⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆Iris' Spencer Reid Love List ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆
˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀ this masterlist will constantly be updated!
˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀ requests are closed for story requests, music recos, or if you just want to chat! 🎏
˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀ currently on an indefinite hiatus :(
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

No title available
Cosmic Funnies
Cosimo Galluzzi

JBB: An Artblog!

titsay
Acquired Stardust
todays bird
🪼

⁂
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Not today Justin

Product Placement
RMH

pixel skylines
cherry valley forever
Jules of Nature
$LAYYYTER
styofa doing anything
No title available

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@irisinlovee
⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆Iris' Spencer Reid Love List ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆
˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀ this masterlist will constantly be updated!
˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀ requests are closed for story requests, music recos, or if you just want to chat! 🎏
˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀ currently on an indefinite hiatus :(
this scene specifically makes me so feral. keep me FAR AWAY from him for his own good. it's on SIGHT
missing you rn so i'm gonna tag you here and hope it makes your day too @marcidstars
this scene specifically makes me so feral. keep me FAR AWAY from him for his own good. it's on SIGHT
Mine, All Mine - Spencer Reid💕
getting reqs from my favourite writers always makes me feel so giddy, thank you for trusting me with this lovely idea :3
synopsis: in which spencer will do whatever he can to make sure you’re comfortable- and to maybe spoil you just a tad- during your pregnancy.
pairing: husband! spence x pregnant! reader
genre: fluff !!
wc: 1.3k
notes/tags: talks of pregnancy symptoms (cravings, pain etc), reader is a little grumpy and dramatic but they’re allowed to be !! spencer is a sweetheart as usual, girl dad! spence !!
masterlist // pls reblog if you enjoy it helps promote the fic so much !!
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You blink awake to the very unwelcome feeling of throbbing across your lower back. It was becoming a common occurrence, but today it seemed to have a particular vengeance against you. Groaning, you shielded your eyes with one hand from the invasive glow of the sun, using your other to try and soothe the angry aching.
"You'd be my seahorse?"
"In a heartbeat"
OH F ME I AM INLOVE
I NEED TO BE MGG'S CONTROVERSIALLY YOUNG GIRLFRIEND RNN IM ACTIVELY LOSING MY MIND
guys convince me to start the pitt now because i see it alot on tiktok and a couple of my mutuals are watching but i'm not 100% bought
𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 𝗍𝖺𝗀 𝗀𝖺𝗆𝖾 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧
𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝗎 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝗆𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗂 𝖺𝗇𝗌𝗐𝖾𝗋𝖾𝖽 𝗂𝗍 𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾! 𝗂 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗌𝖾 𝗍𝖺𝗀 𝗀𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌
𝗍𝖺𝗀𝗀𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝗆𝗒 𝗅𝗎𝗏 @𝗆𝖺𝗋𝖼𝗂𝖽𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗋𝗌
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☘︎ 𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗍 𝗌𝗈𝗇𝗀: 𝗅𝖺𝗍𝖼𝗁 - 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝖼𝗅𝗈𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖾, 𝗌𝖺𝗆 𝗌𝗆𝗂𝗍𝗁 (𝗆𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝖺𝖼𝗁𝖾𝗅𝗅𝖺 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝖺𝗇𝖼𝖾) ☘︎ 𝖿𝖺𝗏𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗂𝗍𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗅𝗈𝗎𝗋: 𝗒𝖾𝗅𝗅𝗈𝗐! ☘︎ 𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗅𝗒 𝗐𝖺𝗍𝖼𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀: 𝗁𝗂𝗀𝗁 𝗉𝗈𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝖺𝗅 (𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝗂𝗌𝗁𝖾𝖽 𝗌2 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖺𝗅𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗐𝗈𝗐), 𝗌𝗎𝗂𝗍𝗌, 𝖺𝖻𝖻𝗈𝗍𝗍 𝖾𝗅𝖾𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝖺𝗋𝗒, 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗉𝗂𝖾𝖼𝖾 ☘︎ 𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗅𝗒 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀: 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾 𝖻𝗎𝗂𝗅𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌, 𝖽𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗎𝗇𝗄𝖺 𝖼𝖺𝖿𝖾, 𝖿𝖺𝗏𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗂𝗍𝖾 𝖽𝖺𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍𝖾𝗋, 𝗆𝖾𝗍𝖺𝗆𝗈𝗋𝗉𝗁𝗈𝗌𝗂𝗌 (𝗌𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗇𝗈𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗅𝗀𝗂𝖼 𝗋𝖾-𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽) ☘︎ 𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗈𝖻𝗌𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌: 𝗌𝗉𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾𝗋 𝗋𝖾𝗂𝖽 (𝗈𝖻𝗏), 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝗎𝗅𝖺 𝗈𝗇𝖾, 𝗃𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗐𝖾𝗂𝗋𝖽 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝖾𝗌, 𝖼𝗈𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗎𝗍 𝗂𝗇𝖿𝗎𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗌𝗉𝗂𝖼𝗒 𝗉𝗁𝗈, 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗉𝗂𝖾𝖼𝖾 𝗅𝗂𝗏𝖾 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇, 𝗂𝖽𝖾𝖺 𝗈𝖿 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺 𝖿𝗅𝗈𝗋𝗂𝗌𝗍, 𝖿𝗅𝗈𝗐𝖾𝗋 𝖺𝗋𝗋𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗂𝗇𝗀 ☘︎ 𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗍 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝗀𝗅𝖾 𝗌𝖾𝖺𝗋𝖼𝗁: 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝖿𝗒'𝗌 𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝗇𝖺𝗆𝖾? (𝗅𝗆𝖺𝗈𝗈𝗈𝗈) ☘︎ 𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗋𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗅𝗒 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝗇: 𝗆𝖺𝗍𝖼𝗁𝖺 𝖼𝖺𝖿𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝗊𝗎𝖾𝗌𝗍 #6, 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝗋𝖾𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝗒 𝖿1 𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝗈𝗇 𝗆𝗒 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝖺𝖼𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗍, 𝖺 𝗌𝗉𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾𝗋 𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍'𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗂𝗇 𝗆𝗒 𝖽𝗋𝖺𝖿𝗍𝗌 𝗌𝗂𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝗃𝖺𝗇𝗎𝖺𝗋𝗒
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⤷ 𝗇𝗈-𝗉𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝖺𝗀𝗌: @𝖺𝗌𝗍𝗋𝗈𝗇𝗇𝗈𝗏𝖺𝖺 @𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗂𝖿𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗈𝗇𝗂𝖼𝖺𝗌𝖺𝗐𝗒𝖾𝗋𝗋 @𝗀𝗎𝖻𝗅𝖾𝗋𝗀𝗈𝗎𝗋𝖽𝗀𝗎𝗋𝗅
heyy!! i love love love your matcha cafe style it’s so cute!!! could i please order a hojicha with almond milk to go? and maybe the angst could revolve around his past relationship with maeve?? if that’s not your vibe totally fine haha. thanks 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
Your order's ready, dearest! I hope you like it. 💚
ଘ( つ⁰̷̴͈ ᵕ ˘͈)つ* 🍵 Claim Order °🍵⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
Thank you for ordering! Please come again soon 🍵
gosh! i love love looooove this request! i'm a sucker for writing angst so i hope this floats your goat (yes i said goat)
Fun tag game idea: say something that most of your followers wouldn’t actually know
I’ll start first: I am actually married. Irl. I have a husband. I know it’s surprising considering the Tumblr spouses, but my husband thinks it’s funny.
Open tags
I have met satan-offical in real life and I’ve played the clarinet since I was 6
@stars-and-sharks @fangirlmenace
@pipatetka-be-cranking @iammentallystable16
@fortheloveofgrantaire
i play the piano, guitar and i sing :D
and i am doing art and music for gcse
@tyrannosaurus021 @teamyuri @elliot-the-awesome @lyraisnotonfire @aliensatemysocks and open !!
Uhh let’s see
I have celiac disease
aaaand I used to be a chorus/choir kid
@s0d4-t4bz @apocalyptic-endings @your-average-shit-poster @demonicmilkdudss @winterinkspill @7-eleven-offical @pansexuality-official @aftonsparv-ikea-alien-offical + open tags
I uhh
I'm very susceptible to heat, so I can generally be found wearing short-sleeves far into the winter :D
Thanks for the tag!
@itstherealnovice @i-put-the-hyper-in-hyperfixated @utterlyobsessedwitheverything @cielsanslumiere @demonchildofhades + open tags!
Uhhhh...
I can find the exact section of a quote in several books. Like, if we were talking about a scene in a book, and I have a copy on hand, I can literally find the scene based on what the book looked like when I was reading it.
I dont know if thats normal or not, but I can do it
@palatablepain @studioleko @rayne143 @the-archivist-14 @cielsanslumiere
I am asthmatic .
Also I have recurring nightmares . The only thing that helps me calm it down is walking in the dark. Like literally just walking like a ghost through my house when I know everyone is sleeping. It gives me peace I can't describe. I am scared of horror movies and shit but the tranquility of being promised a silent moment is fucking amazing.
@theonetheonlyyogurt
@book4life (oh it's me Ash the Horcrucx btw)
I have always wanted to be a theater kid but I’m homeschooled 🫠
thanks @cielsanslumiere
@your-average-shit-poster @palatablepain
@inspirationallybored @bodiesposts @elronthemage
Uhhh i absolutely adore old 2000s disney channel original bc they're so corny
@i-do-anything-but-write @thunder-dexy @carb0n-m0n0xide + open tags
I was an early speaking and running child. My parents say I could walk and talk a little when I was 9 months old
Oh and I also have this scar on my face which no one seems to know where it came from. Some say I got bitten, others say I got my cheek on a hot pan, and others say I scratched myself with my nails the day I came from the hospital
@sunflowerrosy @inejsgirl @girl-with-bones @mira-kairos
Hmmm well I've always had super flexible/mobile hands since I was little (I'm double-jointed in both thumbs and can "stack" or "braid" my fingers together on both hands if that makes any sense) which I suspect may be hypermobility
I also have a shallow hip socket that tends to pop whenever I move my leg the right way
@the-ellia-west @carb0n-m0n0xide @northernhealer @homelessnerd @rockellex @thewritingautisticat @piddlepog64 @leahnardo-da-veggie @vontreangedelamusique @the-actual-timberwolfe @galactic-worm + open tags :3
I can do the exact same with my hands too, Sunny! It gives my sister quite the scare. 💀
Now let us see, facts no one may know about me….
This may not be believable, but I can tell the honest truth that it is. Once years ago, I woke up to a loud thud. When I went downstairs to investigate, I had found the chandelier in the piano room fallen right near the piano. 🎶
@northernhealer @angel-of-lucidity @nightmaresghost @lunetheweird @front-yard-dandelion @ironspider-hobbit @gandalf-the-sunny @the-white-soul + open tags 🖤
open tags means i will make this about myself and overshare so let's go!
so... i hadn't talk a single word until i was three years old, despite being perfectly capable of forming full and complex sentences. how do i know i was capable about it?
because i had no problems with singing normal songs, and i did sing countless times before i actually started to talk normally. and according to my mom, my sense of rhythm and tune was really good at that time.
@yeotozaki @itgirlspoiledprincessl222 @l1v1ngd3adgh0ul666 @princessangelgirl @celestialtreespirit + open tags!
I ate detergent as a kid many times
@warrendemartinisababe @thebiggestvanhalenlover
I brought a bottle of vodka rum concoction to school at 12 and drank it all
@still-monsterr @hellomeitsnotme + whoever else :b
I've smoked weed before because a guy I used to talk to offered me some on a friday night hangout thing I still go to
@carnalsynn @michiguns @mossfilledskull @killdear4 @brookerockstar and whoever else sees this
Thank you for the tag @hellomeitsnotme !
A few things people may not know:
I can raise one eyebrow independently, but only on my left side
I have almost no sense of smell (not because of covid or anything either -- it's been that way for many years)
And I love making powerpoint slides.
Tagging: @hungercityhellhound @daydreamnik @creaturescritters @glamandillusionz @postnatalschizophrenia @divinelyrancid @hystericfae @carnalsynn @bachmetaldoll @technicallydangerousphantom @skippyhopperwisdom and anyone else who wants to do this!
Thanks for the tag @killdear4 !
I have POTS syndrome
I’m left handed
I just started learning guitar
Tagging @hungercityhellhound @4n1mal1ze @only-a-heartbeat-away @samiyaffashusband
Thank you for the tag @killdear4 and @bachmetaldoll
I am visually impaired and have a heart defect.
I grew up surrounded by video games because my dad was, among many crazy things, a person who did testing and challenges for the original ATARI.
I went to middle school during the 80s satanic panic/PMRC hearing era. My 7-8th grade school counselor basically sent me to infinite Saturday detentions for being threatening and evil. She also tried to send some of us to Juvenile Detention Centers for being deviants. It was really common for metalheads and goths in my school.
I hate ketchup, raisins, apple pie, pumpkin pie, and ranch dressing.
I have multiple degrees in both arts and sciences.
No pressure tags to @rottingbite @ozzysboneyard @vancruejovi @ride-the-hammett @glamandillusionz @steveinscarlet and anyone else who wants to join.
Thanks for the tag @hungercityhellhound
My first celebrity crush was Shakin' Stevens (80's singer with an Elvis quiff and double denim). In my defence I was only about 6
Everyone in my family is either a total plant wizard or agent orange personified. I am the latter. Anything green just shrivels up in my presence
I can work a lathe and weld (incredibly badly), and I have a PhD
No pressure tags to @genxrocker @joes-sha-la-la-la-girl @make-me-your-animal @polyjeanstyrene @terrortwins @doveturneddestroyer and @fantastical-euphoria so she doesn't feel left out, and anyone else who wants to
my favorite 1d member isn’t harry, actually. it’s zayn! :))
@twilight-good-yall-dumb @star-tism @recoveringdirectioner @littlebitofeverything-lass @ijustmissyouraccenths
MIRI YOU HAVE A PHD?!?!?! 🤯😱
My first word was 'no'
I covered myself in peanut butter on two separate occasions when I was younger than 5
I'm hypermobile to some degree
I started being homeschooled in 4th grade, partly because I was starting to get bullied
No pressure tags: @deadliketheparty @thecrimsonfog @obviously-im-a-boyo @emlovesniallhoran @extremebookreader and anyone else <3
I used to run around and tell people that “my Granma says that fresh air is very ‘portant!” Like just. Random strangers.
I broke a chandler that was on the ceiling when I was five (blame sia)
I FUCKING HATE FRUIT
no pressure tags: @jjellecubed , @elsyageorgia , @marcidstars , @corollaim , @starloving-186 , @esote-rika , @spideystoe
i have a calcium deficiency so severe i hairline fractured my femur WALKING in 2023 and never went to A&E despite being barely able to walk
i hobbled around on a fractured leg for six months before it eventually healed on its own
no pressure tags: @esote-rika @irisinlovee and anyone else <3
i have a severe ibuprofen and mefenamic acid allergy, so every time i'm in pain, I have to actually endure it because no one can administer any kind of pain reliever for me or else my whole face will swell, and I will not be able to breathe :D lucky me :D
no pressure tags: @astronnovaa @xmiaacxio + anyone who wants to join!
Iris' Matcha Cafe : Nevermind, You Were Never Mine
ᴏʀᴅᴇʀ ɴᴏ.: 000000000005
╭───────────────.★..─╮
( ╹ -╹)? 𝗁𝖾𝗒𝗒!! 𝗂 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗆𝖺𝗍𝖼𝗁𝖺 𝖼𝖺𝖿𝖾 𝗌𝗍𝗒𝗅𝖾 𝗂𝗍’𝗌 𝗌𝗈 𝖼𝗎𝗍𝖾!!! 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗂 𝗉𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗌𝖾 𝗈𝗋𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝖺 𝗁𝗈𝗃𝗂𝖼𝗁𝖺 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖺𝗅𝗆𝗈𝗇𝖽 𝗆𝗂𝗅𝗄 𝗍𝗈 𝗀𝗈? 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗆𝖺𝗒𝖻𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗋𝖾𝗏𝗈𝗅𝗏𝖾 𝖺𝗋𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽 𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗉𝖺𝗌𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗆𝖺𝖾𝗏𝖾?? 𝗂𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍’𝗌 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗏𝗂𝖻𝖾 𝗍𝗈𝗍𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝗁𝖺. 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗄𝗌
(ᴗˬᴗ)ꕤ.゚𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗄 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖽𝖺𝗋𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀! 𝗈𝖿 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗌𝖾! 🩷 𝖸𝗈𝗎'𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀:
𝖠𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍 / 𝖧𝗎𝗋𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝖢𝗈𝗆𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗍, 𝖡𝗈𝗒𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽!𝖲𝗉𝖾𝗇𝖼𝖾𝗋 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖺 𝖲𝖺𝖽/𝖡𝗂𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗍 𝖤𝗇𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀
╰─..★.───────────────╯
pairing: spencer reid x reader
theme: angst
content warnings: mentions of death (maeve's)
⋆˚ ꕤ࿔ 🍵 ༘⋆ ݁˖
Spencer Reid was a dream. The kind that makes you want to sleep forever just to stay in it. He didn't just love; he curated it. He was a man of all-out gestures, whether it was a hand-bound book of poetry he’d spent weeks researching or the way he looked at her as if she were the only person in a crowded room who mattered. On their third date, while they sat on a park bench under a canopy of autumn leaves, she’d watched him explain the physics of a falling leaf with such earnest passion that she felt a pang in her chest. How did God ever make a man so perfect? she wondered, but Spencer was a man of terrifying honesty. He didn't want a love built on secrets.
"I need to be upfront with you," he’d said that night, his fingers nervously tracing the edge of his coffee cup. "There is...was a woman. Her name was Maeve, and she’s gone, I can’t forget her."
At the time, she had reached across the table and taken his hand. "I don't want you to forget her, Spencer. I want to love the man she helped you become." It was a beautiful sentiment, but beauty is hard to maintain in the mundane light of Tuesday mornings. The ghost wasn't haunting the house with chains and screams; she haunted it with silence and shadows of what once was. There was the silver-framed photo on the third shelf of the bookcase, always kept dusted. There was the neon-yellow Post-it note stuck to the side of the fridge: M.D. 555-0199. It was a relic, paper turning brittle with age, but Spencer treated it like a holy text.
It began in the smallest moments. She would bring home a new documentary on the Space Race, excited to share it, only for Spencer’s face to soften into a distant, melancholy smile. "Oh, this is brilliant," he’d say, his voice trailing off. "Maeve and I used to debate the propulsion theories for hours. She always thought the Soviet approach was more pragmatic."
The we always meant them. Never us.
When she tried to read the classics he loved, she’d find her own notes in the margins, only to realize he wasn't looking at her annotations. He was looking at the way the spine was worn from someone else’s grip. She began to feel like a guest in a museum dedicated to a dead woman. No matter how much she loved him, and she loved him with a depth that terrified her, she was starting to realize that Spencer wasn't looking for a partner. He was looking for a replacement for a woman who was irreplaceable. She was the living, breathing woman in his arms, yet she felt more invisible than the ghost on the bookshelf.
Then came their first anniversary. She had spent months meticulously planning it, choosing a restaurant that had no history, no Maeve attached to it. A clean slate. A new memory. The reservation was for 6:00 PM. By 7:30 PM, the candlelight had burned down halfway, casting long, lonely shadows across the white linen. As the clock struck 8:00 PM, she didn't feel the anger she expected. She didn't feel the urge to scream or throw up her wine. Instead, a strange, cool wave of peace washed over her. The dream had finally ended, and for the first time in a year, she felt like she could breathe without inhaling someone else's perfume.
She stood up, ignoring the sympathetic glances from the couples at the next table. She didn't need to check her messages. She knew he wasn't in an accident. She knew he hadn't lost track of time. She walked out of the restaurant, the cool night air hitting her face like a reset button. She knew exactly where he was. He was where he had always been: stuck in a past she was finally leaving behind.
The drive to the cemetery was the quietest twenty minutes of her life. There was no radio, no humming heater, just the sound of her own steady breathing. She didn't feel like a woman scorned; she felt like a ghost herself, drifting through the iron gates toward the one place that had always held more of Spencer’s heart than their own apartment did. She found him exactly where she knew she would. He was a crumpled silhouette against the twilight, sitting on the damp grass with his arms wrapped tightly around his knees. He was staring at the granite headstone as if he were trying to pull a heartbeat out of the stone. She didn't try to be quiet. Her heels clicked against the paved path, a sharp, rhythmic intrusion on his sanctuary. "I thought I’d find you here," she said, her voice sounding unnervingly hollow in the open air.
Spencer jumped, snapping back to the present with a jagged breath. He looked up, his eyes blinking rapidly as he adjusted to the sight of her. His gaze wandered over her, the silk dress she’d bought just for tonight, the way her hair was pinned back, the pearls at her throat. She looked breathtaking, and in this setting, she looked entirely out of place. "Baby?" he stammered, his voice thick. "Where... where did you go? Why are you dressed like that?"
She didn't answer. She just offered him a small, sad smile that didn't reach her eyes. A cold pit formed in Spencer’s stomach, a physical weight that made his breath hitch. "Did I miss something?" he asked, his voice trembling with a sudden, desperate realization. "It’s... it’s not your birthday. I know it’s not your birthday."
She walked closer and sat down beside him on the cold earth, not caring that the grass was staining her expensive dress. She shook her head slowly. "Spencer," she whispered. "It’s our anniversary."
The silence that followed was deafening. She watched the color drain from his face, leaving him ghostly pale. "What?" His voice was a strangled wreck. "Oh my god... is it the sixteenth? Oh my god. Baby, I’m so sorry. I lost track... I just... please, let’s go. I’ll make it right. We can go now."
He scrambled to stand up, his hands reaching for hers, ready to fly away from his mistake. But she didn't move. She remained anchored to the ground, her eyes locking onto the headstone in front of them. "Sit down, Spence," she said, her voice terrifyingly calm.
"No, no, we have to go. I need to make it up to you. I’ll get us a table anywhere, I’ll—"
"Sit down." He sank back to the grass, his body shaking. That’s when the first tear fell. Then another. Within seconds, the pain she had been holding back for a year broke through. She wasn't sobbing; the tears were just falling, silent and relentless, mapping the heartbreak on her face. Spencer felt like his ribcage was collapsing. He had done this. He had looked into the sun for so long that he had let the person standing right next to him freeze.
"I’m sorry," he whispered, the words sounding pathetic even to him. "I am so, so sorry."
She just kept smiling through the salt on her lips. "There’s no need for that anymore, Spencer." She turned her gaze back to the stone. Maeve Donovan. The name felt like a physical barrier between them. "It’s weird to finally be able to look at this headstone," she mused, her voice drifting. "It’s a physical representation that she’s gone. It’s proof. She’s under there. She’s not in the kitchen. She’s not in the car. She’s not here."
She took a ragged breath that caught in her throat. "But why does it always feel like she’s the one in the way? Why is a woman who doesn't have a voice the only one you ever listen to?" She let out a short, bitter chuckle that felt like a physical blow to Spencer’s chest. He reached out to touch her, to pull her into a hug, but his arms felt like stone. He couldn't move. He didn't have the right to touch her anymore.
"When I got to the restaurant tonight," she continued, "I actually had hope. I thought, maybe today would be different. Maybe today would be about me. About us. I even placed post-its on your planner and the fridge, but then I looked at the date, and I realized... it’s the anniversary of her death, too. Of course, you'd remember that rather than a celebration of us, and I just thought, wow, lucky me. I can’t even have a day to celebrate loving you without it being a day where you’re mourning her."
The self-pity in her voice wasn't sharp; it was exhausted. It was the sound of someone who had finally stopped fighting a war they knew they were losing. " I never stood a chance, did I?"
"Every day, Spencer, I tried my best. I tried to be okay with sharing your heart. I told myself I was being 'mature' and 'understanding', but sitting in that restaurant alone, watching the candles burn out, I realized the truth." She finally looked up at him, her eyes so blurred with tears that he was just a smudge of shadow in her vision. "I never had a place in your heart to begin with, did I? There was no sharing. I was the ghost haunting the house she built. I never had you. It was all just a beautiful, cruel dream."
"Please," Spencer choked out, his own tears finally spilling over. "Please don't say that. You’re my life. I love you." She laughed then, a hollow, brittle sound that echoed off the surrounding graves. She stood up slowly, not bothering to dust the dirt from her silk skirt. She looked down at him one last time, and for the first time, there was no longing in her eyes. "I hope you find someone one day, Spencer. Someone you’re actually willing to fall all in for. Someone you can look at without wishing it was a different face."
He found the strength to stand, reaching out to catch her sleeve. "Please. Don't go."
She stopped and looked at his hand on her arm, then up at his face, his eyes pouring with a grief that was finally, for once, about her. She leaned in and kissed his cheek, a soft, final goodbye. "I love you, Spence," she whispered. "But I'm tired of being the only one alive in this relationship." She turned and walked away, her silhouette disappearing into the darkness of the cemetery, leaving him standing exactly where he had chosen to be: alone, in the past, with nothing but a name carved in stone.
When tumblr refreshes itself and the fic I was reading fucking disappears forever 💔
I’ve been searching for a smau I was reading for three days 😔
i still think of that one spencer fic 😮💨
JUSTIN BIEBER'S ALLEGED COACHELLA SETLIST IS MY THIRTEENTH REASON ISTG
i knew i shouldve posted that vine 10 years ago
fuck nonchalance, i want someone who needs me like oxygen.
oh but i am obsessed with the new emoji btw i haven't stopped using it since it came out
this is killing me 😭😭 whatever it is i’m sure it’s an incredible emoji
NOOO BOBBY MY LOVE ITS THIS SEE U HAVE TO SEE IT, ITS STINKING CUTE @marcidstars
GUESS WHO ALMOST FUCKING DELETED HER ENTIRE TUMBLR JUST 2 SECONDS AGO