Graceful Like A Flower

Just a 20 yr old girl who can't seem to be happy with herself. MDNI. I'm here if you need someone to talk to! :) no creeps tho. -Em

[disasterdahlia]

wish i could suck in my thighs like i can with my stomach

[ishouldbeperfection]

It's honestly funny when I go to sleep around 3:30 am and sleep for 5 hours and wonder why im so tired during the day lmao.

I really need to get my sleep routine right...

But hey, that's why caffeine exists lol

[ishouldbeperfection]

The satisfying feeling when someone asks if you want fast food, etc and you say no not hungry or just ate when in fact you're hungry but fasting and you know you're making progress rn is such a good feeling!

[hey-its-seb]

P L E A S E FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PUT YOUR AGE IN YOUR BIO!!! There are some of us who DONT want to interact with minors on this side of tumblr, and while I was there at one point & completely understand, seeing literal kids doing this shit leaves a really bad taste in my mouth.

[ishouldbeperfection]

So I made a goal to be at 59kg by Jan 31st bc that's a few days b4 my birthday!

I really think I'll get there pretty easily. I mean, I don't wanna jinx it, but I think it shouldn't be too difficult to lose 2.15 kg in 12 days.

Right? Idk we'll see. I'd rather make the goal too easy than too difficult. If i keep this up, I should get there well.

[ishouldbeperfection]

Jan 17th, 24

Omg so I just weighed myself and guess what?

And apparently I lost 1.55kg!! In... 4 days since I last checked.

Like I was planning I'd lose like 0.3kg or something but nope lmao a little more than I had expected haha.

I'm so happyy!!!! I'll get to my goal soon! I miss being back at 60 and I'll be there very soon!

I'm now at 61.15kg!

But still, how did i lose 1.6kg (rounded) or 3.4lbs in 4 days?! That's a mystery, but I'll definitely take it lol. And successfully fasted for 16 hrs too before weighing like I always try to do. I feel like I haven't fasted that length in a while, but I'll try to get back to it, too.

And yesterday, my net cals were: 700-440(actively burned)=260 cals!

Hope you have a good day!

[ishouldbeperfection]

Nothing much to say except hope everyone's doing well and all.

I'm doing okay (ish), too.

My friend who left a few months ago just got a star named after him. ☆

And it makes me proud to have known him as the amazingly kind, gentle, and bright person he was and now be able to see his star in the night sky.♡

I hope everyone is doing okay today, too.

Stay safe, y'all ❤️

I'm always free to talk to if needed.

Jan 17th, 2024

[from-3den]

Something about people around you knowing you have an 3d is soooo dehumanizing

They talk about you like you’re not here, they make weird comments about everything you do. One time I went to the restaurant with my family and after eating I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and my mom goes “oh she was probably purging”

Like wtf, even if I was, it’s such a messed up thing to say like that, it’s so humiliating

[ishouldbeperfection]

That is too familiar. Honestly, after the first few I got, I started keeping a list of what I've heard. It makes it sm worse when it comes from a parent.

[ishouldbeperfection]

Omg honestly I have so forgotten how much fun dancing/working out is.

Like how the hell did I forget it again. Or well, I take breaks from it, but each time i get back to it, it's so much fun! Honestly, i could do it for an hour easily and just not realize an hour has passed, and on the plus, it burns hella cals for me lol.

But besides burning cals, even if it didn't, it still like idk I guess it's a coping mechanism too (and a good one at that) for stress and all and makes me happy lol.

Just now I burned (rounded) 280 cals in 40 minutes which is pretty much the same as working out (like 7 ish cals a minute) but the plus is my muscles don't get sore like that and way way more fun than working out like doing exercises. Essentially, like cardio. Keeps my hr up and burns cals without making me feel dead, and I can do it every day without needing rest days like if I would workout workout y'know.

[ilovedietcokeee]

“You eat too little” no tf I don’t. If i ate to little i would have been skinny already

[ishouldbeperfection]

Jan 17th, 24

So yesterday went well! We celebrated my dad's birthday, and we made a carrot cake for him bc he likes it, and I did obviously eat a piece of it but a pretty small one. But anyway, I ate it pretty slowly. For comparison, when I was on the last piece of it, my mom, sister, and dad had already taken and eaten a second piece, and I had about a similar size as my sister's lol. But I did notice my mom looking at my plate kinda oddly like idk maybe she noticed how slowly I was eating though normally I do eat very slowly not just bc of this whole thing but naturally i tend to.

But overall, for yesterday, I ate 1,100 cals and burned 450 cals so my net cals were 650. I did go over like my goal was to stay at 900 without counting net cals, so I did go over 200 cals, but I'm not too worried bc I know I burned a lot. Also, im planning on weighing myself tomorrow. I had originally planned to do it today, but then it went late birthday and so on so tomorrow it is. I sooo hope to see progress, and I should, but we'll see!

But I hope you're having a good day. ♡

[ishouldbeperfection]

So i decided to change my profile a bit if anyone wonders, still the same username, though :)

[ishouldbeperfection]

One ed tip I've learned through my years with this is that if I want to eat something like a snack or just wanting to eat but not really feeling like I need to, then if I just burn the calories of that snack first. I normally find that by the time I’m done with the exercise, I no longer feel like I want it or need it and have a better chance of not eating it. Or if I do eat it, then I’ve already burnt the calories to kind of cancel it out.

I’m not sure if this works for others, but it definitely has helped me out often.

[ishouldbeperfection]

Jan 16th, 24

So... y'know how around 11:30pm.. I said I was gonna go sleep... and I did try to sleep but idk just couldn't.

Well... the thing is, I wasn't feeling tired at all, even around 1am, and ended up deciding to work out... or dance to be specific (and I also realized how much I enjoyed it again and all as i used to dance a lot before but idk just lost motivation and energy) but so I ended up dancing/working out for an hour from 1:20am to 2:24am.

Got great times once again for doing this stuff lmao.

But hey, I burned abt 430 cals in an hour. Definitely not complaining.

Honestly, yes, I should be sleeping, but better to do this than be on my phone haha.

[ishouldbeperfection]

Today's final: Jan 15, 24

Ate like 1,150 cals

And burned 300 actively.

So I decided to count net cals after all. I wasn't at first bc I figured I wouldn't burn much at all but then I went on a walk and so on

So I stayed under 900 just as I hoped.

1,150-300=850 cals

I did eat ice cream lol but Halo Top's ice cream, which is heaven lol honestly I'm so glad it exists bc I ate barely like ⅓ of it and the whole thing is like 330cals and it's so good lol

I also made a meal plan for tm already, so I hope it'll make it easier to stay on track and all.

Hope you have a good night or day!

[ishouldbeperfection]

Who am I?

(Thought I'd do this bc I think I've done one before, but it was like a year ago when I started this acc.)

Name: Emilia or Em for short.

(Also note this is gonna be long lol)

Age: 19 but rlly soon 20!

Height: 170cm (5'7ft)

Weight: n/a kg (n/a yet lbs)

Pronouns: she/her

Hobbies and Interests:

Drawing and painting, arts in general

Running (when i can and have the energy)

Listening to music (if that counts, i have an earbud in my ear 80% of the day, probably... music is a coping mechanism too for me like tv is for some people.)

Photography (when i can, again. Im a college student.)

Reading

Writing!

Studying (for school and in my free time)

Interesting and random stuff:

I'm a college student majoring in Psychology.

I'm receiving my aa degree in psyc this summer '24.

I live in the US rn, but I'm from Finland originally.

I really like psychology and want to have a career in it and maybe work with law enforcement too.

I'm an aquarius

I'm also an INFP and an introvert for sure.

4w5, as far as I know, but I don't know too much about this.

Oh right! I have a doggo named Luna or I named her Lunar Eclipse haha when I got her 6 years ago! But just Luna and the longer name is just what came to mind bc if her coloring. She's a labradoodle and a fairly small one at that but she has a big personality for sure... and is nervous and anxious around other people and dogs (like me around people). But regardless, i love her to death.

On that note I also really like music! Any kind of music quite literally. Some of my current favorites are AJR, Chase Atlantic, RHCP, Alan Walker, Halsey, NF, Sleep Token, Metallica, Post Malone, Imagine Dragons, Bastille, Lewis Capaldi, Arctic Monkeys, The neighborhood, The Rasmus, Lana Del Rey, Green Day, Ivan B, Florence + The Machine, Lorde, Linkin Park, The Offspring, Ghost, Night Riots, Coldplay, Dean Lewis... yeah I think im gonna stop there before I end up listing them all haha. But I'm sure you get the point and always enjoy finding new artists and songs.

Right now, my top 5 songs are: Mary On A Cross by Ghost; Can't Stop by RHCP; Solo by Myles Smith; Something In the Orange by Zach Bryan; Laugh It Off by Post Malone.

I kind of grew up on more metal, rock type of music as both of my parents listen to this kind of music so that's where that came from haha but I also like pop and even classical music and rap which is more of the music my sister listens.

Idk if this is so interesting but definitely a part of me is that I really struggle with anxiety or social anxiety and not just in a way that I get anxious around ppl but it did around 14 yrs of age got so bad i missed 2 years of school. Around the 13-14 years of age, I started to struggle with depression too, which you can guess didn't help at all... and so I've had my struggles with my mental health and sh and all. I don't really talk about this with anyone bc no one in my family has these really so and sure the few friends I have in irl have their struggles but in reality I mainly deal with this alone and it's been hard lately but y'know I'll be fine hopefully.

Oh, I'm also bi. And haven't really come out to anyone in my life except one of my closest friends who I felt comfortable with telling. I'm sure no one in my family would be against it or anything I'm just generally a reserved person and they don't actually know much about me haha but yeah I mean idk when I'll tell 'em maybe if I start dating a girl they'll probably realize this but until then and unless they ask I doubt I'll tell them.

I also sorta... struggle with oversharing... which you may have figured out? Though idk can this be called...- yeah, okay, maybe this is oversharing or at least one hell of a long post... but if you're still reading all of this, then im surprised, and I hope im not boring anyone with this lol. Like I said, I don't talk to many people, so I talk here heh.

Also, obviously, as goes with the post and above information, this is a safe space for me and for others, so I don't condone any negative behavior or hate, etc, about anything.

Though I haven't come across yet anyone who would have but just fyi that be respectful and kind to everyone and remember words REALLY can affect and hurt us. (A few months ago I lost a friend who took their life thanks to some ppl cyber bullying him and accusing him of things that weren't even close to true so I really don't want any of that in any way here.)

And I'm always open for messages, etc, if you want to talk or need to talk to someone. I've had my moments of struggling with things and have gone through a lot in my life so I'm always here to listen to anyone or if you just wanna talk to someone and need a distraction from anything im here for you. I mean it.

Just a random fact I guess I really love spending time in nature and hiking.

My favorite color is green! And blue and orange, but if I had to pick one, it'd be green.

I'm also someone who definitely feels others' pain and is sensitive that way and gets drained pretty easily. Other people's moods really affect me, and that's why I'm by myself a lot bc my family can be very draining at times.

But regardless of that I'm a pretty independent person and due to my childhood I'm not a fan of being dependent on others and that's something i'm trying to work on more when I manage to move out and all.

This is finally, I think, all maybe? Idk i might add more if somehow more thoughts come up lol but anyway, i really didn't mind writing this and enjoyed it lol so yeah.

If you seriously read all of this or got here to the bottom, then congratulations, my friend, I'm proud of seeing you here, haha. This was like 1,500 words... 😅

Hope you have a good day! :)

Updated on Jan 15th, 2024.

[ishouldbeperfection]

Jan 15th, 2024

So today's been going pretty well. Definitely under still. So far, I've eaten like a blueberry bagel lol they're actually good with butter and then a Slate Vanilla Latte coffee, which I rlly like bc it had no sugar and 20g protein and it tastes good. Anyways, that's together like 460, and ik trying to stay under 900, not counting cals I burn. So, not counting net cals today.

But anyway, I am feeling dizzy once again, haha. Haven't eaten since idk morning/afternoon. It's like 6pm rn, and I'm not feeling that good, but I really don't feel like even eating due to the way I feel, even if eating would make it better lol.

Yeah, definitely not feeling that good rn... but my dad's b-day is tm so I'm trying not to eat much today bc I'll eat more tm. Probably not even that much, but still.

And anyway, I'm sitting in the car rn so can't eat until I get home lol.