Still waters run deep.

My name's Irving, but I won't mind if you just call me Four. I represent District Four in the country of Panem. I'm pretty chill, I guess, as long as you don't piss me off. Magic anon status : None Timeline : Quell Games Headcanons Drabbles Songs for District Four [Rp account for hungergameshetaliarp - human representation of District 4 Feel free to come and rp ! Faceclaim is Jack Shaw. ]

[irving-four]

THERE'S A LESBIAN MILFS PORN BLOG FOLLOWING IRVING I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING))

[irving-four]

why are mischievous plotters who are this way because they suffered a lot of trauma my favourite characters to play I just ))

[irving-four]

That feeling when there's a character you feel you have TO ROLEPLAY ABSOLUTELY NOW))

[irving-four]

[Text] i miss the sea. also sister is mad at me.

[text] sorry about that — isn’t that a constant thing anyway

[irving-four]

[text] pretty sure we all do tbh

[text] That’s the whole problem. She’s fragile. She’s pampered. 

[text] and she thinks it”s our fault she has those

Sensitive subject, wasn’t it ? They were at the root of the problem, here. He was pretty sure Cal’ wouldn’t be who she is if she hadn’t suffered such trauma. Pretty awful trauma, seeing as she relived it everytime something reminded her. Something she wouldn’t allow anyone to mention, as if it would make things better. If anything, it’d bury it even deeper inside her and make it worse. 

He didn’t blame her for wanting to forget and pretend that it wasn’t there.

Then again, they all had gone through trauma and she didn’t seem to care much for it. In her mind, it was probably their fault in the first place.

[text] i’ll find u

Or so he thought. He took care to tell Annie that he was leaving - while she didn’t particularly need his presence, she’d want to know that - and walked down to the beach. That was what Alexis wanted to see.. Actually, that was all there was left to see. 

His brother wasn’t hard to spot. Irving gave him a small wave. Even him, the friendly, social one, wasn’t so talkative anymore. Too tired, like they all were. And the fight was only starting, the hardships not there yet.

[mymindisonvacation]

Years ago, he could have felt the sand under his feet. Not anymore though. Even if the beach had been burning he wouldn’t have been able to actually pay any attention to it. Maybe that would go away in the end, just before the whole world would kill him. Or maybe he would manage to give up before that. He had no idea. His blurred gaze barely managed to spot his older brother, even if he didn’t raise his hand to salute him. 

Instead of that, the boy let his backpack fell on the sand before continuing to walk toward the sea and entering it. He stopped only when the waves were crashing against his waist, almost making him fall considering how frail he was. But he felt good suddenly. Not cured but safe. Even if the feeling was hard to describe.

[irving-four]

He'd expect Alexis to walk to him ; but he did not. Irving wasn't that surprised though. It was just Alexis, he told himself as he always did when his brother did something weird. Anyway, they all did weird things. He just did them more frequently.

At first, him walking into the water didn't worry Irving. But he was walking further and further, and in his exhaustion something hit Irving -- had he ever learnt how to swim ? He didn't, he probably didn't, or it was so far away that he had forgotten. Quickly, the young man joined his brother and stood besides him. The water was not that high for Irving.

"Don't drown, bro."

There was hardly anything to say. He didn't know what to add.

[irving-four]

[Text] i miss the sea. also sister is mad at me.

[text] sorry about that — isn’t that a constant thing anyway

[irving-four]

[text] Well. you just mentioned her scar and it’s kinda the forbidden thing, sends her into rage everytime. Or worse, those massive panic attacks when she sees fire and screams that it hurts and stuff (I was there once, they’re not pretty but at least she doesn’t hurt anyone during those)

[text] well yeah, she’s too self centered for that

[text] and scared. 

[text] but she’ll hate anyone who tells her the truth or contradicts her, so

[mymindisonvacation]

[text] I have panic attacks too.

[text] she is a coward.

He typed as he left his district, not even bothering to put on shoes as he did so. Five didn’t even try to stop him anymore, simply telling him to be careful before he embarked into one of his trains. What was the point of paying too much attention to himself in the first place ? He didn’t know the answer anymore. 

[text] I am here.

He threw his phone in his backpack, in which he carried only paint and brushes, before walking toward the beach, not even stopping to look at the hungry people around him. It was the same in his district after all. The teenager clenched his shirt with his fist after a few steps though, not feeling so good. His body was crying out for Morphling but he didn’t had any. Yet, he continued to walk, wishing to see the beautiful colors of the sea once again.

[irving-four]

[text] pretty sure we all do tbh

[text] That's the whole problem. She's fragile. She's pampered. 

[text] and she thinks it"s our fault she has those

Sensitive subject, wasn't it ? They were at the root of the problem, here. He was pretty sure Cal' wouldn't be who she is if she hadn't suffered such trauma. Pretty awful trauma, seeing as she relived it everytime something reminded her. Something she wouldn't allow anyone to mention, as if it would make things better. If anything, it'd bury it even deeper inside her and make it worse. 

He didn't blame her for wanting to forget and pretend that it wasn't there.

Then again, they all had gone through trauma and she didn't seem to care much for it. In her mind, it was probably their fault in the first place.

[text] i'll find u

Or so he thought. He took care to tell Annie that he was leaving - while she didn't particularly need his presence, she'd want to know that - and walked down to the beach. That was what Alexis wanted to see.. Actually, that was all there was left to see. 

His brother wasn't hard to spot. Irving gave him a small wave. Even him, the friendly, social one, wasn't so talkative anymore. Too tired, like they all were. And the fight was only starting, the hardships not there yet.

[irving-four]

[Text] i miss the sea. also sister is mad at me.

[text] sorry about that — isn’t that a constant thing anyway

[mymindisonvacation]

[Text] I want to see it one last time. and no. I said more than I do usually.

[irving-four]

[text] You can come. But be careful, it’s kind of a mess as you can imagine. Ah ? Well you already say an awful lot, I’m not sure I wanna know what you told her now oh god

[mymindisonvacation]

[text] okay.

[text]I said she got burned by the war but don’t look at the scar on her back. just like she doesn’t look at us and see we are not as we were but that she don’t remember anyway. i said she was guilty. she said I give her panic attacks. that I was the only one who can understand how it hurts. I said she don’t care about mine. and that I was not nice.

[irving-four]

[text] Well. you just mentioned her scar and it's kinda the forbidden thing, sends her into rage everytime. Or worse, those massive panic attacks when she sees fire and screams that it hurts and stuff (I was there once, they're not pretty but at least she doesn't hurt anyone during those)

[text] well yeah, she's too self centered for that

[text] and scared. 

[text] but she'll hate anyone who tells her the truth or contradicts her, so

[hxxt-blog-deactivated20191014]

Let's play the "Yes or No" game.

[irving-four]

You can ask me anything and I’ll answer honestly, but only with yes or no. 

[irving-four]

[Text] i miss the sea. also sister is mad at me.

[text] sorry about that — isn’t that a constant thing anyway

[mymindisonvacation]

[Text] I want to see it one last time. and no. I said more than I do usually.

[irving-four]

[text] You can come. But be careful, it's kind of a mess as you can imagine. Ah ? Well you already say an awful lot, I'm not sure I wanna know what you told her now oh god

[irving-four]

[Text] i miss the sea. also sister is mad at me.

[text] sorry about that -- isn't that a constant thing anyway

[irving-four]

Why did they have to burn and destroy to get a voice ?

His factories, his boats even, his docks. Tagged, destroyed, burnt. 

District Four was no district four anymore. He wasn't himself without boats and docks. Only some fishing boats remained. They wanted to keep them to feed themselves, but even that, they weren't allowed.

Since they refused to fish anything for the Capitol now, the boats just remained unused.

The people were tired, battered, but not beaten yet. Still fighting, even when half of them had lost family members.

At least, the beaches were the same.

Standing on the shore with Annie, the young man gently set down a little paperboat in the waves. There was writing all over it ; it was made from a letter.

For Mags, Irving whispered.

For Mags, Annie's voice echoed his.

It had to be done. Finnick would have done it, if he had the time. But there is no time to honor the dead in the Hunger Games, unless maybe if you're a particularly sad and angry Katniss Everdeen.

[irving-four]

WHAT IS ACTIVE BLOG))

[irving-four]

IRVING IS NOT AWARE OF WHERE JESSE STANDS YET. OBVIOUSLY.

(if anything

he's probably going to spend his time avoiding and pretending not to know) ))

[irving-four]

★

((I saw this gif in my folder and I had to ok))

[irving-four]

★

[irving-four]

Irving started out simple until he was as complex as everyone and sometimes JESUS IRVY WHAT ARE YOU DOING))

[mymindisonvacation]

> Irvy

[irving-four]

Honestly ? He wanted to burst into tears. He couldn’t do that, though. Irving, always trying to be the strongest for the others, Irving always trying to hide his flaws and pretend everything was alright, because he wanted to be needed. Maybe nobody needed him.

Of course, he knew. What his brother said didn’t surprise him. The memories were few, but he was pretty sure he had been a lively kid before. They were all lively kids. Now the little ones were full of anger, but at least they protected each other to survive, Irving was angry and pretended he wasn’t, and tried to care about others more than himself because he saw how cruel and selfish was the world, Jesse was lost, Calpurnia was scared and sad and destructive, and his big sisters hated everyone and everything. And he know he was one of the luckiest. Four had been doing okay until now, with the careers and everything, even if it meant seeing children gladly giving up their lives for glory, even if it meant seeing victors like Mags and Finnick and Annie and the others.

"I’ve started— fighting."

Didn’t he ? He showed his face to the cameras, he sent the message for his sister. He was fighting to protect, though. He was fighting because he didn’t want the families and his people dying for nothing. 

Was it that bad ?

He was fighting to avenge Adrian’s little brother and all the other brothers and sisters. 

The knot in his throat was growing. He wanted to scream “don’t leave me", because he was that selfish after all. 

He hated loneliness. It was his biggest fear, eating away at him at night, wondering if they were all going to die and leave him standing there on his own. He hated it with all his heart and he was happy he had almost found a brother again, but for what ? Lose him again ? Lose them all ?

Lose himself ? 

Stand here powerless.

That was all he was, powerless. He would never be the sea knight of the stories he invented when Calpurnia had trouble to sleep because of the rain tapping on the big windows.

"I’m—"

I’m sorry. Being sorry, that was all he was good for. He wanted to move on the beach and sit and cry, but he dared not. 

He wanted to find Finnick and joke with him and get drunk, but Finnick was in the games. And he couldn’t bother Annie who had too much to deal with. She probably had sensed the tension, because he couldn’t find her now. 

[mymindisonvacation]

His vision was blurry and he wondered if he was supposed to blame his sudden concentration or something else, this feeling of pure anger in the middle of his heart. The youngest were vengeful whereas their siblings spoke of saving each other. Almost in the middle, Alexis wasn’t sure he could understand how anyone could be free from his fate by using kindness. Their only choice was to destroy the problem, not to let it grow again by burying it under false pretenses. Maybe his mind wasn’t accepting this possibility because he refused to forgive though. There was a time where he would have sold his soul to gain a real family, a healed mind. Now, he had forgotten about such things, decided it wasn’t worth the pain.

The sea was moving against their legs, as to try to either drag them under and drown them or maybe in a comforting way. The movement, repetitive, made Alexis felt slightly better. He could put his attention on something as his older brother chocked on his own words, unable to find the right thing to say. Wasn’t he supposed to be strong ? Weren’t the oldest meant to save them all ? Apparently not. Something colorful suddenly grabbed his attention and he recognized his t-shirt, which was floating against his legs. This time, he made a gesture to retrieve it.

It took Alexis three tries before he succeeded. Clumsily, he put back on him, even if he wasn’t that useful since he was completely drenched by water. At least, it offered a moment for Irving to calm down. “No." The word was said abruptly, as he pushed his own now longer hair behind his ears, annoyed by the wet locks glued to his face.

"We are not. We knew what we were doing last time. We do too now. You failed. Do not do that again." Alexis lacked compassion at this moment. Only the truth mattered as he spoke, even slower than usual, his eyes locked on the sea. The sky was becoming darker and the colors were fading. He hated it.

"Five took care of me. But he has his own fight. You too. Do not get lost here." He hit his own forehead with two of his fingers as to show he was speaking of his brother’s head. “Family is nothing. You are something. I do not want to help your family. I am not a part of it." Upon saying such words, the boy sounded like his older self, the one whom refused to acknowledge anyone. And then, what he told Irving next erased this impression completely.

"I do not want to forgive you. Do not want to forgive them. If we win, I am not your family. If we lose, I am not your family.

I love you. I hope I die but free."

[irving-four]

He couldn't think straight, really. All he could think it that it was going to get worse. He tried to let the sea calm him down, but it was getting agitated, just like him. He was a selfish shit, wasn't he ?

Some part of him still desperatly clang to a dream of a family that wouldn't try to destroy everything. It was too late, though. They had been doomed since the day they were born, because they had been born alone. Cally couldn't have been so scared of everything for no reason, didn't she ? Something awful had happened before he was even in the world. Didn't they know that Panem was born on America collapsing or something like that ? 

But, truly, he did not know how to do as Alexis said. He had fought before, and he was pretty sure he had fought on his own ; there must have been a reason why he would start panicking anytime the house was empty or too silent. He did not know. If he didn't think of the others , he'd think of his people. And truly, they were the ones who mattered. Not him alone. They were the ones going through all the awful things.

"Alright. I am not fighting for you."

Christ, this voice. It could hardly come out. He was so weak. Sometimes he wished he wasn't that emotional. 

He had to stand alone, but everytime a part of him thought of Finnick or someone else he wanted to protect. Maybe he couldn't fight it.

And then, there was Calpurnia, the main source of his internal conflict. He didn't care about Stephen that much, but. Calpurnia. Cally.

No lying, though. Calpurnia's Peacekeepers were killing all around him. Calpurnia's games had killed all those little ones. Calpurnia's games had destroyed his friends and she'd only love him if he played her little games. Say yes to everything, smile, be there when she needs, but don't expect her to be there when you need her. Not a sister, a queen. 

He felt sorry for her somehow. Maybe that was all there was.

"I love you too."

And I can't say anything or reply anything else because I'm a fucking coward. I love too much. I see the good things in people because I only want to see the good things. 

He had to sit down somehow, in the water which had gotten cold and so dark, just like the sky. Cleaning his face with salt water in his hands was a good way to pretend he wasn't crying like the big ugly fool he was. He only did that for a few seconds though, just enough to swallow down the bitter tears and stand up again.

[irving-four]

I'm crying because Irving would go to Annie for comfort but she'd probably freak out and slap him omg ))