Observing graveyards

Embracing grief Sharing rituals: the hol(e)y blanket ritual Writing, filmography

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Ritual results

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Holey blanket ritual

All of my writings, all of my observations, led to silence being the key to mourning, to feeling and expressing. I found, when I myself go through grief I do this in silence, alone to process my emotions. As a consequence, a longing for time, space and a reminder to slow down and be alone sometimes.

In a rapidly changing, individualistic society and world, silence is scarcity. The space, emptiness still isn’t embraced. Death is still seen as the dark shadow that shouldn’t be discussed or seen. But opening up the conversation of death and grief decreases the fear of it. Grief and mourning can be seen as something truly inviting to growth. Everyone is, when you think about it, always going through some form of grief, from this, we can learn about what we love, how we love and how we take the experience with us to the future. Grief is loving, it deserves to be more present.

Inviting death into life by the ‘hol(e)y blanket’ as a symbol, an example. The ‘hol(e)y blanket ritual’ is a communal experience in which someone (known henceforth as the ‘blanket-holder’) brings a piece of fabric like a blanket (could already be emotionally valued) to a group of people, the community, they trust. Everyone in the group including the blanket-holder cuts out a piece. The holy blanket ritual text is read or sung aloud which invites a conversation about grief. The blanket-holder takes the blanket home and has been given the opportunity to crochet around the holes to accentuate the symbolic meaning. The attendants from the group can take their cut-out and place it on one of their own blankets. A ritual like this can be done at any points in a persons life, also multiple times. No one is to be forced to participate in the ritual.

In a society/religion where this would be a common practice, one could imagine this blanket to be an addition to the traditional funeral in which a close community can pass round a blanket and cut and crochet a hole over a longer period of time.

For me personally, this blanket is a valuable synthesis of how I would like to mourn. Meaning: in silence and with a warm embrace while knowing my community has given me the holey opening to experience my grief and to grow.

Symbolic importance:

Crocheting = time and attention. It takes simply those ingredients to crochet, but also to heal. The blanket-holder is encouraged to crochet so there is an occasion to mourn. The crocheting, additionally, accentuates the hole to show its growth.

Hole = an opening, a window, a niche, an open space to let be. So we can embrace the silence, the shadows and death.

Blanket = warmth, comfort

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Please oh please, give me, grow me

A hole, a pit, a void, a gap, a crack, a cut, a portal, a tunnel, a hallway - if you will, a window, a niche,

So it is - an opening, a shelter, a silent space to smile, stand, sit, scream or just lay or laugh or walk or

Weep

Tears and tears

Sewing around fears

I’m all ears

So speak, shall we share, it shouldn’t be rare

Everyone mourns

Everyone mourns

The little losses and the grand griefs

The stolen cookies and closed eyes

The lost keys and the cold teas

Fallen mirrors and broken hearts

The trying and the crying

The deep breaths and sauce stains

The maybe’s and the no’s

The fractured limbs and things forgotten

Burned lasagne and raging fires

Being ripped apart and gasping for glue

Our stories are the communal yarn

Each opening; a rebirth

Each cut out; a symbol, a token

A holy blanket

Please oh please, give me, grow me

A hole, a pit, a void, a gap, a crack, a cut, a portal, a tunnel, a hallway, a window, a niche, an opening, a shelter, a silent space to smile, stand, sit, scream or just lay or laugh or walk or

Weep

Tears and tears

Sewing around fears

All ears

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Druif

03/2021 - 02/10/2021

[flowerytale]

Anne Carson, from Autobiography of Red

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Some notes on lifecycles

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a reference - we kept on dancing like it didn't matter by Giannina Urmeneta Ottiker

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Every Thursday, celebrating silence

to challenge the fear of silence, loneliness, a hole in the chaos

I have initiated a silence day in the week for me and my housemates, to not talk or play music or any other sound for a whole day, except outside.

Responses afterwards were very positive, "the best day yet" it was said.

We bother each other so much with our busy lives and loud music that sometimes it is just nice to embrace the silence and in that way give the opportunity to show how much you care for each others personal space.

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cheers

Even benoemen wat we verzoenen

Gekke kerst, krachtige kazen

Kakelend tafelen

Kunnen we nu even kijken,

Terug strijken,

Hoe erg we lijken en af en toe ook bezwijken

We mogen best lachen en huilen tegelijk

Zoals we kleine eilandjes zijn

Zwemmen we wel in dezelfde zee

Wenden en keren en maar niet zeiken

Nu even niet ontwijken

De verliezen die we zijn verloren

Een evenwicht verstoren

Toch staan we als toren

Omdat we ondanks alles

Zoekend groeien

Knoeiend bloeien

In troost en trots

Tot elkaar behoren

Loeiend langzaam afvloeien

Neuweegse herinneringen

Nagloeien

Graag hef ik het glas

Op mijn groene gras,

Papa’s en mama’s warm wordende woningen

Zusters’ geluk

en moge we woordjes waarheid

zeldzamer ontwijken

proots

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Rooting, jarred

Saw it

Caught it

Kept it

Little grassroots in a jar

A big jar

With room to root

For me to watch

To bring

To pet

Rooting for the roots

Talking to

Dancing with

Adoring it

But the water left

And it snowed after

Jarred

No longer rooting

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Red light

Red anger?

Red love?

A falling star

Grief of the last year

Wish for a wish

Hope for the next

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Thirty-five hours have gone by since your last breath

Memories of dancing with you are all I have left

Just a few seconds before it's my time to go

Hello my god and my love at last I am home

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Writer, Director, Producer: Amélie Goubin

Acting: Lara van der Poel

Small narrative in the graveyard

[lavideenrose]

“It is curious that while good people go to great lengths to spare their children from suffering, few of them seem to notice that the one (and only) guaranteed way to prevent all the suffering of their children is not to bring those children into existence in the first place.”

— From Better Never to Have Been: The Harm of Coming into Existence by  David Benatar