Iron Rose Critter @ironrosecrit - Tumblr Blog

🎃🍉🎃🍬🎃 Happy Summerween! 🎃🍉🎃🍬🎃

In response to the racist fuckbags being racist fuckbags on my post about non-white elves, I want to promote a DnD 5e world setting I came across on Twitter called the Wagadu Chronicles.

You can find them here:

https://twitter.com/WagaduChronicle?s=09

They are self described as "An Afrofantasy World |

5e Pen&Paper Adventures & an upcoming online game"

Honestly it looks rad as hell, and you should all check it out.

vexing-imogen

artistictea

“We’ve done nothing but show you kindness.” “We hope for you.”

theregoesmylurkerstatus

Listen. Listen. The more I think about Essek’s reality the more amused I get. It’s like the Mighty Nein EXISTED to fuck his life over in the kindest way possible.

One of their first functional (and one of their most defining) actions as a group was when they stole a Beacon – one of HIS Beacons. A Beacon he took from the Dynasty and gave to the Assembly in an INCREDIBLY risky gamble, so risky it ultimately plunged the continent into war, because that’s how badly he wanted learn something about it.

And the Mighty Nein, on a fucking whim, vanished it from under their noses. NOT ONLY was Essek deprived of further research, but he couldn’t even smooth over the tensions on either side. Essek was probably the only person alive, besides the Mighty Nein, who could know for a fact that neither the Empire nor the Dynasty had what the war functionally started over. By stealing the Beacon, the Mighty Nein made sure neither side could be happy, and Essek was the one stuck in between.

But then, they returned it to the Bright Queen! Surely that’s good for Essek, right? Except, one, now he gets no more of the research he enabled a war for, and two, it wasn’t even traded as a price to stop the bloodshed, which seems to be something he genuinely wants. So, cool! Beacon #1 is certainly out of his hands, out of the hands of the people who might have told him SOMETHING about it, and it wasn’t even for the sake of the war ending. …Great! Fun. Okay.

But what did the Mighty Nein trade it for? Why, the freedom of Essek’s prisoner, of course! Because surprise! That’s one of their number’s husband. And it’s a complete coincidence. Were you using one of the poor saps conducting the research as a way to finally learn about said research, Essek? No longer. Yeza’s gone now. Suck it.

So, the Mighty Nein took a Beacon completely out of his hands, made it useless to him in every way possible, and removed his access to his one (1) avenue of information on the Beacon. That’s surely already Fuck These Guys territory for Essek, right?

Well, guess what Essek! YOU have been chosen to be the lucky drow who gets to babysit them! For the entire time! They’re here!

But hey, they’re only visitors, just keep them at arm’s length for a few days and then you’ll never have to see them aga- Oh look, your Den and by extension YOUR MOTHER gave them a house. They live here now.

And Essek just has to sit there like “… :).”

AND ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT, EVERY WEEK OR SO, THEY COME BACK AND SAY:

“Hey Essek! We just thought you should know, we think there’s a traitor in the Dynasty, crazy right?”

“Hey Essek, we think this possible traitor actually GAVE the Empire the Beacons, isn’t that WILD?”

“Hey Essek, did we mention that we have connections not only to the Empire but to the Assembly specifically, AND we have easy access to the Empire in general, so we can totally dig around there AND here as much as we like? Wow, not many people could do that, huh?”

“Hey Essek, did you know our monk is trained to ruthlessly ferret out the truth no matter what, and also she’s super invested in the well being of all these civillians? Boy, she sure seems to want to get to the bottom of things!”

“Hey Essek, did you know that our wizard who knows a lot about the arcane and is super interested in dunamancy and also has a perfect memory was a Scourger in training and speaks Zemnian? He can interrogate another one of your captives for you, wonder if they know anything about traitors or what the Assembly might be up to!”

“Hey Essek, we have a cunning plan to interrogate ANOTHER prisoner of yours! You know, that one who totally sold the Beacons! Aren’t we smart, don’t you like it?”

“Hey Essek! This prisoner seems to be innocent? Like, his memories were planted and he’s almost been… framed, or something? Wild! Let’s go tell the Bright Queen together!!!!”

“HEY ESSEK! Crazy news, we almost single handedly coordinated a peace talks, and we’ll be overseeing all the big interactions on both sides! Wonder what we could learn from those interactions? Anyway, bye!”

IT NEVER ENDS. IT NEVER, EVER ENDS FOR ESSEK. HE LIVES NEXT DOOR. JESTER MESSAGES HIM CONSTANTLY. HIS MUM OWNS THEIR HOUSE. HE’S BORDERLINE AT THEIR BECK AND CALL.

AND IT’S ALMOST LIKE THEY WERE SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO COUNTERACT HIS EVERY MOVE.

WHICH HE HAS TO HEAR ABOUT. CONSTANTLY.

Not only should the Nein by all rights have disliked him, he by all rights should FUCKING HATE the Mighty Nein.

The Mighty Nein were the bane of his existence. He must have laid awake some nights, wondering if they were taunting him. How could they know so much, and yet not realise he’s the last person they should be confiding in? How could he have run into a group with an ex-student of one of the men he’s illegally working with, by accident? HOW could he have kidnapped, out of all the researchers involved with the Beacons, the one married to a Mighty Nein member? Why does the truth-sniffing monk know Undercommon now. WHY is the firblog so fucking perceptive. And please, please, why won’t the tiefling stop messaging him?

Surely, they’re taunting him. They’re his own personal hell.

And they keep inviting him to dinner.

…I think I’ve made the joke several times now that somewhere out there, the big players in the war must fucking hate the Nein, accomplishing so much by accident.

Well I’ve found out who that big player is and his name is Essek. It’s him. Everything the Nein have done of any significance has made specifically his life harder, and on top of all that?

They don’t even let him hate them properly, like Actual Nemeses™. Instead they gave him a morality crises.

Because that’s the final, most poetic indignity of them all.

After all that, he likes them.

all-pacas

ACTUALLY?

what the fuck was up with yeza’s kidnapping?

yeza was working with one of the beacons, but under assembly supervision — he didn’t have it on his person; the CA seems to have dropped by now and then to work with him and bring it with them. and yet somehow, the kryn found out about yeza. and promptly launched an attack on felderwin to take back the beacon, and yeza.

and then yeza was imprisoned and starved and neglected, but also kind of just.. left there, by essek.

so seriously. what was up with that?

was essek, the queen’s spymaster, the one who told the kryn about him? did ludanis tell him about yeza and that their work with him was done, and essek then reported it to the queen — as a piece of information, a possible location of the stolen beacon? is that why he wasn’t that motivated to torture and interrogate yeza? why he was fine with letting him go when the mighty nein showed up? because essek knew all along yeza never had a beacon, but because he was a useful scapegoat — evidence that essek was working to recover those stolen beacons?

just how did the kryn find out the assembly was working with an alchemist in felderwin?

crowvaarts

As soon as a party was mentioned in last night’s episode I knew I had to draw the nein in their fancy new get ups. Caleb’s is my favorite so far, there will be two or three more parts in this little series I just wanted to get some of them out as quickly as possible.

3dsi

consider: scam likely's phone

marble-seafoam

DnDads cast as John Mulaney quotes, because screw homework, seriously:

Darryl Wilson

Henry Oak

Glenn Close

Ron Stampler

BONUS ROUND

Anthony Burch

Grant Wilson

Henry Oak, episodes 11-14

Paeden

lawsalor

terezis

ok. here is my pitch. whenever tres horny boiz seem like they’re breaking the rules of d&d by doing things that they shouldn’t be able to do at their level, it’s actually just that they don’t remember how powerful they are. thanks to the voidfish. but their bodies remember. their MAGIC remembers. and so sometimes they do impossible things!!!

examples:

the fact that taako could transmute food for his show even though at that point he’d have to assume he’s less than level one, just barely startin’ out with wizardry at its most basic level

klarg is charmed on and off for the duration of the campaign even though taako thought he was casting at charm person at level one

in the graphic novel magnus almost dies but then merle casts spare the dying even though it’s a spell he shouldn’t know yet

probably more but i just read the graphic novel and now i’m relistening to petals to the metal so these parts are the most fresh in my mind???

ANYWAYS i just like the idea that they don’t know their own strength. literally. but then in the heat of the moment when they aren’t really thinking about it they “””somehow””” manage to pull off some insane batshit tomfoolery. it’s like muscle memory!!! but for magic. similar to how they can resist the thrall of the relics “because they’re stupid” or just “for no reason.”

there is a reason!!! they just don’t know it yet ;o)

kravkalackin

More examples!

Merle is able to cast prayer of healing as an action, which is a spell that has a ten minute casting time

Merle also casts zone of truth for the first time when he’s still only supposed to be level two, when he shouldn’t have any spell slots high enough for that yet

Merle again at the end of crystal kingdom, where griffin canonically has pan help him with the banishment spell on legion, retconning it to be a channel divinity, divine intervention, which he wouldn’t get until level 10

can we just say merle in general? Merle’s magic has the least to do with knowledge and instead comes so faith, so if he feels deep down that he should be able to cast something dang it he ends up casting it

terezis

#the only reason he isn’t fucking destroying everything is because he’s insecure (via kravkalackin)

omg

terezis

[ID: A reply from Tumblr user @occidentalavian that reads “don’t forget that time Taako cast Hunger of Hadar, a Warlock-only spell” /ID]

holy shit

again: i know it’s just error on justin’s part, but i love the implication that not only did taako multi-class as a warlock during the stolen century, but that he gained enough levels to learn a third level spell

who did taako pledge his undying loyalty to and under what circumstances

occidentalavian

Hey I got one for ya, one of the warlock subclasses is The Undying, where your patron is a powerful undead entity, like a vampire, a death knight, … or a lich. Maybe Lup’s his patron.

terezis

this post is a million years old but i just saw this addition and

HOO BOY IT’S A GOOD ONE

broke: taako sugar baby’d for a tentacle beast one cycle during tsc

woke: lup bestowed deathly magicks on her brother in exchange for his super secret triple chocolate brownie recipe

herbgerblin

[ID: Two drawings that mirror each other. The first is of Aubrey, a small human child and her mother. Aubrey has like brown skin with dark brown, curly hair in a bun. The woman also has brown skin skin and shoulder-length hair that is very dark brown. The mother wears a sleeveless red dress and boots, while aurbey wears an orange top and red bottoms. The woman’s back is turned to us as she is seated on her knees and holding up a pendant made of an orange crystal and silver chain.

The second image is of Argonaut, a small water Genasi child and his mother. Argo has like blue skin with dark blue, water-like hair and fin-like ears. The woman is similar, with greener-toned skin and hair that goes past her shoulders. They are both wearing loose garments of various shades of blue. The woman’s back is turned to us as she is seated on her knees and holding up a large gold pendant that looks like a coin. End ID]

McElroys stop making me emotional about moms challenge