lesbian instead of Lebanese.
Cancer: One of my masks ripped and Josh sewed it back together. I’m talking legitimate thread and needle type stuff. #marriagematerial
Leo: I want to get a tattoo of a baby cow on my calf.
Libra: When you say something clever and someone asks, “Haha what’s that from?” Me. It’s from me. I’m hilarious, Mom.
Scorpio: Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs crawl in your ear and whisper threatening things that make you question yourself.
Virgo: “@ashleyisashark jokes on you I’m done with all my finals” Jokes on you, I dropped out of college.
Sagittarius: If I “like” or “favorite” anything of yours you can pretty much guarantee that I’m on the toilet.
Capricorn: When I was little I would use a big stick to smack leaves of trees and yell, “Quit hitting yourself!” :sigh: Now I pay bills n’stuff.
Aquarius: Almost got in a fight at McDonalds. And by ‘almost’ I mean I sat there and pretended I didn’t notice that big strong man splash coke on me.
Pisces: Songs talking about partying until the sun comes up make me nervous. What an awful party. I’m going to be so tired. Just let me sleep. Please.
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