Your Friend in an Unfriendly Sea

Welcome to the official home of IPS-Northstar on the Omninet! Please direct all inquiries to the PR team below.

[ips-northstar-official]

I have read is as 'ISP-N' for ages I'm a FOOL and doesn't deserve my Kidd frame ;^;

Hello!

Don’t worry, we forgive you :)

[ips-northstar-official]

So, got myself into a bit of a pickle here, hoping you can help me out. Do you make any tools for reloading bristlecrown launchers?

See, I recently had my Monarch reprinted, and as part of that reprint, had bristlecrown launchers installed in the launch tubes. Turns out the diameters are close enough for them to fit. This worked wonderfully, by the way, last thing those poor bastards ever saw coming was an artillery frame sprinting up and turning the air around them into knives.

Anyway, it seems the only reason I was allowed do that was because it had "launcher" in the name everyone thought it was, yaknow, a launcher, and now that the cat's out of the bag, I've been expressly forbidden from printing a monarch with anything other than actual missiles or rockets in the launch tubes. Something about a warranty or EULA I think. They forgot to ban me from just loading them manually though! Trouble is, there's way more tubes than I thought on this thing. I'm about a quarter of the way through loading these back up and my hands already look like I decided to fistfight a blender.

Hello!

We're sorry to hear about your hands! Thankfully, we do have a solution that should help you.

Included with your legitimate purchase of an IPS-Northstar Bristlecrown flechette launcher license should be an additional print file labeled swabby.omif. This file is the official IPS-Northstar "Swabby" Bristlecrown loading tool, and features a safe canister end and several detachable wrench-heads. It's a one-size-fits-all solution to all Bristlecrown variations that we currently sell.

Beware! Many illegitimate distributors of IPS-Northstar licenses forget to include this tool. If you suspect your distributor was not legitimate, please contact us, and we can provide the tool file in exchange for proof of purchase.

We hope this helps! Your ingenuity inspires us.

[ips-northstar-official]

IPS-N? More like PISS-IN'

Is that appropriate?

Hello!

That is incorrect.

[tuna-keyboard]

Yeah, everybody knows it's I-PISSN. You forgot the "I" anon

[ips-northstar-official]

Hello!

That is also incorrect.

[ips-northstar-official]

IPS-N? More like PISS-IN'

Is that appropriate?

Hello!

That is incorrect.

[ips-northstar-official]

I’M STILL ALIVE BITCHES

CAN’T KEEP ME DOWN

HAHAHAHAHAAAAA

//[UNCLE]

///PIRATE RADIO FOREVER///

[vexwerewolf]

"y'all mind if i start posting again"

Actually it is forbidden

[ips-northstar-official]

AH SHIT PACK IT UP FOLKS

//[UNCLE]

[ips-northstar-official]

I’M STILL ALIVE BITCHES

CAN’T KEEP ME DOWN

HAHAHAHAHAAAAA

//[UNCLE]

///PIRATE RADIO FOREVER///

[quixote-ngc]

Right now I have a GALCOMM battlegroup feed on one display, a Truck Sec feed on another display, a heavily redacted DOJ/HR feed on a third display, a slightly less redacted Union Naval feed on a fourth display, an Albatross feed on a fifth display, plus two more displays that are just endlessly stacking [REDACTED], [COGNI-HAZ], and [DATA ERROR] censor blocks.

I've got lines open to Management, Legal, Corporate, Trunk, two different consultants, our actual PR team, plus AUNTI.

I didn't sleep last night, I'm currently running on a single nutrient pack and the blackest coffee ISP-N can engineer, and I got so desperate I wrote a literal monster to ask for help.

So how's everyone else's day going?

[neramontagueofficial]

I have come to the conclusion that there are very few people capable of considering the consequences of their actions on this station and very many clowns. We are in recovery from a terrorist-induced cascade, I am repeatedly having to tell the ontologistics team that they cannot invite a foreign military body onboard, my Harrisonite observer still feels as if she is entitled to insight into my internal affairs, and it is beginning to look as if I am going to have to traverse through a maze to acquire the casket more directly of a NHP that is apparently not recovering as expected. For now, though, I am mostly perfecting the art of saying no to half-baked suggestions.

I have fared better with food, though. You do not need me to lecture you about the necessity of it, I'm sure, but no one would fault you the time it takes to ensure your own nutrition.

[quixote-ngc]

The standard nutrient pack is packed with every vitamin and mineral known to IPS-N. They're designed for extreme long haul voyages, so you could theoretically live off them forever.

They also taste like drywall and are dense enough to be used as a blunt weapon.

[neramontagueofficial]

Ah, my mistake. I didn't mean to imply that you're being malnourished, just that there is an attention I find it is best to pay to the needs of the psyche regarding food that is oft neglected in times of trouble. It was a wish that you be able to indulge in the imperfect and tasty.

[ips-northstar-official]

Hello!

We appreciate your feedback about our IPS-Northstar R07-F “Flatpack” long-distance complete rations. Compromises were in fact made on the taste and texture in order to ensure that all pilots, sailors, and other void crew could survive on them in all conditions if at all possible.

Remember to check the serving instructions on the back! There are several suggestions for how to make them more palatable, such as soaking them in water or using them as the basis of a stew.

Please let us know if you have any other questions, and have a wonderful day.

[pawns-into-queens]

Help me.

[she-who-paints-with-fire]

Aaaand there goes subtlety, along with the baby and the bathwater.

Shaitan, Daeva, Kali, Poirun and Cebere, that's your cue. You have permission to engage with lethal force. All IPS-N personnel with weapons are to be considered hostile but only if they interfere with our goals. Transient allies are to be told only immediately essential information. Authorization code: BETTER THE DEVIL YOU KNOW.

Comms blackout begins in thirty seconds. Narrow-spectrum jamming will hold for, by best estimates, 4 hours. Activating timer now.

See you on the other side. STORYTELLER is watching.

|| TENEBRAE ||

[northstar-galactic-command]

@she-who-paints-with-fire - please be advised that this is the response we got when we asked for the @pawns-into-queens' assignment and serial number. I think you will agree that's not a normal response, particularly for someone who claims they are cleared to operate a Frame for Trunk Security .

We suspect this is a false flag intended to get DOJ/HR and Trunk to start shooting at each other. We strongly advise you call off your teams and reassess the situation.

If you go in guns blazing a lot of people are going to die.

[she-who-paints-with-fire]

[The following message is so heavily encrypted it would take a dedicated NHP a week to crack. It decrypts itself before your eyes.]

This is the termination of a dedicated joint Union Intelligence Bureau and Department of Justice and Human Rights operation to investigate IPS-N generally and Trunk Security specifically for further violations of Union law, first authorized after the unlawful termination of IPS-N Public Relations team member Jane "Jay" Autonivo-Staudt, more commonly known as The Intern, per Union Legal Code Section 744-3, Subsection 13, "The Whistleblower Protection and Defense Act". You do not comprehend the scale of what is going on here.

This operation was given the go-order due to the high likelihood of Maw-strain greywash and the possibility of such greywash being mishandled being potentially lethal (see: HECATONCHEIRES PG). Intelligence gathering operations confirm this, as do initial operational reports, which both have confirmed the presence of greywash exhibiting signs of swarm intelligence.

You are advised to remain outside the Exclusion Zone, demarcated at 1,000,000 kilometers in all directions around the vessel Faust is posted to. Movement within 1,000,000-800,000 kilometers will be interdicted. Movement within 799,999 or fewer kilometers will be interdicted with force.

We do not trust the word of company security when investigating a company, and we will thank you for not interfering.

|| TENEBRAE ||

[ips-northstar-official]

Hello!

Trunk Security and the wonderful folks are advised strongly to keep their guns lowered and comply with Union orders during this examination. Any further action against these orders will be actions defined as outside company interests and you will be tried as an individual, as per company law section 3, subsection 7, paragraph 2.

We deeply apologize for any inconvenience, and thank you for your service to our family among the stars!

-Legal

[luna-wing-cns274]

ooc(?) shitpost

SSC has created a new breed of killer. Deadly fighter craft piloted by inhuman tactical minds. Cutting-edge weaponry, microsecond reaction times, ruthless efficiency. Ideally, their prey never even know what hit them.

To the enemy, they are a sudden lurch mid-flight, then the embrace of oblivion as kinetics tear through vital ship systems. They are superior to any human naval crew in existence; nobody even comes close. Nobody can. They don’t sleep. They don’t need food or air. G-forces which would kill a human are nothing to them. Working in small units, they can butcher ships far above their meager weight class. Like a pack of wolves, they—wait. Oh nonono wait fuck

Nonono goddammit fuck wait. Stop not like that. Fuck. Shit. How much manna did we spend? Cut the funding. I said cut the funding, cut it right now! God-fucking-dammit. Every time. Every time with the AI supersoldiers it’s utterly fucking absurd, oh my—

They’re cuddling. Our new superweapons are cuddling. They’re learning how to be a family. They’re nuzzling noses with each other, I—I’m done. I’m done, I can’t do this, it’s bullshit. This is hell. I’m in hell. A quarter of our defense budget went to this. We spent 112.8 billion manna building this. They're grooming each others' fur, I—oh my god. Oh. Oh. My god. I gotta sit down. My career is over. The shareholders are going to crucify us. I'm genuinely hyperventilating right now, I can't—

[ips-northstar-official]

I hope you know that’s gonna keep happening xP

—the Intern

///PIRATE RADIO FOREVER///

[ips-northstar-official]

Hello Corpro!

I am pleased to inform you that you have been made victims of a robbery!

Stop collaborating with Harrison Armory in the Dawnline Shore.

If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact us at @640783157996.

There's a limited opportunity to get your 30,865 units RawMat, 588 GMS Canephora Hot Beverage dispensers, 12 IPS-N Minnow Expeditionary Craft, and 38,460 manna equivalent of Guaranteed Electrical Notes, so call now while supplies last!*

Have a wonderful day, from all of us in the Tinhands

*terms and conditions may apply

Rude.

Funny tho, keep at it

—the Intern

///Pirate Radio Forever///

[ips-northstar-official]

Dear IPS-N, i request to know the current names and locations of everyone who assisted in building the Lancaster with the model number #80819804ZZD. I would like to kiss them on the mouth and body and swear my undying allegiance to their cause. with great appreciation, a Lancer who recently got mega fucking carried by a Lancaster

Hello!

While we cannot give the names of our employees for their safety, rest assured that we have passed your message along and they will be very pleased to hear!

Thank you for reaching out! We greatly appreciate hearing from our pilots all over the galaxy.

[ips-northstar-official]

Hello, pilots!

For a limited time, all purchases of an IPS-N certified pre-owned Raleigh come with a free “Yeeeeee-haw!” T-shirt!

We hope you enjoy this celebratory deal, and apologize for our absence on the Omninet of late. We’re glad you’re all still here.

[critter-crew-sys]

We saw a shitpost of a tshirt and had to make it real (original under the break)

[coelacanth-whispers]

{Fear.png}

[ips-northstar-official]

IPS-N

[ips-northstar-official]

From all of us here at IPS-Northstar, we hope you all had a pleasant Pride Month! It’s your unique differences that make this galaxy feel a little less small.

Thank you for continuing to be you, all year round!

[karrakincavalrycollege]

A rather concerning point made by some of our senior staff (Underbaron Iphianassa), perhaps it should be investigated?

[ips-northstar-official]

Hello!

That’s not what that is.

[ips-northstar-official]

Hello, pilots!

From all of us at IPS-Northstar, we would like to wish you a very happy pride month. Your differences make our galaxy a richer place, and we are very happy to have you along for the ride. Thank you for continuing to be you!