My dad died in September.
Its been several months now and people keep asking me if I'm ok but I'm not. I probably won't ever be and thats life. I've lost him while I was too young. But he was a older man when I was brought into this world.
I knew from a young age I would lose him sooner than other people would lose their parents. I just never imagined a tough man like him dying. I always imagined that God would have to come down and escort him personally.
I make dark humor jokes to suppress the sadness but at the same time it still hurts. All the things Im doing and trying to achieve, I cant show him anymore. He isnt there to see my achievements and how I want to make him proud. To let him know that I made it and that his son isn't a fuck up. It was long and hard but I finally made it and he isnt here to see it......
I want to take the time out to apologize to the guy in the bar the night I crushed your skull. It wasn't meant to be intentional and I certainly didn't mean to hurt you the way I did but I needed to get the hurt of my system and you just wouldn't leave the waitress alone. So I took advantage of my position as a bouncer and hurt you. Im sorry.
I hope to be as fearless as my father was one day. He never truly feared anything. Or atleast not from what I could tell. Death didn't bother him at all, he always said its the living that are the assholes you gotta worry about.
I carried his corpse out to the medical transport the night he died. I wouldnt let anyone touch him. I wanted his final moments to be in the arms of someone who cared and loved him.
He carried me into life and I carried him into death.
I know thats the transaction that is supposed to be made but I didn't want to pay the toll. I wanted longer.
theartofmadeline
areudirty
jacobvanloon
turnnoffyourmind
snowghoul
germansingergirl
romaincrisis
